


Equal Parts of a Whole

by SheAlwaysDies



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: 2:1 Anna:Elsa Chapters, A glitch kept this fic buried for months, Abuse, Addiction, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Canadian, Disney Cameos, Drug Use, Elsanna - Freeform, Eventual Smut, F/F, Family Drama, Heavy Angst, Homophobia, Incest, Makes you feel kinda raw, Masturbation, Mention of Statutory Rape, More Hurt Than Comfort, Original Character(s), Queer Characters, Sex, Sibling Incest, Slow Burn, Smut, icest - Freeform, lots of feelings, mAU - Freeform, mentions of sexual abuse, that’s why it’s so big with not that many hits so please don’t judge it by lack of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:01:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 23
Words: 150,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25575475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheAlwaysDies/pseuds/SheAlwaysDies
Summary: I need you, the text read. A phone call followed. After months without communicating, Anna was unexpectedly on her way to live with her half sister and her perfect family. ModernAU Incest ElsAnna. Rated E for later chapters.This story contains issues related to substance abuse and homophobia.Special Thanks to my story consultant MortisVenom.  xx
Relationships: Anna/Elsa (Disney)
Comments: 120
Kudos: 83





	1. Spine First

**Author's Note:**

> These characters belong to the Wonderful World of Disney. No Copyright was harmed in the making of this story.

**Anna**

The screeching sound of Anna's steak knife scraping against the porcelain plate cut through the silence. Anna winced and raised her eyebrows trying to convey her apologies. No one looked up at her. That didn't mean they weren't bothered. There was a weight in the air. Any time Anna had ever visited this house, it was filled with unending pregnant pauses and conversations consisting of maybe two or three phrases. Any noise other than speech would always feel like an assault to the senses.

Anna rarely ever ate steak. She was surprised to actually see the piece of meat ooze red. She had used way too much force to get through the grain and struggled to keep a straight face when her teeth ruptured the raw-ish flesh. She was aware that no carnivore would ever call the explosion of juices in her mouth _watery_ but it certainly didn't seem right. Apparently she didn't have the palate to enjoy the flavourful fluids that filled her jaw. It was soft, which was supposed to be a good thing, but the only positive Anna felt was that the tenderness made it easier to swallow.

It tasted expensive, just like the heavy silver fork felt expensive. This was a meat and potatoes kind of family. Not a bland mashed potato and boiled carrot kind. They were the, hold hands and give thanks to God, before cutting into purple carrots and parsnips flavoured by foliage sprigs of some sort, with a grouping of perfectly tender and slightly charred bite size baby potatoes and meat that was twice the thickness of a hockey puck, kind of family. Anna felt far too aware of the sound of six people all chewing into the tenderloin. The squishing sound in her own mouth was heightening her nerves.

Anna was currently invading a family that was polite to each other more than it was loving. If anyone was going to speak they had to clear their throat or use transition words so that the break of quiet wasn't so stark. In this home, everything had a place, everyone had a place. There was an expectation to not only know that but to respect it above anything. Somehow the seven year old always managed to out shine Anna.

Anna only visited a couple times a year in the last decade, inconsistently so. Her trips had been more sparse in the last few years. They were short and always scheduled during the type of long weekends that weren't really earmarked for special holidays. They only ever consisted of three days and two nights. Because that was how things worked in this house. In its order. Anna, without fail, felt like such a disruption. Every time she arrived at the door she would feel the muscles in her stomach harden so much that it hurt to sit. Even as a child she never felt like she could relax until she was all the way back within the comfort of her apartment.

The aligned backs of the household's three children told Anna that it was probably the same for them. They resided in this thick air. Any case worker would give their posture a standing ovation, but Anna saw right through it as Margo, the seven year old, pulled a cloth napkin from her lap and covered her mouth to burp. The child excused herself, and Anna watched her ears turn red. Everyone just continued looking forward, chewing and breathing.

Anna wondered how Elsa had survived her transition into this home. Her sister was eight when her father had come for her. Even though Anna had spent time with Agnarr several times since then, she still pictured him like he had looked that day, with a social worker on one flank and a uniformed officer on the other. Anna remembered how strange it was to see someone that wasn't family look so much like her sister.

She was only five at the time and it had never occurred to her that she wasn't fully bonded to Elsa. She thought the trio, consisting of their mother, Elsa, and her, was unbreakable. Anna did not understand how something, or someone in this case, could only belong to her half way. Even after accepting that, she certainly could not reconcile that half wasn't actually equal. At first she had expected to see Elsa every second day, every second week, but the days turned into months. All their time spent apart never equaled out on the other side. It did not matter how heavy the separation felt, Anna was never capable of balancing the scales.

By the time Anna did see her sister again, the Elsa that came to visit was already adjusted to her new life. She sat closer to the case worker than she did her own mother, and kept her hands on her lap instead of pulling Anna into an embrace and receiving the lovey she had not been allowed to take with her when she went. Eight months. That was how long it took for them to be reunited the first time. Anna had learned to count a calendar just to know when she would see Elsa again but she never did. She only ever met with her half sister.

Anna wondered how far into those eight months Elsa survived before being so altered. All the time Anna had spent under this roof fell far short of that much time. If she ever took a good habit home with her it was likely fleeting because she managed to make the same mistakes every time she returned. There was a chance Anna would not get to the point where she settled in. If her mother was able to find a new apartment and a full time job fairly quickly once she was released from rehab, Anna would only have to endure this household for a few months.

Anna had been in town a total of four hours and already had three strikes against her. She knew to count the little things. Her loud eating and the fact that she couldn't hold a knife with her index finger pressing down the neck could count as one. The fact that she was late in meeting Agnarr at the bus terminal, because her garbage bag spilled it's entire contents and therefore made them late for supper, had certainly bothered everyone. And then of course the largest strike on the record, likely including anything she had done as a child, was bringing Olaf with her.

She had already prepared to suffer the consequences of that action. There was no way that Anna would ever win good graces with Elsa's step mother after bringing a rat into her pristine home. Not that Olaf had been allowed in. He was currently in a cardboard box in the garage. If the white rat wasn't so lazy she would have been worried he would chew right through and get lost. He wasn't used to being caged and was normally behaved enough to hide out in Anna's hoodie. She had snuck the rodent into several different foster homes, including the temp one she had just come from. But Elsa only had to take one look at Anna to know she had the creature with her.

Anna didn't know why she suddenly started a tally. If she was on one end of a spectrum and Elsa's family was on another, her half sister took one giant step away from Anna when she revealed the rat. There was a lot Anna could hold against her sister, especially as of late, but the fact that Olaf's fate by her side was on the line right now was indefensible.

"May I go see Olaf after dinner?" Margo interrupted the meal to ask. Bold, Anna thought as she sunk into her chair.

"No," Astrid answered firmly. She put her utensils to punctuate her response. Elsa's step mother was always direct. She didn't waste words. The child didn't even groan. She just laid down with her disappointment. Anna stifled a sigh by shoving another piece of meat in her mouth. When her eyes caught with the child in the room, Anna winked. The action was a promise that Anna would breathe some life into her childhood for the short amount of time she would be living in this house. If she already had three strikes against her there was little reason to be as stringent as everyone else.

Dinner ended with cordial thanks to Astrid for making such an exquisite meal and Agnarr for supplying it. The three children methodically cleared the table and lined up in the row with Elsa washing the dishes at the sink, Margo drying and Sorren, the middle sibling, putting everything in its allocated spot. Sorren had grown well over a head taller than Anna since she had seen him last and was clearly still adjusting to his length. Anna was not in his line of vision, even though they were only a few weeks apart in age, and she was constantly getting stuck under his feet as she tried to aid him.

She couldn't keep count of the amount of times she said _sorry_. Her nervous laughter went unmet, and she wasn't certain but she thought she saw Elsa roll her eyes. She was of little use, and was better off standing to the side and watching how the family of five moved so well together.

They were all blonde. Each head, including Astrid's and Agnarr's were the same shade of gold. The yellow shone particularly bright under the pot lights. Elsa's hair, however, was lighter, the pigment was more white than blonde. The slight difference made Anna feel proud for whatever reason. She was a redhead and her mother a brunette, so by Anna's logic mismatching was a family trait Elsa had from her side of the family.

Mismatched. Hodgepodge. Clashing. That was what Anna was used to. It was how she liked things. She craved noise and music, and conversations that didn't follow a single topic. Her kitchen had a junk drawer that was more like a tickle trunk. The plethora of irrelevant items was actually assuming. Her cutlery tray consisted of utensils of different sizes and style, individually wrapped sets of chopsticks and a fine collection of plastic knives. The contrast was making Anna feel dizzy, she didn't accept the dry serving tray Margo was handing her.

She asked to be excused and headed upstairs into the bathroom. It felt good to lock the door behind her, as if she was putting a barrier between herself and the Fjelstad family. She splashed some cold water on her face, and sat on the closed toilet lid. She pulled out her phone and had zero notifications. Her battery was almost gone even though she had been checking it sparingly. It was an old phone and could barely hold a charge but it was the only chance Anna had of connecting with her mother. Anna had no idea why she was being hopeful. Her case worker back home had explained that Iduna would not have any communications for the first four weeks of her recovery. Anna had not believed it to be possible. No matter how bad things got she always received a message or call from her mother.

Anna did not know what to expect of this. This was the first time in Anna's lifetime that her mother had been admitted. Iduna always hated the idea of rehab. She was pretty versed at doing the work herself and getting sober without the costs associated with a rehab center. It wasn't just financial. Her mother had been burned, when she voluntarily signed up for rehab upon learning she was pregnant with her first child. She gave birth while on the wait list, and Elsa was handed over to the Fjelstad family instead of her own mother.

When Iduna had finished her treatment she was ready to start her new life, yet having had rehab on her record was used against her. Agnarr's parents won full custody of Elsa and had it for three full years. There was not a day of that initial separation that Iduna hadn't fought for her child. After Anna was born, Iduna was able to show the courts she had over hit a milestone thousand sober days and had a home and a family to provide for her eldest. Once reunited Iduna had vowed never to go back into rehab and to do the work it took for her girls.

It was a noble enough cause. Yet during some of the darker times, Anna wished she had it in her to stand on Elsa's side while she tried to convince their mother to get some help. Anna knew Iduna better than Elsa did. The woman strived when she could do things on her own terms. Interference was always the biggest set back to her sobriety.

Circumstances were different this time. It was the first time that Anna's mother had been the one pulled away. It was normally the other way around. Iduna was practically a well-oiled machine when it came to getting Anna back. Losing her youngest was much like the splash of cold water the redhead had just indulged in. It was a second to take a break and then do the hard work. It helped that Anna's case worker, seemed to have a lot of sympathy for Iduna. Anna was never in a foster home much longer than a couple of weeks.

Things had been different this time, the spiral downward was quick, the fall hard. Anna knew that it was wrong to put the onus on Elsa, but her sudden shift in the last year was hard enough on Anna, let alone their recovering alcoholic mother. Anna thought that the best way to explain Elsa to the world was to say she had zero peripheral vision. Maybe it was a lack of empathy, because that was certainly a family trait in this household, but mostly it was that she had blinders and a harness on. Her parents jerked the reigns however they pleased and Elsa was the broken mare happy to oblige.

Anna tried to give her sister the benefit of the doubt but Elsa's narrow vision left little space for Iduna and her. The more focused Elsa got with starting her senior year of high school, the more pressure she was under to perform, the less she wanted the passive lifestyle that consumed her visit's into Anna's home.

She turned eighteen early into the school year and graduated from her court mandated visitation. Elsa chose not to return. Iduna had been devastated, Anna stopped getting replies. The absence coupled with the _incident_ was enough to drive Iduna from functional to wasted. Anna watched it all happen but was too upset herself to want to interfere. She wasn't surprised when her case worker knocked on the door. Which meant there was enough blame for Anna to be culpable as well.

Iduna's rehab was court ordered, an ultimatum between that and a prison sentence. Anna had not been allowed to see her, but she could imagine her mother kicking and screaming as she was getting admitted. To Anna that was a good thing, her mother did not do anything without a fight. Which is why Anna knew that in four weeks her mother would be sober, and she would start working her magic, charming the world into setting her back up to claim her child. Iduna was consistent in her vices, but she was also that way when it came to her strengths. Anna reminded herself of that as she heard footsteps making their way upstairs. This was just a temporary situation. Anna did not have to stress over fitting in, or starting a new school over a quarter way into the school year. She didn't have to find a role in this family because she wasn't part of it.

Anna exited the bathroom and saw that it was Astrid that had made her way up. She was pulling a duvet and pillows out of the linen closet. She tossed the pile in Anna's arms before the redhead had registered to put her arms out.

"You can take the floor in Elsa's room until we make a different arrangement," she asserted while the redhead fumbled. Anna nodded, and gave her thanks via a smile. She took the bedding into Elsa's room and tossed it over a chair. It looked like such a disturbance to the very tidy space.

The room was pretty scant. The walls were bare and white. The only thing decorating them were strings of twinkle lights that Anna had hung up a couple years ago for the exact reason that the room lacked life. Albeit, the bookcases being full, Elsa had a habit of putting her books away backwards, spine first, so that only the pages were exposed. Anna pulled out a book at random, it was _Alice in Wonderland,_ and flipped it over so that it's title was declared. She enjoyed waiting to see how long it took Elsa to notice and correct the disruption of colour. Not that the blue book binding was too much of a contrast to the white of the room. Elsa allowed herself to like that colour, and Anna knew that any blue in the room was something Elsa had brought in by her own choosing. Including the lightly tinted bedspread with snowflakes patterning it.

Elsa's light threads on the piling carpet failed to announce her entrance. "You're so annoying," she said right into Anna's ear. The redhead jumped. She tensed as Elsa leaned into her to get access to the storybook and right Anna's wrong. The older of the two grazed her lips through Anna's hair before pulling back.

"You missed me," Anna growled as she turned. She took a step back into the bookcase and with a raised eyebrow dared Elsa to follow. Her sister took the bait but not before kicking the door shut behind her. It slammed and slammed doors weren't a thing around here. Anna would gladly take the blame for it, whatever the punishment, because her compensation was Elsa's full body pressed against hers. The blonde hooked her fingers around her sister's neck and pulled their foreheads together.

"Hi," Anna sighed out.

"Hey," she received the same softness back. Anna wasn't sure if Elsa was breathing hard or if Elsa's chest was pressing into hers as she exhaled was just an exaggeration of their closeness. Her big sister hummed. Anna was overcome with the urge to kiss the throat that elicited such a soothing sound, but Elsa's lips were closer. So she pressed herself into them instead. Elsa's lips were dry. She must have felt that from the contrast of Anna's mouth, that had already started salivating in excitement, because she poked her tongue out just enough to moisten herself. It felt like a tease, but it didn't shy Anna away. She guided her tongue over Elsa's top lip.

"Not here," Elsa answered the action. Her tone was a bit harsh but she said so without pulling back. Anna had kissed mostly still lips. It was a strange feeling to be deflated while her need was blowing up. The sound of getting an answer wrong on a game show played in her mind as Elsa pushed away and turned her back. Her sister was so capable of leaving such a void when she left.

The redhead wasn't sure what Elsa meant by _not here._ It wasn't _no,_ because Anna had heard that before and that had notably more cold a reaction from her sister. It certainly wasn't _yes,_ or else Anna would be the one undressing her sister. Instead she just watched the blonde hastily pull off her shirt and jeans and root in the dresser for a pair of sweatpants. Could _not here_ mean _later?_ That didn't seem right when _here,_ in their shared bedroom, seemed like the only logical place they could kiss. _Here_ was where Anna had been banished too. She didn't have a _there_ to return to.

Elsa must have sensed Anna's distress because she didn't put a shirt back on. Elsa had a quiet way of talking. She was always better at communicating through actions rather than words. Anna could boast that Elsa was her second language. She read her well. Currently Elsa was telling Anna that she had wanted to return the kiss as she jumped onto the edge of her bed and pulled the covers up only to her waist. She left the long of her back exposed.

Anna knew her sister's body well. They had never shied away from one another in that respect. Even though Elsa's body was ever maturing, there were touchstones that always stayed the same. Like how the freckles at her shoulders were the most dense. As Anna's eyes traveled further down the exposed skin there were less spots to follow. The clearer the skin the more fatty it got. If Anna's heart had settled slightly, it upturned the moment she started thinking of her sister's ass tucked under the grey cotton of her pants. A heavy knock sounded at the door and Agnarr's voice cut through the wood.

"Doors' been shut longer than it takes to change." Agnarr bellowed. It was barely a warning since the door knob clicked and was pushed open. Anna jumped in alarm and Elsa pulled the covers over herself.

"Elsa," Agnarr called out from the threshold. His daughter didn't stir. "We discussed you not letting things slip just because Anna is staying with us."

Anna felt strange standing in the middle of this reminder, especially being the subject matter. It felt out of character for Elsa to be unresponsive to her father. Anna had expected her to answer with the typical _yes father._ She just let him stand there expectantly.

"Anna, let us know if you need anything." Agnarr offered. Anna didn't bite. She had fallen for it enough times before to know that it was disingenuous to what the heads of this household were willing to supply. _Anything_ was a word that applied only to what fit into their box. What Anna really wanted was to ask about Olaf but she would have to play by the rules if she had any hope of keeping her beloved pet.

"Thank you," she answered, her body decided to curtsy a bit. She tried not to blush at how ridiculous an action it was, as if even her subconscious felt inferior here. Agnarr walked off after trying at Elsa one more time by wishing her a goodnight. He failed but showed no signs of disappointment.

"They shut their door though right?" Anna leaned over her sister to ask. Elsa replied by blowing a small pulse of air out of her nose. Anna thought it was a strange policy to have with teenagers present but she was in no place to judge. She had never had her own bedroom, the only privacy she ever had was when her mother did not come home.

The door was wide open now, so Anna quickly kicked off her jeans, leaving her in an old pair of panties and her over-sized hoodie. She had forfeited her bag of belongings to Astrid who said she would launder everything before returning what was suitable. Her phone charger was among the things in her torn up black bag, but she reminded herself that her mother would not be able to contact her for a while yet. She forced herself to be unconcerned. She hadn't brought anything else of value, monetary or sentimental, other than Olaf.

Anna shut off the lights, but the light of the hallway still illuminated her older sister. It wasn't technically lights out, if Anna remembered correctly, there were two hours after dinner time that we're allotted for school work no matter what day of the week. It was early for bed but Anna was exhausted. Plus Elsa had left space for her on the bed.

Anna dropped herself on the bed. She landed on her back but then had to get back up to get under the covers. She made sure to pull more than her fair share in order to correct the fact that Elsa had covered herself up. Once she was nestled in, the blanket left Elsa's shoulder blades exposed and Anna reached out and started connecting the larger birth marks on her sister's back. She was lucky Elsa wasn't ticklish, at least not in any obvious spot. The light touch didn't cause the blonde to stir. Anna made up a pattern and followed it, repeating the motion with no intention of stopping. Elsa was still but she was not asleep. She could only fall into sleep while on her back. That's why Anna knew that even though Elsa had turned away from Anna, she was inviting her in.

"I didn't think you were going to answer my text," Anna admitted. Other than hello, they had not had a single conversation since Elsa had made arrangements for Anna to come and stay with her family semi-permanently. All the other preparations had been made between Agnarr and some new social worker. Elsa didn't answer Anna's comment.

"Can you help me keep my old phone number? It's just a pay as you go. I want mom to be able to call me when she gets a chance." Anna tried something else to get Elsa to react. Iduna was not a subject they could skirt.

"She can get you here." Elsa answered, they both knew that Iduna would never contact this household directly.

"She doesn't know I'm here. I was thinking it would be better for her that way." Anna said. After months of being left on read, she was pretty desperate to have an actual conversation with Elsa. She didn't care what buttons she might be pushing.

"Classic Iduna, rather have her pubescent daughter in a group home." Elsa said. She was still stiff, and staring at the wall. But when Anna stopped the lingering of her fingers, Elsa shrugged her shoulder to ask for more.

"Come on Elsa, you know it's hard for her."

"Everything is," Elsa was mumbling a bit. The light touching seemed to be putting her to sleep. Anna wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. She enjoyed the power to sooth her but did not like that she could doze off when they were talking about something as serious as their mom. There was a long pause.

"So why are you here if you're so concerned about it?" That came out clear.

"Honesty I wasn't expecting you to answer my text." Anna repeated. It had been the truth. When she wrote out the words _I need you,_ she did not even hesitate to press send. She could have wasted all day scrolling up the one-sided conversation without finding the last thing Elsa had said. Instead Anna's phone had vibrated immediately. A full body photo of Elsa in shorts and a parka posing in front of a graffiti mural popped up and Anna almost didn't answer. She did not know if she actually wanted her sister's help. Yet here she was now.

"So you stumbled your way here. Nice." Elsa's voice was flat. Anna was sure she was incapable of adding anger into her voice. Whatever Elsa said always felt like it was up for interpretation.

"Elsa. I want to be with you." Anna tried. She stopped rubbing the birthmarks and started to press on them individually instead. "It's just hard that with you is also here."

"There's nothing wrong with this place." Another stony comment.

"Where's the sympathy? I have to imagine you remember what it was like when you came to live here the first time." Elsa had certainly never opened up about that. She rarely talked about her family here. It was partially the reason that Anna felt like she was in the home of strangers.

"This isn't the first time for you Anna. It's like you don't even try." Elsa deflected. Anna knew she wasn't going to bait Elsa with that but she was disappointed anyways. She pressed down a bit harder on the largest freckle before taking her hand and snaking in under Elsa's neck. The blonde bunched up her loose hair and lifted her head to make space. With an arm around Elsa's bare stomach Anna drew herself in until her knees locked into the crook of her sister's. She was little spoon sized, so her face landed at Elsa's shoulder blades.

"I'm trying to be with you," she said into Elsa's pale skin. Her uneven breath built up a bit of condensation there. Elsa hummed again and dropped her shoulder. It fell in between Anna's breasts. They didn't normally get in the way of a cuddle, but she was changing fast. The alternate position was Elsa's way of saying she was ready to sleep. If _not here_ wasn't still weighing on Anna she would have certainly kissed her goodnight when her head fell to the side towards Anna. Anna took in deep breaths of her sister's exhales until they both drifted off.

It was early morning when Anna felt eyes on her. The sister's were so well versed in spending night in each other's arms that they were still clicked in together the same way they had been when saying goodnight. Elsa's eyes were shut and fluttering. It was a vision Anna loved to bask in but something was calling her to turn around. She craned her next to find Astrid baring a solid look at her. She was holding a small pile of clothes belonging to Anna. They were folded as if they had just been grabbed off the shelf of a department store.

The glare Anna was receiving felt uncommonly forward of Astrid. Anna knew she was meant to be on the floor, but she was certainly unapologetic for not having listened. Anna had been craving her sister so much so that she had barely admonished her for all the wrongs tallied up against her. She had chosen to catch her with honey instead of vinegar and she slept rather peacefully as of result. The rest was needed after five days of being in transition waiting for an answer as to what the next few months of her life might look like. Getting to have Elsa was like a gift for holding herself up for so long.

Her sister being in her arms had proved that it was substantially easier to ignore a text than it was to repress physical longings. Anna had expected to have to put up more of a fight to fall back into the intimacy the sisters shared. She expected Elsa's coldness to remain steadfast given how much shame she carried over their closeness. If Elsa had no intention of continuing on with their affection she floundered at the first test. It told Anna that whatever was happening on Elsa's end of the satellite transmission had been quite a strain on her too. Months of pent up animosity fizzled overnight.

There wasn't a glare furrowed enough to deter Anna. She fought the urge to let go of her sleeping sister and held Astrid's eyes. Anna was not staking a claim over Elsa. Anna had been burned enough times to understand hat Elsa could never fully be hers again. But she was telling Astrid that her relationship with Elsa was not to be mandated anymore. She had lost enough time with her sister and was prepared to make use of the time their mother's mistake had opened up for them.

It didn't sit well with Elsa's step mother. Anna could register the disdain, maybe even fear, as Astrid entered the room and put Anna's clothes on the bed by her feet. Neither broken contact. The movement in the room caused Elsa to stir. She shifted in even closer towards Anna. Her breasts were barely concealed by the duvet and Anna's arm rimmed the underside of them. If they weren't sisters it would be a pretty damning way to see two girls cuddling.

The way Astrid was looming over them made Anna feel like she could see right through her. Anna waited for her to say or do something but it never came. She padded the pile of Anna's things and finally lost Anna's eyes when she turned to leave. Astrid was barely out the door when Elsa started waking and mindlessly started placing slow gentle kisses of her little sister's collar bone.

The door was still wide open but in Elsa's sleepy state her guard was down. Anna took a deep breath and pulled the covers up to better conceal her sister. The redhead was not a believer of neither God nor destiny. This opportunity felt far from divine but she was still going to use it to her advantage and rebuilt her relationship with Elsa back up to where it was before the _incident._


	2. Properly Primped

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the warm reaction to the first chapter. I'm glad to rope some of you in! If anyone wants to chat about the story feel free to comment and I will respond!

**Anna**

Anna knew Sunday's schedule well. She had screwed it up enough to have it burned into her memory. Sunday morning's were when the Flejstad's became unstitched. Their need to reach superiority exposed tensions at every turn. It was church day and it did not matter how much time Astrid spent ironing clothing the night prior, there was always something that was not quite right. This family sucked at dealing with even the most minor of hiccups. It would be an amusing montage if it wasn't so white knuckled. Astrid's voice rose to operatic highs and Agnarr's feet became heavier, the stomping made the portrait photos on the walls rattle.

Agnarr couldn't tie a tie in this state. It was usually the start of an argument between him and Sorren and inevitably Astrid. Ultimately it was Astrid's fault for insisting on pressing the ties every week instead of leaving them roped up and ready to toss on. Normally it was Elsa who would go back and forth, taking breaks from doing Margo's hair and adjusting ties, to flipping pancakes. She did it all without breaking a sweat or disturbing her own perfectly braided up-do.

Elsa was currently disinterested. She had already made a far less extravagant breakfast, that sat out on the massive kitchen island, buffet style, getting cold. None of which she was eating. Instead she had served herself and Anna a cup of coffee and they sat together quietly. Anna helped herself to the scrambled eggs and bacon. It was likely the only commoner food she'd be eating for a while.

Elsa was reading out of one of her textbooks, and Anna was listening to the rattles of stress, and enjoying how different Elsa was today than she was any other Sunday. Her hair was done the same way it had been for every Sunday since she was a child. Apparently loose hair wasn't formal enough for the congregation. She wasn't wearing a single touch of makeup, because that was also frowned upon for young ladies. Anna liked her that way, not to falter herself, but she saw traces of herself in Elsa when she didn't cover up her freckles. Elsa was so engrossed with her school work that she was picking at her lip as she read. It was a habit that would later make her mouth tender to kiss, yet Anna knew that it meant she was relaxed. Nothing happening upstairs was bothering her.

Anna had managed to stay out of the way as she got ready. She got up early and took a turn at the shower without distributing anyone's schedule. She pressed herself against walls as everyone took needless trips down the hallway. Astrid always had an outfit ready for Anna to use, a hand-me-down of Elsa's. Today she was wearing black nylon stockings and a black dress that started at her wrists and ended just past her knees. It had a white doily for a collar and the same effect on the cuffs.

Anna remembered this dress. She'd helped Elsa zip it up when Anna was just twelve. The action embedded to the heightening rage of her hormones. This dress alone could be the culprit that sent her off into the abyss that was a sexual awakening. Astrid might have meant this horrid dress to be a punishment, since Anna currently looked like a formal maid tagging along for a church service, but Anna also had something much more lewd boiling up inside her that was certainly not Astrid's intention.

The dress was only adding to the fantasies already dancing in her head. She was reminiscing about when she started taking longer than normal glances of her sister's legs. Anna hadn't expected for her thoughts to be all consumed by so many varying images of her sister. Apparently she had underestimated how the long separation was going to affect her upon reuniting. Anna was pretty pent up. Her mind bloated as it dreamt up breakfast like the one they were sharing now but in the comforts of a home the sisters shared alone, and mixed with images of taking Elsa right where she was sitting, right in plain view. Skin, so much skin, on her mind for a Sunday morning.

Anna had had a lot of time on her hands to think about the unconventional thoughts she entertained about her own sister. At some point she decided it hurt more when she berated herself than when she let her mind wander. So she allowed herself a balance between both. She would not shut down the harsh voices that liked to assault her right at the height of a daydream. Yet she would also allow her mind to walk without a tether to the notion that her conjurings were perverse.

The kisses shared between the sisters were years in the making. Ages of push and pull almost numbed Anna to it. Watching Elsa sit so comfortably, made Anna wonder if Elsa had finally reached that point. She was certainly changed. Anna was quickly seeing more and more of that. Right now it seemed like a good thing. It made her seem on the older end of eighteen, less child and more woman. It was such a turn on.

The stairs started to pound and Elsa shut her text. Agnarr was about to descend on the tranquil part of the house and break the invisible barrier Anna had daydreamed where the sisters were the only ones home. Elsa did not want to welcome the distraction. She brought her coffee cup to her mouth as she rose to her feet. Anna heard her sister gulp as her eyes stared at Anna behind the rim of the cup. They told Anna to get up and follow.

Agnarr was asking for his wallet as Elsa took her sister's hand and pulled her out through the side door. The shoes Anna was borrowing for her Sunday best we're already by the door next to Elsa's, cold from being outside. The redhead smiled at the thought that Elsa had planned out this reprieve. Her heart almost burst when she saw Elsa dig out the garage keys from one of her shoes.

Olaf started squeaking immediately when he heard the door open. He was obviously upset. Elsa had led Anna into the garage and was therefore steps ahead of her in reaching the rat. She was clicking her tongue before she had even reached the box.

Elsa cooed his name as she peeled off the towel draped over the cardboard box and reached her hand out for Olaf to take. The softness in Elsa's expression was not one she gave away freely. Anna leaned against the wall for a moment to watch before thinking she much rather be closer to Elsa. She needed to take advantage of any moment they were alone. The fair rodent was already crawling up Elsa's chest when Anna wrapped her arms around her sister's waist. "Reunited," she said into Elsa's shoulder.

"I would have never saved this little guy if I knew he was actually immortal." Elsa quipped. Anna couldn't see her face but she heard the smile in her voice. Olaf was running his whiskers on Elsa's chin, his nose twitched as if he was breathing her in. He used his front paws at the blonde's clavicle to hold himself up right. It was his way of giving hugs.

"Will he survive Astrid?"

"You really should have considered leaving him with someone." Elsa chided. She was too absorbed with the rat to melt into Anna's touch or even notice Anna pull back a bit. Anna didn't have a _someone_. Her life was constantly temporary. Elsa's biggest flaw was revealing itself again. She was a closed book but she also rarely stopped to read Anna's story.

"He belongs with me," Anna said as she took a step forward. Olaf instinctively made the leap between sisters. They exchanged kisses and Anna started pacing the enclosed space while bouncing on her heels just like the little creature liked.

Olaf was Elsa's rat. Rats were not pets where Anna grew up. They were a problem and fear of them was ingrained in the neighbourhood. When they stumbled into Olaf, on a rainy walk home near three years prior, Anna had been terrified that the baby animal in the hamster sized cage was still alive. Elsa had approached him. "He needs to stay warm," she had stated when Anna gave her a judgmental look about how closely she held it. The blonde tucked the rodent under her shirt and stroked it the entire walk back home.

The next day they were sleep deprived from trying to get the animal to eat and researching everything they could online until Elsa's data ran out. Elsa had even encouraged them to go swipe some physical books from the library. She was the one that started the tradition of sneaking Olaf places. By the end of a week-long stay Elsa cried more to be leaving Olaf than Anna could remember her sister getting upset over her.

"He's breathing hard," Elsa noted. Anna tensed at the comment. She knew Olaf was pretty old for a rat. He probably would have spooked Astrid less if he looked like the little sweet thing he was the first summer the sisters took care of him. "We'll take good care of him, we always do," Elsa said as she took note of Anna's concern. The redhead had opened her hands and Olaf was happily nestled in. His breathing seemed normal to Anna but Elsa was the one that actually read all about rats and would answer all of Anna's questions through the years. Elsa tried to calm Anna by running her fingers along the satin fabric of Anna's dress but it didn't work.

"You're not bringing him to service and you aren't staying back," Elsa said after having given Anna a minute to snap out of her worry. Anna registered Elsa moving around the garage. "He still has water, and ate quite a bit," She noted out loud. Anna sighed knowing that being unaccounted for was likely not the best move this morning. She gave her companion a tight squeeze before laying him on the makeshift bed, Elsa had just finished fluffing up. She turned to exit but Elsa didn't follow, her fingers were wrapped around the edge of the cardboard box and she was leaning down still looking down at the rodent.

A pound on the door rattled the sisters. It had sounded more like a punch. Agnarr's voice rang out, "You got my keys?!" Elsa didn't answer. Anna was getting the feeling she was not on speaking terms with her father. The blonde tucked the towel back over Olaf's box. Anna heard her whisper a sweet goodbye before pressing past Anna to open the door. She shoved the keys into Agnarr's chest without looking at him and left. Agnarr's unease was evident when he glanced up at Anna. She had never seen Elsa act out towards either of her Fjelstad parents.

"Are you alright?" Anna wasn't so sure why she asked. It was Sunday after all. If anyone wanted to get some emotion out of these people, this was the day of the week to do it. Agnarr was clutching the keys to his chest, standing still, and covering the doorway. His eyes were vacant.

"Mr. Fjelstad?" The pair rarely interacted. Anna didn't have many father figures to compare him too, but if he was on a television show, he would be the dad that didn't know anyone's birthdays, that had a chair only he can sit on and forgot anniversaries. When Agnarr came home from work he was done with his duties for the day. His contributions to child rearing was to put a roof over their heads, and to say no to any atypical requests.

Out of his three children Elsa was the one likely to get an exception to that rule. When they were children Anna used to watch their affection with a knot in her stomach. His outstretched arms were never rejected. Anna wanted to be close to him for a chance to get closer to Elsa. There were a lot of unwritten rules to her visits, Astrid had in her underhanded way made it clear to Anna that she best always kept her hands to herself. She never even had a chance to win over his softness but it seemed reserved for Elsa anyways.

Anna recognized the look on Agnarr's face right now. It was the same she had seen her mother fall ill with. He was feeling the same loss of Elsa. It was something Anna had to get to the bottom of. She had always assumed that any steps her sister took away from her she took towards her other family. If they were all losing her she needed to find out to _what_ or _who._

"Ah, I'm sorry Anna," Agnarr said, finally coming out of his reverie. "I was just thinking about when I was going to pick up a cage for that thing of yours."

"Really?" Anna all but squeed.

"Well it's best he not escape into the house," Anna's relief made it impossible to check herself. She threw her arms around the man at the doorway. Agnarr faltered for a moment before closing the embrace. The redhead bounced in his arms a little before he let her go.

"Thank you Mr. Fjelstad."

"Anna, I've known you since you could fit in my hands." He said as he cupped his hands together. "You can at least call me Agnarr."

Anna nodded as she was given space to push passed him back into the yard. The Fjelstad children were grouped out near the driveway. Margo was on the front steps and Elsa was sitting behind her working the child's yellow threads into a braid. She had a few hair pins between her lips and when she smiled up at Anna they all almost fell out of her mouth. Elsa recovered enough to only lose one.

Sorren was leaning up against the car with a plate in his hands shoveling cold eggs into his mouth. Anna joined him there. She snatched up a piece of bacon and stuck her tongue out at him as she dropped it into her mouth. He was about to swat her hand away with his fork when Astrid broke the serenity with the shrill of her voice.

"Get in the car!" Elsa's hands started working a bit faster. Sorren looked around the lawn as if there might be a good spot to drop his plate somewhere in the thin layer of snow. Agnarr was locking the door of the garage as Astrid approached. She whispered something at her husband, the words were not distinguishable but the tone was acid.

"What in heaven's name is wrong with you all today," Astrid screeched as she pulled the passenger door open. The door was slammed shut. Anna noticed Elsa give her smallest sister a squeeze and a small peck on the head before she pushed her forward towards the car. Elsa continued and approached Sorren with an open hand offering to accept his dirty dishes. Elsa was the last one in the vehicle after having to run to the kitchen and back. The car started moving before she even buckled in.

"Honestly Elsa, I did not expect it to be you that kept us behind today," Astrid's cut was directed to Elsa by name but was also a jab at Anna, who had not won a single point by being the first of the children in the car.

Agnarr did not exit the vehicle when they arrived at the Cathedral. He stopped at the curb instead of parking to let everyone out. The exchange between man and wife added to the eventual late entrance. Their three children waited on the sidelines while Astrid hung half in the car, half out arguing with her husband. Anna wasn't able to hold her body back from fidgeting. Sunday's were always a bit of a strain. Which was an understatement, but Anna was always hopeful that they might eventually smooth out. That wasn't the case today, and for the first time in all of Anna's Sundays, she watched Agnarr drive off instead of entering the church.

"N.A?" Anna leaned over to her sister and asked. She was sure there could be little other reason for him to miss a service. Elsa responded with wide eyes and flared nostrils. She motioned to her baby sister then put her hands on Margot's shoulders. She guided the child towards the front door, leaving Anna to linger for a moment as she watched the car drive off. Agnarr was speeding through the parking lot. There was certainly something off about her sister's father.

Anna had to do a little run to catch up, and make it through the open door Sorren was offering. Perhaps if she had not been so focused on Agnarr she would have noticed that out of all the people that had received their entrance with whispers and side glances, there was one that had broken the stillness to offer a wave.

There hadn't been time for an introduction. The priest was already delivering his homily when the Fjelstad's attempted to silently enter the service. The preaching was well passed the introductory rites. Anna tried not to get stuck at the end of the line as the set of five made their way to their reserved pew. The redhead did not want to be blamed for the entrance. Accuse over their tardiness would mostly default to her anyways. Anyone with an acquaintance to the family would know Anna was a rare occurrence and over the years had made Astrid turn many different shades of red in this exact hall.

Elsa and Anna had been rearing behind everyone, still when the family reached the pew they had allowed the older set of half sisters to go in first. Anna hadn't really thought much about it until some dude broke into a smile as Elsa approached. He shifted over as if the two inch space he made was exactly where Elsa should sit. And she did. The nameless guy leaned over Elsa to look Anna up and down as she seated herself just as close as he was to her sister. His glance didn't smile or welcome, but it didn't glare either. When he put his hand over Elsa's, Anna thought she saw her sister's elbow jerk. Whatever hesitation Elsa felt she did not act on. She let herself be pet. Anna leaned into her sister for an explanation but none came. Elsa looked forward, attention honed upon the altar.

His hands were rough. Anna did not have to feel them or even look at them to know. She could hear it as he covered Elsa's hand with his. He was rubbing upwards and down again, and it made a scraping sound. Scrape was an exaggeration, because it was faint. It might have even been soundless. Yet even as Anna tried to force herself not to sense it, not to think about it, she could hear the flat of his hand stroking her sister's. The only other sound she heard was the beating of her heart jumping up her throat.

Anna went through the motions of the Roman Catholic mass at a slight delay behind everyone else. She had come enough times to have less of a lag but she was thrown off. She had to focus on breathing more than the ins and outs of praise. When it came time to call out responses, she couldn't bring forth the words needed. Her mind was too focused on the male voice speaking out, matching Elsa word for word. When it was time for the communion rite, Anna finally watched Elsa's hand be freed as the congregates started filing up to receive the Eucharist.

"Anna?" Elsa breathed. Her body was hovering near her younger sister's. Anna could feel the heat coming off the blonde after having been sandwiched tightly between two people for the last forty five minutes. Anna didn't reply. There was something strange happening to her. Something she did not want to delve into in front of hundreds of people and the presence of their God. She walked up to the altar with her arms crossed over her chest, and instead of receiving Christ's gift, she was given his blessing as the priest ran his thumb over her forehead in the shape of a cross. Her throat released a fragment of a whimper while still face to face with the officiant of Christ.

Phoebus. That was his name. Anna had to repeat her name for him as if he'd never heard it, not even once, come out of Elsa's mouth. When he extended his hand out to Anna, he became the only person standing with the walls of St. Aloysius's Cathedral. Even Elsa faded away, as his blue eyes bore in Anna. His hand was rough.

Phoebus was a statuesque guy. He still had the charm of a teenager but his build was wide and mannish. His Sunday best was properly primped. There was not a flaw on him. His hair was long. It fell by his chin and was pure gold. With the sun flowing through stained glass, it illuminated like the halos on the personified Christs all around them. Anna focused on that, and let that bother her, because things much worse than that were actually vexing her.

Like the way Astrid rounded Phoebus and put her hand on his arm. She looked like a model at a trade show leaning into him as if she wanted to draw Anna's eyes to test the best parts about him. Anna was certain she wasn't just overcome with disgruntlement. Astrid was actually accentuating Phoebus as she helped him flick a piece of his hair back into perfect alignment. He was tall, everyone around him had to strain their neck to get a good look at the angular lines of his face. He was both handsome and beautiful and if he had not taken Elsa's hand earlier, Anna would have even probably noticed that about him without any resentment.

Anna hated him immediately and she had ever actually _hated_ someone before. That was why she was so sure. She new had an urge in her fingers akin to the one that pulled her to touch Elsa. This was one the opposite side of the coin. She wanted to strike him as he propped his elbow out for Elsa to wrap herself around. He led her down the aisle with a beam so bright he must have been imagining his wedding day.

This was the part of mass that lasted the longest, the trying to get out the door. It was likely why Astrid strained herself so much. She loved the flood of attention, maybe even when negative, as she dolled her eyes when people asked about Agnarr. She did not offer any meaningful response and Anna tried to keep some distance. She had just endured what felt like a final blow, she wasn't sure she could handle being called Cousin Anna.

The redhead didn't usually go off on her own. She tried not to make a scene as she weaved through groups of chattering people. The wind of late fall was a refreshing breath to take. Until it coupled with smoke. She moved against the wind as she found the source. Agnarr was parked in the fire lane. He was propped up against the large SUV with his eyes shut as he took a deep inhale. He almost flicked his cigarette away when he saw Anna but then glanced past her. Upon realizing she was alone he put the butt back between his lips.

"So you met Phoebus," he said as if he could read her expression. Maybe he could. He might have not known Anna but he had known Iduna well.

"Yeah," Anna admitted defeatedly.

"He's probably a good guy. Though he's not looking to get ordained now that she's got his eye." Anna cringed. She hadn't solicited this information but the way Agnarr was looking at the doors of the cathedral made her think that it weighed on him heavily too.

"Apparently she's more divine than the Lord himself." Anna couldn't agree more with Agnarr's statement. Her lips released a small sound of agreement. She would denounce every single good thing in her life for Elsa. It was likely if Anna had inherited addiction from her parents it had manifested in an insatiable appetite for her own sister. Anna could say that Elsa had that effect in people but it simply wasn't true. She hadn't stirred either Agnarr or Iduna to give up their vices.

"We got a few minutes," the smoke made its own way out of Agnarr's mouth as he spoke. "Come let me know what you think," he said as he moved to the trunk of the car. Anna joined him in his cloud of smoke. Inside the car was a brand new cage for Olaf. It was already assembled. The box it came from was folded up at tucked away. It was massive and was taking up all the space of the car's large compartment. The cage itself full of several comforts including a hammock and some tunnels. Anna took tender note of the glass snowflake ornament Agnarr had hung from the top of the cage.

"He's gonna love this!" Anna enthused. She squeezed Agnarr's arm and gave him a shake. "I love it," she said as she calmed. It didn't go unnoticed that under the cage was a box with a picture of a bunk bed. Anna wasn't pleased by that but it barely mattered being that Agnarr had done what he had offered. She knew the importance of the gesture.

Agnarr's eyes flew open when the clicking of heels started to approach. Anna wouldn't have noticed but he apparently could feel his wife approach. He panicked and Anna rolled her eyes as she reached over and plucked the cigarette from his hands.

"I'm going to have to launder that dress." Astrid said as she approached. Anna flicked the butt at her own feet and quelled the embers with the pair of black flats Astrid had loaned her. Astrid should have waited to pick her battle because she had no words for the rat cage assembled in her car.

"We're not staying," she told Agnarr and her heels clicked away.

"I owe you nothing now," Anna chimed with a smirk and followed Astrid into the car.

Elsa hadn't rode with them back. She had caught a ride with her boyfriend. The usual order of Sunday after church was even more disturbed by Agnarr joining Anna to set up Olaf's new oasis. Eventually Sorren and Margo found the two camping out in the garage. Olaf was barely given a chance to acclimate to the cage. Agnarr gave his permission to let the rat run along the ground so long as the trio sat with their feet connected. The assortment of leg lengths made it hard to form the shape of a star but instead of it inducing stress it was comical. The point of the barrier so the rodent could not escape, but Olaf dozily ran in between the bodies, giving each one of them his signature hugs and tickles. At one point Agnarr got in between both his children and connected the bottom of his feet with theirs.

It was the second time in the day that Anna felt herself slip into ease, this time it was not fleeting. She had not experienced very many moments with these people when she could feel the knot in her stomach of loosen. It was a welcome relief to have a distraction over analyzing where and what Elsa was up to now.


	3. Child Lock

**Elsa**

  
Her heart tightened like a closed fist. Once it was shut, she slowly felt her entire body start to shut down. Her lungs were the first to panic and overcompensated for the lack of oxygen in her body. Her wheezing sounded like panting. The quick breath drew him in closer. He pushed himself off the wall of his bedroom and took slow steps towards the bed where she lay. Elsa seized up, the circles she was running on herself slowed. Phoebus normally had enough control to stay planted at a distance and remain a spectator.

Elsa would hold his gaze as she touched herself. She was only after one thing, she wanted to embed the look of desire into her mind. Something about watching him break down his defenses twisted her up. It did not fuel her passions, but alleviated them. Elsa was putting on a show for him in every way and she was granted his display of restraint in return. Elsa loved Phoebus. She loved him because he was absolutely everything she wished she could be. He was a citadel, and fortress of self-discipline and piety. His suppression was a thing of beauty, an art Elsa watched from her back as he struggled not to touch himself and not to reach out to her.

The more they played this game the more it escalated. Phoebus had reached a point where any time Elsa was over to his house, he would fumble through the evening until they were able to be alone. Seconds into their seclusion he would ask for a show. He was starting to get more bold with his requests and control was slowly handed off to him. Elsa felt like a monster for watching him, waiting for the bulwark of a man to crumble. It would be such a relief to see even the best of men fall prey; for Phoebus to succumb to her. She was prepared to endure his touch, if it meant she would win some relief from her own transgressions, which were insurmountable compared to what morale law Phoebus would be breaking.

He wanted her fully naked this time, with no covers, and the light on. He wanted a hand to be in between her legs and the other to knead her breast. When she had dropped her own hand to brace herself he had quickly ordered a correction. Elsa heard him cracking through the thickness of his voice. The relief she wanted was likely close. It was frightening when he approached. He dropped his knees on the bed and to put a little more distance between them, Elsa bent her own knees up.

His breath stitched from the slight change in position. He had never gotten this close of a look at her. Elsa watched him stare. She was sure he would crush her if he let his weight down. He was rocking back and forth, his mind clearly plagued, his hands in his hair. Was that the same look Elsa had given Anna when she finally broke through all her barriers? Phoebus was one belt buckle away from being inside her. They would fall into each other so easily from this position. Elsa took her hand back and used it to pinch the fat of her thigh, she dropped her bent knees down into the mattress, luring him to take over.

"Elsa, I can't," he breathed out. His eyes shook in his head. The only contact that they shared was of him fumbling over her to run out of the room and into his bathroom. She heard the shower start up and the sounds of grunting. She felt too limp to grab at her scattered clothes on the floor and just threw the covers on herself instead. She curled on around herself and ran her fingers lightly over her skin, it was the only part of her that was still tingling. The rest was just hollow.

Elsa was disappointed in herself. Not too long ago she was just like Phoebus. She was steadfast and dedicated. Even when she didn't know what she wanted, she always knew what she did not want. Elsa strived to be better than Iduna. It was not a hard mantle to reach for any one on the outside looking in, but there was so much turmoil within Elsa that made her falter at every turn. Mostly because there was a lot of good in her birth mother. Elsa could never make herself as affectionate or caring. She struggled to find insight about the people around her, almost like she could not compute anything that happened indirectly. She only understood things that were written down or spoken clearly. Most things that happened under the surface were lost on Elsa.

She had pushed herself too hard to connect with Anna. Elsa had wanted atonement for having left her behind. As she tried to compensate for the things about herself that weren't like Iduna, her affections went misguided. For a while it didn't feel so wrong. Elsa did not act on her more erroneous intentions. Anna was still a child, just barely a teenager. Elsa's desires made it easier even, she was more open to her little sister's tenderness and Anna received even the most harmless caress enthusiastically. For a time Elsa felt like she was surpassing Iduna.

It was as if her longings were the part that was missing in their childhoods. It was the piece of the puzzle that made the sister's have such a huge gap in between them. Closing it off felt therapeutic. Elsa felt that she had conquered her shortcomings. Dreams of beating Iduna and taking Anna home with her were at the forefront of her mind those years. But Elsa hadn't the control Phoebus did. Her fear of God was tested by her fear of losing Anna.

When her sister kissed her there was no way Elsa would push her away. _No_ hurt Anna in a way that Elsa had never seen her sister whiplash. Iduna could do no wrong but a _no_ from Elsa was a small scratch that would certainly leave a scar. Elsa did not even want to reject her sister. Their lips clicking together was like the skies opening up. As if the flurry that constantly hovered over Elsa's head, hailing on her and blocking on the sun, just dissipated. It felt like that every time they touched each other in a way that blurred sisterly affection. Anna was hurt deeper each time Elsa denied her that. Except saying _yes_ to Anna distorted Elsa further. She should have known that she would pay for letting her guard down.

There was a memory that kept resurfacing. That crawled it's way into the forefront of her mind on the rare occasions that she slipped into happiness, and rang an alarm on moments like these, where Elsa felt flooded in her shame. The look on Iduna's face, it had personified the horrid feelings Elsa had felt since she had started pursuing a relationship with Anna. Iduna's dropped jaw was the awe that strangled Elsa every time she thought about how deeply she felt for her sister. Her mother's upturned top lip was the disgust that made it hard for Elsa to keep down her meals. Her canine teeth barred was the anger which asphyxiated Elsa every time she pulled Anna into a kiss. And the wrath behind Iduna's eyes was the whispering of the word monster that replayed in Elsa's head for years now. That look was such a reminder that Elsa had failed. She was worse than Iduna could ever be. Elsa had damaged Anna more than their mother ever could.

Elsa had been calling herself foul since the first stitch of desire started to mend her skin. Elsa had grown up with what always felt like an open wound. A decade had passed but the rawness of being pulled apart from Anna was never healed. Elsa's longings were never actually innocent, they didn't bud from a seed planted. The switch from missing her little sister to needing her, from wanting to be at her sister's side to aching to be inside of her, was abrupt.

Elsa had allowed Anna's ginger touches to quiet the salacious slurs she called herself. It had been Anna that had needed to warm to the idea. It had not felt like a manipulation but Elsa laid out opportunities to get closer to her sister for years. Anna always eagerly answered a call from the siren. She had been just a child when Elsa started laying down the groundwork. She was the eldest, she had been in control, the instigator. Even when Anna was the first to steal a kiss, Elsa had been lying to herself about her role. Their mother's reaction was the beating Elsa needed to right her course. She should have listened to her first instinct to squash her desires. If only Anna hadn't been so open, so easy to win. If only she had reacted like anyone else would and lashed out at her like Iduna did.

Iduna's voice filled the entire apartment complex. It was effervescent, spewing the smell of alcohol all over Elsa as it berated her. Out of all the things she called out at Elsa it was the word _rape_ that hit her the hardest. Elsa knew the others, she called herself them all, deviant, disgusting, perverted, beast. If Iduna was so correct about those then she was right. Elsa had asserted herself on Anna, who's reaction to having been caught in the act, had been to curl up into herself with her arms over her ears. She was half naked and sobbing and Elsa had done that to her. Just as she was capable of giving her sister pleasure she had managed to crush her too. Elsa didn't want that power. So she left. She didn't turn back.

Elsa reached over to grab her phone. She didn't know why she was checking. She hadn't heard the little _knock, knock,_ sound that alerted Elsa to a message from her sister. Still she was disappointed. The onslaught of messages was the only thing Elsa had of Anna since what Anna referred to as the _incident._ She read them the moment they came in if she got the chance and would read them over and over again until the next one came in. Anna was persistent. Elsa hated it but only because she loved it so much. Reading a message from Anna was like taking too small of a hit, the satisfaction was so good yet so fleeting. Elsa would have to get Anna's phone sorted right away, for no purpose but her own.

Phoebus was out of the shower and Elsa could hear him swearing to himself from the other side of the door. She unfurled herself from her own limbs, he didn't want to see her in her own tumultuousness even though he wasn't being so shy about his. He did look refreshed when he finally came out. He'd tossed on a set of sweatpants and bunnysnug advertising his university and wore his towel over his shoulders.

"My mom isn't going to pay tuition for next semester if I am still undeclared," he said as he paced around the room picking up the clothing he'd watched Elsa remove.

"You can still take theology," Elsa offered. It was her own strife that roped him in months ago. She'd started pulling on a string for her own quietude but ended up untethering him almost completely. His entire future had been altered. Elsa hadn't expected it. She really just wanted to put anything and everything between herself and Anna. Somehow she managed to distort even this.

"I'm not sure I can," he said as he fiddled with the fabric of her church dress.

"I didn't ask you to put everything on hold for me," Elsa was starting to feel defensive. She was in no place to be. As her birth mother had pointed out, she was the one that was the master manipulator.

"Come on Elsa, what we do here, it's asking a lot." He motioned to her as if his mind was reenacting what had just transpired. Elsa's guilt heightened, still there was something in her that blocked her from softening.

"So what, you're going to be a business major?"

"Don't say it like that. Philosophy is of no use to me if I am not going to do seminary." Phoebus sat next to Elsa in the small space between her and the edge. "I'm serious about you. I think you are my calling. Maybe the family I have with you can do God's work better than I ever could." Elsa held back a sigh. She felt a sob build up in her throat. She saw it in his eyes. Phoebus wanted her permission to falter. She had sought the same with Anna, but she should have not been asking her in the first place. It was up to Elsa to steer herself and she'd given herself a false sense of security by being granted what she wanted most.

"Phoebus, maybe you need to step back a bit. Midterms are over, you have a break before the semester wraps up." Elsa started.

"Wait, step back? Break? Are you saying you don't want to be with me right now?" Phoebus's eyes looked even lighter with a layer of tears building up.

"No, not at all. I'm still your girlfriend. But this thing we're doing it's-"

"Dangerous. It's a test. I know that." Phoebus puffed out his chest. He let his back fall back straight. Elsa sat up more and made sure she had a good hold of the blanket as she leaned into him. His muscles were loose but he tensed when she wrapped herself around him.

"You can watch me get dressed," she offered him. He blushed and she gave him a little shake. "and then take me home. It's past curfew."

Phoebus fell to his elbows as she rounded him and took her clothes from his hands. She turned around, his eyes on her felt too small of a punishment as she pulled her stockings on. She'd skipped her panties but they weren't in her pile. As soon as her dress was over her head, Phoebus wrapped his arms around her.

"I wish that took you longer. I don't want to drive you home." Elsa turned around in his arms. She wondered how much she would have to hurt him to get him back on the track she had derailed. He kissed her lightly before pulling away to grab his wallet and keys. He was full of sighs. Elsa felt guilty that his sad breaths didn't take her mind off of Anna. Just the jingle of keys made her excited to be heading her direction.

"Do you have a twenty? I have to pick something up for my cousin and I don't feel like going through my mom for it." she asked, she tried to make herself sound casual.

"Check, take whatever." Phoebus said as he tossed his wallet at Elsa instead of putting it in his back pocket. There were five red fifty dollar bills in it. She took two as she followed her boyfriend out of the room.

"I'm going to go use your mom's bathroom." Elsa said as she veered to the side. She could feel Phoebus lingering outside the door. Elsa turned the water on full blast. It didn't matter how many times she did this, it still made her nervous. Her heart was pounding as she opened the medicine cabinet. She stared at the bottles, and tried to take a photograph with her mind of the one she needed. She'd need to return it to it's exact spot, with the right part of the label turned out. She reached for it, and moved it delicately so that it would not rattle. Elsa broke the child lock with ease and was relieved to see the prescription had been filled. The bottle was nearly three quarters of the way full. She allowed herself twelve pills.

Once counted out she placed the bottle of oxy back to where it certainly had been stowed. She held the rounded pills all in the palm of her hand and watched as her wrist shook. It never got easier but nothing did. She rattled them around for a bit until she decided the pills were of better use outside of her body. Every last one would go a long way. Still she fidgeted a bit before opening the collar of her dress and slipping the dozen pills in the pocket in her bra designed for padding. She instinctively checked her phone again, nothing from Anna.

Elsa was vibrating on the drive back home. Phoebus could barely keep his eyes on the road. In his concern he kept asking if she was _okay_. She was relieved to have an excuse and not have to fight the rapid beating of her heart. If he thought she was upset over him it was the only upside to her day. Phoebus reached out and put his hand over her knee as they got closer to her home.

"It's okay," he was saying now. "It's okay Elsa."

She fell into the sensation of both wanting to be held and her skin crawling right where his breath fell on her shoulder. She felt herself start to cry. Phoebus did not falter. His body was likely pressing down on the gear shift as they sat, holding each other, in the parked car.

"It's going to be okay," Phoebus repeated his new mantra. "You were right, a chance to regroup will do us both good. Don't cry because at the end of it I'm going to pick you. It will mean that much more when I pick you, not because I want you Elsa but because I love you."

The biggest role Elsa had ever played in her life was as a pawn. She knew it early on in life. Elsa's first memory was of being taken away from her grandparents and being placed into the arms of a sobbing stranger with the name mother. The word custody meant a lot to her by the age of four. She became hyper aware of how much her behaviour affected the outcome of the court hearings she would attend, but also how powerless she actually was. At one point she decided it was just easier to shut her eyes and pretend she was the stuffie, Anna and she were always fighting over, rather than watch the battle of words she didn't understand.

It was strange to hear Phoebus's statement now, to think that there was something more tangible to her that someone would actually want to have, or even love. He was telling her he wanted her, for her. The fights between adults, Elsa was always in the middle of, had always made her feel like it was more about winning. Phoebus did not want to win Elsa, he wanted to love her. It was incredibly heartbreaking. It was like taking a pill, curing the ailment but falling ill to the side effects.

Elsa could not imagine ever wanting Phoebus. She didn't even want to fight for him for the sake of fighting. She found herself wanting to be him again. She wanted to be chivalrous and kindhearted, humane even. She accepted his kiss and gave back to him whatever she could. Maybe one day she could thank him, or maybe one day she would have to keep pretending to love him back. She wasn't sure.

It was late, not only passed curfew but passed lights out. Elsa lingered coming into the house even after Phoebus drove off. She sat at the back step letting the time pass, adding minutes to whatever punishment she might receive. Elsa could see up to her bedroom window, the twinkle lights were on, the soft glow radiated signs of Anna. It was likely that if she went up there with feelings this raw that she could bring Anna back to where they were right before the _incident_. She had never felt so good as she had with her mouth on her sister's breasts. Elsa had lost herself. She hadn't even realized she had put her hand around Anna's throat. She had just wanted to both touch Anna and brace herself.

Elsa had been so consumed she hadn't heard their mother return. She had just been yanked by the shoulder to the ground. Anna had been just so frightened. Elsa had gone from having total power over her half sister to being on the ground vowing to never touch Anna again. Somehow that changed to not talking. Elsa was at a loss on how to repair what had happened. She did not know where to begin, she didn't know which parts were broken. But what Phoebus had said in the car resonated. It might have been the nicest thing anyone had ever said to her. Elsa wanted to hear it be said from the girl sleeping in the twinkle lights. Genuinely so, without use or persuasion, pressure or manipulation.

"Your mother thinks you've been in your room all day." Elsa jumped as her father's voice broke through the darkness that enshrouded the family room of their home. The hoarseness in his voice did not sound like him, like if there was something running in his veins distorting him. Elsa kept her light steps forward and made her way to the stairs.

"What is your problem Elsa? Did you not get everything you wanted? Is Anna not right upstairs waiting for you?" Agnarr said to her back. Elsa stopped on the first step. She gripped at the smooth wood of the stair railing. Whatever calm she had tried to regain before entering the house left her. "Don't you think it's time you stop freezing me out?"

"I got what I wanted, yeah." Elsa said without turning to look at her father. Her father was still seated. She imagined he was incapable of rising to his feet. "After years begging you, you had to wait until I had something to blackmail you with to give in. I'm not ungrateful, dad, I'm pissed at you. Don't use me as an excuse to stay up in dark getting wasted."

Elsa had had variations of this conversation lots throughout her life. That she was now having it with her father was something she never expected. Long before they were reunited, Agnarr had gone through a change Iduna always failed to. Elsa had not been the cause of that change. Her father had gotten clean for Astrid. It wasn't common knowledge. Elsa was the only one of her siblings that knew about her father's struggle with addiction, and that was only because Iduna always made a point about it.

In her family there were topics that belonged to the individual. Elsa preferred it that way. All the times she had poured herself out to her birth mother never got them anywhere. The strife had no point. It made sense to Elsa to conceal things that had no chance of changing. She felt protected by the secret that Astrid was not her _real_ mother and that her relation to Anna was more distant. The people that needed to know knew, the rest of the world added no value.

This was the first relapse Elsa was aware of that Agnarr was suffering through. It had been going on for months and Elsa did not really feel the need to bring it to anyone's attention. He seemed to be functioning well enough. She would have never put it between them but Agnarr had left her with little choice when he immediately said no to helping Anna. The moment Elsa had heard her sister's cracking voice on the other end of the phone line she knew what she would have to do. Elsa could tell that exploiting her father was taking a toll on him, but Anna had to come first for at least someone. It wasn't a difficult choice to make, between her sister and her father, even when the Agnarr's decline started making faults in her family's foundation.

"You don't have the upper on me Elsa. I'm your father. I put this roof over your head and now I put one over your sister's. You're an adult now. You want to run around with some boy, fine. But that child is in my care now. I say what happens to her. So tell me if you still want to use my addiction against me." _Yes_. The answer to that was a hundred times yes. Anna's stay was temporary. Elsa would help pick up whatever pieces were left after Anna was taken care of. For the meantime, she didn't mind being the one doing the smashing. She turned and approached her seated father. He didn't smell like alcohol.

"Give what you have on you," Elsa demanded with an outreached hand. She shook her fingers at him until he lifted off his seat slightly and pulled out a baggie. The hundreds of times she had asked Iduna to do the same, her mother would always hand her a plastic mickey of cheap vodka out of her hoodie pocket. She had never received crack before. It smelled smoked already even though it was still in its radiant crystal form.

"You need help daddy." She said as she closed her fist around the small plastic bag. She knew it wasn't all he had, Iduna had taught her that much. Neither said anything more. Elsa forced her weak knees to take her up the stairs.

The soft glow of the lights was coming out from the crack of her bedroom door. Elsa felt all her boiling points soften to a simmer as she pushed through. There was a single sized bunk bed in the room in place of where her queen sized bed used to be. It was pushed against the wall and opened up the room. If Anna hadn't been filling the space with her soft breaths, Elsa would have been taken back by how barren it felt.

Elsa kept her threads light as she removed her clothes. She let them fall onto the floor and didn't bother to put them in the hamper or hang her dress. Elsa wasted so much energy on keeping things the way her parents liked them. Right now she missed the smell of smoke and sweat of her birth mother's apartment. Elsa made a point of spreading her clothes out as far as possible. Before removing her bra she carefully took out each pill. She placed them on her dresser and pulled out her makeup bag. Her lipstick had a false bottom and she twisted it open and placed the pills inside. Her father's crystals were tucked in a foundation bottle that had the same trick. She kept the two tubes out her makeup bag and placed them into her book bag.

Once in her pajamas, Elsa had to shake out her body in the newly opened space of her bedroom to rid herself of the tension. A glance towards her sister and she softened even more. Anna had picked the bottom bunk, which was a strange choice, or maybe not considering it made it easier for Elsa to approach her. Elsa knelt next to the twin sized bed. Anna had taken one of the few t-shirts Elsa owned and was barely wearing it. It had bunched up at her ribs. Elsa slowly lowered her head onto the exposed skin. She could hear Anna's stomach skirt around, juices squishing. Elsa rode the rise and fall of Anna's body. With her back curled over from her spot on the floor, it was an impossible position to fall asleep in but she felt herself relax. On her knees, it almost felt like a small prayer to accept the soothing feeling of being this close to her sister.

"Elsa?" The blonde had felt her sister wake, it took Anna a moment to realize she wasn't alone. With Anna awake, Elsa allowed herself to absorb more of her, and she rubbed her cheek along the skin of Anna's stomach. Anna's arms dropped from where they were propped above her head and dove into Elsa's hair. She grabbed told of the tangles of braid work long undone and pulled Elsa upwards. Elsa's body followed and climbed up to the bed. The blonde let her body lag in order to feel the pull more fully. She settled on the edge of the bed with her chest draped over Anna's sleepy breaths.

Anna's fists were in control as they pulled Elsa's mouth down on hers. Their lips fell together as if their hiatus had never occurred. Anna as much as purred as Elsa put more of her weight on top of her to deepen the connection. Elsa's tongue was too busy to shush her. At the second moan the danger hit, the blonde's heart, that had fallen into an easy beat at her sister's touch, raised the warning.

"Anna," Elsa tried to say, it came out of the back of her throat weakly.

"Elsa," Anna called back, she gave Elsa's hair another yank.

"Anna?" On the second call, Anna realized that her sister had slowed.

"Hm?" she said, her eyes still half lidded. Her mind was obviously still fuzzy from sleep.

"I need to say no to you," Elsa tensed as the words came out of her mouth. Anna's eyes flew open. The grip she had on Elsa pulled away as if the white strands of her hair were suddenly too cold to touch.

"I'm sorry Anna. I can't do this like this anymore." Tears quickly built up in her sister's emerald eyes, a blink and they streamed down freckled cheeks. Having moved her hands to Anna's face shifted even more weight on the younger girl. Elsa used her thumbs to rub the tears shed into Anna's skin.

"Anna I want you," Elsa reassured. "You don't have to cry. I'm not saying no to you. I'm not saying no to this either. I just can't get what Iduna said out of my head." Anna roused out of her disappointment a bit more at the sound of their mother's name. The air got thicker at the slight mention of the _incident._

"That's on you. You didn't give her a chance to come around." Anna sharpened as she spoke. Shifting the moment towards their mother was not the best move of Elsa's part. She wasn't sure how to recover. Her first instinct was to pull away but it was also the last thing she wanted. She kept still.

"I know. I want to ask you for a second chance. I don't know what mom is thinking anymore, but I know she said something that needed to be said. I started having feelings for you when you were really impressionable, when what you wanted most was my attention. Right now there's no way of knowing if you came to feel the same way because it's genuinely what you want or because I pushed you there. The nature of our feelings kinda makes it seem like the latter no?"

"You didn't force yourself on me Elsa. Our age gap isn't big enough for it to be what mom said." The fact that Anna couldn't bring herself to say the word was unsettling to Elsa.

"I can't shake it Anna. and I shouldn't go any further until I know that you pick me. Like really pick me. That there's no manipulation." Elsa could feel herself begin to shake at the thought that this was even a possibility. It was to imagine after all they had been through, and how linked they were, that a clean slate existed. Still she liked the idea that the sister's could share something akin to what Phoebus pictured when he had made his own declaration. The sadness on her sister's face gave it away that Anna wasn't sure what Elsa meant.

"I want it to be like you meet someone that makes you feel things and you choose to find out what that feeling is. But also it would be in the twisted way of choosing your sister as a lover." Elsa tried to explain. As she spoke she realized she had a pretty loose grasp of her request herself.

"I want you to choose the garbage that comes along with that. The secrecy and the loneliness of it. I want you to pick me even if having me is unsustainable and when it ends the damage will be irreparable. I want you to pick me not because you're scared of losing me but because you can't do it without me." Anna was nodding along as Elsa spoke. Her bottom lip was tucked into her teeth and her shoulders were up as if she was trying to shield herself.

"I just want to start again. If that's even an option." Elsa hoped.

"I think so, I mean, it's not square one. I dunno." Anna said. She stopped every few words to find her next. "But I get what you mean. I think." Anna's hands were folded in between the sisters. She was bending her fingers back as she worked through her thoughts.

"I thought that once we had sex that night be like the, end maybe. Not that I thought it would be one and done or whatever. But I thought that the yes and no, and the hot and cold might go away. That everything would settle. I know I didn't think about what happens after sex, apart from a few day dreams. I didn't think about what it would be like in terms of real life and logistics." Anna's honesty was endearing. She wrinkled her nose every time she used the word _sex_. The entire thing pushed Elsa to say something she rathered not.

"Yeah, cause your fifteen Anna. I shouldn't even be asking this if you now. I know you've been through a lot already and you can likely run circles around all the idiots you're going to meet at school tomorrow. This is too heavy even for me. Whatever the outcome, it's going to shape us forever. It's a lot to be asking you, a kid. But I guess I mean that even if you pick me you can change your mind. I'm not asking you for your lifetime. I just want, like, a real chance."

"You're going to woo me?" Anna said sheepishly like if a light bulb just went off in her head. It wasn't what Elsa had in mind but the thought of it sunk all the colour on her skin into her belly. It was the simplified translation of what she was saying.

"I'm going to try." In Elsa's mind the wording of her response was feeble but her voice lowered as she spoke and the way Anna blushed made her feel like she was already sparking a flirt.

"I don't know if I can agree if I don't get to kiss you whenever I want." Anna countered. She seemed displeased about it but she was also buzzing now.

"You don't get to do that right now." Elsa's eyes darted towards their open door.

"I did whenever you came to visit me."

"Look where that got us," Elsa didn't have time to berate herself for bringing it back to that day, Anna's mind was elsewhere.

"Pretty far," Anna smirked. She wiggled her eyebrows. Her whole body seemed to flick on again. She even bucked her hips. If Elsa let Anna set the pace, the seduction wouldn't even have to start.

"Far apart." Elsa, in order to ground her little sister, corrected.

"Yeah," Anna recalled with a bounce of her head. She went still for a moment before her lips turned into a straight line and she said, "Okay. Let's try it."

"Okay." Elsa said. She didn't have anything more to say. Anna, however, did. The redhead pushed herself up and back into Elsa. She kissed Elsa hard. The meaning behind it was just as powerful as the kiss Phoebus had pushed on Elsa in the car, but this time Elsa did not have to force her response. Her intention matched Anna's.

"That was a goodbye, for now," Anna whispered as she ended their kiss.

"Goodnight," Elsa said. Anna held onto Elsa's hand until both their arms were too outstretched to put any more distance between them. When the redhead dropped Elsa's hand, Elsa mounted the small ladder and swung herself onto the top bunk. The fact that she could end a hard day with Anna was healing. Elsa actually felt excited to wake up in the morning, not that she slept.


	4. Grey Stone

**Anna**

Anna had seen the uniform, it always hung on the door of Elsa's closet in a clear plastic bag put together like if an invisible person was wearing it. She had seen Elsa in photographs sporting the purple plaid skirt highlighted with gold and green. In those pictures, Elsa wore her crisp white top buttoned up to the throat with her cravat fitly tied. Anna had never actually seen Elsa wearing her uniform. She stared as Elsa pulled solid black socks up over her caffs. It was a bit of a huge deterrent to the sort of deal the sisters had made.

The door was closed. It was allowed to be shut while the girls were changing and granted such a small window of opportunity to undo all of Elsa's efforts and remove every layer of Arendelle's school uniform. Yet, there Anna was, she had managed to let herself be convinced to restart their relationship. Pulling at the green blazer Elsa had just slipped over her shoulders was not at the base the sisters were currently sitting on.

Anna wanted to take it back. She felt like an old man with a crazy school girl fetish. She actually felt her stomach hitch while watching Elsa button up her blazer. It was one button, but her long fingers stitching it together was enough to make Anna's blood rush away from all her limbs and settle between her legs. The redhead was so very lucky she wasn't an old man or Elsa wouldn't need to read her thoughts to know Anna was struggling to sit still in her own identical uniform.

Anna's uniform didn't fit her the same way it fit Elsa. Anna didn't have too many curves other than at the sides of her breasts and the way the blazer hung on her hid that all away. But on Elsa, the flower of the school's crest curved around the shape of her chest. Anna found herself envious of the embroidered crocus that sat cupping her sister's left boob.

It had been early in the morning when Elsa shook the bunk while trying to carefully dismount their new bed. Anna heard her curse to herself once her feet were on the ground. Anna hadn't been sleeping. Her mind was racing with thoughts of Elsa, and to turn off those thoughts off she had thought of her mother, and to silence those she tried to focus on her schooling and to shut down her fears of her first day of school, she thought of Elsa. In between all that she was thinking of the Fjelstads and of Olaf in his new cage. She wondered if things would get easier after having spent the day assembling the bunk bed with Agnarr, and if Olaf felt as out of place and lonely as she did, as she stared at the underside of the top bunk.

Anna had spent most of the night running through what had happened when her mother caught her about to have sex with Elsa. Anna was dejected to learn that Elsa had believed everything Iduna had said about them. Although Anna had had similar thoughts about herself she never once applied them to Elsa. Elsa had been the one who showed hesitation and that took things slow. In the beginning, Elsa's touches lingered and caressed while Anna's pushed down hard.

They never spoke about it before and they certainly never addressed it after. The start of their physical relationship just sort of happened after years, long touches and turned into falling into bed with each other unclothed. It was different but it didn't cross over to sexual until after Anna's fifteenth birthday. It was just a need to be closer after long periods apart. Clothes felt like a barrier to that, another layer added to all the distance. Anna always thought it happened naturally. She never considered that Elsa had different intentions.

Again it went unspoken of. It was just a rule, if their mother was working or just out, then they sat together, in each other's arms. They let their hands roam freely over any part of skin that was within reach. For a while it was over the clothes and then it was under. At some point Anna just started taking her own clothes off, and then removing her sister's. The more they did it the less it satisfied Anna. She had to push her fingers deeper into her sister and pressed down at the skin more than roam it. When her hands were not enough, she had to use her entire body.

Anna had always felt like the instigator. She could feel the well of fear overflow every time their mother walked out the door. She only braved reaching out for Elsa because the only thing that surmounted her apprehension was her need. For the most part, Anna felt like Elsa just let it happen. Elsa did not back away and that was all Anna really asked for. It was enough to make her feel brave and wanted. It was enough to make her feel like it was okay to move forward, to kiss her sister.

It had been what Elsa was waiting for. After that she was no longer a passive part of their stolen touches. While Elsa could still be extremely gentle she was also playful and rough. When they were in the city, alone but together, Elsa couldn't care less whose eyes were on them. Anna spent a fair share of time pressed against the walls of public places. The more Elsa took of Anna, the less Anna heard the voice in her head telling her she needed to stop.

It was never enough, Anna always felt herself needing more. The only conversation the sisters had had about their relationship, other than the short one they shared prior night, was the night of the _incident,_ when Anna asked her sister to reach inside of her. Elsa hadn't faltered. The intensity that erupted within Anna's older sister made Anna feel like it might be possible to reach satiation.

Elsa had asked Anna to rethink everything that had gotten them to that point. Anna's first thought, as Elsa walked away, was if they both thought they had started this then there wasn't any problem. Anna knew she had to delve deeper into it than just one sleepless night. Still she had no idea how to prove that Elsa had not taken advantage of her. But Elsa's prompt to consider what it meant for them to be together was a start. That was the part Anna didn't want to think about. She would much rather just throw herself into it and see what happens.

Being asked to reflect did make Anna wonder if her need to move forward was so that she could extinguish her desire. Anna had always been reaching for more because she wanted to feel satisfied. She wanted to fill the emptiness. Overnight, Anna had admitted to herself that there was a chance she had pursued sex to entrap Elsa. If the sister's crossed that line there was no turning back. Elsa would have to stay. She would have to be Anna's.

Anna didn't want to think that her abandonment issues would drive her. It meant Elsa was right. They both had to have a clear idea of why they wanted such an unconventional relationship before they committed to it. While Anna loved Elsa, she wanted to be in the right mind when she laid claim to her. If Anna was going to get anything out of this idea of Elsa's, she wanted to be able to reach out to Elsa without fear, of rejection or of losing her.

"Do you need help with your hair?" Elsa snapped Anna back into attention. The redhead had been sitting at Elsa's vanity watching the blonde through the reflection. She had stopped in the middle of lacing a braid and was unable to look away. Anna wanted to say _yes_ because Elsa was so much faster than her but on the less reasonable side she wanted to say _yes_ because if Elsa's fingers could look so good dressing herself, Anna wanted to get the image of them in her hair.

"That's okay," Anna declined. She said _no_ because with one more step closer Elsa would certainly feel the steam coming out of Anna's ears.

"I'll meet you downstairs then," Elsa said. She approached Anna anyways and let her hand land on the pad of Anna's blazer. Elsa's fingers crossed from one shoulder to the next as she moved out of the range of Anna's heat and turned the door knob. The open door took a weight off of Anna, as if she had survived some sort of test, Elsa exiting the bedroom brought it back.

As Anna made her way down the stairs, Agnarr was coming up. He was still in his dress pants from service the day prior and only had his plain white under shirt on. He had bags under his eyes, which just watched the floor as he pressed himself into the wall for Anna to go by. She managed to say "Good morning," but he said nothing in reply as he took slow steps towards his bedroom.

Elsa's mood was significantly altered as Anna joined her in the kitchen. She had blended up smoothies and was pouring her creations into a row of six tumblers. She filled five and ran out of fluid on the sixth. Elsa seemed stuck as she held the blender above the last cup, watching the last few drips fall into the bottom.

"You know I don't eat breakfast," Anna reassured. Elsa closed her eyes and sighed before she set down the empty canister and pushed a smoothie towards her sister. Anna mouthed a _thank you_ and took a seat. She sat at the island and took a mouthful of her sister's offering. It wasn't very sweet but Anna enjoyed it, she even hummed into the rim of her glass. Her chest puffed out a bit, this was so much more healthy than her regular s'more pop tart breakfast.

"Anna, make yourself useful before you sit," Astrid announced her presence in the same way she always did. Her mood seemed to match Elsa's as they started to move side by side putting things in order, letting the freshness of their smoothies dwindle. Anna still took sips of hers as she tried to do as Astrid asked.

The mother and daughter combo, as always, moved well with one another. The force of clashing plates and stomping feet was equal. Anna had never partook in a school morning. It was less hectic than a Sunday and Anna assumed that the glaring and sighs coming from Elsa and Astrid were a disruption to a routine that seemed tidy and peaceful. Margo joined the women out of the house, and Anna watched her expression change from placid to tense. She picked up on the agitation that had built up. Anna took it as her opportunity to appease Astrid and beckoned Margo onto one of the stools on the outskirts of the kitchen, well out of the way.

"I like your uniform," Margo said as Anna pulled a brush through the child's golden hair. "Are you nervous for school?" Margo asked her. She sounded so formal, Anna felt bad for her.

"I'd be less nervous if you were there and I could just go hang out with you," Anna quipped, she gave the girl a tickle on her side as she spoke. Blonde hair fell on the blue of Margo's blazer as Anna worked through it, those shoulders shook in laughter. Anna knew she wasn't as good as Elsa at doing hair but she was happy to have found a way to help. Margo usually fashioned a french braid and Anna strained her finger's to try to get it as close to perfection as she could.

"You're the best Anna," The child swirled around her seat as she touched the top of her head. It seemed like a good enough method to measure Anna's handy work. Margo had forgotten all about her mom's mood, grabbed her drink and book bag, and left to wait for everyone else to be ready in the living room.

Elsa had finished with lunches and was sorting out each individual one for each individual person. Anna brushed up against her sister closely as she moved to wash out her smoothie cup. She received a side glance and the makings of a smirk. She, herself was smiling like a fool, when Astrid collided right into her.

"Anna, get out of the way." The woman lashed. Anna felt herself go red as she stood dumbly somewhat trapped between Astrid, the kitchen island, and Elsa.

"I'll get your cup," Elsa answered the exchange. She reached around her sister and took the dirty tumbler out of Anna's hand. Anna only saw it out of the corner of her eye, but Elsa's lip turned into a snarl, directed at her step mother. Elsa had never stood up for Anna, and this was barely that. Still Anna took it as a tiny victory as she pressed into her sister and then headed off to join Margo in her wait.

"Where is your father?" Astrid barked at Sorren as the teen made his way down the stairs, He shrugged in response and took his smoothie down in one solid gulp. He placed the cup back where it was waiting for him and grabbed his packed lunch without a word. Elsa moved with the same fluid motions to clean up after him. Astrid rolled her eyes and stormed up the stairs. None of her children cared to respond to her obvious distress. Margo was reading a book, Sorren was staring at his phone, and Elsa was finishing all the clean up. Anna just watched wondering how they allowed themselves not to be bothered.

"Anna," Elsa called out as she started to push through the side door. Anna perked up and followed, they were headed to the garage. The redhead collected all her things and moved quickly to catch up. Elsa was flicking the snowflake hung from Olaf's new cage when Anna made it inside.

"Pretty fancy hey?" Anna said as she approached. She grabbed some of the kibble Agnarr had bought and joined Elsa at her side. Olaf was excited to eat his new food. The little rat had never had actual rat food before. Anna normally just fed him food scraps. Elsa had brought some of the fruit she had used for their smoothies and Anna felt like she had been taking care of Olaf all wrong when he showed preference for the store bought meal.

"He went all out," Elsa answered with little enthusiasm.

"Are things okay between your dad and you?" Anna had never seen Elsa at odds with Agnarr. After years of trying to drown out fights between Elsa and their mother, it was easy to tell something was off.

"It's fine," Elsa shrugged. Anna didn't really want to drop it but Sorren joined the sisters.

"Can we go before mom comes out?" he pleaded with a sigh. Anna gave Olaf a big rub before closing up his cage and joining Sorren. "What did you do to piss her off so much?" Sorren asked Anna as they made their way to Elsa's car.

The assortment of siblings sat quietly in the car waiting for the youngest to join them. Sorren was moaning as if the wait had been longer than a couple minutes. Anna had sunken into the backseat as much as her seat belt would allow her. The butterflies in her stomach had finally started. It never got easier to start at a new school. Anna had been through this too many times to count, however this time had an extra edge to it. She had never attended a school of this caliber before. She already knew she was likely academically behind, but socially she was at zero.

Elsa caught her eyes through the rear view mirror. She softened as they connected. Yet, Elsa held the gaze for only a second before averting her eyes down at her phone. If only school was the only thing on Anna's mind. Margo jumped in next to Anna then. Her hair had been redone and she smiled apologetically as she buckled in.

"Go Elsa!" Sorren soured. Elsa just put her palm at him while she scrolled through her phone. A beat started through the speakers of the car. Elsa's eyes were on Anna again. Just the sight of those blue eyes through the reflection gave away that Elsa was quite pleased with herself. The eldest's body started to move as she shifted the car into drive and her voice hit as soon as the first lyric started. It was a joke, one that ran between the sisters for years. Dubstep started to blare out into the morning. It shrilled into Anna's ears. The bass hit her in the stomach, vibrating her butterflies to death.

Margo fell quickly into the song. Her little shoulders shook to the pulse. With Elsa's eyes focused on the road, Anna grooved with the child next to her. Still she could feel when her sister's gaze fell on her. Coupled with the music, Elsa's laugh rang out, as she reached over and used a closed fist to strike her brother's shoulder. Sorren gave in as Anna kicked her feet on the back of his seat. He moved stiffly but sang along to the lyrics as they insistently repeated themselves. Elsa announced when the beat was going to drop. Anna closed her eyes and watched the swirling dots behind her eyelids as the music intensified.

The three older siblings made Margo go red as they dropped her off at her school. Still she put on a little show for them outside of the car. Whatever nerves Anna had danced off returned as she watched the turned up noses that flared at the disruption they had made to an elementary school. Wasn't Margo being groomed to act accordingly for her more intense school years? It made Anna stress over how rigid of a place she was headed to.

The rest of the short ride to Arendelle Academy was more subdued, the music came in the same waves as Anna's anxiety. Elsa sneaked a few concerned glances at her sister. When they caught each other looking, Anna could see Elsa's eyes smile.

"How come your way less of a bitch when Anna's here?" Sorren commented as he pushed himself out of the parked car. Elsa shot him a glare.

"Don't ditch her okay? And don't let any of your gross friends anywhere near her either. Pretend she's Margo." Anna wasn't paying attention to the exchange. She was kicking herself for not having bothered to do any research about this school. It was large, with three stories and was made entirely of grey stone. It didn't look like a high school. It's embellishments looked like they belonged to a gothic church. It felt like a campus.

"How many people go to this school?" Anna asked as she got out of the car. They had the best parking spot, reserved for the valedictorian. The hundreds of teens walking passed all seemed so engrossed with their own worlds, still most turned their heads to watch Elsa dig her index finger into her brother's chest.

"Like I would let Margo follow me around all day." Sorren retorted. Anna's question fell to no one.

"Come find me if you need anything ok?" Elsa said over her shoulder. There was a gathering of people whose backs had aligned at the sight of the blonde. Their stares were pulling her into that direction. Anna would have been comforted by the statement but as she looked back at the massive school she doubted she would be able to find anything.

"Keep up," Sorren called. He was already several of his tall strides ahead of her. It was either give Elsa a real farewell or lose her guide. A meek "Bye," escaped her lips before she shuffled over hurriedly to keep up with Sorren.

"I don't have time to show you around." Sorren was already saying. "You'll probably be assigned someone to string you along. Keep going through those doors, the office is there."

Anna looked over at the front doors where Sorren had motioned. He was moving again, towards a completely different location. Anna hesitated for a moment, when she looked back at Sorren he was dropping his head back with this mouth open to the sky. The frustration, not even slightly veiled.

"Just go." He motioned her forward. Anna gripped the strap of her bag and started forward. "And Anna. Cousins okay?" Anna didn't have to be reminded that she was a dirty secret, she also would have preferred to imagine that relations was something only Astrid antagonized over. While Anna wasn't close to Sorren, they were the same age and went to the same grade. They always played well enough together as children. He seemed relieved to get rid of her and was also very behind in whatever pressing thing he had this Monday morning. He took off running.

Everyone around was very fast moving. No one really loitered around. Anna had been to large schools before but at all of them the student's moved with a drag of their feet, bells rang and went unanswered. Before Anna entered she took another look at the lawn. She was quite a distance away from where they had parked, and in the catalog of new faces she couldn't find Elsa's.

"You're Anna Fjelstad?" The secretary had asked skeptically.

"No, Werin." Anna corrected again. "Astrid Fjeldstad is my legal guardian." Anna added this woman onto the list of people she had already inconvenienced this morning as the lady flicked her wrist at Anna, motioning her to have a seat. The redhead spent the entire first period looking at the walls and the entire second period reading about the school's lengthy policies. Anna was losing her battle with sleep when a hand was extended in front of her. She accepted the delicate short manicured fingers into her own. The girl opposite her had the darkest eyes Anna had ever seen which matched her new guides pitch straight hair.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Mulan," the girl said. And Anna was relieved to see kind eyes as Mulan tipped her head forward in greeting.

The girl's steps were quick. Anna had read that there were ten minutes between classes. Which didn't allow for much time in transition within the long hallways of the school. Mulan spoke over her shoulder as she weaved through students.

"You won't have a class schedule until you sit for placement exams. That will be Friday. I will make sure you have all the texts to study. For now you get to stick with me to learn the ropes. Though you will be on your own while I do my ECs, extra curriculars. There's one period left before we break." Anna nodded as she followed along. She tried not to let the new information cave her stomach into her any further.

"I have another underling I never got rid of. She can take you around too. Don't worry about knowing your way, I lose grades if I lose you. I'm marked for your performance for the first four weeks. That includes placements. So we will need to find a time to meet and go over your current grades." Mulan was talking pretty quickly, and the seriousness in her voice wasn't lost on Anna. If the redhead was capable of getting a secretary bothered then the girl whose grade point average depended on her was not someone Anna wanted to let down. Mulan stopped them next to a closed door.

"This is advanced calculus. Pull up a chair next to me and don't speak. Especially if you think you know the answer to something." Her eyebrows rose as they waited for some sort of comprehension.

"Ehrm. That's not going to be a problem." Anna replied sheepishly.

"Good, that's the last thing you say for the next fifty five minutes." Mulan said as she guided Anna through the door.

Sorren was across the room the two girls entered. Anna waved, and received a side glance from both he and Mulan. Still she felt a tinge of pride that her pseudo brother was in this class. She didn't even understand what this course could be about. She thought calculus was already just advanced math, she wasn't sure how it could be a step beyond that.

"Who's the girl?" Anna heard someone ask Sorren. She turned to look. A pretty boy leaned over his desk talking loudly into Sorren's ear. His hair was dark but Anna notes the tinge of red. She smiled over at him and fought her urge to introduce herself.

After that it was pretty simple to keep quiet. There wasn't a thing said in the class that Anna could ever begin to comprehend. The boy asking after her was named Hans and he and Mulan entered quite an intense battle over who got to solve equations first. The bell rang and Anna was the first to rise to her feet. She shrunk back down slowly, just to be dismissed right after. It was break but Anna knew that lunch was not really a break. Not at a new school. This was the hard part.

"What do you do at lunch?" Anna tried Mulan.

"I used to sit in peace and do work but I made the grave mistake of thinking becoming a transition aid would be easy marks." Anna took the hint and kept quiet as she followed Mulan to her locker.

"What present did you bring me?" Anna heard a thick accent call. Mulan noticeably cringed as the loudness approached. An unexpected arm wrapped itself around Anna's shoulder.

"Aren't you adorable? Mulan! Now I know you got a thing for us ging. Though this one is just a little wee one." The redhead that hung off of Anna was quite a bit taller than Anna and even more so if the height of her curls were to be measured.

"Merida, Anna. Anna, Merida." Mulan introduced as she pushed herself off her locker and began moving through the sea of bodies. Anna fell behind as Merida still hung off of her. Mulan continued to address them as she wrote something down while keeping up her pace. She led the girl's out into a courtyard where Anna saw the most dense collection of students yet. The thick air that was in the hallways dissipated as the people relaxed into their lunch breaks. The sun was shinning in from the grand ceiling made out of glass, it felt like they were in end of summer instead of into winter. It felt more like a school here as small gatherings shared a meal together.

"Go get these," Mulan demanded as she pushed the paper into the taller redhead's chest. Merida dropped her hold of Anna and read over the list.

"Oh, got some these in my locker still," she beamed. "Tra!" she called out as she left through the direction the trio had just come from.

"You have lunch?" Mulan asked. Anna nodded. "Good, you'll lose half of break time at the cafeteria." Mulan directed Anna through the courtyard until they stopped at a small stone table. All the tables were round and identical excluding size. It was obvious that table size had a lot to do with the social hierarchy at the academy. Each table had intricate scroll work in the stone. As Anna stared at the detailing she wondered how many computers her old school could have bought with the price of this singular four person table.

Anna's guide spread out her books before opening her own lunch. Anna pulled out hers, but couldn't really stand the idea of eating. She left it in the bag. Anna assumed that Mulan had fallen into the world her textbooks were presenting to her. So she let her neck make a full circle of the courtyard. When her sight line made it way back to the table, Mulan was looking at her with a furrowed brow.

"Are you alright?" she asked. The girl was looking at Anna, something she hadn't even done when they were presented to each other. The question shook Anna. She wasn't used to any attention. It felt like Mulan was piercing her.

"I'm pretty overwhelmed," Anna said through gritted teeth. She felt her eyes shake, as if they were asking for permission to shed a few tears. Anna didn't grant it to them. She swallowed hard.

"Huh," Mulan answered as if she could see the understatement Anna had just made.

"Thank you for showing me around." Anna tried to ease Mulan off but the girl was still sizing her up. Mulan shut all her books, reached for Anna's lunch and poured it onto the table. Anna didn't understand the gesture but she could tell that it was a big deal for Mulan to be offering to eat lunch together. As if maybe, she was offering Anna the same experiences as the cluster of friends were having all around them.

"Anna this place is going to take a toll on you. That's putting it nicely. It's a lot of hard work. If you are already starting at zero then you aren't going to make it." Anna felt a pain in her lower lip as Mulan leveled with her. She hadn't noticed she was biting down on herself.

"I haven't figured out why yet, and I reserve the right to take this offer back but I'm going to help you." Anna looked around the courtyard. It seemed that she could find a person to represent every single human emotion within the faces of her new school mates. If Anna was a representation, she was likely terror.

"I'm a lot of work," Anna countered. She knew this offer was beyond what Mulan needed to do as her school guide.

"I just survived this one," Mulan jested as Merida returned with a heavy pile of textbooks. "And I did not do that by choice."

"I'm ready for Mulan boot camp then," Anna said with an affirmative shake of her head. She was hesitant but she certainly had not expected to be taken under anyone's wing, especially someone that seemed so academically minded. Anna was sure she didn't deserve it but there was no way she would miss out on this opportunity.

"Pick a poison," Merida exclaimed. Anna's eyes directly went to the pile of books that had thudded as they came in contact with stone. She read the spines and knew she was in for a long week.

"Not those," Merida said as she shoved the books out of the centre of the table and opened the close fist she extended towards Anna. Inside were a bunch of pins, the colours spanned the entire colour spectrum, each representing a different form of identity. Anna felt her face go red as she recognized the different rainbow colour combinations.

"Merida put those away," Mulan said as she swatted at the other redhead. Merida flopped down one the stone bench as the two girls entered a strong debate over whether or not Merida was being appropriate.

Still her hand hovered in front of Anna. It was a complex problem posed, with all too many faucets to consider. Merida was offering a pretty large variety of deviations. The toptie around Anna's neck was telling her to refrain from accepting but she suddenly caught a glimpse of Elsa out of the corner of her eye. Even though the courtyard was overwhelmed with greens, purples, and gold, the white of Elsa's hair broke up the school colours.

Anna knew she had to deny her sister. She was being forced to deny her in so many different ways and each one of them hurt. Merida's little offering felt like one way Anna could display her love and at least take ownership of herself in a way she couldn't when it came to Elsa. She didn't have to look over the offerings to pluck out the pin with blue and pink meeting in the middle to make purple. Merida didn't even flinch as the pin was removed from her palm. She was busy defending herself to Mulan. Since the attention wasn't on Anna, she shifted herself to get a good look at her sister. Anna rarely got a chance to watch Elsa from afar.

"That's Elsa Fjelstad." Merida said while snapping her fingers to call Anna's attention. "She's a senior and the current valedictorian. She's also eighteen already. Running story is that she redid a grade to have the upper hand for top spot."

"That's not what happened," Anna said without thinking. Her need to defend Elsa overrode the fact that Elsa wouldn't like having Anna talk about her. It was too late now, Anna thought, as her comment won both Merida's and Mulan's full attention.

"Huh?" was the sound Merida made, and it matched her expression.

"She didn't go to school until she was 8." Anna revealed, because how much damage could it do if two first years with zero social standing knew. "Everything she taught herself up until then was way above grade level. But they didn't let her skip that many grades." Anna finished her claim with pride.

"Whoa, how do you know that," Merida pressed.

"She's my- cousin. I'm staying with her." Anna lied. She took the pin in her hand and brought it to the strap of her bookbag. She pushed it into the leather. It felt therapeutic after having withheld a truth about her half sister.

"Oh. I see." Mulan said as if Anna's statement about Elsa had answered a question running in her mind earlier.

"Whoa. Remove the red, but don't, and you look exactly like her." Merida claimed. Her eyes were wide as she examined Anna's features. "Here I thought you were gawking at her. Good. Less competition for me," she added with a click of her tongue.

"That is not her usual crowd though," Mulan pointed out. Anna found it strange that even though everyone was wearing the same uniform it was glaring obvious that what Mulan was saying was true. The three girls just sat there as they watched Elsa exchange makeup with another student. Merida was the first to get bored and started rummaging through the contents of Anna's lunch, which had been ceremoniously dumped on the table earlier.

"No sweets hey?" Merida sighed. "Awe your apple had a heart on it," she then cooed and showed it off to Mulan and Anna. Anna tried to force her cheeks to remain pale but she felt them heat up. Elsa had carved into the peel. Anna snatched it away from Merida before she could sink her teeth into it. Attention moved from Elsa back to the table as each girl put their meals into the centre and it became a free for all, mostly to Merida's benefit.

Anna forced herself to keep her eyes from diverting to Elsa, and kept herself present in the moment with who she hoped would be her new friends. She felt that someday soon she would be able to fall into the same free conversation the other two were taking part in. But Anna also knew that, historically, when she finally got comfortable she was forced to leave. Still she promised to apply herself, if not for her sake, for Mulan's, whose academic riding was connected to Anna in a small way. There was no other way she could return Mulan's kindness.

When the bell rang Mulan gave Anna a reassuring squeeze. Merida joined them during the next class, and Mulan left Anna on her own for the last period so she could go to Chinese Club. She gave Anna detailed instructions on how to exit the school from the free space she left Anna in. During the last hour of school, Anna wrote a practice placement exam. Anna's stomach hadn't settled since she set eyes on the building and the sensation she'd been carrying around turned into nausea. She read over each question several times wondering if at any point in her life she had been given the materials to even guess for an answer.

The bell that called for the end of the day rang out. Anna packed up her things. It was all too much to fit, so she had to carry five textbooks after over stuffing her book bag. She was fumbling through the door, as she realized she had failed to retain any information about how to get back to the car. However, Anna didn't get to finish her sigh when a familiar hand fell onto her shoulder.

"You're in one piece," Elsa's growly voice noted. "Give me some of those," she added as she rounded her sister and put her arms out.

"I've melted on the inside though. My skin is barely holding me together," Anna said, it didn't feel like an exaggeration or a joke, still Elsa laughed as she took all the text books out of her hand.

"Poor thing," Elsa said with a smile. With full arms she used her eyebrows to motion them towards the exit. "What will I have to do to fix that?"

"I can think of some ways, if they're still on the table." Anna quipped. She was so relieved to be around Elsa again. She'd been wishing to get back to the Fjelstad household and toss herself on the bed, she was craving the feeling of home. Elsa waiting for her at the door however, was that home. The relief was instant.

"What is on your book bag?" Elsa's voice had lost its playfulness.

"It's a pride—"

"No, I know what it is. Why is it on your bag?" She pressed.

"I made a friend. Two. They said you are allowed three embellishments less than three inches in size on our uniforms. Tomorrow I'm wearing some of your earrings. They count as one." Anna rambled. She sort of expected the pin to be a mini victory, small enough that not a single person would really care.

"Anna. You can't go advertising that around here," Elsa was sounding a lot like a Fjelstad. It was Anna's biggest pet peeve.

"Why not? Merida wears her gay girl one. Mulan has an ally one. Should I change my name to Manna?" Anna retorted much like the Werin girls did. Indifference and aloofness was a thing she and Iduna were rightfully proud of.

"If you're going to do anything to fit in I suggest you take that thing off your bag right now." Elsa was whispering but she was also sort of screaming at Anna.

"No. Actually, I got you one. You have zero embellishments." Anna countered with a smirk as she pulled out a pin. She had hoped her sister would be excited about the round about ways to celebrate themselves. She used the fact that her chivalrous sister's arms were occupied and poked the pin into Elsa's identical book bag. "That's a Philly Pride flag. I will get you some literature too."

"You're being cheeky right now because you don't want to hear what I'm saying but! You can't walk into the house with that. My mom can't see it."

"I knew you guys were super catholic but you do know what year it is right?" Anna rebutted. Anna still wasn't concerned. There wasn't a single thing she could do right in Astrid's eyes anyways.

"Don't you know what world this is? It's just half of what you are. Can't you just take the pin off?" Anna tried not to take offense. Her sister was just trying to protect her but the comment hit a cord that went further than Anna's sexuality.

"Okay. Bring bi is not half. You of all people should know that half is not half." Elsa's concern dropped into shame. Whatever bother that was causing Elsa's forehead to wrinkle fell away to make room for her guilt. Anna pressed on. "You can't just erase bisexual. I wasn't being cheeky, you clearly need the literature."

"Anna. It took a lot to get you into Astrid's house. This is what we talked about last night, in a real world example. You need to consider that you and me, we don't have a closet to come out of. We're in a locked basement. If you decide to be with me, we're filling it up with concrete." The sister's reached the front doors. Elsa pushed them through using her back and held it open for her the redhead to cross. Anna ducked her head as she passed Elsa. On the school's lawn an army of Arendelle's colours were all dispersing to go on with their Mondays. Anna hoped that not a single one of them was dealing with anything remotely close to the noise in her head.

"Here," Elsa said at the top of the stairs. She handed Anna all of her books back. "Give me a minute," she added before making her way towards her car. As she walked she removed the pin from her bag. Anna had assumed this wooing thing was going to be more romantic. Instead Elsa just dropped a bomb and was walking away from her. Phoebus had been camping out, leaned up against the hood of Elsa's car. The gathering of girls around him dispersed as Elsa approached. Anna looked away not wanting to watch her sister fall into his arms again. She dropped her weight onto the steps and rolled her Bi-Pride pin in her fingers. As Anna waited for permission to approach the car, she wondered if she had survived her first day of school.


	5. Paper Cups

**Anna**

Weekday routines were quiet at the house. Every single day after school was a filled schedule. Each child had enough hours of extracurriculars to fill their days well into nightfall. Anna spent the rest of her first day on the floor of the garage with Olaf roaming freely, using her books to try to find the answers to her practice placement exam. Elsa had only had time to drop her off. Anna was completely alone until nine o'clock when the first of the Fjelstads started returning home.

With permission from Astrid, Anna filled her own calendar with Mulan's name all over it. Anna stayed at school the following day working with her transition aide. She only stopped studying to wonder if Mulan regretted having offered to help. Mulan, although harsh, never seemed to pull back from Anna. She would outwardly roll her eyes at Merida, the times that the Scottish exchange student lingered with them, but Anna's ineptitude never tested Mulan's patience.

Anna felt the progress even though it was never enough to give her a passing mark on the practice exams. She took one in the mornings during first period, one again after school, and a third before bed. Elsa would mark her last exam of the day and Anna would watch the blonde's expression as her red pen scratched at the paper. She always gave it away that Anna had failed just from the fact that she would start to fret having to deliver the news to her sister. It was about half way through when Elsa's throat would click, she would stop making as many corrections and stiffen, another failure.

Anna was not sure why the Academy put so much pressure on everyone. She could see it in student's faces. Very few of them were not concerned about their academic standings. Merida seemed like an exception. She was an exchange student recruited from overseas for her talents on horseback. Every second day Merida would walk around the school in her khaki pants, a plaid laiden blazer and tall leather riding boots. Anna wished she had a talent to get her out of the sitting for exams but she was sure sobering someone up was not a skill people from around here needed.

Anna had been told that a failing mark would result in her doing drop in classes until the end of the semester. She would have another go at the exam after Christmas. The redhead had been so relieved by the idea, with all that she was learning, some extra time seemed ideal. It was mid November, there wasn't much left of the semester. Anna wasn't even sure where she would stand once she was placed into classes. If she made it to the other side of this test, Anna was still going to be behind.

No one else thought that it was a viable option that Anna skip the rest of the semester. The idea was inconceivable. Anna didn't understand it, but she didn't have to. Astrid had made one singular remark on the subject "I pulled a lot of strings to get you into the Academy, favours that could have gone to much better use. My expectations are that I don't regret it," she had said. Failure was not an option, even as Elsa handed her another failed test that Wednesday. With one more full day before sitting for her class placement exam, her sister's use of the word _improvement_ did little to help Anna's nerves.

Sister. With their mutual dedication to school, Anna felt more like Elsa's sister than she ever had. They each worked through the night on their shared desk. Their focus made the way they moved next to each other platonic. There was no space in Anna's mind to agonize over how she should be sitting next to Elsa. The third night they said goodnight to each other there was no drawn out breaths or heavy sighs. It was just words exchanged from their own part of the bunk.

The first thing Anna did when waking up was open her textbooks. She awoke before everyone in the house and slept next to the books she planned to work through. When her alarm vibrated she would curl her back in the bottom bunk and try to strengthen her memorization. Mulan had looked through the placements exams up to ten years back and made a syllabus of the likely types questions and topics Anna would encounter. They ranged from all the core subjects. It was a gamble to only learn a handful of things but Mulan had said it was Anna's only hope.

When Elsa woke up, she would without fail need to stretch out from being cramped out in a twin sized bed. Her shirt would always rise over her curves as she reached her arms above her head. Elsa's soft skin would be within Anna's reach. The redhead could see it from the corner of her eye and each morning had to choose to finish her sentence rather than take in the view of her sister. Anna wouldn't allow for her determination to waiver.

Every day after school Anna removed her pride pin from her bag, and when she left for school she would wear it again. Having been told that Astrid fought to keep Anna out of the houses and that Elsa had to bent over backwards to make it happen, made Anna feel like she was indebted. She used to think that she was vaguely family. Anna had assumed that Astrid didn't like her, still the woman accepted Anna into her life for the sake of the girl she called _daughter_. The rejection was painful. It made Anna feel like at any moment she could be pulled away from Elsa.

Anna wanted to watch her sister move around their shared room, she wanted to watch her braid her hair, and close the buttons of her shirt. She wanted to win Elsa back, to be devoted to her and lift Elsa up with her affection. Yet, she couldn't do that if she was removed from the home. Her only chance to be with Elsa was to become her. She needed to be a person that supplemented Astrid. She had to be someone Astrid wanted to show off at church, that turned heads and made people awe in admiration. She had to ensure that Astrid was getting something out of having Anna around or risk her opportunity to be with her sister.

The fact the Iduna was almost two weeks into her recovery made it such a fine line to walk. She had to push aside her urges to get closer to Elsa enough to impress Astrid, complete the task of winning her over, and then become Elsa's girlfriend, all before Iduna was better. The first step to that was placing for courses, preferably some that weren't embarrassing and then pass those classes. Maybe by the time Christmas rolled around Anna could make Elsa swoon in time for Iduna to come pick her up.

"You look fried?" Elsa commented as she knelt next to Anna's bed. "Want me to put an alarm on for you? You can have a power nap before class." Anna was half way through a paragraph about the suffrage movement. She was staring at the date January 28, 1916 trying to ingrain it into her mind when Elsa put her hand on Anna's outer thigh. She could feel her sister's skin even through her flannel pajama pants.

"No," she answered as she pulled herself away from Elsa's touch. "I can't right now." She tried to say less abruptly.

"Okay," Elsa answered as she rose to her feet. "I'm going to shower. I'll feed Olaf today." Anna was glad to not look up at her sister as she walked away. She didn't want to see the deflated look on Elsa's face.

Anna waited for the last minute to go downstairs. She had been skipping breakfast. Staying out of Astrid's way was the best thing she would do for their relationship. Anna hadn't the time to figure out what was happening against Agnarr, but everyday he was less of a presence in the household. Anna was always awake when he came home a few hours past midnight. He was the last to leave the house in the morning and didn't emerge from the master bedroom until everyone had gone on with their day. The shift had only made Astrid that much more irritable. Anna was starting to understand the Fjelstad children better. Everyone in this family only had enough space on their plate for their individual issues, there was no room to make for the suffering of those they shared a roof with.

"Today's the day Anna," Merida said to Anna in greeting. "You're gonna pass your practice exams and get a day's rest before you kill the real thing." Merida shook imaginary pompoms at Anna and fell into stride with her new friend as they made their way down the hallways.

"Wouldn't that be nice," Anna responded. She hadn't learned her way around the school in the slightest. She knew how to get to the free space Mulan had assigned her to use for study purposes and how to get to the courtyard. The one time she had tried to make it to Mulan's locker she lost half an hour of precious study time.

"I'm not worried about you," Merida beamed confidently.

"I've cleared my entire schedule," Mulan called out from a distance. She was further up ahead and did not stop for the redheads to catch up. "Well almost," she added as she dove into the free space. She had likely been at the school for a while as she had taken over an entire table with her books and papers and laptops.

"I'm going to leave you with this morning's exam and I will be back to drill you." Mulan explained.

"I feel like I've wasted this entire week by not convincing you two to ease up a bit," Merida said as she looked at the spread of school work Mulan had spent the morning working on. "I have riding today, but text me if you need me Wee baby." Both Anna's dedicated companions left her then. Anna didn't waste any time. She sat down, pulled out her practice exam and fought the urge to look at the open books in front of her for the answers.

Anna didn't even look up as someone entered the room. For the most part she had had the space alone but all students had access to it. She was feeling more confident in this test than she had ever done the others, as someone sat in the chair next to her and set down two coffees in paper cups.

"It's a quad shot. Extra sweet so it goes down smoothly even if you hate the taste of caffeine. I thought it was a safer bet than just tea." The voice offered to her was smooth and at a low octave. It belonged to a charmer, with shaggy hair that was styled back making him look put together instead of well, shaggy. A little piece of his ruby shaded hair that fell into his face, making him look perfectly imperfect. His eyes were lightly tinted green. The few things Anna had ever been complimented on were her emerald eyes. She felt like the hues of his were something she should covet.

She already knew his name. It stayed with her after having been impressed by him the first day of school. He had taken Mulan on so confidently, it had been a reprieve to her anxiety. Anna had watched the top minds of her grade go head to head and Hans had pulled off a win both effortlessly and gracefully as well.

"I like both coffee and sweet." Anna found herself saying without a stammer. She didn't usually speak confidently.

"Noted," Hans replied as he took a sip of his coffee cup. Anna picked up her gift and tipped in Hans's direction.

"Thank you," she said and took a big gulp. "Oh God this thing is as thick as a meal," she choked out.

"It's a necessary evil," Hans said through a chuckle.

"I'll take all the help I can get," Anna replied as she took another taste of the offensive mixture.

"That's actually why I'm here." Hans said. He pulled his chair closer to Anna and leaned in. "I got myself assigned to administrate your placement exam tomorrow."

"Oh?" Anna said when Hans paused. Her brain didn't have the capacity to even try to guess what he was getting at.

"You don't know me, so my apologies for being forward, but I know Sorren and his family. So I know a bit about you. I am aware that it isn't acceptable that you fail placements." Anna felt herself go beat red. She didn't know what Hans had to do with this but her feelings of inadequacy were spreading to strangers now. Hans cleared his voice and continued.

"I've been in this school system my entire life and it doesn't matter if you come out on top. There is no top. They make you keep climbing and you never get any validation except one. The bar gets higher and higher because everyone is fighting to the death not to be the loser on the bottom rung." Anna swallowed hard as Hans spoke. She had gotten the sense of this place from day one but to hear a top student feel that way was shocking. He had made it look like at some point it got easier.

"I've been watching you." Hans added, he put his hands up defensively as if he didn't mean to offend. "You're hard not to look at and I noticed that you seem like a person that can endure the climb. Probably better than most of us. Better than me, and I've been doing this since grade school. I don't want you to get stuck at the bottom with no hope of getting out." Anna could tell he wasn't saying these things to encourage her. Something else was coming.

"I can make you get placed," there it was. Anna ears immediately started to pound as if they didn't want to hear what Hans had to offer. "And if you can make room for me I can help you pass your classes once you get into them. I know that with a little more time you could pull this off on your own but this place is looking for someone to fill the bottom slot. You don't stand a chance." Anna's head was shaking even without her asking it to.

"I'm not pointing this out to put the pressure on you, but using Mulan's method is going to screw you over. You learned a lot about a few topics but Anna, I've seen the test. Her algorithm is wrong. You don't know the right things." Hans's voice was grave. It dropped as he revealed what he knew.

"What are you getting out of this?" Anna knew better than to trust the sound of genuineness. It was the most distrustful of all.

"I'm not going to ask you for a date. But maybe your number, and if you like me you can ask me out. If you don't we can just focus on getting you passed the semester." Hans liked her? Anna wondered if something as simple as that would drive someone to cheat. She recalled when Hans asked Sorren for an introduction. Sorren had practically slapped Hans away. If she was something he couldn't have, it made a bit more sense. He was beautiful, rich, and intelligent everything else he could likely get with a snap of his fingers.

"I don't think I can cheat." Anna replied. Elsa had paid for her phone. She could easily hand Hans what he wanted but taking his help on the test would be a cheat and allowing him to believe she would date him was as well. She was committed to Elsa.

"Alright, that's cool. I take no offence. That's very noble of you. But you can change your mind. No pressure. I just thought I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't offer." Hans answered. It did seem genuine and even with her own warning Anna felt he was being truthful.

"Thank you. It's kind in a way." She said.

"I'll leave you to it. Enjoy the coffee." Hans gave her one more smile before leaving her to her work. The confidence she had before waned the deeper she got into the questions. She felt like she knew absolutely nothing. The dread overwhelmed her as the first bell rang. Anna didn't have anywhere to be. She didn't pick up her books again. She let Mulan grade her exam while she lay with her forehead down on the table, and looked at the gap between her legs until her transition aide broke the bad news.

"You got two placements," Mulan said. "You passed chem and history." There was a tinge of pride in Anna's makeshift mentor's voice. Still Mulan spoke with caution as if she would tell that Anna wasn't going to rise from her defeated state easily.

"Two is the same as zero." Anna answered. She needed five courses to fill her semester. It was all or nothing. Astrid demanded perfection.

"Anna, who just aced the history portion of her practice exam, how many wars would have been lost if warriors laid down their arms when their backs were against the wall? What kind of world would we be living in if underdogs rolled onto their stomachs? One more day and you will be on the other side of this battle. Will you let it be the one where you fall or the one that turns the tide?"

"The tide one," Anna said with only a hint of enthusiasm. Still she lifted her head. Anna had ignored the coffee Hans had brought her. She eyed a bit before thinking she needed something to get her back into motivation. She let the thick and now cold beverage pour down her throat. Studying was easier under Mulan's tutelage. She knew how to push Anna for answers, and taught Anna ways to dig her own mind. Mulan was able to pose questions that brought forth things that Anna had studied years ago. It was a confidence boost, but what Hans had said was weighing deeply in her mind. They had picked the wrong things to study. Still Anna had made herself a promise and that promise was tethered to too many people to let herself give up now.

She passed the same two subjects on her second practice exam of the day. The victory made her feel like she wanted more time, the only way to make that come true was to keep up her drive. Elsa drove Anna home directly after school. She'd spent eight hours under Mulan's watch. It was now time for Anna to give herself a final chance to figure things out on her own. Working through Mulan's study guides Anna let herself be built up again. She pushed what Hans had said out of her mind and made room for facts and formulas. Being in Elsa's room was a good environment to lose herself. It was likely why Elsa didn't have anything on the walls. The only thing that existed in the room were the materials in front of her. Anna could hear movement coming from downstairs, for hours it was just Astrid padding around the house. But as the dark swelled, the rummaging of the family starting to come home told Anna her time was limited.

"Anna! Come down here!" Astrid's voice pierced the entire household as it called out to Anna. The redhead put her hands on her face and moved her skin around. She looked down at her notebook and made a mark at the spot she was working on before heading downstairs. Elsa had just entered the house, returning from picking up her siblings. Agnarr was entering alongside them, as if Elsa had made an extra stop to collect him. His head was hanging low as the entire family was at the front door kicking off boots and hanging up their down jackets. Anna looked towards Astrid expectantly.

"You need to reach out to your case worker about where you will be spending Christmas," Astrid dove right into the topic. She was handing Anna the house phone, which Anna accepted. The redhead wondered why, after Astrid and she were the only ones home for the last hours, she had waited for everyone to walk through the door to deliver this news. Did she want them to see Anna cast away?

"Astrid!" Agnarr's booming voice lashed out. Suddenly he wasn't sunken into himself anymore.

"Our family Christmases are thought out well in advance and we cannot accommodate another head this late in the season." Astrid was unapologetic in her reasoning. She didn't even bother to return Agnarr's glare.

"Mom, there's a whole month until then," Sorren broke into the conversation. Anna tried not to light up after having had both of the family's men come to her defense.

"Yeah I want Anna to come on the sleigh rides!" Margo added dreamily.

"That's okay, I should be fine." Anna responded, because no one's opinion counted to Anna but Astrid's. Anna could do Christmas at a home. Her mom would even be out of rehab. It would be unlikely that Iduna would have put together enough to get custody back of Anna by then, but visitation was certainly a possibility. The statement from Astrid itself didn't bother Anna, but the fact she was announcing it did.

"If you're already that far into your planning Mother, now is a good time to tell you I won't be joining you all at the cabins over winter break." Elsa finally chimed. She was pulling Margo's jacket off for her and didn't stop her movements to address her step mother. Her eyes stayed focused on the task of putting boots away so they wouldn't sully the floors.

"I'm eighteen, that qualifies me to be Anna's temporary guardian. The only thing I need is to provide a place for us to sleep." Anna's mind was suddenly thinking of _x_ and _y_ intercepts and the axis of symmetry as if her brain did not want to compute that Elsa was standing up for her. It was so heroic but very detrimental to everything Anna was working for.

"Dad, can we stay here those days?" Elsa stopped what she was doing to find her father's eyes. She held them as she waited for a response. The way she looked at him, made Anna feel like her sister was not asking for permission.

"Well I don't feel comfortable leaving you both home on your own," he said as he ran his hand through his hair. He was about to continue but Astrid cut him off.

"Elsa that's ridiculous, your absence would raise too many questions."

"I've saved up some money. From what I've researched, being that it's a holiday, hotel accommodations are accepted." Elsa disregarded her step mother and, as Anna read it, told her father she did not care what his answer was. She'd already planned this out almost as if Astrid was playing into her hands.

"Elsa, hun, I'll stay back. No need to go through all that red tape. Those people can be pretty impossible." Elsa's lips pressed together. It seemingly was not the answer she wanted but she nodded her head.

"We're not going to spend Christmas together?" Margo noted sadly. Anna's heart was always breaking for the kid. She wanted to comfort her but she knew Astrid would take note and use it against her.

"Next year there will be enough time to get things sorted Margo," Elsa said to reassure her baby sister. "Plus we can reenact the sleigh rides with Olaf, what do you think?" the eldest offered with a wink.

"Can we?" Margo turned on her toes to ask Anna.

"Yeah! Olaf's a star," Anna heartened. She could feel Astrid's eyes on her. It felt like they were physically pushing into Anna's throat.

"We will have to address this later." Astrid conceded as her only daughter did a little dance in excitement.

"No, I think I like the idea of taking the girls to see my parents." Agnarr cut through with the final say. "We haven't been up there for Christmas since Elsa was three." He noted. The man of the house didn't linger around. He made his way upstairs as Sorren whined about having to go to the cabins instead of joining Elsa and Anna at Pabbie's for the upcoming holiday.

"Am I excused?" Anna threw her words to Astrid's direction. The woman didn't respond. She moved past her family and followed Agnarr up the stairs.

"I'm going to go start my exam," Anna told Elsa without looking at her. "Will you come mark it later?"

"Yeah, of course. Are you hungry?" Elsa asked but Anna hadn't waited for her to respond, she too receded to the comforts of solitude. She was trying not to think about what Astrid had been trying to do. Anna's placement exams were less than twelve hours away. There was no reason to bring up the holiday if she didn't want to throw Anna off. It seemed contradictory to her earlier statement about expecting Anna's success. Unless she had sensed what Anna was trying to accomplish and wanted to send a clear message that it did not matter what Anna did. Anna was not wanted here. Anna was one mistake away from being sent back.

Anna sat back down at the desk, Elsa's empty chair was beside her. The redhead couldn't find the spot where she left off anymore. She felt like smashing her head onto the desk a few times but instead just let her forehead fall onto her notes. She tried taking a few deep breaths but she was still wired. Anna was mourning the fact that a week ago a declaration like the one Elsa had just made would have made her weak in the knees. She would have run up into this room the same way but instead of melting on the desk, Anna would be deciding what position she should be laying in for when Elsa walked through the threshold.

She couldn't do it anymore. She was only five days into living with the Fjelstads and was exhausted from all the second guessing. Anna was agonizing over what she was even fighting for. Was it really for Elsa? Elsa who said the value of their relationship was something that belonged in the crypts? Was that something Anna even wanted? To be the same dirty secret the Fjelstads force her to be since she was child? Was the broken love she had for Elsa worth breaking herself? It would be so much easier to just be Elsa's sister and fail her way through the next few months hoping that Iduna was faring better. When her mom finally came to get Anna, wouldn't Elsa forgive her for falling out of love? Her big sister had said it herself that Anna was allowed to choose.

Elsa knocked on the open door of her own room before entering. Anna didn't respond. Her head was still on the table, it was a position that would require another uplifting speech from Mulan to get her to move. She heard a plate clink next to her head. Elsa had brought up something to eat. If Anna had any energy left in her she would swipe it off the table. Instead she just imagined having the strength to make a scene.

"Are you ready for me to mark your work?" Elsa asked softly. Anna hadn't done a single thing since coming up stairs. The practice exams took well over an hour to complete, meaning she had likely wasted all that time.

"No," she forced out an answer after she felt Elsa linger expectantly for too long.

"Can I sit?" Elsa asked as she pulled at her chair. Anna could see Elsa's bare feet on the ground. Her toes nails were freshly painted from the night prior, when Elsa had run out of her own school work and did her nails while she waited for Anna to finish up. It occurred then to Anna that she was the one that was acting like a kid sister. Elsa had actually been dotting over the past few days. Every day at lunch Merida was practically bursting at the seams to discover what special way Elsa had left a heart in her lunch. Today it had been peeled cucumbers to accompany hummus.

Elsa was always subtle, in her tenderness and in her discontent. She wasn't loud. The best thing one could win from Elsa was her whisper. Elsa's painted toe nails were a statement in their own way, the second toe in was painted a different colour than all the rest. It was Anna's signature style back home. She referred to it as her party nail and would be sporting it now if the Academy allowed for more than just clear polish. The fact that Elsa had chosen to mix in a bit of green to her blue nails, meant she was thinking of Anna. Everyday, Anna had assumed Elsa had given up on Anna. Anna had allowed there to be space between them and Elsa had not been bothered by it all. But looking back, Anna had been missing the whispers. She had been too focused to read Elsa's language.

Still Anna answered, "No." The realization only made her feel worse. She whipped her head up and got back onto her feet. Ignoring the cheese and cracker plate, that had been put together to look like a restaurant style charcuterie board, and throwing her entire weight onto the bottom bunk. Elsa didn't seem to mind the theatrics. She followed Anna to the bed and knelt down next to it.

"Anna," Elsa called out. Anna was on her stomach, she'd put her arms over her head to block out all the night. Her mind was racing. She was asking herself practice questions but not coming up with any of the answers. Without a response, Elsa pressed forward. She put her hands on Anna's back. The redhead hated the touch. For the first time ever, she didn't want Elsa to offer herself to her. She moved in closer to the wall. Anna had put herself in a spot where she couldn't escape. She felt the bed shift as Elsa added her weight to the small mattress.

"I don't want you right now," Anna said before Elsa could get her arms around her little sister and give Anna something she was not worthy of. Anna heard Elsa's arm drop but instead of retreating she just turned her back and pulled the covers up. Neither girl was ready for bed but Anna knew what Elsa was saying. She wasn't backing down. The blonde was willing to fight Astrid, Agnarr, and Anna for her claim on her little sister. It was meant to be comforting but Elsa's actions had driven a bigger wedge between her goals to impress Astrid. In a matter of minutes Anna's efforts had been dissolved. She had managed to turn every Fjelstad against their matriarch.

Now Anna couldn't see it. Elsa had asked her to consider what a future for the sisters would look like but all Anna could see were her failures. She did not want to tie her perfect sister to that, not when their relationship would be a landmine. Out of the two of them, no matter what, Anna would be the one to make the stupid mistake that eventually set the explosion off. Anna did not think she could trust herself to make the right moves when it came to such a sensitive relationship.

Anna's entire body felt like a contradiction. Her heart had to beat faster than it ever had to supply her body with the fuel it needed to debate itself. Anna's fingers just wanted to dig into her palms and use the nails to rub her skin raw. Her wrists were in accordance to that and added to it by urging Anna to bang them over her own head. Her knees however wanted to bend backwards, so that her legs could interlock with Elsa's limbs. They wanted to communicate to Elsa a _thank you_ for still wanting them when there was nothing of worth desiring. Anna's stomach was trying with all it's muscles to push it's contents out of her but only succeeded to push the bile half way up her esophagus. Her brain was trying to figure out what the function of the hypothalamus was, even though it should have had the answer, being as it owned one. Anna wasn't sure which part of her body decided to end it all and finally convinced every inch of her to fall asleep.

It was Elsa's soft touch that woke Anna from the deepest sleep she had had in awhile. "Thirty minute warning." Elsa whispered, "You can get up now and have breakfast or sleep a bit more and I'll come get you."

"I'll get up," Anna said. Elsa was still in bed with her. She had the imprints on the bed sheet on the side of her face from having slept without a pillow. The blonde didn't look well rested even though they had gone to bed much earlier than they had the last few nights. Anna could see Elsa was hesitating, she was holding something back. The way that her tongue poked out from the corner of her mouth for half a second told Anna that it was a kiss. It seemed like Elsa had now figured out that her affection was not going to pull Anna out of her misery.

The only thing Anna felt could save her now was a miracle and she knew where to get one of those. Sometime within the night it came to Anna. She wasn't sure which part of her body had offered her the answer but it came in one word. _Agnarr._ Anna was going about things the wrong way. She didn't need to win over Astrid. That was impossible. She had already made great strides in the direction she really did need to go. Something about the Fjelstad household was deeply ruptured. So much so that the united front the parental figures had shown Anna throughout a lifetime of mistakes was split. Agnarr had chosen Anna over Astrid on multiple occasions now and his word was the real law. Somewhere along the way he had stopped letting Astrid call all the shots. It was a tension that was weighing on everyone and it was time Anna used it to her benefit. Her focus now was to get to the bottom of what was happening with Agnarr.

Anna was done playing by Astrid's rules. She didn't have to prove her smarts to anyone, that was the Fjelstad way. The only thing she had to prove was that she was clever enough to keep her relationship with Elsa safe. Anna was a street rat, Werin women were clever. Maybe there was still a chance that she could prove she was worthy of Elsa. Since anything other than Anna's relationship with her sister was just noise, it held no value. So when Anna walked into her exam that day, she accepted the coffee waiting for her, and paid for it with a ten digit number.


	6. Level Ground

**Elsa**

_I need to talk with you._

_It's part of my recovery._

_Please Elsa._

Iduna's messages had come in late at night. Elsa had not bothered to look at her phone until she split up from her sister at the foot of the steps that lead into Arendelle Academy. Anna hadn't been very responsive to Elsa the last few days. The blonde had been too frightened to ask if Anna's distance was brought on to her sudden dedication to schooling or from the conversation they had shared before Anna had started at the Academy. Elsa hadn't asked in fear that it was the latter. She wouldn't even want to hear that it was a little bit both.

Elsa wasn't someone who pushed for things. She preferred clear messaging. _Yes_ or _No._ She held everything to that standard, and gave up on things that fell into the grey area. It was a survival technique she had taught herself as a child. She held onto no hopes and never stuck around when she received a maybe. Nothing was always better than perhaps. Anna was the only exception to that rule. Elsa had never wanted something so much. Her sister was the only thing she could think of that would be worth the pain of rejection.

That was the reason that when she finally saw her birth mother's texts she responded with the word _stop,_ as if she was unsubscribing to texted coupons from a clothing store she didn't really like. Iduna wasn't worth the strife. Elsa was already feeling it far too acutely with Anna. Elsa had to remind herself that she had asked for this. This was her plan. It had been Elsa who needed to ensure what the sisters shared was not only mutual and consensual, but that there was some sort of logic to a very illogical longing.

 _I need this._ Iduna's response was immediate. When Anna had used the word _need,_ Elsa had gone to a really dark place to meet that need. She had sicced Megara on her father. Elsa put drugs onto his path, knowing full well he would fall prey to the temptation. She had suspected he had relapsed months prior but had no proof. The photograph Elsa caught of him was damning. He was purchasing his own drugs back from a highschooler. When Agnarr rejected the idea of bringing Anna into the home, Elsa was ready. She had asked this same question for years and was never given a clear answer as to why Anna was so unwelcomed. That was why Elsa had to ensure that _no_ was not an option for Agnarr this time.

Her sister was always very open. But one thing she never talked about was the times that she was in foster homes. Elsa had always been so powerless to keep her sister from those situations. The battles she had with Iduna never produced any results. Anna would disappear for weeks at a time. Elsa's relationship with Agnarr was now forever fractured. The blonde twirled her phone in her hand, Anna's need was enough. Anna was enough for Elsa, even if she only had her sister at a distance. Elsa did not have to fill herself with a relationship with Iduna or Agnarr. Anna was enough family.

"Elsie baby," Elsa fingers were interrupted as she was writing a response to her mother. Megara slunked around Elsa as she informed her classmate of her presence. "I had my eye on the new girl. I didn't know she belonged to you."

"She does," Elsa said as she shoved her phone in her bag and took a combat stance in front of Meg. Megara was an old friend. They were best friends until Astrid had forbidden Elsa from spending time with the girl. Meg's parents went through a very public divorce, and lost their standing with the Church as a result. Astrid had called Meg misguided and the simple word had a heavy meaning. It meant Megara was being cast out. Whatever red mark Meg's parents had left on their child stuck to her even now, years later. The only time these two interacted with one another was when either one of them had to call in a favour.

"She's my sister." Elsa said, not because she trusted Megara, but because she didn't. The girl had been branded as a bad egg as a child, and as she grew she had decided to embrace it. "Keep your goons and yourself away from her."

"Sister? Interesting. If only everyone's baggage was as out there as mine," Meg responded with a shrug of her shoulder. She spun around taking the stairs away from the school. Elsa followed, she knew it would make her late for class but she had business with the school outcast.

"What do you have for me Elsie?" Meg extended her long fingers out towards Elsa. The blonde tried not to look around and make sure that they weren't being watched. Allowing her eyes to wander would only raise suspicion.

"Four times as much as Monday." Elsa tried so that her statement did not sound like a flex.

"You've been a busy girl." Meg said as she accepted Elsa's makeup bag and dug around plucking out all the lipsticks. Elsa had been busy, but she had also emboldened. Astrid had imposed a no visitor policy in the house while Anna was staying with them. Meaning for all of Elsa's off campus ECs and clubs, she had to be the one going to other student's houses. The kids at the Academy were practically buying their own parent's prescriptions back, as Elsa and Meg had started up quite the industry.

"Nothing hard though," Elsa added as Meg looked over Elsa's foundation bottle.

"Does that mean your papa is all clean again?" Meg was obviously disappointed as she tossed the bottle back into Elsa's bag.

"Not in the slightest."

"Aww baby, chin up and buck up. That's going to be the real payday. Papa's just going to keep buying. He doesn't have time to slow down and count hits." Elsa knew Megara wasn't wrong but the state of her household was too fragile to exploit that alley, yet anyways.

"I have my sister to worry about," Elsa answered.

"Alright. I got a side job. I need eighteen year olds to sign for kegs." Meg was trying to come off as aloof but Elsa saw right through her old friend. She wanted the help.

"Meg," Elsa said in warning.

"Elsa, I do all the hard work. You show up to an address and hancock or whatever. It's not as lucrative as what your dad is holding but you did say you needed the money." Meg's words came out as thick as honey. She was using her slutty voice to make the sale.

"Fine, text me." Elsa relented as she accepted payment. It was always such a relief to put distance between herself and Megara. The bell had already long ago rang. Elsa ducked into the bathroom to count her pay. It was all there and then some. Meg had wrapped a singular tab of oxy in between the green bills. Elsa sighed, as she pinched it between her fingers. She could resell it to Meg, but she wasn't having problems with supply and she was late for first period anyways.

Elsa placed the pill on the back of the toilet tank and used the blunt end of a makeup brush to crush it into a white powder. The blonde dropped her hands into her face and took a deep breath. She didn't know why she was hesitating when she had already made up her mind. It had been a long time since Elsa had been this tempted. She cursed at Megara for always when to push her old friend and she closed the distance between herself and the substance, plugged a nostril and inhaled. Hard. It wasn't that good of a pull. Elsa was a novice at best. She stood back up and pulled out one of the bills Meg had paid her. She rolled the plastic and took it to her nose. This time Elsa actually felt the coarse powder crawl up her cavity.

The first quarter hour passed slowly as Elsa sat on the closed toilet lid waiting. She had pulled out her phone and was staring at the words her mother had text her. She hadn't responded to the pleading. In those minutes she felt guilty for always being so harsh and unforgiving to her mother. But as soon as that feeling melted away, Elsa didn't care about her phone anymore. Time started to actually pass as she stayed in the bathroom stall waiting for the second bell to ring.

"Stop refreshing the site," Elsa heard someone say. Her eyes snapped open. If there were multiple students in the bathrooms, it meant she had missed what she was waiting for. Second period would start soon. "Hans cannot physically mark the exam that fast. Let alone post the results. You're just aggravating us."

"Well he did start marking each part after I finished it." That voice Elsa knew. It was light, always light, even when it was troubled. Anna. Elsa's ear was pressed against the door. She wished she was in the conversation so she could beg Anna to start talking and never stop.

"That's so against the rules," A voice that wasn't Anna said. "Nothing yet," said another. Elsa could feel the words come at her, her disinterest dropped them dead at the wall of the stall.

"How do you think you did?" one offered. Elsa wanted to kiss this person's feet for asking Anna a question so that her voice would answer.

"I don't want to think about it really." Anna answered. Those words made it through the cracks and into Elsa. Her baby sister sounded sad, Elsa could feel tears roll down her cheek even though her face was dry.

"I told you! Stop refreshing." _Shut up let Anna talk,_ Elsa mouthed.

"I will. Cause Hans just posted. Oh God! I can't look. Someone take this phone from me. We never talked about who was actually going to look." Elsa hadn't really computed what the three girls were talking about, until voices started squealing. Elation. They were screaming in elation. Elsa confirmed that as she found herself on the other side of the stall watching two strangers bounce circles around her sister. When they jumped up it took them so long to get back down on the ground. The howling was coming from the two of them. Anna was at the centre of the action smiling a smile that did not belong on the redhead. It did not hold the same glee that was bouncing off the porcelain tiles of the restroom. The jumping celebration stopped as all three first-year girls noticed they were being stared at.

They were looking at Elsa, who was looking at them.

"You passed?" Elsa's words said. The girl Elsa knew as Mulan looked back down at the phone.

"She placed a full schedule. No applied classes. All standard! plus advanced chemistry." Mulan seemed as pleased with herself, as if she was Anna, as she started the celebratory dance again. Elsa felt her neck bob in time with the thud of feet hitting the tile floors.

"No way!" the louder of the three said as her feet took flight again. Anna didn't react. She was looking Elsa in the eye. Elsa knew she was supposed to react, so she added in a smile.

"You did it," She said instead of exclaimed.

"Yeah," Anna answered. Elsa could compute that something was off with her sister.

"We should celebrate." Elsa tried. The other two girls simmered down. "I mean you three should celebrate. And maybe we can celebrate later?"

"Yeah," Anna said again.

"I gotta get to second period." Elsa said as she reminded herself to blink.

"Third," Mulan corrected. Elsa nodded, her mind sang an exaltation to the girl, who saved her from crossing the entire school and heading to the wrong place.

"Good job Anna," Elsa said as she moved closer to the exit. Her body slung itself around her sister's shoulders and a sweet scent filled her raw nose. She was squeezing but so was Anna. "It's a date," Elsa said into the red hair caressing her cheek. She was sure she walked a straight line out of the bathroom. The shrills of excitement sounded again as Elsa left.

During last period, Megara was snickering at Elsa as the blonde used half a bottle of water to take two more Advils. Elsa's head was pounding, she was hoping the throbbing behind her eyes was gone by the time she had to drive her sisters and brother home. Friday's were the start of the weekend. They were clear of most extracurriculars with the exemption of any sporting activities. This was the first Friday in a long time that all of the Fjelstad children were due to come home directly after school.

Meg kept her distance, the two girls were in their own separate groups, but it didn't stop her from mocking at Elsa from afar. As their instructor called out for answers, the entire room stopped to give Elsa a chance to respond. She let the silence go on, not having it in her to feign participation. Her competition jumped at the chance and shot her smug expressions as they won over the limelight. Elsa hated the fact that on any other day that would have actually bothered her. As her mind started to clear it felt like it had been washed as well.

There was only one thing Elsa was focusing on. It was adding to her headache. Nine hundred and twenty three dollars. She kept repeating the number in her head, adding what Meg had just given to her to her previous amount, and getting irritated that she hadn't hit a grand yet. Elsa knew it wasn't that bad of a start. The first five hundred, however, had been easy to find. Elsa was not a big spender, but she also had never had any control over even a few dollars at a time. She normally stowed whatever cash she did get but her parents managed even the nickels. They provided for their children well, and were always very reasonable when Elsa made requests from them. She rarely ever wanted for anything material. However, Elsa's current plans were not under the umbrella of her monetary allowances.

Anna's cell phone would knock down her minuscule fund by sixty eight dollars a month. Her sister had asked for twenty, but Elsa couldn't allow for Anna to be in a town she was not very familiar with without data. That was the whole point of the money anyways. Elsa needed to be prepared to prove she could care for Anna if something were to happen to their current housing situation. At this point Elsa felt she could not count on either of her parents to uphold their end of the bargain and keep Anna around.

Elsa wished she had started doing this years ago, in preparation for her eighteenth birthday. She could have swept Anna away the minute the clock ticked into her adult age. But her focus had been so misguided. Her step mother had started drilling in the idea of University and Law School. Astrid had introduced Elsa to Phoebus and pushed him on her every Sunday. What Astrid wanted from Elsa was so clear. There was no confusion to it. Astrid wanted her oldest child to do well academically, to get into a competitive program, marry and have kids. It was black and white, simple and achievable. The clarity of Astrid's dream made the steps Elsa had to take to get there worth the work. It was all laid out in front of Elsa. She just had to step forward. It was so much easier to see the future when Anna wasn't in it.

For the last year, a fake life was more appealing than accepting what she truly wanted. Picking Anna was messy. But Elsa saw it now. The love she had for Anna was not just physical. Putting the space between them proved that to Elsa quickly. Not being able to touch Anna was hard, but failing to support had been much more difficult. The redhead threw herself into the Academy, for the last week she had thought of nothing but her placement exams. All Elsa could do was watch. She had nothing to offer Anna and during that time she realized that more than she wanted to be with Anna, she wanted to care for her.

Elsa wanted to be Anna's haven. When she visualized it she realized how powerful it could be. The love and bond sisters share, mixed with the passion and devotion of a lover, it would allow Elsa to become everything Anna needed. It seemed like a better cause than any to be able to give someone that kind of all encompassing love. Elsa knew she was capable of it, even if she didn't know how to express it quite yet.

Maybe if Elsa had been able to let go of Astrid's pressure earlier she could have come up with the money in a much simpler way. But right now it was worth the risk. As long as the courts didn't want to see a paper trail of how a student with as much academic commitments managed to save up enough money for an apartment without time for a job and financial aid from her parents. Elsa could take custody of her sister. She was going to start tutoring to cover her tracks.

The sound of the bell stabbed at Elsa, but it was also what she had been waiting for. She wanted to get Meg's eyes off her. She wanted to find her sister and give her a real reaction to her good news. She wanted her ibuprofen to kick in so that she didn't have to think about having gotten high anymore. It was always easy to scope out Anna. She literally just had to look to comb the crowds for two redheads. Whoever she asked always knew who she was asking after. Anna had earned an actual school schedule by doing well on her placement exams. Elsa knew she would memorize it instantly, knowing where her sister was at all times comforted her.

Anna was getting squeezed by her new friends, when Elsa came upon them again. As she approached she felt herself get three very different looks. Merida was gawking at her, and Mulan was glaring. Anna looked fractured. Elsa claimed confidence as she approached the group. It was a bluff, but she wanted to look like a pillar to her sister.

"So a date?" Anna said from the backseat. She was leaning forward and hanging off of the driver's seat. "I don't know if I deserve one but I would really like it." Elsa knew she had offered but she hadn't thought of it again. She thought about the stash of money she had and how it was barely first month's rent. She needed to more than double that for housing alone. Elsa would have to show the social workers that they had a steady supply of food and place to rest their heads. Elsa had no idea how much a bed cost but she knew that even if they shared a bed, that she would have to prove that Anna had her own safe space. Their deadbeat mother always seemed to manage. If Elsa was frugal moving forward she would do anything in her power to pull it off. This meant whatever date she came up with had to be free of cost.

"It will be our first date," Anna said. And Elsa felt like the roof of the car was starting to drop on her. She didn't know if it was from still being a little high or if it was that much pressure to perform. It didn't matter. Anna was showing interest. It meant that without her test looming she was able to make some space for her sister.

"You're right. It's got to be special," Elsa promised as Sorren entered the car. He slammed the door and snapped at Anna almost instantly.

"Why were the only syllables coming out Hans's mouth today An-na?"

"I don't know, he's tutoring in advanced chem and math 20." Anna said defensively. Elsa did not like this conversation. Hans was not her favourite of Sorren's friends, and tutoring was expensive.

"For free?" Elsa asked the car's occupants.

"Yes," Anna answered at the same time Sorren retorted, "For sex." Both sister's reached out and hit Sorren with closed fists.

"I thought you told Anna to stay away from my friends," Sorren went on. He was rubbing the spot on his chest where Elsa had hit.

"I asked you to keep your fucking friends away from her. Now you're bitching that your slimiest friend fancies Anna. You're useless Sorren," Elsa felt her ears heat up, her brain was still contractions up against her skull.

"Hey, why are you guys fighting?" Anna interfered. "I have six weeks to make up for the nine weeks I'm behind. I think getting the two top students in first year to help me is quite the accomplishment. Thank you and shut up."

"Well it's your virginity Anna, do with it what you want.' Sorren debased. Elsa watched the hurt cross her sister's face. She struck Sorren again, this time clipping him in the jaw before she crashed her fist into his chest.

"Put your fucking seat belt on." Elsa demanded and up the car into reverse. She could tell by the look on Anna's face in the rear view mirror that she was displeased by both Sorren and she. The makeshift siblings didn't exchange any more words. The only talking that happened was between Anna and Margo in the back seat after they picked the youngest up from school. Sorren jumped out of the car before it was even parked and Margo ran out eager to start her weekend.

"I'm sorry about that," Elsa said as Anna started to move out of the car.

"Whatever," Anna answered. She was making the same face she had when her test results came in. Now Elsa knew she hadn't imagined it when she was face to face with Anna in the bathroom.

"Hey? Why don't you jump into the front and we can go somewhere? You won't mind if our first date was impromptu would you?" Elsa had been seething about her brother instead of planning something. The only thing Elsa could think of now what something that would make her happy, and maybe that would be enough. Maybe Anna would feel the same way Elsa did when she saw the redhead happy.

"I'd like that, I think," Anna answered shyly. Elsa inhaled. Anna's hesitancy wasn't lost on her.

"Okay wait here, pick a song," Elsa said as she tossed her unlocked phone at her sister. "I'm going to be two minutes." Anna managed a small smile and Elsa blew her a kiss before running into the garage and starting to fill up some bags with supplies from storage. They would have to do without any food, going in the house meant Elsa would have to explain herself to Astrid. The sister's would have to be home in time for dinner anyways. Once satisfied that she had everything she needed Elsa ran back out to the car.

"I fed Olaf," she said as she threw the two bags she had packed into the back seat. The car was quiet. Elsa's phone was sitting face down in the middle console. Anna was looking out the window, she did not shift as Elsa entered.

"Ready?" Elsa encouraged.

"Uhm." Anna made out. Elsa let the silence stay as she decided against picking a song. The second set of Advil she had taken was starting to kick in now, a little more quiet and her migraine would be gone completely. The sister's drove in silence, Anna didn't take her eyes off the passing landscapes. The snow on the ground was thin for November, but it had gotten cold through the week. Winter was settling in. Elsa came up with a thousand things to say. Lots about the weather, some about school, a bit about each other. But she couldn't form any words. Anna felt far away even though Elsa could easily reach out and put her hand on her thigh. She thought that might be a better use of herself other than disrupting the silence. But Anna's phone vibrated. The redhead was pulled out of her reverie as she reached for her own phone. She started typing out a reply. Elsa could tell it was quite the story Anna was responding with.

Elsa parked the car at the edge of a tree line. The town had a large green belt that spanned most of the outskirts of town. It was full of walking trails that were enshrouded with old trees. In the summer time it was impossible to move freely without encountering another group of people. Walking through the path required constantly jumping out of the way of cyclists. Once the cold hit the area became desolate.

Anna was still engrossed in her phone as Elsa got out of the car. Elsa noted that the look on Anna's face as she typed was the most at ease Elsa had seen her sister this last week. The blonde pulled out the bags she had hastily packed and pulled out some outerwear to complement their school uniforms. She opened the door for her sister, who was lost in her black screen.

"Ready," Elsa tried and Anna nodded as she pressed send.

"Where are we?"

"It's exactly what it looks like." Elsa said sheepishly as she handed Anna a pair of mittens. The oldest tossed a toque over her sister's redhead and smiled. "We don't have to stay long if it gets too cold."

"I don't mind," Anna said as she looked over at the tall trees. "Astrid didn't hire you to take me out did she?" Anna quipped. Elsa took her joke as a good sign Anna might come out of whatever was holding her back, but it didn't say much for her date idea. However, it was a date, and Elsa was going to treat it as so. The blonde refused to let her sister take one of the two bags she was carrying and extended her hand out for Anna to take.

The leather Academy issued shoes didn't have much traction to make it down into the ravine. The gasps that Anna made as she fought for balance were like music. The challenge lifted the redhead's spirit a bit. She was squeezing Elsa's hand as she slid further down. Elsa was smiling through her nerves. She felt like her entire day hadn't happened, that no moment existed between waking up next to her sister and now helping her get to level ground.

"If you're not the assassin that hill was," Anna said as she tried to lift her feet over the snow. The powder was slightly thicker here than it was in town. Elsa should have known, but it had been a long time since she wandered down into the woods in the winter. Elsa smiled, her stomach was a little unsettled, the way it did every time she sat for an important exam. She always pushed herself to perform perfectly. This felt like that. Like she needed to do her best or risk disappointing Anna.

"It's not too far," Elsa said as she tried to get her bearings. Anna giggled as she noticed her sister was taking a moment to look around. "The hole I dug is somewhere around here," Elsa shot as she glared at her little sister. Anna was laughing until a notification sounded on her phone. The redhead brought her mitt to her mouth and held it between her teeth as she replied. Elsa started moving confidently in one direction. Anna had to do a little run in the snow to keep up.

The sister's were moving a slight decline. The runoff from the top of the ravine pooled at a certain spot, "Careful, it gets icy here," Elsa cautioned. Anna lunged forward and wrapped her arm around Elsa's asking for the extra support. It brought the two closer. The trees started to thin out as they reached a clearing. The sun was still out even though it was starting to fall. Into the third week of November the sun started to set early, but it still fought off the chill.

"This is it," Elsa said as she dropped the bags down. "How are you doing cold wise?"

"Good," Anna said as she looked around. Elsa knew it wasn't much. It was just dirty frozen water. If anything about it was pretty it was the thin layer of white on the trees that covered up the fact that they were actually close to the highway. The sound of cars passing was prevalent as neither girl spoke. Elsa leaned on a fallen tree trunk and pulled out a few blankets in her way of the sets of skates she had found in the garage. Elsa's old figure skating blades would fit Anna, the other pair were Sorren's hockey skates. He'd outgrown them years ago, and Elsa was lucky to find a few pairs of thick winter socks among the winter supplies in the garage.

"We're going to skate on that?" Anna exclaimed as she watched Elsa pull off her shoes and pull three pairs of socks over her feet.

"I am," Elsa answered. "Because I'm not a chicken."

"What if the ice it's thick enough?"

"It's not even a pond. If we suffer any injury it will be because the ice is barely thicker than some of the tree roots." _Very romantic,_ Elsa sighed. Anna lowered herself next to her sister and looked over the skates she had been offered.

"I don't know how to skate," she commented as she took off a shoe, and did a little hop not knowing where to put her bare foot. Elsa immediately stopped working on her skates and offered some support. Once Anna had the figure skate on her feet Elsa knelt in front of her, her bare knees dug into the cold of the ground but her fingers moved expertly as they laced up the skates.

"How's that feel?" she asked her sister. The redhead's own hair was falling into her face as she looked down at her older sister.

"Nice. It feels nice. I mean good," Anna answered.

"Okay hold on to the tree. I'll be ready to lead you out right away." Elsa could feel her sister's eyes on her. It seemed that deeper into the woods Anna was coming back to her.

"Can I watch you first? I can't even wrap my head around how to move forward yet" Anna asked. Her knees were wobbling. Elsa dug her skates into the ground as she moved closer to Anna and gave the girl the support she needed to lean comfortably on the tree.

"Of course," Elsa said as she draped a blanket over Anna's shoulders. She ran her hands over her sister's arms a few times to build up some heat between her sister's blazer and the wool blanket she'd chosen. Her sister smiled in thanks.

Once Elsa's feet were on the ice, she felt the ever familiar sensation of her weight falling into her ankles. She felt the gravity push down on her as she fell into a glide. Elsa took long strokes and eased herself back into the movements. The bones in her feet felt weak, they weren't held in tightly enough by her brother's skates but she heard Anna let out a little _whoop_ and it made her want to be brazen. She flicked her toes as she pushed forward, and gained both speed and power. The ice was thin and it's uneven nature disturbed the friction.

As she tested the ice, she knew that a jump would likely be unsafe, but when she found a nice smooth spot she knelt slightly, and easily rediscovered her center balance. Elsa gained the right momentum to kick her right foot back and arch her spine. She spread her arms up and out in the same fluid motion, and was surprised when she was still able to hook the toe of her skate in her fingers. Elsa only had to drop her shoulder slightly to fall into a counter clockwise spin. The stretch of her muscles felt like a remedy to the waste she had put into her body earlier.

As her revolution came to an end she slowly let go of the blade of the skate, and guided her leg to fall until it was parallel to the ground, she kept her weight on her left leg as she dropped her arms but left them outstretched. Elsa had come out of her spin facing her sister and now her body was gilding towards her. Anna wasn't cheering anymore. Her mouth had dropped open as if she was suffering from a locked jaw. Elsa winked at her before she brought her limps back into herself in one forceful move. With her arms hugging her, and her knees bent down she dove into another set of spins. Being this low fed her speed and she knew if she pushed her entire body outward she would easily leave the ground in a bound.

Elsa had won many accolades in her years figure skating, but she wondered what she would win anything from Anna if she could land a jump on such rugged terrain. She thought it was worth a try, her confidence felt sturdy enough. Her body hadn't ushered enough complaints to be moving so powerfully again after almost a two years hiatus. Elsa moved her body upwards as if she was being pulled up by a string attached to the top of her head, she was able to stand up straight while still in a spin.

Her left leg was a bit sore so she used her right to push upwards. The cold air hit her lungs as she reminded herself to take a deep breath. Her body moved obediently as it disconnected with the ice. The pivot felt so natural. The double salchow was one of the easiest ways to show off. Although with a sore left leg it was a bit of a gamble. Her knee took the brunt of the whiplash as she landed on the opposite foot and edge she had taken off on. Anna wasn't docking her any points as she screamed in the same way her friends had been in the restrooms earlier that day. The redhead was pouring out excitement and was wobbling in her skates as she cheered.

"Oh my god! Elsa seriously!" The blonde was out of breath as she let the ice push her closer to her date. Elsa could tell that Anna was dying to reach out for her but was stuck in her spot as if she had dug her blades into to keep her balance. Elsa forgot that hockey skates braked a little differently. She fell into her old muscle memory and overshot her stop. She fumbled forward a bit and lost her footing towards Anna. The redhead let out a little wail, followed by a bout of laughter as she tried to hold Elsa up.

"Ah, I'm sorry!" Elsa said as she tried to recover. But Anna wasn't trying to get Elsa upright, she was pulling her in closer.

"I was about to compliment you on your grace," Anna said as she succeeded to pull her sister into her arms. She adjusted them a bit so Elsa could get in under the blanket. The blonde's chest was still heaving. She felt hot from her exertion, but there was no way she was pulling away from her sister's embrace.

"I can't believe I just saw what I saw," Anna added. "I didn't know you could do any of that!"

"I was pretty into it. Astrid used to skate." Elsa commented.

"And you stopped?" Anna asked. The redhead was running her cold hands on Elsa's arms, and she could feel the chill through her blazer. It was refreshing.

"Yeah, I mean I love it, but if I wanted to pursue it I would have to go to Arendelle's second campus out east." Elsa explained. She suddenly didn't want to be on this subject. Elsa was at peace with her choice, she wasn't sure if Anna would feel the same.

"You don't strike me as someone who would have trouble leaving home," Anna pointed out. She hadn't meant it as a dig. Elsa knew there was a lot to that statement but it couldn't be more wrong.

"I didn't think we'd see each other." Elsa confessed.

"What?" Anna pulled back so she could get a look at her sister's eyes.

"It was the start of secondary and you and I had never been closer. I had gone to see you in the summer."

"You don't have to keep telling the story. I remember what happened." Anna said abruptly. "Are you saying that I ruined your dreams because I kissed you?"

"No, of course not. Never. That kiss is very meaningful to me. While yeah, it helped me make up my mind. I didn't want to go long before that. Iduna was wrecked that year. So I told Astrid I couldn't be away from you." Elsa thought it could be taken romantically, that back then Elsa had put her life on hold to be closer to Anna. But Anna wasn't seeing it like that.

"So Astrid was your skating mom, and you told her you wouldn't continue on with both your dreams because of me? How long is the list of shit that woman holds against me? I'd like to see it." Anna's anger was evident. Elsa could tell she wanted some space, but she had nowhere to pull back to. So Elsa unwrapped herself from the blanket and pushed herself backwards.

"I'm sorry my mother is so difficult. Skating was one of the things that brought us together, yes. So likely it bothers her. I'm sorry. But Anna, that was one of the only choices I have ever made for myself. There hasn't been a single thing that I have had full say over besides choosing to stay in the same province as you. You've been in the system your whole life too, tell me when you've had that chance." Anna kept quiet. She wasn't even combing through memories she had no answer.

"Don't belittle that for me Anna. I didn't lose anything making that decision. Even if that was an amazing opportunity, and even if Astrid and I haven't been the same. You trump all of that." The declaration hurt Elsa to remember. There was a point when Elsa had an illusion of control. She felt it when she was skating, when it was her commands that put together fluid motions. But it was fake, and orchestrated and forced. The little she just skated felt more real than anything she had ever done in the rink, because she did it for Anna.

"I didn't mean to," Anna's head was dropped, she was looking at the skates on her feet. "What you did just then was so beautiful. I just don't like the idea of you wasting yourself."

"You want to know what I want?" Elsa asked as she reached a gloved hand out and pulled Anna's chin up. "I brought you out here for our first date, because I can put together two things I love. If I had chosen differently this wouldn't be possible. What I want is to skate with you Anna."

Elsa watched her sister swallow hard. "I'm just going to fall." She said nervously.

"Aren't we both falling?" Elsa asked, and when her sister smiled and nodded affirmatively, Elsa felt like she was in the air again. Elsa reached over her sister's shoulder and grabbed at the blankets cast aside. She heaved them out towards the ice. They fell with a thud and glided a bit further away than where they landed.

"Think you can make it over there for a cuddle?" Elsa dared and Anna's confidence suddenly bloomed.

"You aren't going to let go?" she begged.

"Never," replied the blonde as she put more pressure on her sister's linked hands. Anna wasn't as bad as she thought she was but she was still pretty hopeless. Her only skill came from trusting Elsa as the blonde moved them along the perimeter of the frozen slew. Elsa let the rocking motion of pulling Anna into her, and then pushing herself away take them around the ice. Anna was full of nervous laughs and smiling eyes. If she wasn't looking down at their feet her emerald eyes were locked onto Elsa's. Elsa wanted to tell her sister how gorgeous she was but she didn't know what her boundaries were yet. She wasn't sure what of the things she had done in the past had led their relationship to escalate. Her goal was to give all the power to Anna.

"I'm not that horrible," Anna beamed as Elsa was pulling her along. "Whoa," she added as the pair moved on more uneven ground. "We can do this more, if you miss skating."

"Yeah, I'd like that." Elsa was too concentrated on Anna's bottom lip as the skin went white the more Anna pressed her teeth down on it. Elsa didn't realize she had brought them closer to the middle of the small ice pond, and rode her skate right over the corner of a blanket. She might have recovered if she hadn't pulled a very flimsy redhead down into her arms. The feel of her head colliding on the ice was not one she ever got used to. The way it rattled her brain forced a wave of nausea to ripple up her throat. Elsa felt the progress she'd made to feel better after her hit revert back. Anna's limbs were pressing into Elsa's bones, yet Elsa tried to keep her voice light as she heard her sister laugh.

"Elsa are you okay?" Anna said from only inches above her head.

"Barely," Elsa coughed out.

"Let it be known that it was you that took us down," Anna giggled as she rolled off of her sister and onto the pile of blankets. The redhead squirmed and tried to arrange the blankets underneath her without getting up off her back. Elsa forced herself up to sitting to help cushion them, until Anna was comfortable on her side. Elsa dropped herself on her shoulder so they were facing each other.

"I'm really proud of you," Elsa said as she locked eyes with her sister. Anna sighed, obviously unwilling to take the compliment. Elsa continued. "I don't care about your marks, but I am amazed at how hard you worked this week. You're such a Werin to never give up." Anna's phone was vibrating again, Elsa could feel the little shocks of it between their bodies. Anna was ignoring it, and Elsa felt like she'd conquered whoever was the other side.

"I'm a Werin alright," Anna said, but it wasn't a boast. There was something off with her little sister, Elsa thought again. Something was blocking her from relaxing into Elsa's arms. There was a reluctance in Anna's movements as she pushed herself closer. Her eyes veiled themselves and her lips pressed together. The redhead paused as she reached towards Elsa's lips. When her mouth crashed down they landed on Elsa's fingers. Anna's eyes snapped open to find Elsa blocking her.

"You don't owe me anything," Elsa's cold breath fell between her fingers. "Do what feels right to you," Elsa encouraged. Anna's reaction was to push her head down into Elsa's chest and wrap herself deeper into her sister's embrace. Elsa felt like a big sister as she put pressure down on the muscles wrapped around Anna. It wasn't how she had expected to feel but it was an achievement. She wanted to bend to Anna's will. As Elsa brushed her cheek on her sister's hair, she vowed to be everything and anything Anna needed her to be.


	7. And Delete

**Anna**

There was a persistent buzzing under Anna's head. It was piercing her sleep. Anna desperately wanted to see who was on the other end of her cell phone but her body was too groggy to move. All her limbs felt heavy as if the pressure of the past week was holding her down from moving. She hadn't slept well, even though for a Saturday night she had been tucked into bed pretty early. Lights out was at ten but Anna had spent long hours staring at the details on the wood grain of the bed slats above her.

Saturday had marked the end of Anna's first week in the house and she felt sort of triumphant as she got picked up by Mulan to start the first of her tutoring. The work Anna had put into the week had not been wasted as she recognized the material her student guide presented her. They worked together a full eight hours, stopping for far too many coffee breaks and even going on a walk around the area. Anna felt like she had a real opportunity to have fun with her new friend. As the two girls shared a table at the public library a bond started to form. Anna had never clicked with a peer so easily. Each time she was uprooted there was no one left behind to miss her. In one week, Anna had found an actual friend, someone she was going to hate to say goodbye to when Iduna finally came to get her.

Elsa and Astrid were pretty deep into making their extravagant Saturday night dinner when Anna arrived back at the house. Anna was pretty worried about the meal when she saw the bones sticking out of the roasting pan. Lamb. Anna offered to help and received a refusal she knew was coming. Instead she laid her work out on the desk in her shared bedroom and kept cramming information into her head. Her phone had not stopped chiming. Each time it rang Anna's heart would jump up in her throat. Her arms would feel so flimsy as she reached for her cellphone. It was not disappointing when the name that came up was Elsa or Hans. They just were not who was shaking her. They were not who she was desperate to hear from.

Anna was pretty pissed at Elsa. She was not responding to her older sister's proddings. Elsa's texts were little feelers, whiskers trying to test the distance between the sisters. There was a gap Anna had put in between them. The redhead hated it. When they had reunited warmly after months of seclusion, Anna had not expected that she would be the one to put up a barrier. She couldn't help it though. First it was shame, the lie she was carrying about her placement exams and the fact that she did not think Elsa would take the truth well. That was fine, that was an internal struggle that Anna was not going to let get in the way of spending time with Elsa. But then there was a betrayal of Elsa's. The blonde had been receiving and ignoring text messages from their mother for months.

Elsa had made the mistake of handing Anna her unlocked phone. The contact labeled Iduna had a recent message. The words _baby please_ illuminated. Anna thumbed her way through the conversation. Elsa seemed angry enough to do nothing when their mother was practically begging for help. Elsa's response was so cold and dismissive. The anger Anna was carrying over her own actions was ready to balloon onto different prey. Elsa. Elsa, who was the most self absorbed of the Werin girls and who made no concessions for blood. Who rather let their mother suffer than reply with at least one kind word. Elsa, who was taking Anna on their first date. When a wide grin was cast in her direction, Anna wanted to snarl. Having looked at the phone had ruined their date before it even began. Anna had used her stolen moment with Elsa's phone to message her mother back.

 _It's Anna who wants you. Her number's the same. Leave me alone, I'm a huge jerk._ Send and delete.

Anna's adrenaline was surging from the simple act. Elsa's eager eyes took hold of Anna. The blonde's cheeks were flushed and she was slightly out of breath from rushing. Anna wondered how it was possible to be feeling two such conflicting things. She was so angry at her sister for her refusal to respond to their recovering mother but also completely infatuated with Elsa's nervous smile. Anna chose to focus on the scenery from her moving window. The girl felt like she was two different people. On one hand she was Elsa's half sister and on the other she was vying to become Elsa's girlfriend.

Anna wanted to lean into the latter. She wanted to pretend she was currently escaping her older sister and the drama of life with the Fjelstads and running off with this new exciting person in her life. Anna wanted her first date with Elsa to be removed from the baggage. It was something they both were trying so hard to do. Elsa seemed determined but an incoming message made Anna's heart flutter. It could be her mother, responding to Elsa's coldness by reaching out to the child that had always fed her warmth and acceptance.

It was Hans again.

_Is it crazy that I couldn't even hold off an hour before I had to find an excuse to message you?_

Anna smiled. They had fallen into an easy conversation back and forth for most of the day. Hans's name popping up on her phone was followed with layers of guilt but as soon as she read his messages it all vanished. This was his most forward text.

 _I'm a fan of crazy. But what excuse did you come up with?_ Anna responded. Elsa was watching her from the corner of her eye. Anna titled the phone away from her sister. Hans's response as instant as hers.

_Missing a girl I just met?_

It was a cute text. Honestly, Anna liked the attention. She liked that it was sort of cruel to be texting someone that was interested in her. It made her less mad at Elsa. If Anna was just as much of a jerk as her older sister than they were on the same level. It wasn't like Elsa was single. It made Anna feel that Elsa's betrayal to their mother mattered less if they were both in the wrong.

 _You'll have to come up with something better than that._ It was strange that the guilt of pressing send was empowering. Anna knew that a conversation with Hans was nothing compared to what she was holding against Elsa now. Anna's phone vibrated again. It was not her mother but still she kept the conversation with her new tutor. She felt that if she could keep her phone ringing that at one point it would have to be Iduna, claiming that she needed Anna.

Anna had spent the start of the weekend feeling completely head over heels over Elsa and then extremely upset with her sister. There was no balance, no comfort and no reasoning. Anna did not know why Elsa insisted on doing things that swept all of Anna's fond feelings away. Siding with Astrid or accepting phone calls from Phoebus, keeping information about Iduna to herself, and even sneaking out of the house on Saturday night. It was all taxing, and weighing on the redhead. The worst part was that it was so simple for Elsa to shoot her a look and make all the animosity wither.

Anna felt like such a fool. She left like she was applying herself so much to cement her position within a home she did not even like, only to feel like Elsa was off doing things that made no sense to their shared goal. Anna's deal with Hans was a sacrifice she made to make things easier for the two. Anna was concealing her own sexual identity at Elsa's request. She was distorting the dynamic of the entire household as she tried to win over Agnarr's affections. She was working hard and it was paying off.

Anna had wanted to shake Elsa when Agnarr had brought five boxes of pizza and six cans of beer into the house on Saturday night. He claimed they were going to celebrate Anna's achievement on her placement exams. When he dropped the pizza on the coffee table in the living room and declared a movie night, Elsa had stayed firm in the kitchen alongside Astrid. All the other kids crowded on the couch as Anna started a lively debate about what film they should pick. Inside she was fuming that Elsa had sat at the table with Astrid and ate her rack of lamb instead of choosing Anna.

On their date, Anna had fallen out of anger as Elsa opened up to her. Now Anna was wishing for a little more consistency from her sister. Anna saw obvious sides. They had always been there, Werin versus Fjelstad. The easiest way to Anna's heart would be to denounce the things that had driven a wedge between the sisters. Anna had felt guilty that Elsa had done so without her knowing it when it came to figure skating. But Anna was still stuck on the fact that Elsa all too often did things halfway. The blonde was trapped trying to please everyone.

Maybe that was why when Anna finally reached under her pillow to check her messages, the insistent vibrations were mostly from Elsa, Elsa who was right above her. Anna did not know how the blonde was awake. She had left the house close to midnight and had not returned until day break. Anna had waited up for her, in shock that Elsa would do something as bold as leave in the middle of the night.

When Elsa had left, Anna had assumed she was just going to the bathroom. At one point Anna had quietly searched the entire house looking for her. She sent her sister text after text asking about her to receive only one response. Anna did not know if she should continue to let Elsa get away with being reckless and cold just because she could melt Anna at any turn.

 _Now I can tell you're awake._ Elsa's latest message read. Anna tossed her phone aside and turned her heavy body so that her face was deep into her pillow.

"I'm not responding to your texts anymore," her voice was muffled by her bedding. Her phone started to vibrate more erratically. Anna gave in and let her hand blindly search out her phone. Yes, she wanted to know Elsa's response, but she also couldn't help but feel that it might be her mother. It was an onslaught of gifs.

Anna had no idea how Elsa had been able to pick such a well stitched together story, of random characters leading up to begging for forgiveness, so instantly. Anna was about to throw her phone into the middle of the bedroom when an image came in. Anna was baffled that somehow with max three hours of sleep her sister could look so gorgeous. There wasn't even a filter on the damn thing. Anna did not know what part of the picture to focus on. Elsa's skin seemed to fade away into the white of her bed sheets. But there were slight shadows in her collar bone, and right in the middle her chest where her breasts met. The photo cut off before Anna was given a real taste of her sister's nudity. It would be disappointing if Elsa's faded blue eyes were not piercing her. Elsa's eyes liked to play games with the reflections of light. In this morning's gleam, they were more grey than they were blue. Elsa's hair just made the shape of a halo, as it was laid out around her, but the only real pop of colour was the pink of her lips. Looking at them, Anna was reminded of how if she kissed her sister hard enough she could make them turn red.

"I hate you," Anna called into the room.

 _I like you_ read the incoming text. Anna rolled her eyes and started to respond with her fingers.

 _Yeah, if you really like me keep sending me pics._ Anna was satisfied with the retort even though at any moment she could just get out of bed and look at any and all of Elsa. It was a pleasing thought, eroding at her anger. The buzz came in. Anna audibly yelped when a picture of Hans popped up. It was taken from an almost bird's eye view. His eyes were looking up at the camera and were barely visible from the fluff of his messy hair flipped over his face. He was wearing a white button up shirt, except not a single button was done up. What Elsa had left to Anna's imagination was on full display for her here as Anna gawked at the ripples in his muscles.

Anna reviewed her text chain. Hans had sent a few messages in the morning. Just a salutation, one saying how excited he was to see her today and lastly an admission of his feelings. This photo was captioned with a message that read _just getting ready for church._ Anna was completely flushed red, as another photo came up. Anna had used the word _keep_ and was not getting a full montage of Hans putting himself together for Sunday service. It was not explicit but it wasn't a turn off either.

 _Sorry._ That message was from Elsa, reacting to having not received a response to the image she had sent.

"Can you just come down here?" Elsa's legs swung over the bed immediately as they followed the order. Anna panicked and pressed the thumbs up emoji and hit send. That's all Hans was going to get as Elsa climbed down the bed half naked. The redhead tossed her phone and it vibrated as it whizzed across the room. Elsa reached out for a shirt and tossed it on before jumping into the twin sized bed with Anna. Anna made space for her sister, but Elsa took more than her share as she laid her head down on Anna's shoulder.

Anna looked towards the open door, the sounds of the house were starting to wake. She had a choice to either enjoy the few minutes of Elsa's embrace or start a fight. It was the position she found herself in a lot now.

"Don't be sorry," Anna started. She was not sure how to say anything without heating up a discussion. "I just don't get what's going on with you."

"This is harder than I thought," Elsa squeezed into her sister. It was like she was asking for forgiveness for what she was about to say. "Having you around is hard."

"Being here is hard," Anna added. She tried not to take what Elsa said to heart. It was honest, and honesty was what Anna was looking for out of Elsa. Her sister was known for being perfect. Yet, Anna knew better. There was a place where Elsa would let herself crumble. It always took a day or two but when Elsa was visiting she would slowly start to come undone. Anna was used to it. Elsa presented the worst of herself to her mother and her half sister, it was the only safe place she had to take it all out. Anna could feel Elsa wanting to do just that in her sister's arms but they were in a different world, where even small mistakes lead to punishment.

"I'm always second guessing every move I make." It felt good to let Elsa know about at least a bit of her struggles.

"Well that's relatable." Anna wondered why if Elsa agreed, she was making some really odd choices. It bothered her that Elsa could lay with her so confidently now, but would wane under the eyes of everyone else. Anna knew that Elsa was against any form of public embracing of their relationship, but it didn't mean that she had to be so guarded. They were sisters, they could get away with a lot. They were even long lost sisters, they could fool any psychiatrist into thinking that their closeness was simply a need to strengthen their bond.

"What about last night? What were you really up to?" Anna was ready to press her sister about her outing to help a friend. It was not lost on Anna how disingenuous Elsa's reply had been.

"I'm sorry I kept you up. I was helping a friend. It wasn't anything serious. I was buying booze for a party."

"So you went to a party?"

"I wasn't an attendee." Elsa stressed as she started to stir, her hand lifted off of Anna's stomach and started rubbing her eyes. "I owe a few favours."

"Four hour favour," Anna grumbled. She could tell several of the house's residents were up now. Elsa was only lying calmly in her sister's arms because their room was at the end of the corridor. There was no reason to come this way unless someone was searching them out. On Sunday no one had the time to take extra steps.

"I won't have a repeat of last week, Elsa." Instead of jumping to her feet at the call from her step mother Elsa dug herself deeper into Anna's shoulder. Anna wondered if Elsa was playing her for forgiveness or if she was actually asking Anna for refuge.

"I'll help you with breakfast," Anna suggested, as she tried to lift her body up. Elsa was not relenting. She held Anna down. Anna hummed into the feeling of being wanted.

"You need to put your phone on silent." Elsa's head was tucked into her own shoulder. One of her arms was trapped under her own body and the other had crossed the redhead and was gripping onto her t-shirt. She had a fist full of cotton, like if she was forcing Anna to stay in place and remain unable to check her phone.

There was something at the back of Anna's neck, this persistent feeling that shook much like the vibrate setting of her cellphone. It only went away when she had her phone in her hand confirming that her mother had still not reached out to her. Anna tried to tell herself it was only Hans and if she wasn't careful she'd be seeing an unwanted part of her schoolmate flash on her phone pretty soon. She wouldn't reply to him until she had come up with something to say to him in person. The redhead was set to meet him after service to start setting up their study schedule.

"Elsa? Mom's been calling for you," Margo was at the door. She was in a robe, her hair was wet and already brushed through. She had tired eyes that illuminated when she saw the sisters locked in an embrace. Elsa always softened around her youngest sister and she let blood return to her knuckles as she let go of her grip on Anna. She waved the child over and Margo lept at them in one bound.

"Hey bug, get in close," Margo crept up in between the older two. Anna watched Elsa look lovingly onto the little blonde. It was endearing to watch Elsa wince as the bony body dug into her, her softness did not waiver.

"I love a good cuddle," Anna noted as she pushed herself into the wall.

"I hope mom doesn't see." Margo's sad whisper earned her a kiss on the head from her older sister.

"We can race to get ready," Anna suggested. When she looked back at Elsa, her eyes were cast on her. She smiled at her oldest sister and gave Anna a small nod. Anna had to admit to herself that any dis-ownership of the Fjelstad would have consequences for Elsa. Anna always felt like she was the one suffering from the lack of fairness, but that meant that Margo was benefiting. Of course that tore Elsa up.

"What the hell? Guys mom's losing it downstairs. What are you doing?" Sorren disrupted the trio of girls.

"We are squishing the life out of Anna, want to help us?' Margo chuckled, her statement was untrue until it hit Elsa's hears and the two sisters started using their bodies against Anna. Margo certainly had a hold of both her sibling's hearts. Anna could not see Sorren but she felt the shift in the bottom bunk as he descended on the girls. A frenzy of complaints and grunts started up and it was quickly matched with laughter. Sorren had the upper hand and was playing dirty.

He wasn't the only one, in the mix of elbows and heaving breaths, Anna could barely make out what limb belonged to who. She tried to trash against the assault of tickling fingers, but her efforts immediately halted when she felt familiar lips moisten her shoulder. It was a kiss but it was also a bite. Elsa's teeth were crawling up her skin. When the blonde couldn't reach any further a flash of pain shocked Anna. Elsa ran her tongue over the indents made by her teeth. Anna felt her own goosebumps and so did Elsa as she raked her mouth over them.

"Oh God! Lord have mercy on me please! I surrender to the high power" Anna called out as she took the brunt of the weight.

"What are you all doing?" Anna felt muscles go stiff all around her as the kids had been discovered. She had just used the Lord's name in vain in the range of Astrid. Sorren was still tickling at Anna, he knew she was the fall girl. She fought a reaction the best she could but his digits found a weak spot and her chortle defied Astrid's heavy toe tapping.

"Get up and get dressed now." Sorren was the first up and he made a face in the direction of his sisters as he brushed himself off. He was already in his dress shirt and it's pristine press was somewhat altered by the tussle. His punishment was a swat in the back of his head. Margo was on her feet next and she shuffled passed her mother with a hung head.

"Elsa. Your siblings need full stomachs." Just as Sorren had made a face with his back at his mother, Elsa took a deep breath. Her tiredness was suddenly more apparent. Anna thought back on how Elsa had called the party a favour and decided to believe Elsa. She was always stuck being so subservient. Anna thought it best she refrain from asking too much of her sister. Maybe if she let up, Elsa could find room for their mother.

Anna did not descend to the living space until there were ten minutes left before departure. Her bare feet on the steps did not announce her as Sorren fidgeted with his tie, Elsa finished cleaning up from breakfast, and Astrid pulled at Margo's locks. Elsa had left a plate of food for her little sister out and Anna sat at kitchen island without taking anyone out of their determined trances.

"Thanks love," Anna said through a mouthful of food, when Elsa finally turned to look at her. The wording was meant to throw Elsa off from widening her eyes at the state of undress Anna was in. Elsa was about to comment on the fact that Anna was nowhere near ready for church when Agnarr came down the steps in with disheveled hair and sweatpants. He looked like he was cut from the same cloth as the redhead.

"Morning," he said casually. The tone of his voice sounded strange in the air of a Sunday morning. "Looks good," he added as she took a seat next to Anna and pulled the dish set out for him closer. His fork fell into the thick slice of Canadian bacon and started hacking on the meat. There was a tension as the family looked at the pair, sharing another meal together. Anna's heart was pounding but she reminded herself that this was Agnarr's coup. She was merely a soldier and the one whose life was more at stake than that of her commander, who had convinced her to play hooky today.

Astrid said nothing. Therefore her three children did not have any allowance when it came to a reaction. The only word said was a faint " _Ow"_ from Margo as her mother pulled her hair into it's signature do. Agnarr was eating pretty fast, as if he stopped chewing then he might have to be the one to break the silence. Anna just looked down at her meal. Her phone was vibrating, and the clock on the wall was ticking. Other than that there was no sound.

"You'll have to drive us, I can't manage the wheel in this state." Astrid finally said as she pushed her daughter off of her and exited the house. Agnarr dropped his fork and got up.

"Come with," he told Anna. It sounded like a question but she was pretty sure it was not. So she followed him forward, leaving her plate on the counter. Everyone piled into the car, Anna made sure she sat in the third row. From there she was free to scroll through her phone. Sorren was next to her and he seemed to have caught that Hans was the one texting her.

 _Sorry. Busy morning._ Anna typed. She was going to hold off messaging him until they met after church, but she had to do something to get him to stop messaging her while Sorren was within range.

 _What's wrong with you?_ That one was from Elsa, and Anna made sure she was in the correct conversation before she responded.

 _Going with the flow. Your dad asked me to hang out today._ Elsa turned in her seat to meet eyes with her sister. She wasn't even looking at her phone as she typed her reply.

 _Just be careful._ Elsa's expressions said the exact same thing. The family exited the car without saying any farewells to one another as they parted ways. Agnarr called Anna over to sit next to her in the front passenger seat. She hunched her shoulders and climbed her way up the car.

"So what are we doing?"

"There's something I have been dying to do for so long." Agnarr put the car in reverse and without really looking over his shoulder or even checking the mirrors he moved the car way into the back of the parking lot. The church was massive and it's parking lot overtook a large plot of land. There weren't many cars near the back of it. Agnarr stopped his vehicle straddling a yellow line.

"Fuck all," he answered as he put the car in park. He tuned the radio to a country station and jumped out of the car. Anna watched him as he rounded the car and opened the hatchback. He sat down at the edge of the open trunk and lit a cigarette. Anna unbuckled her seat belt and joined the man.

"We aren't doing a thing?" she said as she sat next to Agnarr.

"Exactly," he offered Anna up a drag and she declined with a wave. He wasn't dejected but he also was not done offering vices. He reached out for a beer. It was cold from spending a mild November night in the car. Anna accepted because it was a Boxer beer and it reminded her of her mother.

"You know, this is great. I always wanted to spend time more with you." Agnarr sounded like he was trying to convince himself that not going to service was actually a good idea, that there was some kind of benefit to upsetting Astrid. Anna knew she benefited from it. The more she was his comrade and the more he made comments like these, the easier it was for Anna to secure her address. "Just with work, and well, I couldn't bring myself to take up any of Elsa's valuable time."

"Yeah, it is nice, we'll just cut in the good lord's time instead." Anna felt like such a dork having put that phrase together but Agnarr laughed it off.

"So you aren't God fearing then? I find it a little surprising. It was your mother that roped me into it in the first place."

"Yeah, well no matter how hard she held onto the idea that someone was watching out for her, things never worked."

"Fair enough. You're a tough kid, I'm not sure you need the extra leg up anyways."

"I wouldn't turn down a more tangible handout." Anna took her first swig of the beer. It brought forth a nostalgic feeling. She wondered if that was what Agnarr was trying to recreate right now. Sitting in the back of a car with a girl that looked a lot like one he used to love, listening to songs that always seemed to be playing on the radio, felt wistful.

"You're going to do well here Anna. You aren't like your sister. You have a natural ability to adapt and rise to the occasion. I won't say it's effortless because I can relate to your situation growing up but I can say that you seem to channel that drive in the right places. Elsa isn't that astute and ends up wasting a lot of purpose."

It was a fair assessment of Elsa, although it came off a bit cruel. He was her father, and Anna had watched Elsa fall in line to the pressures put on by Astrid and him. If Agnarr was trying to guide Elsa along then he hadn't picked the right things either. Still what Anna was witnessing here felt like a more genuine side of the man than any of the Fjelstads were used to seeing. He seemed to be purposefully pulling away from the reign Astrid had on the household. It was likely he had not had a hand in steering his children. This rebellion was meant to put an end to that.

"So where do you stand with God?" Anna questioned him.

"Oh I fear him. But I am worried over too many things these days to be bothered by what he might do to me."

"Am I supposed to offer a shoulder here? I mean we make an interesting combo, we might not be on the same ship but we are probably in the same fleet."

"Following the orders of the same commander?" Agnarr said with a crow in his throat that was not able to fully become a laugh.

"I don't call this following Astrid's orders." Anna said as she took her second sip of her beer. Agnarr was looking forward out onto the moving road. Anna admired him for a moment. He shared Elsa's jawline and Anna watched it tense. He looked like his eldest daughter did when she was ordering words in her head. He was thinking of what to say next.

Anna had never wondered why Agnarr and her mother split. It benefited her very little for that couple to remain bonded. It would have even cost her her life. But looking at him she thought it would have been good for Iduna to have saved that relationship. Agnarr had made something out of himself. While Anna was privy to a troubled past, he had managed to do something her mother never had. Although he was at the centre of the most traumatizing moment of her life, Anna found herself proud that he had laid claim over his child. Anna was not so sure how well off she or Elsa would have been if that moment had not motivated Iduna so much.

"It's hard having kids," Agnarr said eventually. It was a similar statement to the one Elsa had made that morning. Anna wondered if she was truly the reason everyone was crumbling.

"I feel like I've upset your family's balance."

"Oh no, trust me. It's not you. I mean it's a shake up for sure. I won't lie to you, it always has been. Let me tell you something you might not know about sobriety because that mama of yours hasn't quite made it passed this point." Agnarr tossed his lit cigarette out onto the asphalt so that he could freely move his hands as he spoke.

"It doesn't work if you don't do it for yourself and when you're a parent you don't do a single thing for just you. It doesn't matter how many days you've been sober. You cannot keep it up if you are doing it for anyone other than you. Even doing it in God's name has put a wedge between me and him. It affects everyone you are doing it for. Suddenly it's trickled down to your youngest child, that has not the slightest clue why you can't bare to hold them, they look at you like you've betrayed them because you are scared they might see you shake."

"But your kids can support you. They want you at your best."

"Don't take that on Anna. Do not take your mama on. You don't do her any good carrying the weight for her." Agnarr wasn't looking at Anna, he was shaking his head staring at the rocks in the pavement.

"I don't know how Elsa does her any better by giving her the cold shoulder." It was a sore subject, Anna was happy to be able to actually talk about it and defend her position.

"Well I've been on the other end of that, I can tell you you are right to be inflamed by it. It hurts. But you're mom is going to drink either way. I pray that she finds a way to put it behind her. But your children should never be the method." Anna heard the man's words. It was dispelling everything she had fought for. When she was a little girl her family was a trifecta bond stronger than the holy trinity itself. In Anna's mind, it wasn't until they were pulled apart that things started to unravel. Anna had put everything she had to hold up the weight of two daughter's instead of one.

"Are you clean?" Anna asked because she did not want the attention on her anymore. His words were something she would rather dissect when she was alone again.

"Day 6."

"Oh," Anna did not have to ask if Elsa knew. This bit of information was answering a question she had had the moment she saw father and daughter in a room together again.

"Yeah, I'm going to do it differently this time. It's going to hurt more now so it doesn't have to hurt as much moving on." Agnarr had been taking large mouthfuls of his Boxer beer, when he finished his statement he moved to finish his beer. Anna was trying to remember the type of drugs her mother would say Agnarr preferred. She always made a point to say that booze was nothing compared to what Agnarr had exposed Elsa to when she was just a baby.

"I have to make amends with you Anna. I'm not there yet, but I want you to know that you are very high up on my list."

"Oh," Anna realized she had said that just a moment ago already. But she didn't have anything to offer Agnarr. So she gave him the rest of her beer and he took it from her handily. After another long stretch of silence he lit another cigarette. Anna's phone vibrated and she was sure for a moment that it was her mother. Perhaps she had sensed the pair talking about her and was ready to reach out. Anna wondered if she would or should try to approach her a different way. Agnarr did not look like he was in the most promising position for his sobriety, but he also seemed so sure of himself, and even at peace with the upheaval of his family.

It was a strong statement to make, to be willing to fracture the people he cared for more in life to get himself back, it was admirable. It was different from what her mother did. Iduna offered more than she could deliver every single time. It chipped away at both her daughter's when she eventually failed them. Agnarr was not making any more promises. He was offering pain without disappointment. Maybe Anna could do the same with Iduna. She could offer less support and in turn be stronger for her. Anna had lots of time to decide because the message she received was not from her mother but Hans again.

_I think I see you._

"Oh Anna, I am in a world of pain with you, aren't I?" Agnarr's eyes were looking far down the parking lot. Anna craned her next that direction unsure of what would have elicited such a comment. Hans was walking through the parking lot, heading in their direction. They were meant to meet after church. Anna waved shyly, suddenly remembering the onslaught of photos she had accidentally requested. Her face turned bright red and Agnarr noticed because he bumped his shoulder into hers and nudged her forward with a laugh.

"Knock em' dead redhead." Anna grabbed at Agnarr's beer and took a gulp of it before making her way to meet her school mate. Her phone vibrated and Anna took a quick glance at it. It was finally her mother.

_Do you have any cash?_


	8. Parade South

**Anna**

In Anna's foster homes there was always a clear divide between the sexes. Crossing the threshold between bedrooms was an easy way to get ridiculed. It was the quickest way to bring attention to yourself. Even when the redhead was young, boys of all ages were always coming into her space, making propositions and invitations. Most of the time it made Anna's skin crawl but a handful of times the girl found herself tempted.

When she was younger Anna was always comforted by the fact that she would never have to figure out the intricacies of the teenage boys in her group homes. She never imagined herself as one of the older girls joining in on the game. She had too much faith in Iduna to ever prepare herself for adolescence in the system. Every time she left a home, she said her goodbyes to being in the system, only to have to greet it again eventually.

The redhead did not even notice when she had stepped into the roll of _older_. From one moment to the next the teasing from the boys turned from harmless prodding to long and more forceful touches. It was easy to keep things from escalating. Anna had learned from observing. A punch on the shoulder went a long way. Still, _no_ was not the most respected word in these scenarios. Whether they were encouraging or in efforts to stop the attention in its tracks, most reactions to the toying escalated the spotlight. Anna had managed to go unscathed. She had gleaned that it was best to stay away from boys with too much confidence and the ones without any.

Anna did not always want to say no. She purposely did not get a lot of attention at school. She wore her hair in braids in order to draw attention away from her maturing body and often donned her mother's boyfriend's t-shirts to veil herself. The allure of her foster homes was that she was normally only in temporary housing. She rarely saw the same faces twice. It was easier to say yes to strangers.

It was harder to say no once things got heated. But Anna managed to explore herself and others without ever going past her own comfort zone. She experimented enough to find a spot where she was comfortable in her own identity. The part she struggled with was how sexual she actually was. If Elsa called herself a deviant, Anna settled on being a fiend. She felt like if she could gain an attraction to her own sister then she could probably fantasize about anyone.

It was the fiend in her that had managed to have a crush on Hans. It wasn't the onslaught of pictures that peaked her interest. It was the way he had managed himself when Anna met him in the middle of the parking lot. She had no control of the tears that had built up in her eyes, or the tremor that was raking her body. He had asked her if everything was fine, he put his hands on her shoulders as if his lifelong duty was to protect her. Hans instantly felt like someone she had had on her side for her entire life as his teeth barred like an angry animal in Agnarr's direction.

"What did he say to you? I'll kill him," He'd managed to say both forcefully and soothingly.

"It's not him," Anna answered hurriedly as she let herself be pulled into an embrace. "It's my phone, it's my mom."

Hans had led her away from the parking lot and brought her to a fancy sports car. Anna didn't know anything about the style of car, just that it was red, small and likely very expensive. He opened the door for her and the car's engine complained as he drove it at the speed limit. Hans put his hand on her leg, not in the way the boy's at her foster homes did. This came out as loving.

"You want to talk about it? Or do you just want to drive?"

"Drive," Anna answered, but she added, "for now," because she felt like she was in a familiar place with this stranger. She'd sat in the office of a dozen different counselors that tried to create this type of comfort and openness. Somehow this highschooler had been able to do so within seconds.

Hans stopped the car at a park, they were on the outskirts of town because most structures around were new and in pristine condition. This park was still made up of large pieces of timber that had been weathered by the rain. If you ran your hand against the grain you would likely get a splinter or two. There wasn't any snow on the park, but the metal parts had a hint of frost on them.

Hans walked slightly ahead of Anna and chose to stop at the swing sets. The set once housed four swings, but one was just a set of chains, another had been cherry flipped and was wrapped around the top bar so tightly that it would not be worth the effort to get in down. The other was a little infant bucket seat. Hans motioned for Anna to sit on the only available swing. She sat down and let her fingers grip the cold chains. The boy's hands were soon on her back, pushing her forward.

"Well it isn't chem, but at least we are in a school yard," Hans commented. Anna smiled at the remark. She really should be studying. Anna had heard her phone go off a few times. The girl had somehow managed to get popular because Merida was constantly sending her gifs, and Mulan always had some adjustments to make to their lessons or scheduling. Elsa was actually initiating text conversations, and well then there was Hans, who did not spend more than an hour without sending her a message. Her phone could be vibrating for any one of those reasons, yet her mother was still awaiting a response.

"I'm sorry, I can't even think about opening a book right now."

"Well you're lucky I'm good at what I do. We can skip as many study dates as you want and I can get you passing your classes." Hans gave her an extra hard push as if to add an exclamation to this offer.

"I don't think I want to do it that way again." Anna felt the wind break as she swung up high.

"Well then a quick push won't hurt us too much."

"Do you cheat on your own work?" Anna asked, and as her body swung back towards Hans, he didn't lift his hands to propel her forward.

"Sometimes. Not because I don't know the answers but because I don't have many other ways to get a break." Anna couldn't see Hans's face but she felt comfortable in his honesty.

"That's not the worst reason to cheat."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. You know I marked the actual test. I didn't have anything to do with it but I was still proud of the results." Hans pushed himself forward and caught the chains of the swing. It caused an abrupt halt in Anna's inertia, the chains rattled and swayed against Hans as a result.

"I don't know about that." She said, his body seemed too busy stopping her momentum, to notice how close the pair was.

"You would have placed for four classes Anna." Hans's voice landed near her ear.

"Four's not enough." Anna said. It was true but mostly she voiced it to hear his encouragement.

"Nothing is ever enough at Arendelle."

"How much are you charging me to make me feel better?" Anna jested. She turned her head to him. Hans's back was curved down at her, his hands were holding the chain above hers. Anna could feel the rise and fall of his chest. They shared a smile into the closeness.

"Well I already got your number, and since we aren't studying I could call this a date. So I think my expenses are paid."

"I don't know if I should open some books or open my wounds." Anna wiggled in a bit and the rattle of the chains matched her chime.

"Why not both? Then we can stay in the gray area that is courting for a while longer." They both chuckled a little, each with their own hint of nervousness exposed.

"Sure but take this phone from me first, I really don't want to be tempted to answer." Anna broke eye contact to fish out her vibrating phone.

It was not too cold to sit at the old wooden picnic tables with a text book and two journals. Anna had left all her things in Agnarr's car, so Hans sat close so they could read over the shared text. The tutor fell into the session with ease. He was not as good as Mulan was at finding clever ways to feed her memorization but he was pretty confident in the materials. The cadence of his voice was relaxed.

Anna's phone would alter their concentration. Hans was charged with being the one to look at who it was messaging. "It's your sister again." He said this time as he read out the caller. "Er. I mean your cousin. Shoot."

"You know about that?" Anna took the phone from him and hit ignore. She was surprised by the revelation. Anna felt like such a dirty secret, with each bond she was making here, she had to lie. It felt like such a relief to be starting a relationship without lying for Astrid.

"Well yeah. Sorren told me. Almost accidentally. He agreed that you were cute and when I made fun of him for liking his cousin he told me about you and Elsa and Astrid. He seemed to enjoy having it off his chest."

"Therapist to all." She said easily.

"Yeah, well it all sounds so complicated. Especially when you are crying in the middle of the church parking lot because of something your mom said."

"She's just always a bit disappointing, you know?" Anna wasn't sure how they had jumped all the way into this conversation but the realization that there was someone out there that she could not only freely talk to about these things with, but actually wanted to offer the support, was very alluring. Anna was sure to jump right in.

"Sorren didn't have kind words about her. But the way he was talking made it sound like he was repeating things his mom has said."

"I don't think that our moms have ever interacted. I'm sure if they ever did the whole side of this planet would have blown off."

"What did your mom want?" Anna let out an icy breath and gave herself permission to be honest.

"Money, I haven't spoken to her in almost two weeks. And she should know I don't even have any. But that's still what she was after."

"I don't know much about it, we're strangers, you and I. But I know Sorren and he might have hinted that he cares for you. So I can help you. If you need money, or time or shoulders." Hans winked as he laid out his offer. He had made a similar statement when he offered her a coffee and a dubious solution to her exams but this was different. Anna had never outwardly been offered something so kind. She wasn't sure if she could believe it, even though it felt so sincere.

"Thanks, but I can't accept that. Well the money part at least."

"Did I just bag a time slot for a real date?" Anna felt her face go hot red. She even felt the cold burn her as the heat started radiating off of her cheeks.

"I might have been a little too forward with my texts this morning. I appreciate the enthusiasm and the context that followed, but I stepped on the gas pedal when I should have tapped the brakes. That's my lame analogy but you like cars so... I apologize for it profusely and for leading you on. I'm sorry. Can we please remain to tutor and tutee for now?" Anna was cracking her knuckles as she spoke. She was not sure what was happening between her and Hans. She found him charming and genuine, but mostly kind. She knew it was unkind to lead him on, but there was also a very important thing she was missing out on exploring.

Elsa wanted Anna to be sure of herself when they finally came together. If she could feel something budding inside of her in the presence of this school mate then would ignoring it be detrimental to what Elsa hoped for them? Anna knew she would have to find a way to decipher the butterflies in her stomach. In a way that wouldn't lead Hans on, and one that would not hurt her sister.

"I would be honoured to have you as my tutee." Anna wanted to fawn at how graceful his response was.

"Oh god. Please let that not be my new nickname."

"Gotta embarrass you somehow tutee. Cause I'm still pretty mortified about how forward I was this morning." Now Hans was blushing. Anna decided if her feelings for Elsa were not real, that she would likely fall for this guy.

"I guess I deserve it."

"It will stick until something better comes up and I can say something along the lines of _Hi this is Anna my girlfriend_."

"I can live with that as long as it's never _this is Tutee, my girlfriend_." Anna barely recognized what she was saying until it was already in Hans's head. The part of him that was mortified seemed to quell. She had to remind herself to reign it in.

"You know what's fun? Chemistry. Please tell me all about Aqueous solutions again. Please."

"Sure thing Toot." Hans did not miss a beat. He went back to lecturing her, but his smile did not falter even as he started talking about the least captivating thing in existence.

Anna was home early. It had been too cold to work outside for very long. She walked into the Fjelstad household to find all the lights still off and the security system still armed. She panicked a bit as she stared at the panel and tried to recall the vague instructions Elsa had given her. She got the code right and said a secret thanks to Mulan who had been working on her memory skills more than she had been teaching Anna individual subjects.

Anna's breakfast plate was still on the table and she picked at what was still edible and paced around the main floor. Anna had not been alone in two weeks, and that was a strange thing since she was more likely to go two weeks without seeing an adult than without having a chance to just be by herself. She used to feel very lonely but the quiet of the house was very welcome.

Anna waltzed over to the calendar Astrid so meticulously put together. She had yet to make a spot for Anna's name, as if her whereabouts were of no concern. At this point of Sunday afternoon, Margo was in Sunday school, Astrid at the Church committee. Beside Agnarr's name was a symbol of a diamond with a circle around it. Sorren had hockey and Elsa's name was blank but a large black square blocked out the next several hours.

Anna deduced she had around two hours to be by herself. She smiled as she connected her phone to the house's bluetooth sound system and pressed shuffle on all her songs. The first one to come on was the mood Anna chose to embrace, the cords were vibrant and bounced and she let herself fall into a silly dance. Anna let the lyrics fill her mind and replace the turmoil that was persistently pestering her.

Her socks on the hardwood floors slipped smoothly as Anna went through the fridge and the cupboards looting for some sort of snack. The diet in this household was very strict. But Anna knew there had to be some sort of hiding spot somewhere. Her diet consisted of instant noodles and chips. Anna was dying for some sodium these days. Eventually she was forced to settle for crackers and a glass bottle of fizzy water.

Anna went up the refuge that was her shared bedroom and fell onto the bed. She had left all her study materials in Agnarr's car. She had different subjects she could focus on, but the redhead couldn't bring herself to think about her studies. Anna pulled out her phone to raise the volume on her music. She had three unread messages from her mother. Anna scrolled passed her mom's name and opened her conversation with Hans.

_Thanks for the ride, and the study/therapy session. (:_

After hitting send Anna brushed her thumb along the screen and reviewed the back and forth that occurred between her and this boy. His pictures weren't too far away and she was scrolling through the half dozen he had sent that morning. It did not feel innocent to have these on her phone or to be talking to him at all. Anna's stomach was telling her it did not care for Elsa's feelings. There was excitement brewing inside her. Suddenly alone in the grand house for the first and maybe last time ever, Anna was very aware of a harmless way of deciding whether or not she was capable of having feelings for anyone other than Elsa.

Once the idea popped into her head, Anna did not hesitate to let her left hand start to graze her skin. Her arms were bare and she ran the tips of her finger along herself. If she barely came into contact with her own skin she was more aware of the touch. It felt less like her touch and more like if she had company. The music that played over the house's stereo was slow and kinda dull, but Anna matched it either way. She jumped to her neck as she used her free hand to scroll through her phone.

She started at the photograph she last received from Hans. It was the most innocent of all. Just a selfie of his warm smile, with his skinny tie done in a sleek half-windsor. He was smiling into the camera much like he had with her throughout the day. The image did not make her want to dive deeper into her shirt. She swiped it away.

In the next photograph he was styling his hair, and it showed a more silly side of him. Without any hair product his hair fell around his head in a messy tangle. It almost seemed wizardly that he could style it all in one direction after seeing it tousled like this. Anna liked the less put together part of him. It felt like his confession earlier, that he cheated at school just to get a reprieve from the front he had to put up to attend Arendelle Academy.

Anna allowed her hand to move over her chest. She didn't follow her skin, she grazed herself over her shirt. The material of her tee was thin and her bra did not have any padding. She felt her fingers just as acutely as if there were no barriers. The smoothness of her cotton shirt actually added to the sensation. She looked at her tutor's eyes as her nipple responded to her touch. It barely flared up.

Anna thought that if Hans was with her now, if she had nothing holding her back, she would likely want to run her hands through his hair and mess up all the work he had put into it. Picturing him present made her stomach feel like there was a string wrapped around it and it was being pulled down inside her.

Anna swiped the picture. This was the most boring of the set. Hans was holding up two different coats, and trying to portray his indecision. It seemed too posed and fake. It did nothing for the red head. She deleted it. Hans was brushing his teeth in the next pic, and his open mouth was in a smile, his teeth were barred and Anna could make out a dimple in his cheek. It wasn't sexy. But since she liked the picture she explored it by pinching her nipple. The mount of nerves hardened at the sensation.

Anna put the phone down on her stomach. The picture had brought up it's own images of Hans's mouth. To explore her feelings, she let her mind wander and allowed it to imagine his lips falling on her breast, eliciting the sensations she was pulling out of herself. Her body was certainly responding. Out of all of Hans's features Anna could admit that his thin lips were the most attractive. They fed into a sort of femininity he had. The picture was at least starting up her exploration. Anna picked her phone back up and looked at the next photo. The next photo was of Hans with his hand over his face. He had captioned it by saying _I don't know what I'm doing._ Anna knew it was bashfulness from having sent a photograph of his exposed torso. Anna barely, looked at it. She swiped to the first pic he had sent.

In the morning she had been so embarrassed to have received the photo that she looked it over very quickly. It had been enough to flush her face but looking at it now urged Anna to accelerate her ministrations. Her hand left her breast and she shoved it into her pants. She was doing this for herself, there was no need to linger or to be ginger. Anna did not need foreplay. She just wanted to answer the question: was _there anyone else for her other than Elsa?_

Her eyes locked with the image as she grazed her clit. She knew the touch she liked best and she did not really want to play with herself. She wanted to know if Hans could stir anything real in her. Her touch felt undoubtedly good. She had neglected herself, out of lack of privacy, out of lack of time, and even because she came here wanting to finish what she started with Elsa. She rather her sister's hands on her than her own. Was that true of Hans also?

The edge of Han's shirt barely covered his own nipple, and Anna pictured reaching out for it, and twirling it in her fingers like she just had done to herself. She imagined feathering her touches over his structured abdomen. There was heat building up inside her. Anna could not deny that. Her imagination traveled to the rim of his pants and shoved into them, she had one real life experience with touching a boy like that, it had been awkward and in the end more horrifying than satisfying. Thinking of touching Hans did not take her back to that moment. It elevated the feeling she was creating between her legs.

Anna looked at the photo. She focused hard on Hans, and she upped her fervour. She'd hit a plateau. Her eyes were not seeing anything else particularly moving, the dimple, his mouth, his messy hair. They fed her but only to a certain point and she was starting to get frustrated as her clit started getting numb to her rubbing. She circled back around to the most brazen image and it helped a bit as Anna stopped going so hard and relaxed a bit. She meant to go back to a different image, pacing herself was a better plan of action. Yet she swiped in the wrong direction, the picture that popped up was Elsa's.

Anna could barely move her fingers. The blood had left the digits and joined the parade south. Her heart kicked up to centre it's force fully between her thighs. Anna barely had to move her fingers to feel the pleasure of their presence. She had asked herself a question and the answer was right in front of her. The picture of her sister would likely be one of her favourite for all of time, still she swiped it away. She was at the height of arousal. She had never brought herself to this point on her own accord. But she had never thought of using Elsa as her porn. The image of a practically shirtless Hans looked so idiotic now. Anna just dropped the phone on her stomach and made better use of her right hand.

Anna felt the shift in her body, the difference was everywhere. Her slick wetness, the goosebumps, the unconscious rocking of her hips. Anna's eyes did not want to stay open, they could picture Elsa so much better when shut. Suddenly Anna was transported where the sister's had left off. Anna was in her old apartment. Her back on the old couch. Anna's hand took the role of Elsa's mouth as she rolled her nipple between her fingers. Elsa had not put her hand down Anna's pants but Anna had been easily this aroused if not more. Was it possible to cum with no stimulation to her crouch, Anna wondered as she felt herself match the height Elsa had her in. She had been so close without even having sex with her sister. The way Anna was touching herself now, she knew she had been seconds away before her mother had called out her name.

"Anna?" Anna heard that, it was a voice just like her mother's but it was not in her dream state. It was in Astrid's house piercing through the elevated volume of her music. It was at the door and looking at her. Both of Anna's hands jumped out away from her pleasure points and slapped her in the face. Anna hid behind them and stayed still, flat on her back.

"Oh God. Kill me please."

"I'm sorry," Elsa offered. Anna wanted to die when the voice rang inside the room. Why was Elsa coming in? Not only that she sat at the edge of the bed. Anna felt the shift but she was too mortified to react to her nearing sister.

"I didn't see this activity of yours on today's calendar." Elsa was actually making fun of Anna. Anna could feel her skin burn the palm of her hands.

"Elsa! Please shut up, go away, pretend I never existed. Forget all about me."

"I've tried that," Elsa was still in jest. She was chuckling even. "I hated every second of it."

Anna melted a bit as Elsa let her jokes become a sweet sentiment. But it didn't last as Anna felt her phone get plucked off her stomach. Anna jumped up instantly and smashed her head on the bunk bed, that was something Elsa would normally react to but she was staring at Anna's phone. The redhead knew right away that her dumb cell had not timed out, her sister was staring at an image of Hans. Elsa's face was very expressive. Most people would call her stoic, but they likely did not know Elsa well enough. The blonde's face told many stories. If Anna had blinked she would have missed every single one.

Elsa handed the phone back and by the time it was in Anna's hands, the blonde had forced all her emotions back. Her breath came out in both a sigh and an inhale. Anna opened her mouth to offer an explanation she was kinda relieved when Elsa put her hand up to cut her off. She didn't have a single word to say. She did not know how to explain what she had just been doing.

"I asked for this," Elsa stated. "And I'm okay with it." The blonde winced a bit. She brought her hands to her face and pulled her cheeks down. Her fingers stopped over her mouth, her eyes were cast up but they weren't looking at anything. Elsa held that pose for a moment. She was thinking, Anna knew that but she had no idea what.

After a beat her sister's icy blue eyes met hers, and Anna saw her lips upturn of an instant. She dropped her hands. One fell to her side and the other reached out to Anna. Finger's coiled around Anna's neck. The hold was nothing like the forceful touch Elsa had on her the night of the _incident_ but it did bring Anna back, she was already struggling to come down from her excitement. This was not helping. Elsa had no intent of sexually stimulating this encounter. She was still noticeably deflated as she pulled Anna forward. Their foreheads met. Their eyes met. Anna licked her lips.

She wasn't sure if she wanted to kiss Elsa. Anna had decided to take her sister's request very seriously. It was the sole reason she was even considering Hans. Yeah, kissing wasn't against the rules they did not have in place, yet Anna was enjoying trying to make an informed decision about Elsa. She could not say it was fun, it was borderline torture. But it was for the best. In the long run. It was kinda like what Agnarr had said that morning, that things should hurt more now so there is less pain later. The sounds of someone in the house startled Anna. Their door was wide open. Elsa again didn't seem phased.

"Someone's here," Anna tried to pull back. Elsa however, did not relinquish her hold.

"That's just my friend Megara, she's looking for something. She will let herself out." Anna thought that was strange but Elsa had started coming back to her with the contact of their skin, so the redhead relaxed again.

Elsa sighed and dropped herself onto the bed. Anna stayed sitting up, hunched in the bunk. She was still wondering if she should offer some sort of explanation. Instead she dropped herself down in the small wedge of space she had between the wall and her sister. She seemed to always get stuck in the inside of this bunk.

"You need some more privacy?" Elsa asked. She put the question out to break the tension. Anna rolled her eyes. "Or would you like me to stay?" The redhead knew this statement was more than just a pithy comment. Elsa was asking where she stood in line. It felt against the no rules rules to even consider touching herself for Elsa to see. Anna sighed.

"Moment's over." It was. Anna had the answer she was looking for. Hans was attractive, he was kind, he was boyfriend material. In another life thoughts of him could likely send Anna off the edge. If Anna was a normal teenage girl, she would have hit the jackpot. Anna was not the fiend she was calling herself earlier. She was normal in the respect that she could see the enticing aspects of other people. Her deviance was that she wanted nothing to actually do with them. Elsa was lying next to her pouting but what she had just witnessed was actually a giant leap in her direction, even if she didn't know it yet.

"Elsie baby? You might want to see this."

Anna's hairs stood at the end of goosebumps. The only person that called Elsa, _Elsie Baby,_ was their very drunk mother. The voice that called out did so in a slur, akin to drunkenness but more along the lines of sexual. Anna knew Elsa was wallowing in her own jealousy right now but Anna's suddenly reared. It did not help that it also had her thinking about her mother.

"Ugh," Elsa who always sounded so kept made the sound of a pissy teenager as she lifted herself up and walked out the room. She even slammed the door. Anna stayed put up against the wall. She had two choices here. She could either follow Elsa and tap into the green that was likely growing out of her pores or she could put that thought out of her mind and finally read her messages from her mother.

Anna was suddenly thinking about how affectionate Iduna was when she was really wasted. She always smelled a little like booze, even when she was stone cold sober. Therefore it was sometimes a surprise. It was this unexpected moment, when she would sit down close to either one of her daughters. She liked to put her weight on the girls in one way or another, whether it be her head on Anna's shoulder, or her legs draped over Elsa's lap. It always started sweet, it always filled Anna with the warm of love but the affection always darkened when it hit. With Elsa it was _Elsie Baby,_ always. It was such a tell that she was off the wagon or had gone too far. With Anna it was _I'm sorry._

Anna reached for her phone and saw the texts her mother had sent that were still awaiting a response. Iduna's apology was not there. Anna had to believe that these messages were sober. History was telling her that they were. It was barely a victory. The texts were a call for help, and if Anna did not heed them, it was likely that her mother would end up in prison. Her parole mandated she complete her rehab, however vague the messages were, it seemed like Anna's mother was not going to be able to recover without some financial assistance.

Anna did not respond to her mother's text. She flipped through her contacts and messaged Hans instead.


	9. Turn Sour

**Elsa**

The blonde already regretted her decision. Her desperation had gotten the best of her. It was a mistake. A huge and idiotic mistake. She was nearing the point of no return. A seat belt unclicking would set the night into motion. Elsa was not enough of an optimist to imagine things going favourably. If she voiced that concern she was sure Anna would tell her that the night would be what Elsa made of it. If she was going to get out of the car then the outcome was up to her. Anna might say that, or she might just roll her head back and then feed Elsa a set of puppy dog eyes. The same ones that convinced Elsa to bring Anna along in the first place.

It had been eight days since her date with Anna. If they weren't sisters then the track record of interactions Elsa had shared with Anna since then would all point to their relationship being over before it even started. It had been seven days since Elsa last attended a party and saw Pheobus. It had been six days since Elsa caught Anna fantasizing over a boy in her grade. If they weren't sisters then, Elsa would be fighting to move on from her crush into something new. But they were sisters. For whatever reason that meant that the normal rules of engagement were out the window. It is far more complex to court your own blood than deal with the standard teenage dramas.

Elsa did not have anyone to hash out the intricacies of this relationship with. Everything Anna did was open to Elsa's interpretation and hers alone. The internet did not even have anything to offer Elsa, or at least she had not gotten that far in that search before mortifying herself and in turn making herself feel dirtier. Dirty, but not unmotivated. Elsa was sure of what she wanted. She tried to leave herself open for the next opportunity she would have to win Anna over. Elsa spent a week ready to pounce, offering herself to Anna, and getting little reaction.

Anna was simply too busy. At least that was what Elsa told herself the first two days. The redhead had just been uprooted and had to move mountains in order to acclimate herself to this very different world. Elsa always felt that, in a sense, when she used to go visit Anna in her city. Except Elsa had to force herself to unwind while Anna had to pull herself together. She was performing beautifully. Anna always had a book in her hands, even when she was eating she was focused on her school work. She had friends, friends that even seemed genuinely invested in her. Anna returned that to them, and spent a lot of her free time getting closer. Agnarr kept teasing the redhead about the good boy from church. Anna was all too happy to explain these things to the case worker that came over unannounced.

Anna had seemed thrilled to show off her new space, and her current academic achievements. Elsa watched the worker wrap his arms around Astrid and genuinely thank her for taking Anna in. He shook Elsa's father's hand while smiling widely and nodding enthusiastically. It was Elsa's best interest for this drop-in visit to go well, but she had hated how this person had missed obvious signs that Agnarr was not in a good head space. Elsa had tried her best to be noticed, so that she could be remembered by this person when she was ready to take Anna away, but she was out shone by her own sister.

Elsa was miserable, and jealous. By the time it was Saturday she was starting to feel like she was far from Anna's thoughts. Elsa spent three hours after dinner, sitting in the garage with the girl she was tutoring now. She spoke on autopilot, spewing facts, while she thought about how much she missed her sister. Elsa was not the nicest to the over-the-top exchange student that had out bid every one, for every single one of Elsa's studying slots, for the simple fact that she was Anna's friend and therefore responsible for the growing hole Elsa was suffering from. Merida did not seem to care that Elsa was curt. It was obvious that the reason this girl was taking up Elsa's time was because she had a thing for the blonde. Elsa could not bring herself to care, she tried to be nice enough to keep receiving the paycheck. It was a lucrative set of hours, even though they were keeping Elsa from climbing into the bottom bunk bed, shoving all of Anna's textbooks aside and putting her hands up her shirt.

When Elsa did make her way up to her bedroom, the twinkle lights were on, her sister was sleeping with a crown of notes around her head. Anna's phone was under her pillow and was vibrating. Elsa reached under her sister and pulled the phone out. The messages coming in were from Merida. _Your cousin is so hot!_ and _Keep sending me good vibes, she will be madly in love with me soon enough_ Elsa knew that Anna was not trying to sell Elsa out, so that she did not have to reject her sister later, but still Elsa couldn't help but feel hurt that Anna might be encouraging Merida.

Elsa put the phone on sleep mode and tucked it back where she had found it. She was eager to have one night of not listening to all the people vying for Anna's attention. The blonde moved all of Anna's school work out of her sister's way. She stared at the space she had freed up on the twin sized bed. Elsa had been making herself small enough to lay next to Anna whenever she could. Her little sister was always welcoming when they stole a few moments in each other's arms. Elsa was practically living off of those minuscule interactions in the mornings. They were the singular bouts of Anna she was getting. At night, Elsa would hold out for an invitation from her sister, but it never came, so she would pull herself up from the top bunk and keep her own breaths quiet so she could hear Anna's.

Elsa lowered herself slowly, and the shift in the mattress alerted Anna to her sister's presence. The redhead's body jumped a bit as if she was registering that she had fallen asleep while studying. Elsa shushed her sister back into a relaxed state. Without waking up fully Anna instinctively made space. Elsa settled to where she thought she belonged on Anna's shoulder. She closed her eyes and relaxed. The blonde could tell that her sister was not fully asleep but she also knew she was on the brink, where all her senses were fading and readying for rem. It felt like a safe time to say _I love you_ but a phone vibrated instead.

"Fuck sakes," Elsa reached out for Anna's phone. The redhead was groggy and whispered an apology as Elsa cursedly went to shut the device off. There was no new notification. The buzzing continued and Elsa realized her phone was the offender. This time she was the one saying sorry. She accidentally pushed her limbs into her sister as she rummaged around. Anna was wide awake now, and joined Elsa in the search. She was the first to locate the vibrations.

"It's a call," Anna said as she swiped the icon green. Elsa tried not to look outwardly annoyed that her sister had answered the phone. "It's that Meg girl."

Elsa knew exactly what Megara wanted, and she knew that agreeing to it meant jumping out of contact with her sister. She was ready to end the conversation as soon as possible but Anna was looking at Elsa in a way that had been absent in the last while. Anna's expression was unabashedly covetous. Telling Elsa that Anna did not like Meg. At this point Elsa felt that any emotion was better than the sisterly un-affection she had been receiving.

"I'm coming with you," Anna said once Elsa brought her phone down. Elsa was ready to say no but her sister reached out and put her hand on Elsa's thigh. She'd made the mistake of saying yes all because she was lonely. The only time since then that Elsa had been able to say no to Anna was when she went into the liquor store and started loading up on bottles of hard alcohol. Meg had said the party she was supplying had blown up, they were desperate for more booze. The blonde practically had to agree to supplying the party just to keep Meg from going into any of the details of their arrangements while Anna was within ear range. They had the rest of their conversation via text as Anna picked through Elsa's clothing for something to wear.

"One drink. You are allowed one drink. Beer preferably." Anna had her hands on the pane of glass on the passenger's seat. Her body was bouncing in anticipation. Elsa would normally bask in her sister's glee, but she felt a sinking in her stomach.

"Can we go yet?"

"We're just waiting on Meg to help bring everything in."

"I can't believe we are going to a real party. I mean look at that house. You could get lost in there. And it's filling up with people. Do you think they have a pool? Do they serve food at these things?"

"Can we take a moment to remember that we both spawned from addicts?"

"I heard you about the one drink thing." Anna turned back to look at the window. "I can't wait til my friends get here. I'm still in shock that Merida convinced Mulan. I'm actually still in shock you said yes to any of this."

"Just don't make me regret it." A tap on the window startled both Elsa and Anna. They had both been too focused on one thing to see Megara approach. Elsa met her old friend outside of the car.

"You brought me a gift?" Meg asked as she eyed Anna up. The redhead had her arms in the air stretching as if she was about to go run a marathon.

"Did you bring me my cash?" Elsa's hushed tone was serious but it barely phased Meg, who just shrugged and rounded the trunk of the car.

"Oh, Elsie Baby, you never disappoint." Meg was rubbing her palms together as she eyed up the couple dozen bottles of alcohol Elsa had the nerve to purchase. Meg was only just seventeen. Elsa always wondered if she abused anything she peddled. Or if the trail of vague text messages would ever lead back to her, if Meg did not wake up one Sunday morning. The one time Elsa questioned her culpability, Meg had said simply "You're a beautiful, rich, white girl. A kid dies from this and you will still be University in the fall."

Elsa did not want any blood on her hands. Not Meg's, or a random kid at a party. She thought removing the large supply of drugs from her father was a good idea at the time. He had been holding enough to off himself, it had felt righteous to take it away and sell it in more manageable quantities to her peers at the Academy. But it was all weighing on Elsa as she watched her little sister try to balance seven bottles of hard booze and make her way into the sounds of a bass.

Elsa reached out and grabbed an equal load. Meg was fumbling over Anna, she was not carrying her fair share so she could wrap her arm around the redhead's shoulder and lead her into the party. The clinking sound of glass bottles against glass was a familiar sound to Elsa. It was the soundtrack to her early childhood. If she added the layers of music coming from the grand house, the chatter and the laughter, the only sound missing in this orchestrated memory was the light breaths of Anna sleeping beside her.

Elsa could never get a good night's sleep if her mother had people over. Iduna never rented apartments with walls made of any sort of insulation. It was always too cold and always too loud. Elsa was always awake waiting for the glee to turn sour, when the vodka was too much of a good thing and the apartment was filled with swears, the sound of broken glass, sex, and arguments. The flashes of sound Elsa was remembering just kept telling her nothing good happened at parties. It certainly had not been the case the week prior on Elsa's last booze run and as she started recognizing the crowd she knew it would not be again. Elsa cursed herself. She had made a horrible call. The people were smiling now, but all bad fights started with a drunken smile.

Meg dropped the bottle of gin she had wedged in her armpit, and it caused its own explosion of glass at Anna's feet. The redhead yelped and Meg's head rolled back in laughter. Elsa felt like she was under the influence of anxiety. She had no reaction to the girls abandoning their arms full of alcohol and Meg leading Anna into the house, away from Elsa. Elsa had thought her sister would only be capable of following one rule and she had decided the one drink rule was better than the don't leave my side rule. Elsa had been stupid enough to think that Anna wouldn't want to go any where without her sister.

The blonde took a few careful trips to the car and brought in her haul, leaving the bottles for anyone to grab in the kitchen. Hands dove in front of her to get at the bottles. She left the broken glass where it landed close to the front steps of the party, making them someone else's problem. Hers was Anna, only Anna.

Elsa felt a bit of relief when Mulan and Merida entered. The curly haired redhead had the same excitement Anna had and Mulan was reigning her in, saying they should locate Anna. Elsa did not approach them, she thought it best that there be two sets of people looking out for her sister. Elsa wasn't so sure about Merida but Mulan looked more than capable of keeping her friends in check. The blonde did not want Anna to spend her time with the pair over her but it was better than the alternative. It was Elsa's jealousy that got her here in the first place.

Elsa had been in this house many times before. It belonged to Phoebus's family. The age of the people around meant it was the younger of his brother's hosting. Either Kliv or Hans. The fact that Sorren was gaming when the sister's snuck out told her it was the sophomore sibling breaking the family's rules and overtaking the house. Elsa was sure it meant Phoebus was also out of town. Out of the many boys in this family he was the most unrelenting when it came to teenage nonsense. She hadn't heard of Phoebus in exactly a week, since the last party. Even at church the next day he had been unable to look at her.

Elsa went combing the bathrooms for her sister. With no luck, she crossed the unwritten rule of parties that stated upstairs was off limits. The blonde heard the sweet sound of her sister's laugh almost immediately. She rounded the corner into what she knew was the master suite. Meg was draped over the bed wearing a woman's wool tweed suit. Anna was on the floor with her back pressed against the bed skirt of the king sized bed. She was wearing only her bra and underwear and was holding a red solo cup in her hands, laughing through the rim of it. Hans was in the centre of the room with a hanger in each hand, holding up two very offending, expensive outfits that belong to his well-aged mother.

"Please don't make me wear any of those," Anna turned her face as if the glare of the matronly outfits were hurting her eyes. The action drew her attention to the door where Elsa stood planted.

"Hey!" her sister beamed, and she jumped up to her feet. All the modesty her curled up body allowed faded. Her long legs were exposed. The two sides of Elsa were giving her very different messaging. There was a part of her that felt bad that Anna only had raggedy under clothes, and another that wanted to have the power to make the rest of the world fade away including the little amount of clothing her sister was wearing. The one unifying urge was protective of the body that was being raked over by the rest of the room's occupants.

"We should go."

"When I finish my drink. I haven't seen Merida and Mulan yet." Anna purposefully stopped herself too close to her sister. At least Elsa assumed that much. It was hard to know if Anna knew how much she affected her sister. But as Anna rolled on her heels, pushing herself outwards against Elsa for half a second, the blonde felt like she was getting played.

"They are downstairs." Elsa hoped she could get Anna out of this room. She already knew she did not want Anna anywhere near Meg, and felt the same way about Hans, even if for purely selfish reasons.

"You, boy, serve my girl here a drink. Elsie come join me here." Elsa tensed she heard Meg pat the bedding underneath her. Hans had set up a bit of a bar in his parents room and immediately heeded Megara's request. When he approached he handed Elsa a drink and Anna a hanger. Anna's eyes smiled at Elsa before she turned around and walked into the large closet to get dressed.

"Cheers," Meg called out with a lifted glass. Elsa joined her on the edge of the bed and clicked the plastic cup with her old friend's.

"I'm leaving soon, can we settle things now?"

"That's what you said last week. I didn't believe you then and I don't believe your sis has any intention of going." Meg's voice dragged lowly as she spoke between sips of her drink.

"Meg, you haven't paid me for last week either."

"I'm just waiting for you to get squirm so you can tell me why you need it. I can't wrap my head around why you are playing this game with me. Bored maybe? Hooked?" Megara made sure to hang off of Elsa as she punctuated her line of questioning. Elsa was pretty sure that if the party had been running out of alcohol it was because it was all in Meg's veins. Especially if it was Hans that was mixing her drinks. They were especially potent. Megara snapped her fingers suddenly, her spine shot up in response. "No, I know. Abortion. I'm pretty sure I saw you going all the way with that priestly boyfriend of yours last week."

"I'm going to go find my friends." Anna had reentered the room. She had a floral dress on, that was likely the most youthful thing Phoebus's mother owned. Winter was kicking up, but Anna didn't seem to be bothered, as the slightly large dress revealed her shoulders and chest. Her previous glee had faded, she had caught some of what Megara had said. Hans included himself with Anna's search and left the room with her.

"Dating brothers, how neat," Meg was only talking to fill the room Anna had taken the air out of.

"What is your problem Meg? I let you go through my father's things, you got what you wanted. Just pay me so I can get the hell out of here."

"You're my problem Elsa." The thickness Meg liked to pair with her voice was gone. "I have no idea what the hell you are doing these days but you are royally fucking everything up."

"Oh like you care, you love it. You love to see me miserable." Elsa defended. She put her cup down on the carpet and readied to follow her sister. Meg reached out and wormed her fingers along Elsa's wrist.

"You're my best friend. I do care. I don't like seeing you quit skating, I don't like seeing you get high, I hate seeing shit go down with your dad, and I despise the way you look at your sister." Elsa was sure Megara could feel the rush of blood surging through her veins as her heart started pumping faster.

"None of that concerns you, we are not friends." Elsa tried to pull herself out of Meg's grasp but failed.

"You forget that we are. That I've known you since you were little. When you were the rat in our friendship and I was on top. You've forgotten so much so that you thought you had to tell me who Anna was. I was there for you when you first got here. That's why I know things are falling apart for you. I thought I could help you, but I'm doing you more harm than good. You can't have the money until I know what's it for." Elsa sucked in a breath. Megara had not been her friend for years, they shared a childhood but even as they matured separately, Elsa always felt she had an instinctual knowledge of who Meg was. It was clear that Meg too was seeing right through her.

"If you do care, then accept that I can't tell you. If it was only my secret then, I dunno, maybe."

"Elsie? Have you realized that you are ruining yourself for whatever this is? Is it worth it?"

"Yes." Elsa saw Meg relax. She seemed satisfied with the steadfast answer. Elsa had not hesitated and that earned her a release of her wrist.

"I'll get you your money. But I'm done buying from you. Get what you need from a smarter place. And do something about that sister of yours. I can't stand to see how down you've been." Elsa pushed her lips together. She did not have anything to say to her old friend. There was something inside her just wishing she could lower her defenses. Elsa was starved for someone to be on her side. She had to remind herself that no one would ever be on her side, not even Anna was, not until she made some sort of declaration.

Elsa left Meg alone with Hans's mini bar and went off to yank her sister home. Once she was at the bottom of the stairs the music pierced Elsa. It was noticeably hotter on the main level as bodies piled up. The blonde recognized a few faces, many stopped their conversations to look at her. There did not seem to be any seniors in attendance and therefore Elsa was able to move through the crowds.

Anna was dancing with her new friends. They made the shape of a triangle with their bodies, their backs facing the conglomerate of boys trying to subtly make break the fortress. Elsa was relieved because the guards at Anna's side seemed to have no interest in letting them in. Anna's focus was on the music. She wasn't holding a drink anymore. Elsa's anxiety quelled a touch to see her little sister enjoying herself. She leaned up against a wall, where her vantage point was only disrupted when someone walked by. She pretended to look through her phone but her eyes were actually on the languish movements that rolled out of Anna's muscles as she swayed to the dim tempo of the music.

Elsa took deep breaths. She was trying to push aside the creeping numbers in her head that kept telling her she did not have nearly enough money to afford an apartment come the New Year. Without Megara as an ally she had few remunerative endeavours. Elsa's most gainful project might have noticed Elsa looking at her direction, because suddenly Merida was fast approaching. Elsa hated that her first thought was to find a way to exploit the girl, and was bothered with herself when she accepted a dance.

Merida laced her fingers with Elsa's and looked over her shoulder several times as if she might have pulled on Elsa's limb too hard, and the rest of the blonde's body was not following. Once they were in the open space of the living room, Merida stopped Elsa close to her two friends. Anna shot her sister a smile. Elsa knew that Anna had no idea that Elsa had malicious intentions. She tried to convince herself that it was not evil to free up her entire schedule and make this girl continue to over pay her.

Elsa found herself in the middle of three bodies, each fixated on Elsa with their own varying degrees. Mulan was shooting Elsa a look that she often gave her. Although it felt somewhat belittling it was more like she was sizing Elsa up. Merida let her beer make her bold, she wrapped her arm around Elsa's waist and moved her core against the blonde when the music called for it. Anna's eyes were the only ones Elsa held, Anna danced without much rhythm but it was mostly because a smile from Elsa seemed to kick her in the stomach. Her sister didn't seem to have any animosity hanging over her from what she may have heard Meg say. Instead she seemed just as fanatical about the party as she had been at the start. She was laughing along with the music and the silly movements of her friends.

What Elsa thought might be a nightmare was actually becoming something akin to what she could see in the future. If her sister chose to be with her, their outings could be a lot like this. They could share smiles and slow subtle caresses, things that could go under the radar. They could surround themselves with people and pass each other knowing glances. They could play a game where they could reveal just enough of their secret to claim each other without anyone knowing why exactly the sisters belonged to one another every night. Maybe that was why Anna was enjoying herself, there was a chance she could see the same future. Elsa made sure that when her body shot against Merida's it ricocheted and grazed Anna.

Maybe Elsa was the only one that hadn't touched alcohol because as the songs kept changing she was waning. Elsa was about to start refining the unspoken language the sister's could use in the future and use a nod towards the door when Merida pulled at her again and leaned in to her whispering "Let's go for a walk."

It was not subtle, it was noticed by Anna and Mulan, who both let Elsa get tugged away from the group. Elsa had not let herself think too much about how she was going to get the money she needed from this particular redhead. The slower she could manage Merida the more she could charge her for her time. This was only their first day of tutoring, Elsa wondered how much of a taste she needed to give Merida to keep her subscribed.

Merida took Elsa outside in the yard. The night was brisk, it's light snowfall had picked up a bit.

Less people were in the yard, mostly coupled off and escaping the noise for the same reasons Merida had chosen the cold.

"Phew, it was hot in there," Elsa tried. Merida ground her teeth. Her nerves were apparent. She was the loudest of her friends but seemed to have lost her voice now. "Fun though," Elsa added.

"Yeah, I love a good dance. But it's nothing like back home though. Dances there get very competitive. The drinking though, that's pretty much the same. Everyone I know is an alcoholic." Merida let nervous chuckles disturb her words as she spoke. Elsa tried not to react to the comment. It's hard to tell if this was something they had in common or if Merida was just boasting.

"Do you miss home?"

"I miss me mum more than I thought I would."

"Me too," Elsa didn't screen the words before they came out of her mouth. They had not even formed a thought. "I mean that's understandable," she corrected.

"It's better now that I have some people to spend time with."

"We'll be spending lots of time together now. You outbid everyone. Your name is all over my tutoring schedule." Elsa tried to keep her tone light, to let the girl know she was welcome.

"Oh yeah, about that. Guess I'm desperate." Merida's hand flew to the back of her head and she shook out her curls. It was a cute show of tensity.

"I would say I'll have you back in good standings in no time but I think I rather pace myself. I don't always get such endearing pupils." Elsa bumped her shoulder into Merida, enough for her footing to falter. She knew it was important that her body confirm what she was saying. It was part of the play.

"Well it's cheaper for my parents to pay you. Losing my scholarship would be pretty pricey."

"Now what kind of symbiotic relationship would that make our arrangement?" Elsa asked with a raised eyebrow, referencing their earlier study session.

"Mutualism?" Elsa nodded in agreement although she knew she was actually a parasite. The way Merida was beaming, she hoped that she was wrong. Yet Elsa knew she had to lean into manipulation. Iduna had called her the master of it. Ever since then, Elsa had taken ownership of the title. Anyone with a major role in her life was being exploited in one way or another. Some Elsa targeted and some were just the collateral to her object, others fell to her force of habit.

Elsa did not feel like a good person as Merida laced her fingers around hers and veered her back into the house. The shame was short lived as Elsa found Anna with her back against a wall with a drink cup in her hand. Hans was leaned up over the redhead. This seemed to bother both girls connected by their fingers.

"Yep, it's time to go home," Elsa gave Merida an apologetic smile. She thought she would be able to take a breath once she wasn't in contact with her pupil anymore, but Elsa was starting to feel overstimulated. She had enough for the night and was unsure how well she could cope with trying to get Anna out of this party. She couldn't let the exhaustion get the better of her.

"Hey, Anna? Wanna go on a drive?" Anna blinked a few times before she tilted her head towards her sister. Elsa eyed the cup she was holding, it was halfway to empty.

"Gladly," Elsa was surprised by the answer. Hans seemed to be too. When Elsa reached out to Anna and weaved her fingers around her sister's, she was also surprised about how much more natural it felt than the touches she had received from both Merida and Meg.

"I'll text you," Hans called out as Elsa yanked at her sister. Anna made sure to say bye to every single person they weaved around on their way to the exit. Elsa could feel her sister stumble a bit as Elsa kicked up the pace. The cold air was once again welcome as it filled Elsa's lungs. She took a deep breath as she felt her body not only relax but start to feel the aches in her muscles from being so tense all night.

Elsa hadn't given Anna the chance to even put her drink down, the redhead fumbled with it in the car as she tried to put her seat belt on. When she tossed it into the cup holder the fizz of the pop sloshed around. Anna seemed only slightly apologetic, Elsa let it slide. Her sister seemed to have had a good time. Elsa rathered she be mentally exhausted than to have felt like she did last week with Phoebus, when her entire body had betrayed her, and all she wanted to do was find a way out of it. Currently her body felt like a gift, as Anna leaned over the centre console and so she could drop her temple on Elsa's shoulder as she put the car into drive. Elsa loved her skin if it was what connected her to Anna.

The sister's did not talk. Elsa took turns in the wrong direction to stretch out her time. She did not know when Anna would have any to spare. Anna's eyes were fluttering. It looked like her body was battling her mind, begging her to call it a night. All the redhead had to do was turn her neck and place a kiss on Elsa's shoulder and she would win five more minutes of wide eyes. Anna sat up straight when she started to recognize the neighbourhood.

The redhead took her solo cup with her as she dove into the garage. Elsa was slow to follow as she examined the quiet of her home. Olaf was already squeaking in Anna's arms when Elsa reached her sister again.

"He's sleepy," Elsa nagged. The rat was pretty old now, that was all he ever was. Elsa just had to extend her arms a bit and the animal transferred to her. His whiskers ran along her face, and Anna mimicked the light movements by brushing her fingers along Elsa's collar bone, she slipped them under the blonde's braid. It was a familiar touch, one they had exchanged hundreds of times, just not recently.

Olaf rolled into himself in a bed made up of a cut up shirt of Anna's. The redhead was paying the rat no mind. She had not brought Elsa in here to fawn over the little rodent. That was becoming increasingly clear, as Anna took another swig of her drink and then set it down to have use of both her hands.

"I keep wondering when you are going to give up with this thing you are doing and have sex with me." Elsa knew drunk very well, Anna was not that. She was emboldened by a buzz, by the fact that she was on the brink of lowering all her inhibitions. If Anna finished the last of her heavy drink they would be all gone. She also could wait half an hour and go back to being guarded.

Elsa did not want to choose loneliness tonight. She wanted to fill herself with Anna. She wanted to give the girl a taste of the life she had to offer, but she had already caved enough for the night. Anna's shoulder was dropping, and her head lulled to the side, her smile was pointing up to the night sky. It was hard to deny when it was Anna asking, but she was also requesting the one thing that consumed all of Elsa's motives.

"How am I supposed to pick you if I don't even know what I'm getting?" It was sound logic. After what felt like a week of rejection and after Elsa had broken her own body last Saturday, it felt like Anna was offering the remedy. Elsa started to wondering she had been the problem this, if she was the one that out up barriers. It was always kismet that Sundays happened after Saturday night. Elsa would be given the chance to ask for penance.

"You can't say no to me if you didn't say no to him." Maybe Anna was more sober than what her body seemed to suggest. The redhead was pressing against her sister a bit more sloppy than Elsa was used to. Anna was letting her weight fall into Elsa as if her knees were weak. Her mind certainly was not. It was sharp and it was choosing it's words very carefully. It was not a trait Anna was known for. It was meant to sting. Anna was giving Elsa an ultimatum, to either give in to her sister or to start up a fight. She was using Elsa's transgressions against her as leverage. Without knowing what they had meant to Elsa.

It was not hard to see what the night could be like either way. Elsa could even make out the words of her Sunday prayers. What she couldn't see was what happened past that.


	10. Let Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger Warning, the next few paragraphs detail an event between 13 year old Elsa and an 18 year old. The text is not explicit or violent but does describe statutory rape.*

**Anna**

Anna had been awoken by small squeaks, or were they cries? She knew they belonged to Elsa even though she had never heard her half sister make such a sound. Anna was sure they had gone to bed together but the noise was far off. It was calling to her and although vacant, the spot next to Anna in bed was still radiating heat. This night had been the kind of dark that can only be penetrated by the city lights shining in through the windows. Neither sister turned on the lamps because the light would be blinding to their dilated pupils. Anna had not been scared of the dark as the girls chose to sleep in their mother's bed instead of the twin sized mattress on the floor pushed up against the foot of the bed frame. But alone and coupled with the noises coming from the other side of the apartment, Anna was terrified.

The child took slow steps, she did not want to alert anyone to her incoming presence. She just wanted to call her sister back to her side, and leave whatever else was lurking in their apartment to hide in the corners she couldn't quite see. In nights Anna was left alone she never feared her home. She was used to the dark when it was lonesome. When Elsa was visiting, it was nice to be able to relax into a protector and let her big sister be the one to keep a vigilant eye.

Maybe that's why Elsa had someone on top of her, maybe she was warding him away from Anna. Anna had never witnessed sex before, even with the fact that her mother was never discrete. She knew right away that's what it was. Most of Elsa's clothes were still on her body but it was not sitting quite right. Her shirt was rolled up above a breast, and her pajama pants were bunched up by her thighs. The white of her skin was a contrast to the dark.

The little sounds she made were in time to the thrust the boy made. The only part of him that was exposed was his butt. The sight of it moving twisted something up in Anna's stomach, like hands rolling her intestines around them, squeezing every time Elsa cried out. The longer Anna starred the better she could make out her sister's face. Her eyes were sealed shut, each lid pushing against its opposite causing her entire face to contort. Elsa's nose was wrinkled and her top lip was rolled up, showing her gums.

Anna knew this boy on top of her sister. He used to get kicked out of the apartment down the hall when his parents were having a gathering. He was allowed at Iduna's because there was no party in the building she did not attend. Anna disliked him because he could eat an entire box of poptarts in one sitting, which were meant to be her breakfast for an entire week. Sometimes he would bring over sodas and instant noodles. When he did, it was meant as his payment for babysitting the ten year old Anna, and that he would likely be spending the night. He always had his book bag with him because he was desperate to pass his senior year of high school, but he never opened it. He only sat on the couch waiting for it to get late enough for the paid programming channels to turn into porn.

He wasn't making any sounds other than heavy breaths until suddenly he sounded like a wounded animal. The grunts seemed to be Elsa's cue to pull her shirt back down and reach for her pants. The boy wasn't looking at Elsa in the eye, he was busy rearranging himself. He did not take a second look at Elsa. Anna was the one looking. She could see clearly the tears in the corner of Elsa's eyes. They looked like fire as the yellow street lights caught the wet crystals.

"Your sister's up," Elsa's head snapped into attention, the muscles in her neck tensed as she looked for Anna's eyes. The tears fell as they connected.

"I'll put her to bed. G'night." Elsa got up off the couch leaving this boy behind as if he never existed. When she reached Anna she took her hand and pulled her back into their mother's room. This time she laid her sister down on the mattress on the floor. The narrow space was more than enough for their small bodies, especially since Elsa brought Anna close.

"I love you most of all," Elsa said into the night. It didn't feel so dark to Anna anymore. She'd trained her eyes to make out the details. She knew once she shut them again she would lose that ability. So Anna looked up at her sister's face and memorized the emotion there. She did not know then what it was. But she knew she would hate to ever see it cross Elsa ever again.

It was hard to tell whose sweat was whose. It wasn't the only fluid in the mix but it was the most prominent. The sister's mixed breaths had overtaken the air in the garage. There wasn't much oxygen left in the closed up space. Now that Elsa was finally still, the condensation on both their bodies was starting to leave them exposed. Only the friction had kept them warm, without it the spit and the tears roused goosebumps as the chill in the air started to return.

Elsa was settled. The cold did not penetrate the rest she had finally succumbed to. It was seeping into Anna, from every direction. The blankets they had laid down on the concrete were damp from the day the sister's had laid on the ice. It seemed neither of them considered that leaving a comforter bunched up in a duffel bag would seal in the moisture and add the smell of moist to it. Still in the thin floral dress that did not belong to her, Anna was very exposed.

Anna did not have use of her arms to try to dry off, so she rubbed her face along her shoulder to try to get at some of the tears. There was a light beam coming in from the window, as the sun rose it was getting closer. It was hitting most of Elsa's lower body but hadn't quite reached Anna yet. She felt herself shiver, and had to remind herself to take a breath even though it meant letting the cold into her lungs.

Anna stayed still for a while longer, trying to bare it. She did not want to leave Elsa's side. But she knew morning was not far off. She would be better off if she got some rest. The weight of her second week of actual class was not something she could ignore. Her entire day was set to continue preparations. The redhead decided to get her arms back from around Elsa and go reach something warm, and return. Elsa was not usually a sound sleeper but she did not stir as Anna slowly pulled away. She tossed the part of the blanket she had been lying on and tucked her sister in.

It snowed overnight, and Anna had to trudge through the inch of powder in her strappy shoes to get to the side door. It opened into the kitchen. She turned the knob slowly, wanting to keep her movements as quiet as possible. Her phone was dead, she had no idea how early in the morning it was. She did not, however, expect anyone to be awake.

"Jesus Christ Anna! You startled me." Astrid was on her hands and knees just a few steps from the door. Anna had never once seen her in her pajamas. It was a silken striped button up with matching pants and was currently covered in what Anna assumed was marinara sauce.

"Are you okay?" Anna was not quite sure what she was seeing. Astrid was clearly upset, she was hiding her eyes from Anna as if she was ashamed of being seen so far from grace. The accident was recent because the woman was nowhere near set up to clean up what the huge mess she had made. Anna took a look around the kitchen for something to grab to be able to offer help. There was a large pot on the stove, and it was where the smell of tomato was most powerful. The flame was on high, and the pot was spitting out red sauce like a geyser.

The counter was full of glass jars all lined up in a row. Four were filled and the other twenty or so empty. The island was laid out with a cutting board covered with onion and garlic peels, the top ends of tomatoes and carrots and a large chef knife. As well as one singular bleached white rag, useless. There was no way it was enough to clean up the amount of sauce that was spread on the floor, the splatter of it looked like it had come down like a firework. It was all over Astrid's legs, hair and hands.

The woman was crouched down, her knees were in the pool, right where the larger pieces of glass had shattered. It appeared that she had fallen, and had not been able to catch herself with two mason jars in her hands. Astrid was visibly shaking. Her hair was draped over her face, and her shoulders curled up in her. As Anna stood dumbly, Astrid made no move to get back on her feet. The redhead lunged forward and tried to avoid glass as she reached to help Astrid up.

"Don't you dare put your hands on me." Astrid snapped. Anna pulled her hands back as if she had been almost burned by Astrid's heat.

"Sorry, what can I do?" Astrid shook her head, and answered, not softly but weakly.

"In the front closet, on the top shelf, pushed to the back, there's a cane. Bring it." Anna leapt into action. Her heart was pumping, she felt fearful even though the scene had nothing to do with her. She had to climb up the show rack to reach up high. She blindly pushed her hand around feeling for the cane she was asked to retrieve. Anna was shocked at how basic it was. She almost thought she was looking for a relic. Anna had pictured a fine gaudy and carved wooden thing. But this was just grey metal hospital issued medical equipment.

Astrid's eyes were still downcast when Anna pointed the cane in her direction. Her body fell forward slightly as she had to lift one hand from the ground to accept it. It was as if she needed to be on all fours to support her shaking body. Anna stepped back to let Astrid have the space she needed to leverage herself. As Astrid struggled Anna kicked some pieces of glass away from the woman. The raking action covered her shoes with the warm marinara, but it cleared the way for Astrid. Astrid took a deep breath inward as she straightened up. She didn't release the air she took in as she turned away from the disaster and headed towards the staircase.

"Don't get that dress dirty while you are cleaning up. I was unaware you were joining us at service today. I did not press you anything else for you to wear."

"Yes mam." Anna wanted to ask Astrid if she was okay on the stairs. She moved painfully slowly as she bore all her weight on the walking aid. Astrid's legs were rattling, her shoulders jerking. Something was clearly wrong, but it was even more obvious that Astrid was angry about having Anna's worried eyes on her. The redhead stayed at the foot of the steps until Astrid was all the way at the top and then turned towards the chaos. She should have turned the burner off when she first noticed the flame, the pot had doubled the work it would take to clean up in the short time of the exchange she had with Astrid.

Anna focused on the task instead of trying to figure out what had happened. Astrid did not want Anna knowing what was wrong, so there was no point in dwelling on it. Anna eventually had to take off her dress in fear that she would get it dirty. It seemed like in the fray Anna had managed to get herself back on the attending list for mass. She had discovered the mother load of cleaning supplies in a second pantry and began moving hurriedly.

She worked on the floor first. When she was satisfied that there was no more glass, the side door clicked open. Anna felt herself get startled but relaxed when she heard her name be called out sweetly.

"Anna?"

"Hey! You're up. I didn't mean to leave you. I was going to come back, I swear. I'm not mad at you. I was just getting a blanket. But then this happened and I was trying to clean up fast enough to get back to you. I promise I'm not pissed at you. Are you okay? Are you cold?" Anna's heart beat as quickly as the words came out of her mouth. She knew she did not want Elsa to wake up alone. It was not the kind of messaging she wanted to send after the night they had spent. Elsa did not seem to register any of the words shot out at her. Elsa was looking past Anna, who was half naked in her bra and undies and a few smudges of sauce scattered around her body. Elsa's eyes were full of alarm, the mess was half cleaned up but she didn't see that, she was likely seeing what Anna had missed.

"Was this my mom?" she asked. Anna just nodded. Elsa took a deep breath in just like her stepmother did. "Okay. I'll be down to help you soon."

With that Elsa retreated back upstairs. Anna glanced at the clock. In half an hour the rest of the household would start to wake up. She started moving fast and focused less on the perfect clean up. When the floorboards started creaking above her Anna started working at her own body in the sink. Elsa was the first one down and she approached with a huge terry cloth bathrobe and draped it over Anna's shoulders.

"Hey, everything okay with Astrid?"

"Yeah," Elsa answered even though her head shook no. Anna slipped her arms into the cover-up and turned around and away from the sink. Elsa caught her sister by placing her hands on the counter, on either side of Anna.

"She says you are joining us at church. Why don't you go have a quick shower and a power nap and I'll finish canning the sauce." Elsa's eyes were down cast and tired. Anna was pretty sure she had never once seen bags under her eyes before. But Anna knew it was best not to argue with the offer. Elsa was stubborn, a trait she likely learned from Astrid. Anna wished she had been at Elsa's side when she had woken up but this closeness was a nice substitute.

Elsa did not linger, she was the first to pull away. She immediately started cleaning a spot on the counter Anna was sure she had already done a fine job remedying. Anna took a quick shower and slipped the dress from last night back on. She thought she might never look at marigolds the same way again as she looked at the details of the dress. They would likely make her recall her night with Elsa. Anna considered lying down in her bed and trying to get a half hour of sleep but the way her mind was turning with thoughts of her sister. She doubted it would shut off enough to get some rest.

When she was done drying and doing her hair to Astrid's standards she made her way downstairs. If Anna thought she had done a good job cleaning, she had a long way to go. The kitchen was shining as if it was brand new. Elsa's expression was focused as she turned the wide mouth lid over the last mason jar. Margo was dressed and at Elsa's side collecting the jars and carrying them out through the side door. The only thing left dirty was the giant sauce pot. Anna reached for it and started scrubbing at the black on the bottom that had burnt on.

"Mom makes all sorts of things for the food bank," Margo explained as she completed her task and struggled to pull herself on the counter. Once she did she shimmied next to the sink and watched Anna work. "She's so nice, right?"

"Yeah, that's really kind." Anna agreed as she worked. "What do you think about just having some oatmeal for breakfast today? We don't want to make something too fancy and ruin all the clean up you and Elsa did."

Margo agreed and took it upon herself to get the supplies necessary to put together a Sunday morning meal. Elsa slipped away while her younger two sister's started to work in tandem. They all seemed to have extra time on this particular morning and the siblings sat around the island and shared their meal.

Astrid called out to her eldest, and Elsa got to her feet and met her mom at the top of the stairs. She held her close as they made their way down. Anna watched the look in both their eyes, searching for an answer in them. Margo and Sorren didn't seem to either notice or care. Astrid did not have the cane with her anymore. She seemed to be using Elsa as a replacement. Anna could see that her body was still vibrating, but she seemed to be hiding it well enough.

"Wash your faces quickly and get into the car. Leave your dishes. Let's place your bets to see if your father will get off his ass and clean them." Sorren let out a whoop sound, cheering on his mom's uncharacteristic jab. Margo hesitantly left her plate on the counter instead of putting it at least in the sink. Anna was the last one out of the house.

Astrid was moving slowly through the parking lot, she held onto Elsa and put on a show. She softened her face and made pretend that she and her daughter were enjoying each other's company so much they simply had to hang off of each other. Margo was excited by the display, but Astrid brushed her off when she tried to attach to the other side. People were cooing at the mother and daughter team, it took away the side glances Anna was used to getting when she joined the family at the Catherdral.

Anna was so focused on Astrid's shaky walk that she had not noticed she had scooted down the pew and took the spot next to Phoebus. He cleared his throat as she sat down as if to make a point that she was in Elsa's seat.

"Oh hi." Anna's tone came out with far too abhorrent to be directed at someone who was practically a stranger.

"Morning," Phoebus retorted and there was a slight sense of distaste in his tone as well. Anna did not know why men felt the need to sit with legs wide open. She wondered if Phoebus was making a statement by making sure he was as spread as possible. In defiance Anna took the same pose. She was lucky the dress she was wearing was ankle length, but she was suddenly reminded that it belonged to the woman seated a few people down from her. Hans was next to his mother. He leaned over to wave in greeting and jokingly rolled his eyes when he saw Anna had not changed her outfit. She watched him pull out his phone and hers vibrated instantly.

"Would you like to sit next to my brother?" Phoebus offered.

"No, I'm right where I belong" Anna answered coyly as she dropped a hand on Elsa's knee. She felt like a male dog pissing on what was its territory. She got a boost of confidence when Elsa leaned in a bit in response. Anna could feel the tension in her sister. Elsa did not only have Astrid on her plate, but also seemed strained to have to face Phoebus. She kept her gaze forward towards the sermon. Anna would continue with the power plays if needed, but inside her stomach was turning like a washing machine in the rinse cycle. The thought that her knee was touching Phoebus's reared the anger that had driven her the night prior.

Anna barely made it through the service. She did not even try to follow along or say the right things. Phoebus spoke out so proudly, Anna tried not to roll her eyes. His vows felt so hypocritical. The sermon was about the woman that tempted the first man. Phoebus nodded at the end of each sentence of the played out tirade. When it came time to get on one's knees to pray, Phoebus spoke in a hushed tone, his words flew out of him so quickly and lightly that they really were between him and God. Elsa too seemed absorbed in her prayer. Anna knelt down in between the two.

Whenever Anna blew out a birthday candle, caught the clock reading 11:11 or thought she saw a shooting star, she would invariably wish that her mother would get better, that she would do enough to earn Elsa back. This time, even without a God to pray to, Anna asked that Elsa be the one that be spared of pain, that her sister would earn enough peace to get what she wanted. Elsa believed in God, so maybe Anna was not barking up the wrong tree.

Anna was still a bit blown away over what had happened after the party. Thoughts of it infiltrated her prayer. She did not start the night expecting to push her sister. But as the night went on, Anna got her first real taste of what Elsa was like in her world. Normally the sister's were only together in the house, even when they were younger their only outings in this town were to church, and now at the Academy were they never mixed. There were little things Anna picked up on. They all reminded Anna of one person. Their mother.

When Iduna was in a good place, she caught the eyes of everyone in range. It was something Elsa had always done and an admiration Anna had never felt. When Iduna was not well that trait was still very present, but she started to stare back. Elsa was the first to point it out to Anna. She would say _Iduna's looking for trouble._ Elsa wasn't acting exactly the same but there were trances of it. Anna was suddenly very worried about Elsa, whose eyes had been focused on the party. For most of the night Anna let herself fall into a role she always played with her mother. She ignored it, pushed the thought away. She embraced fun Elsa. Anna had convinced herself not to hold what Megara was saying about Phoebus against her.

When Anna took the first few sips of the second drink, Hans had poured for her, she started to see the room a bit differently. Anna had never been drunk before. Iduna encouraged a beer with Chinese take out and a shared cider out in their balcony at the end of a hot day, mainly because sober meant off hard alcohol. Anna was used to that, she was not, however, used to the sudden shift from just taking a sip to light headed. The redhead realized it was dangerous the moment Hans started to lean in a bit a closer. His elbow was leaned up against the wall above her and he was bent at one knee, which he swung into her from time to time. As if her giddiness was giving him permission to get closer.

Anna realized she was not having fun anymore. She did not want to be in this place anymore. Not just the house but in her complacency. She wanted to be awake and alert. Anna wanted to be in control. The entire time she was in the car she was thinking about how she could obtain some sort of command. Her body was shutting down on her and every time she closed her eyes she saw herself hot and angry. She thought if she was going to dream of it anyways she might as well live it out, and be done with it. Anna gave Elsa a few reassuring kisses along the way, because she felt sorry for her. It seemed that Elsa would be on the receiving end of Anna's frustration. After all the things Anna had let their mother get away with it seemed a bit unfair but Elsa was acting like Iduna after all.

Anna meant to be discordant. She meant to be belittling. She meant to bite and she meant to pick a topic that would inspire Elsa to react. Anna was well aware that sex was a raw topic for her sister, her relationship with her body was tumultuous at best.

"How can you say no to me, if you didn't say no to him?" Anna let the words slur out of her right in her sister's ear. She knew that there was a chance Elsa would not say no. That she would lean into the offer. It would be in the cold, pressed against a wall or laid down on the concrete. She knew it would be forfeiting of a sentimental first time. That it would be fucking, more than it was sex, more then it would be making love. Anna was okay with that. They were sisters, that meant there were no first times or last times. That's not how things worked, in a bond of blood. Even halfway like theirs, there was no timeline, no beginning or end to family.

"No." Anna took a step back from her sister. She reached back for her drink and let the flat pop travel down her throat. She wasn't sure what Hans mixed it with but it made the soda taste so much sweeter.

"Are you telling me you didn't sleep with him?" Anna felt cruel as she saw Elsa curl into herself as if her questioning was a draft of cold. Elsa shook her head no and choked on whatever she was about to say. Elsa was getting smaller as she hid her face away.

"Be clear."

"Last Saturday, he'd been drinking. It was my fault he was drunk. He had a lot to get off his chest. Phoebus was a good person until me. I ruin people. I assumed once he was done with me, he'd have nowhere to go but up. So I just let him do whatever." Elsa's normal raspy voice cracked. Anna thought the admission would anger her, that it would feel like a betrayal. She couldn't see Elsa's face but she heard the tears falling. What Anna really felt was a weird concoction of pity and protectiveness, maybe just a little dash of sting.

"Why are you punishing yourself? If you think you wronged Phoebus, or whoever else, they get to choose what it takes to make it up to them. You aren't doing anyone any good flogging yourself." Anna's tone came out harsher than her rather tame reaction. She reached out for her sister, who had let her weight fall against a wall and slid her back down it.

"How would you punish me?"

"You haven't-"

"Yes I have!" The tears in Elsa's eyes added to the clarity of the blue in them. They were rolling freely as she faced her sister with bared teeth.

"I would make you forgive yourself." Anna answered without missing a beat. Elsa scoffed and shook her head. "Maybe you can't have me until you do." Anna tried to add gravity to her answer but she could feel her skin starting to burn up even in the cold space. It was likely a hollow threat.

"So you don't want me?" Anna knew the correct response. She knew that it was imperative to remind Elsa that she did want her, very badly. But a quick non hesitant retort was lost as Anna realized something. Last week, she had learned that she desired Elsa and that was unwaveringly true. There was still something she had not explored. Did she want Elsa? Past the physical, and past even the emotional, there was the just being together. She could get a lot from Elsa by just being her sister, did she need to be in a relationship with her?

If Anna was honest, she did have a lot to punish Elsa for. Her sister was asking to be held accountable for the tally of things Anna had been wounded by. Anna knew she had spent a lot of time blaming life over the people who had wronged her. Anna was not a forgiving person simply because she always blinded herself to transgressions. The sister's were on the opposite ends of a coin. Elsa was always whipping her lash, and Anna, always turning the blind eye.

"I'm still doing what you asked me to. I'm still deciding." Anna was sure Elsa had asked just to keep punishing herself. "Do you know what you pick?"

"Yes." That answer was free of pause. "I pick you. I have this idea of what it would be like to actually be together. Still I agree, I don't know if you should pick me. I don't bring out the good in people. The fact that you love me makes that undeniably true. It's stupid to be idealistic when it comes to this."

It always baffled Anna how the sisters could be so different when sharing so many of the same background. However, their differences shared qualities. Anna's optimisms bordered on delusion while Elsa's pessimism was destructive. Neither sister seemed capable of doing any good, or of moving forward.

"We should have just had sex. If we were just going to feel bad anyways." Anna mirthed, mostly because she wanted to stop what she had started. Elsa's neck was wet with her emotions. Anna knew it meant there were more infractions than just Phoebus. If Elsa revealed them now she would not be doing so for forgiveness but to put more strife in between the sisters. It was a strange place to be. Anna felt as if she was the detonate button to Elsa's self destruction.

Anna could see it building. The way Elsa's face was starting to shift. She knew the look well by now. With each instant that had drawn out that defeat was a memory burned in Anna's mind. The easiest way to describe it was to call it broken but it was worse than that. To see Elsa's eyes shaped like crescent moons facing falling tears, was a warning sign that Elsa was about to fall into her darkness.

Anna wondered if Phoebus had seen this expression on Elsa. The last time Anna had seen it was during the _incident._ As the occasions started to add up, Anna realized it was very much tied to sexual experiences. Anna was well aware that her sister had an arduous relationship with sex. She knew it likely stemmed from that one night, when Elsa was left in the care of a boy far too old for her. Anna often thought of that night, she was aware that it meant it was not far from her sister's thoughts either. Anna now thought it was why what Iduna had said to Elsa, the night she discovered the sisters were intimate with one another, had resonated so much with Elsa. Maybe Elsa saw herself as that boy taking advantage. The sisters had certainly been in a similar position. It wasn't the same apartment but it had been the same couch.

 _I love you most of all,_ Elsa had whispered to Anna that night. Anna had never felt anything so soothing. She felt like a burn patient who finally recovered enough to be given new skin. Elsa's arms were Anna's safe place. The redhead did not know what had changed Elsa and driven her to love Anna in a fanciful and even erotic way but she could guess that it had something to do with Anna being a safe place for her too, a haven from all the harsher touches she had endured.

Anna wanted her fingertips to be what untwisted Elsa's brow, what took the pain that contorted her face away. Like she had that first time, when the sister's woke up to no breakfast, Elsa had been enraged to find the boy had devoured not only her but all the food in the house. Anna had tugged at her sister, pulled her back into bed and took a turn holding her. They slept off their hunger and whatever else was gnarling at their stomachs.

The redhead put some distance between herself and Elsa. Her mind was in too many places and what she really wanted to be was present. It was so cold in the garage. She turned up the setting up Olaf's heat lamp and took a few deep breaths. She could feel Elsa's eyes watching her and therefore took more purposeful movements. Anna still didn't know what she was doing but she knew she had to at least fight the cold. The duffel bag Anna had been tasked to put away was still by the door and she pulled out the bunched up blankets and started setting them out.

"Lay down," Anna commanded. Elsa crawled from her spot against the wall onto the bedding and obediently fell to her side. Anna clenched her fist for a moment, before dropping to her knees by Elsa's back. Elsa had not dressed for winter, but no one going to a party ever does. The blouse she was wearing cuffed at her wrists but had slits in the fabric from shoulder to elbow. It was pale white linen and therefore subtle when next to Elsa's skin. Anna dove her fingers into the opening and snaked her hands down Elsa's arm. She lowered her body to fit around Elsa's spine.

Elsa started to speak but Anna silenced her by placing her lips on the blonde's temple. Anna hummed because she knew Elsa couldn't see her. She knew if she was going to show Elsa that she couldn't be pushed away, she would have to do so with touch. Anna was aware she was currently a contradiction, she was well aware she was sending off mixed signals. She thought she could be clearer with actions. Everything was a bit fuzzy in her head. Her need to get angry was being overridden with her need to salve. Anna was likely just falling into her bad habits. But it mattered little as she brushed her fingers along Elsa's goosebumps. She had one certainty. She wanted to touch Elsa. Everything else could wait.

The blonde was crying. Her sobs were silent but her shoulders were curled into her, and shook when a push of air came out of her mouth. Anna snaked an arm under Elsa's neck. Her sister immediately burrowed her face into the bend of her elbow. Anna pushed her palm into herself, the action pulled Elsa's back deeper into her. The way they clicked together felt healing to Anna. It felt reassuring that there was little that mattered outside of being together. That whatever happened outside of this hold bore no weight. Anna could tell that Elsa felt differently, as her body started to rattle harder.

"I don't deserve this," Elsa's voice sounded like there was something clogging her throat.

"Maybe you don't. But I do." The exchange reinvigorated the part of Anna that was tired of being so powerless. She could wipe Elsa's tears and kiss her wet cheeks, she could rub her hands up and down her sister's arms and keep her warm. Or she could take.

Elsa didn't fight as Anna pressed her fingers into her, instead of caressing her. The blondes breath hitched with the sudden change in pressure. It broke through what were sad cries. The small gasp was something Anna wanted to hear more of. It was not hard to get the startled reaction from Elsa. She just had to move boldly. The arm pinned underneath Elsa did not have to travel far to push itself between the buttons of Elsa's blouse and find the lace of her bra.

Elsa tensed into the touch but as soon as the pads of Anna's fingers circled her nipple she gave into the touch. The mound of nerves encouragingly hardened. Anna was entranced that something so simple could change Elsa's demeanour so easily, as the body in her arms relaxed and sighed. Anna did not give Elsa a chance to melt into her. The redhead had a hunger, and she was not in the mood to linger.

Her free hand, pulled at the metal button of Elsa's jeans and a hard enough yank gave her space to dive into her sister's pants. The material of Elsa's panties matched the lace on her bra, but this time Anna moved under the fabric. She was immediately surprised that the feel of Elsa was so much different than herself. The curls were soft, the space for her hand was less as if Elsa was smaller. Anna did not expect to press down gently into the centre and immediately find Elsa's clit.

The two mewled at the exact same time. Anna laughed a bit but Elsa was already lost in the touch. Anna's touch felt restricted. Elsa was not very wet, as if she had been in disbelief that Anna might actually have sex with her. Anna reached down further, where she found the nub at her sister's opening. She rimmed the area, calling out the water of the well. It poured out slowly, the thick nectar collected in the bend of Anna's fingers. When Elsa squeezed her thighs around Anna's wrist, the redhead was given a handful of Elsa's rapidly growing excitement.

Anna used the slick fluid to run her fingers back up the length of Elsa's core where she found an erect bud waiting for her. Elsa bayed as Anna caressed her. Anna fell into a rhythmic set of strokes, each one drew out a moan. Her sister's head had fallen backwards rolling on Anna's shoulder. Her neck was exposed to Anna. The redhead's eyes fixated on the pulse point that twitched with the beat of Elsa's heart. Anna ran her tongue along the vein that was working on overdrive.

"Anna!" At the call of her name, Anna retreated both her hands. Elsa's hips bucked forward trying to follow the fingers that were commanding them to sway in the first place. Elsa left out a frustrated yelp followed by a set of moaning whines. Elsa's face was not in Anna's vantage, but as she twisted up trying to find pleasure again, Anna caught a glimpse of her twartment.

"What? Didn't I say you couldn't have me yet." Elsa chortled at her sister's cockiness. Her laugh was a bit manic as tears were still flowing down her face. Elsa dropped her body on her side, the tears pooled at the bridge of her nose until they built up enough to fall into her other eye and joined the other rapid. The wet added to how disheveled her braid was.

Elsa was not even trying to catch her breath, just because Anna's fingers were gone did not mean her pleasure simply went away. She seemed to be taking it all in as her body thrashed. She pulled at Anna's arm, trying to find a way to get even closer to her sister.

"You're such an asshole," she rasped. The curse effectively added to Anna's own arousal but she stood her ground, and did Elsa the favour of pushing herself deeper into her back. She draped a leg over her sister's hip, and Elsa bucked into the limb still desperate for Anna's touch to continue.

"When we go all the way, Elsa, it will be the last day of our lives." Anna said. She was sure that she would drop dead, that her heart would not be able to handle the pace it would need to pump to keep her alive. Anna did not have a better word than to say their sex would be epic. She had not imagined that she could feel so on the edge just from taking control of Elsa's pleasure. It was early in the morning now, and the arousal had her wide awake. Elsa was on the other end of the spectrum, her body had been far too activated, her muscles were starting to crumble into Anna's hold.

"When?" Elsa sounded sleepy but she had a bit of hope in her voice as if the word was a promise of more to come.

"Yeah, when. I believe that you are going to get your shit together. And then you are going to get a lot more than just my fingers." Anna laughed at her own boast. She had to convince herself to settle down. Her own words were doing nothing for the throbbing between her own legs. _When_ was a good question. Anna knew she wanted it to be when they were in a better place, once Anna knew everything Elsa was keeping from her. Once she was sure she wanted to continue this affair.

"I want so much more than just that." There were many ways to take Elsa's statement. Each excited the redhead. But she knew what her sister's delicate tone had meant. Elsa wanted to belong to Anna, she wanted everything that came with that.

"I know Elsa. You want to sleep too though right?" Anna placed a reassuring kiss on her sister's head.

"Hm, yeah." Elsa grabbed at Anna's arms and pulled them close to her chest. Anna could feel Elsa's racing heart start to simmer down as she succumbed to the long night they had. As Anna held her sister tight, she did not let her muscles relax. She told her mind to stop asking probing questions about the future. She, instead, stayed very still, not letting the dark lull her to sleep. Her only goal at the moment was to hold her sister. Anna did so, until the cold was too much to bear.


	11. Suede Couch

**Anna**

Mulan insisted they walk. It was nearing the second week of December, this quaint Canadian town did not have a lot of foot traffic this time of year. Mulan did not suggest anything if it did not have any purpose, so Anna did not put up too much of a fight. Merida however quickly excused herself and ran off to the car that was waiting for the girls, warm with the key already in the ignition. Anna watched Elsa drive off with her new friend and tried not to audibly complain. The leather shoes she was forced to wear had little traction on the sidewalks people had not gotten around to clearing. Her toes were almost instantly frozen solid. The sun was out but it was only an illusion. The wind blew cold on the small space of bare legs from where her plaid skirt ended and her knee high stocking started.

Anna did not have to complain, she couldn't even hide her annoyance from Mulan even if she tried. The girls were half way through the school week and there was not a day that Mulan did not look at Anna and say something along the lines of "I've almost got it," or "I think I know what's going on." It never worried Anna. No one knew what was going on with her. Even if they took a fair guess they would probably focus on the obvious things, like the fact that Iduna had not made contact since accepting money from her and that tensions between Anna and Astrid had escalated in the last few days. They might even guess it was boy trouble, since Anna couldn't help but grit her teeth every time she got a text message from Hans, which was almost every hour.

"This is it." Mulan said as the girls stopped at the first traffic light of her winter walk. Anna was bouncing around, only movement was keeping the cold from penetrating her cloth jacket. Her cheeks were already starting to feel the burn of such frigid temperatures.

"This is what?"

"It's three o'clock and you've been on your phone so much today that your battery won't last the entirety of this walk. We don't have books, or school work laid out in front us, Merida is off with your cousin, and by some miracle you are not eating. There are no distractions. You're about to confirm everything I believe to be bothering you." Mulan started crossing the road as the walking man prompted her. Anna had to do a little run to catch up. Her declaration was a bit of a shock.

"This sounds like another one of your fancy tactics. Are you going to get me to open my yap and pretend you knew all along what was up?"

"Nope," Mulan said, her stride was pretty long and Anna struggled to both talk and keep up. How her tutor trudged along the icy path so easily was lost on Anna. "I already know what it is. I think it's important that you be the one to choose to put it out in the open for us to discuss. If you aren't ready to tell me that's fine. But I strongly suggest you do."

Anna was a little dumbfounded. Mulan was astute. She had a natural instinct for almost anything. She could hear the start of new information and put together the outcomes with her intuition alone. It was almost as she had the power of future sight. It helped her excel in her studies but Anna was unsure of how it applied to her situation now. Anna knew what her biggest problem was. She was struggling through a lot of them but her feelings for Elsa were like Atlas, holding everything else up and threatening that it would all come down on her if Anna was to buckle even in the slightest. There was no way that in the three weeks that Mulan had befriended her that she had picked up on her incestuous relationship. Unless Anna had said it in her sleep when she passed out during Sunday's study session, there was no way anyone would predict that such a thing was going on.

"My problems are pretty obvious no? So if there's something you wanted to say or offer, I think that's fine. We're friends. I value your advice." Mulan stopped dead in her tracks. Anna fumbled a bit to avoid sliding into her.

"No Anna," Dark eyes captivated Anna's as Mulan bore down on her. "This isn't obvious. I know it's eating at you. I'm not going to judge you. I saw it almost right away. It made so much sense. There was something about you that first day of school. You were so determined but also so wrecked. And you've been that way every single day since. It's like the same thing that is driving you, is tearing you apart. I am sure that internalizing it is making it so much worse than it needs to be. The only person you can talk about with is Elsa and she's way too invested to do you any good."

The mention of Elsa by name caused Anna's heart to lurch. Maybe she was reading into Mulan's words far too much. There was no way she was actually saying she would be okay with her friend wanting to sleep with what Mulan thought was her cousin. This was far too complicated a mess for Mulan to even hazard a guess about. It didn't matter that it sounded so genuine. Elsa had warned Anna about the need for secrecy. It was one of things that kept Anna from telling Elsa she was ready to fully be with her. She couldn't reconcile that in secret was not fully anything.

"I can see your hesitation. That's cool. It's a long walk. You can change your mind any time." Mulan let silence overtake the friends. She slowed her stride to stay in cadence with Anna. The redhead kept turning her head and looking at Mulan. The girl stared straight forward with an no readable emotion on her face.

"It's really complicated. I don't know if there is a way to say what it is without saying what it is." Anna said eventually. She was getting used to the cold. It felt kinda numbing. Her entire body was coping with the chill, her insides felt uncharacteristically docile as she looked for ways to open up.

"We can talk metaphorically if you prefer. Whatever helps."

"Ugh. I don't know any metaphors that apply." The silence returned and Anna searched her mind for words that made some sense. She desperately wanted the shoulder being offered to her.

"It's forbidden." Anna suddenly found herself saying. "It's not something I could make a future out of. Yet I find myself wanting it more and more every day. Like nothing else matters. Future be damned."

"It is certainly frowned upon. Secrets have a way of devouring you though. That's why it's important to be open with the people you trust. If you want to pick this forbidden life, however, I do believe you can make a life out of it. It will require secrets and metaphors, lots of strength and maybe the odd friend." The more Mulan spoke the more it felt like she was a sage sent from another life.

"You actually know."

"To some extent yes. I think there is a lot to it. More sets of secrets you might not be privy to either. You have a very complicated family."

"Should I say it?" Mulan stopped walking. She had steered them the long way, away from the busy roads. The two girls stood among row houses of a more upscale neighbourhood. There were a few people running into their homes from their cars and one woman shoveling her driveway. Anna, who was used to city life, felt like only she and Mulan were present. The rest of the world faded away. Mulan did not give any indication that answered Anna's question.

"I'm in love with Elsa." The string of words came out more confidently than Anna expected it too. Mulan's face remained solid in an expressionless gaze.

"How does it feel to say it?"

"Good and awful and mostly terrifying." Anna crossed her arms up above her face as if she was waiting for Mulan to suddenly feel the need to land a blow.

"You said it with three blocks to spare. Do you want to talk about it some more?" This time Mulan offered a small smile. Anna wanted to toss her arms around her new friend but she refrained. Mulan was not the most physical although it never stopped Merida from pulling at her. But Anna thought it best to stay on her side of the sidewalk. She was gross. Her arms would only make Mulan uncomfortable.

"Aren't you disgusted by me?" Anna couldn't help but be blown away. She felt like she might be dreaming. It felt like it was more likely that Mulan was a double agent and soon a white van was going to pull up and Astrid was going to jump out and hogtie her. She would send Anna far away from her ex-prodigy step daughter.

"What if I told you it's worse than you think?" Anna asked, her ears trained on the sound of the cars moving past, wondering which would suddenly start screeching their tires.

"Because you're sisters?" Anna's jaw had been frozen shut, but the shock cracked at the ice and her bottom teeth fell open.

"Oh, wow. You really do have it all figured out."

"You don't have to worry. You have been discrete enough. Most people are only idiots because they aren't looking at anything but themselves."

"But you are a genius." Mulan nodded in agreement with raised eyebrows. Anna felt a laugh curl up her throat and was happy to release it. Anna could see the Fjelstad house from where they stood. She started towards it. She was excited to get out of the cold and onto a different topic even if it was studying. Her friend walked along with her.

Mulan's demeanor was completely different once they reached the house. She was bouncing in the snow as she waited for Anna to unlock the door of the garage. She had been asking since day one to meet Olaf. She somehow got in front of Anna as the redhead cracked the door open. She was leaning over the cage before Anna could even flick the lights on.

"He's so cute! What a sweet old guy."

"Yeah he's both those things." Anna cooed as she neared with a bag of food. Mulan ripped it out of her hands and started offering a very drowsy Olaf a few pieces of kibble.

"You don't have to worry about him over Christmas break, critters are my thing. Mushu will adore him."

"Thanks, out of all the people I've been apart from, this will be my first time being away from Olaf." Anna opened the cage, her little critter was excited to be with it's master but loved meeting new people. He gleefully made the jump from Anna to Mulan.

"That's rough," Mulan's voice came out in singsong as she rubbed noses with Olaf. "Do we get to just hang out in here?"

"Yeah, I don't have many privileges in the house."

"Well Merida would have killed me if she found out I went into Elsa Fjelstad's house anyways."

"It's fancy a place but I'm sure she'd hate how stiff it is. I never know if it's because I'm there or if it's just always that way." Anna did not know why she let herself continue to open up. She still felt a strange sense of elation and stress from having let out her biggest secret. All her problems would eventually lead the conversation back to Elsa. She found herself wanting to talk about it more.

"Can I ask why you ended up here then?" Mulan barely took her eyes off of the rodent to probe.

"It's complicated. I don't think Astrid had much of a say in it. She doesn't like me. If she had her way I'd be in a group home." Anna knew this to be true. Ever since Anna had noticed Astrid had some uncontrollable shake, Astrid had been doubly as cold.

"You think she'd be so cruel you just because she doesn't like you. Anna, you're the most likable person ever. You have the beauty of Elsa Fjelstad without all the coldness. You're super approachable and genuine. You're sweet and empathetic and sassy. If Merida and I hadn't scooped you up on your first day, you'd be choking on friends. No one doesn't like you. It has to be something else." Anna blushed. She had just received one of the nicest compliments she had ever heard from the person that knew Anna was a huge pervert.

"She's super religious?" Anna knew Astrid's level of distaste was deep seeded but she never dug too deep into it. She assumed Astrid just had a way she liked things to go and Anna was a disturbance to it. Mulan had just said something about idiots and Anna was beginning to think she had been approaching her relationship with Astrid in that self-seeing manner.

"So she's been a jerk to you all your life because you are in the closet?" Mulan was asking Anna a question much like she did when they were studying. She was telling Anna to look at things past the surface, to change the angle and perspective.

"I guess that doesn't add up. Then what?" Anna replied as she started working her mind.

"Have you ever asked her? Or tried to find out what it is?"

"I have never had an actual conversation with Astrid. All she ever says to me are commands. Her and Elsa used to be closer to each other. But a few years back Elsa and I started this thing between us and I think Elsa's closed herself off to a lot of people ever since."

"We don't want that happening to you. I think we should do some digging. This is your home whether Astrid likes it or not. You should feel comfortable in it." Anna pumped her fist into her hand. Mulan was right yet again. Anna did not want to get to the point that Elsa was at. She'd seen her mother stuck at the same spot most of her life. It was like their fingers were on the edge of the cliff and they were struggling to pull themselves up. Iduna was constantly falling down the ravine, Elsa was always barely hanging on.

"I could ask but these people are super closed off."

"Anna. We are literally in a garage full of things that have been packed away." Anna was sure that this conversation played out exactly like Mulan intended it to, as she let Olaf climb up her shoulder and started eyeing up the wall of boxes. It was a three car garage and this portion was closed off and used mostly as storage. A car couldn't not fit now that Anna and Elsa had taken over the space with a makeshift desk in the centre and the large table that held up Olaf's intricate cage and heat lamp.

The boxes were pretty varied. The state the cardboard was in matched the neatness of the lettering labeling it. Anna recognized Elsa's penmanship on a few things. She was immediately drawn to them. However, Mulan was focused on the task and was already pulling down a ragged old box with no label. She barely looked in it before setting it aside and picking out something else.

Anna assumed that Mulan's tactic was probably better than looking through Elsa's skating trophies so moved the carefully labeled boxes out of the way and hunted down whatever seemed to be packed away without as much diligence. A lot of the stuff that was just tossed into boxes seemed like it belonged to Agnarr. It was mostly old clothes, things Anna couldn't see him wearing now. They were, however, things her mother's boyfriends often wore.

"Hold this," without much time to react Mulan shoved a motorbike helmet at Anna, and then slung a leather jacket over it. Something about the black leather felt familiar to Anna. She could envision her mom with it. The picture of her wearing it was so clear. Iduna used to wear it even when it was hot, and made her daughters take turns carrying it when she couldn't stand it being zipped up over her any more. It had big buckles around the waist and the up and down the shoulders. Iduna would bunch it on her lap and let Anna lay down on it as a pillow when they were on a long bus ride. The buckles always used to dig into her face and leave a strange marking on her cheek. Anna lowered her body onto the jacket to replicate the feeling.

"Oh." Mulan gasp was deadpanned. Anna's head shot up as she looked over at her friend. She had a shoe box on her lap, it was pretty big. The brand was for some sort of steel toe boot. It was flipped open. Mulan had dug through it. She avoided all the pieces of paper and was holding a photograph.

"What?"

"This has to be your mom," Mulan said as she blinked at the photo a few more times and then passed it over to Anna. Anna could barely believe that behind all of the Christmas ornaments Agnarr was hiding an ode to Iduna in an tattered old box.

The photo was well aged. The quality of the colours were muted. It was of a woman stretched out on a couch. Her back was propped up against the arm rest with a few pillows without any pillow cases on them. She wasn't looking at the camera. She was looking forward at a man in the centre of the green suede couch, who was pinned underneath Iduna's legs. He was smiling at the photographer, the large blonde mustache under his nose almost hid his radiant smile. There was a little girl hanging off his shoulder. She was in a light blue dress and white stockings. Her platinum hair was covering her face. The child's little hand was reaching out for the man, as her legs straddled her mother's. They looked like such a happy family.

Mulan was breathing over Anna's shoulder taking in the image again. "That's you," she said, and Anna started nodding her head because the toddler was undoubtedly Elsa. But Mulan reached over and pointed to Iduna's stomach. It was a slight bump, but it was there. Anna could not really deny what Mulan was pointing out.

"Can't be."

"Yeah, Elsa's three years older than you. That kid is over two." Anna started to stare at all the other details in the image. She did not recognize the room or the furnishings. Other than the faces, the only thing that she was familiar with were the beer bottles on the side table.

"She's drinking."

"That is not a beer gut." Anna sighed as she put the photograph down.

"This doesn't make much sense. My mom broke up with Agnarr because his parents stole custody of Elsa while she was in rehab. There's no reason they should be in a photo together. I have only seen them in the same room once."

"Isn't Sorren your age? If your mom is pregnant with you here, so was Astrid."

"This was a really bad idea." Anna said as she got up to her feet. She pushed past Mulan and started stuffing everything back into the shoe box. Her fingers felt like they were burning each time she touched something that once belonged to Agnarr. She didn't put away anything with care. She just shoved the shoe box and everything else into the larger cardboard box. The jacket clanged against the bike helmet as Anna topped the box with them and folded the edges back to shut.

"Anna what do you know about your dad?" Anna tossed the box back where Mulan had found it and started filling the holes with the things labeled Christmas.

"That he used to go on motorcycle rallies and stay at my mom's when he was in town. That he had a drug problem and a temper and another family." Anna rarely thought about her father. Her mom did not have good things to say about him. The fact that he left Anna behind did not really bother her very much. Iduna made it sound like a blessing that he was gone. The only time it ever stung Anna was when Elsa went to go live with another family too. Anna had failed to put the photograph away. She had been too narrowed in on her task that she had left it cast aside. Mulan was holding it now. Her expression conveyed remorse.

"I thought you could see everything coming," Anna bit as she snatched the photograph back.

"This isn't something we should make assumptions about." Mulan stated. Anna tried to soften. She was not upset with her friend. She was upset at the turning in her head. Anna let Mulan's words sink it. She was right. Agnarr's presence in Iduna's life at that point in time did enough to explain why Astrid might harbour ill will towards Anna but it did not mean that the redhead was more tied to this family than she thought.

"I think I'm done throwing salt on my wounds for the day. Let's study. I would love to jump into the world where there are actual answers to things."

"Ah Anna. Music to my ears." Mulan gave Anna's upper arm a squeeze before she started helping move boxes back up on the top shelf of the garage. They got a few up before the door swung open.

"Anna! You're home." Margo barged in. She was holding a tupperware container of cut up strawberries. Olaf's favourite.

"Hey Bug!"

"Are you taking the Christmas stuff down? Are we decorating today? Mom usually has everything set up by the first of the month but she told me she didn't feel like it this year. Can I help?" The seven year old forgot the snack she was holding. She did not wait for a response before she grabbed at one of the smaller boxes and started taking it outside.

"Elsa! We are going to set up the Christmas display! Can you make us cookies?" Margo didn't stop moving as Elsa entered the garage and took in the sight of Mulan and Anna each holding a box.

"Well this is a surprise." Anna held her box up higher to hide her face, and she shot Mulan a wide eyed look. Mulan didn't falter, she put Olaf back in his cage and followed Margo out of the garage.

"Hi," Anna was able to say. Her heart was beating irregularly. She remembered tucking the photograph into her pocket but suddenly felt like Elsa could see the reflection of the image still in her eyes. Elsa was smiling widely. She was genuinely excited by Margo's idea, which Elsa assumed was all Anna's doing.

"This is really nice," Elsa said as she grabbed a box labelled _nativity scene._ "My mom is, as you saw, out of commission this holiday season. I can promise she won't show it but I think she will appreciate us setting up Christmas. It's a really sentimental time for her."

Anna knew now she was a born homewrecker. She held little faith that she could win Astrid's good graces. As Mulan instructed, Anna was not going to read into Agnarr's presence in that photo beyond the obvious. The thought that Agnarr could be her father was not a rabbit hole she wanted to dive into blindly. What Margo had assumed Mulan and Anna were up to would be a great distraction. It helped that Elsa's thankful smile was void of any of the awkwardness that had been thick between the two since their last exchange in this very garage.

Elsa was suddenly chuckling to herself. "Stop thinking about it Anna."

"About what?" Anna felt good to be able to pull her thoughts away from Agnarr and Astrid so easily by just thinking about her sister. Anna felt her cheeks bunch up by her eyes as she played coy.

"It's all over your face." Elsa was lingering by the door. The box she was holding had the word fragile written on every inch of it. It was the only thing saving Elsa from being prodded. Neither sister had spoken about that early morning since it happened. Anna's heart was racing in excitement as if it was under the impression that a redo was on the table. It started sending blood down Anna's body in preparation.

"You need to go into the house right now. Aren't you supposed to be making cookies?" Elsa rolled her head back in laughter and did as she was told. Anna eyed up the box of secrets, knowing that it was full of things, answers to questions she had never even asked herself and grabbed at a box of decorations instead. The photograph was burning a hole in her pocket but it wasn't the only part of Anna that was suddenly on fire. She was looking forward to a glass of milk and a cookie. Nothing would remind her she was still just a kid as much as the spirit of Christmas.

All of the decorations were tinted in golds and the silky colour of pearls. Anna quickly learned that each Angel she pulled out of a box had its specific spot. The little mystical creatures were a theme to the set of decorations Astrid owned. Anna handled each thing like if her livelihood depended on the figurine intact. She was likely to be sent back to a group home if any of them lost their heads. Margo was so in love with each piece she handled them with as much care. Elsa was busy handing out orders that Mulan was left to do all the stirring of batter.

Anna found her face was hurting from smiling and wincing from time to time. Margo had pulled out some of Agnarr's records and discovered that each girl had a deep love of song. They sang together more than they talked.

Anna liked to see Elsa in action, enjoying herself as she commanded the room. She was very much like her step mother, except she had Iduna's ease too. At the moment, Elsa was taking the worse things about both those women and making it something to be envied. Anna freely cast longing looks at her sister. She was not scared that Mulan and Margo could see. Anna felt like she was in a safe zone among these people.

Elsa was more reserved but she couldn't control her own wistful reactions when she caught Anna staring. The discrete flirtation was new for the pair. They had only ever acknowledged each other's wants in private. They'd made out on park benches in the city, and groped each other on the couch at Anna's old apartment. Those times felt like a distant memory. Anna sort of felt that those moments did not have the same intensity as these tactful exchanges. Catching Elsa's eyes on her chest from the other side of the room, hitched Anna's anticipation. The blonde seemed to be relishing in it as well.

"Hey you two have to try this ganache." Elsa was holding up a glass measuring cup and inside was the scrapings of melted chocolate. Elsa had put the rest of the creamy concoction aside to cool. There was just enough for a taste. The blonde ran the wooden spatula along the dish and gathered enough to offer Margo a mouthful. The chocolate strung along and barely made it into the seven year old's mouth. Margo squeaked in excitement as she savoured the chocolate.

"It's perfect!" Margo exclaimed through a mouth full. Anna's eyes were glazed over as she watched Elsa repeat the same action. Anna's ears were ringing as she was transfixed by the build up of chocolate. The redhead was unsure of how something that was such an innocent exchange between Elsa and Margo was now making the room move in slow motion. As Elsa started to bring the sweetness up towards Anna, her mouth opened in anticipation. Anna couldn't help but continuously blink when the spoon changed its course. Elsa brought it to her own pink lips instead. Elsa sealed her mouth around the wood and smiled as she pulled the chocolate off with her tongue. Payback.

"You're right Bug, it's perfect." Elsa used the end of the spatula to bop Anna in the nose before tossing the measuring bowl into the sink. She poured water into it and left it to rinse. The blonde winked at Anna, whose face had converted into a scowl. Margo pointed and laughed at the smudge of brown left in between Anna's eyes.

"You're evil."

"We both are." Elsa said and she jumped onto her tippy toes to place a kiss on Anna's nose. "There, no harm done."

"Except I didn't get any chocolate." Anna huffed. She had to pretend to be annoyed because if she did not put on an act she would likely lose control of her limbs and her idle hands would pull Elsa into a kiss, looking for trances of ganache.

It took the entire evening but soon the house looked like it was ready to be photographed for a magazine. It was pristine, triumphant and radiant. The only things in the house that were a mess were Anna and Margo's faces, as they sat around the kitchen island eating sugar cookies with royal icing instead of dinner. Margo was sharing her favourite Christmas stories, and peppering her tales with side notes of what presents she wanted. The more Margo regaled, the more it sunk into Anna that she had not spent a December with Elsa since before they were torn apart. Elsa was apologetic to Margo that they would be separated for the first time during a Christmas but she also made sure to give Anna a reassuring squeeze in the leg from under the counter top.

"Hey girls! Look at this, what a brilliant surprise." Agnarr's deep voice vibrated as he entered the house. He was holding Astrid up, her face did not match her husband's verbatim. Margo rushed to her side and started to pull at her mother's sleeve. She was singing sweetly about the work the four girls put in throughout the day. Agnarr made sure to land in stride with Astrid as Margo showed off.

Astrid's eyes followed wherever Margo pointed but she said nothing. When Margo offered her a plate of cookies she put her palms up to decline and took the opportunity to speak. "Elsa, tell your friend it's time to go home."

Anna had been warned Astrid was not going to show any gratitude but she had assumed that applied only to her. Margo left her mom's side immediately and sat back down next to Anna. Anna snatched a cookie away from the girl's plate but Margo's mood didn't elevate.

"Thanks for having me. It was a pleasure," Mulan said to the room. She rounded Anna and wrapped her arms around her new friend. Anna soaked in the gesture for as long as it took for Mulan to start pulling back. It was a long hug, and awkward only because everyone stopped to watch them. Mulan didn't seem to care, nor did Anna.

"You're the best." Anna said as Mulan took her jacket and headed out to the cold. Elsa had grabbed her car keys and followed behind to take her home. Astrid did not linger any longer and had Agnarr lead her upstairs.

"Do you think we messed it up?" The shine of gold reflecting off the ornaments into Margo's blue eyes did not mask her disappointment.

"There's not enough sparkles." Anna said seriously. "Tomorrow I will bring you the most sparkly gold angel I can find and we will put in a sacred spot and it will make this so perfect. More perfect than the cookies you decorated."

Anna went through all the motions of getting ready for bed with Margo at her side. She tucked the kid in like she had seen Elsa sometimes do. Margo's bedroom was just as plain as her sister's but when she asked Anna to pick a story to read to her from her collection under the bed, Anna saw that everything Margo was, was stuffed under there too. Anna pulled out a book, and started to read about a fantasy world. Margo's smile only faded when she finally fell to sleep.

Anna laid in bed and pulled out the photograph she had found. She finally let her mind go into the what ifs Mulan had sort of warned her about. She wouldn't mind being Margo's half sister. She told herself she would own that connection and nurture it even if she did not share any blood with the girl. What worried Anna about was Elsa's reactions if they found out they were full sisters. Elsa was a spooked deer on the best of days. Anna reminded herself not to worry. It made no logical sense that Agnarr would come for only one of his children. She was not his child. Still Anna was going to keep the photo a secret. Things were just started to get good with Elsa, Anna couldn't risk losing her again.

Anna heard Elsa return in time to shove the photograph under her mattress. Elsa moved quietly around the room, careful not to disturb Anna. Anna let her because it was nice to watch Elsa just be. It wasn't until her sister was up and tucked into the top bunk that Anna said what was on her mind.

"What do you know about my dad?"

"Your dad?" Elsa seemed a little startled by the question. The whole bed shook as she readjusted her position. "Geeze I don't know. I remember his motorcycle. It was one of those ones with the orange and black logo."

"A harley?"

"Yeah. A harley. Its name was Red... He was in and out until you were like three." Elsa was stopping between sentences to make out thoughts, as if she was genuinely searching their past.

"Do you remember the last time you saw him?"

"Yeah. Why the sudden interest?"

"I don't know. I guess it's Christmas time. Isn't Christmas time family time?" Anna knew it was a pretty lame lie, but she couldn't think of anything better to say. It was easier to lie in the dark, not facing each other.

"I don't think you should consider him that." Elsa warned. Anna agreed. After looking at that photograph, he felt less like family than he ever did.

"Tell me about the last time you saw him." Anna's command was met by silence. The redhead allowed the pause to persist for a long while until she pressed. "Please."

"The cops got called." Anna heard Elsa gulp. "We got taken out of the home. It was probably your first time. My grandparents came to pick us up. We stayed with them for like a week."

"I've met your grandparents? The people we are staying with for Christmas?" All of this was new information. Anna had no idea why she had never asked Elsa about any of this before. Iduna used to feed Anna the same rehearsed answers. She did it so many times that Anna assumed there wasn't anything else to know.

"Just the one time. That was the only time we were removed from Iduna together. I don't remember what they were fighting about but I can say I'm glad you don't remember any of it."

"Did he hurt us?"

"He wasn't ever nice to mom. And he never paid us much attention. He ignored us and if I kept you out of his way he was nicer for it." Anna could tell her sister was trying to balance saying just enough to satisfy her. It sounded like what she was holding back as for Anna's sake. Anna raked her mind for something that was actually useful to ask. Her brain deployed all it's power looking for different angles like Mulan often encouraged her to do.

"Do I look like him?" She questioned finally.

"No, not at all. Anna, you are not like him at all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are only 3 other chapters left of this story that are written and posted on FF.net. I am currently cleaning them up. After that AO3 will be nice and caught up. I have been making okay time and posting at least once a week. So make sure to subscribe after then. (: 
> 
> Thanks for everyone that has been taking the time to read this story. I appreciate you all, even the lurkers. ha.   
> Feel Free to review or to let me know if you have a fic you think I might like!


	12. Well Fuck

**Elsa**

Consistency. If you asked what Elsa's favourite thing in the world was, she would consistently answer with consistency. She liked routines, she liked knowing what to expect. It was one of the main reasons she looked forward to Sunday Mass. There were little variants when it came to service. After years of attending this Cathedral, Father Iglis had run out of new things to say, Elsa found comfort in knowing the ins and outs of his messaging. She didn't really care what it was that was preached, she just liked that it was predictable.

Elsa knew all the hymns and could hear the music play in her mind even before it had started. The sound of the first cord always confirmed what she expected. She knew every word and could confidently sing along. Elsa was almost filled with anticipation knowing the exact taste of the Eucharist and the exact angle the Priest tilted the chalice when offering the Blood of Christ. She knew the pressure of every hand shake, which fingers would be soft and which would be sweaty, when everyone started to wish that _peace be_ with each of their neighbours. Every congregate was so familiar, Elsa felt she could sit down and draw a map of the pews and list where everyone was seated.Elsa knew all the faces and the names, and scandals behind everyone of them. She knew which smiles were genuine and which were a front pasted on for the two hours, when Sunday's best meant a brave face. And come December, the Catherdral was adorned with the same decorations, each perfectly fitted to spot they took each year, just like at home. 

There were, of course, always disruptions. Like the uptake in the amount of side glances her family got now that Agnarr was no longer attending and because Anna was present so sporadically. But the way those disruptions were handled was always constant. It was never a surprise to see hands cupped over lips that spoke lowly. Elsa did not care so much about causes and effects, as long as she knew what the consequences of things were. As long as they were always the same, she could accept anything that came her way.

Elsa did not often get consistency. Other than church the only other stable thing in Elsa's life was her step mother. Elsa could write a textbook on the woman who raised her. She could write it once and never have to make revisions or second editions. Astrid did not waiver. She drew lines, she upheld her morals, she gave exactly what she offered whether it be punishment or care. Elsa knew Astrid's tells. When one enjoys consistency, it is helpful to read people. Elsa excelled at it. Her step mother had many tells, and knew that Astrid was not only bothered by Elsa right now, she was counting down the minutes to confront her. Astrid was taping her tips of French manicured fingernails onto her thumb. She was moving her hand quickly. It meant that there wasn't much time left. Elsa was unsure of what she had done to set off her step mother but she knew that after Sunday Service was over, Astrid would be letting her know.

Anna had not joined them today. She was not even out of bed when Elsa had finished getting dressed. The redhead barely felt the kiss Elsa had placed on her forehead before heading downstairs to organize the rest of the morning. Elsa was pretty sure that Anna's absence helped set Astrid up for attack, as if she needed Anna out of the way to confront Elsa.

Instead of listening to words of the homily, Elsa tried to piece together what had happened since Friday morning, when Elsa and Astrid were in a good place, to why her mother was currently seething. Friday morning Elsa drove her siblings to school and arranged to miss a full day of classes. Elsa's perfect attendance had been ruined a few weeks back and she was starting to take the leeway in stride. Astrid had not even batted an eye when Elsa returned to the house.

"I'm taking you to your appointment," Elsa proclaimed. It was easier to talk to Astrid if you asked no questions. Her mother nodded and set her cane aside. With Elsa to hold her up she did not have to go out in public with the hideous walking aide. Astrid's doctor was in the next town over, she rather not use the specialist in fear of running into people she knew. Her illness was a closely guarded secret. During episodes like the one she was trying to hide now, Astrid would spend weeks inside her bedroom, waiting to regain control of her body. It was always up to Agnarr and Elsa to take her around, when she did need to leave the house, to mass or a few commitments she couldn't cast aside.

Elsa's father was usually steadfast at his wife's side. When Astrid was sick was when it became obvious that he loved her. The Fjelstad's were not physical in nature, but Astrid's MS made it impossible to keep their distance between each other. It had been a long time since Elsa was at her mother's side. The last time she really felt Astrid's hands on her was during one of her last training sessions on ice. Astrid was constantly poking at Elsa to get her to correct her stance. She used to lift Elsa's limbs and instruct her in the perfect positioning. They weren't caresses but they felt like the sweetest touch. Elsa often made mistakes just for the corrections alone. It felt nice to lower Astrid into the car and fuss over making sure she was comfortable for the long drive.

"Looks like dad wasn't going to show up." Elsa said as the scenery on the road changed from town to prairie.

"It's not that important of an appointment." Astrid defended. Elsa had expected to have to convince her father that she be the one to accompany her mother. Elsa lingered around the house waiting for him to return and take his wife to the doctor but it got too late. He didn't show up. Elsa did not get the fight she was expecting.

"Every relapse is important." Elsa wasn't too sure why she was pressing the subject. Agnarr had been less and less present in the last few weeks. When he was around he was uncharacteristically jovial to everyone except his wife and Elsa. Agnarr had not looked at Elsa since she stole his entire stash of drugs. She had expected to be punished but he left it to hang between them, making it impossible to have a conversation. The only repercussions Elsa had faced was seeing less of him. Elsa wanted to know if that meant he was working his program and was sober again.

"That's enough about your father." Astrid didn't seem willing to clear it up for her stepdaughter.

Elsa stood up with her mother when her name was called and she walked her into the doctor's office. Together they were able to seat Astrid up on the examination table. They waited in silence the way they had the entire drive up.

"Mrs. Fjelstad. Although I love getting a chance to see you, I hate when it is in this capacity." The doctor said as she came into the room. "And who do we have here, this isn't the eye candy you normally bring along."

"This is, Elsa, my first born," Astrid answered. She often called Elsa that, to make sure no other questions needed to be asked about the fifteen year age gap between them. It was not something they could hide at the doctor's. Elsa shrunk herself instinctively, not wanting to look her age. Astrid was the only one of her peers that lied about their age by adding six years to herself and her marriage to Agnarr, all to make room for Elsa in her life. From what Elsa recalled, the Fjelstad's had even moved towns, and started a whole new life when Elsa entered theirs. Astrid killed two birds with one stone with the switch. She took Elsa as her daughter and removed herself from anyone that knew she had Multiple Sclerosis.

"Your tremors are back I see. Are you experiencing dizziness, imbalance? Have you fallen?"

"Yes, yes and no." Elsa stayed silent. It wasn't in her place to interfere. She was mostly present to be a human cane. The list of symptoms the doctor asked after was long and it tore a hole in Elsa's stomach to hear her mother confirm well over half of them. It added up to a lot of pain.

"We aren't going to know if this is it, Astrid. You've relapsed many times before. There's no harm in being cautiously optimistic that your symptoms will clear up. But you've been fortunate to have lived so well after two decades battling this disease. It's time to start expecting lingering effects and preparing yourself that it might not improve this time. I need you to start taking this more seriously. That's where you come in young lady."

"What can I do?" Elsa had been busy organizing everything the Doctor was saying so that she wouldn't forget a single word. It startled her out of her thoughts to be called upon.

"Make sure your mother uses her cane for one. I'm sure Mrs. Fjelstad would rather use it then get herself into a walker. She will need an aide for her occupational therapies." Elsa was aware she would be lucky if she was able to do the second thing, there was no way she would convince her mother to use a cane. The last thing Astrid wanted when it came to attention was pity. She seeked envy and molded her children to emanate the same.

"I can do that." Elsa promised. She gave her own mother a nod to let her know she was at least going to try to convince her.

"That's why the Lord blesses us with children. Your mama has given her world up for you. It's time to return the favour."

There was blowing snow on the highway on the drive back home. Elsa was relatively new to driving. In the two years of taking the wheel she always avoided hazardous conditions. She had to remind herself to relax her hands every minute of so, so that Astrid did not pick up on her nerves. Half way along the way however, Astrid put her hand on Elsa's shoulder and did not remove it until Elsa had to get out of the car to pick up her mother's prescriptions. By the end of the day Astrid had added her medical appointments to Elsa's schedule instead of putting them on Agnarr's.

Elsa knew her mother very well. She knew that however simple, it was a big gesture. Elsa was glad to be trusted by her mother as she looked at the things starting to pile up on her calendar. She could make it happen. Elsa had always pushed herself to excel. Many times she did it for Astrid's sake. The better Elsa performed the more attention she garnered. Eyes on Elsa always translated to having her stepmother at her side. Just because Elsa's motives were fairly different this year, and therefore straining her more, did not mean that Elsa couldn't do it all.

The rest of her Friday, Elsa had found the time to do everything on her list and even caught up on the classes she had skipped. She did not miss a single beat on Saturday. That Sunday morning before Mass, Elsa had woken up early and made the large spread of breakfast she and Astrid used to make together. The eldest ensured Margo and Sorren were already at the table waiting for their mother as Elsa helped her get dressed. The four shared a nice and quiet meal together. Not a single cross comment was exchanged the entire morning.

Elsa had been so busy replicating Sunday Morning's of old to realize that Astrid was indignant. It wasn't until Elsa was sandwiched in between Phoebus and her mother in the pews that she realized the tension coming from each shoulder rubbing up against her. Phoebus lingered closely at the end of Mass. Elsa could feel his eyes on her back as she led her mother towards the people she could not fail to greet.

It was normally a long process but Astrid was short with everyone they approached. Elsa was growing concerned about what her mother wanted to talk about and why the conversation was eating into Astrid's favourite part of Sunday. Her mother pointed Elsa to the back of the Church and when Elsa pulled her to the exit Father Iglis called out her name. While Elsa knew her mother was up to something she suddenly felt particularly vulnerable as Phoebus followed them down the hall into the Priest's office.

Phoebus immediately offered Astrid a seat, where she collapsed her weight down unceremoniously. She did not veil her deterioration in front of the two men. It shocked Elsa to see her draped on the chair, she dropped her forehead into her hand and started rubbing it with her finger tips. Astrid always reminded Elsa not to touch her own face because it would make her wrinkle faster. The slouched woman looked like she aged a decade as she removed her mask and readied some sort of attack.

Elsa was so absorbed with her mother that she did not notice Phoebus and the Father take their marks. Phoebus moved to the back corner of the room and leaned up against the wall, he crossed his arms over his chest and stood in waiting. The Priest took his chair, he seated himself down in front of a school issued leather book bag. Elsa knew right away it was hers. She was not sure why Astrid had chosen this company to address the fact that Elsa was carrying a large amount of drugs. Internally she cursed Megara from not letting Elsa unload her last batch.

"This is your bag, is it not." The Cathedral's Priest started. Father Iglis was an old white man. He was slender and clean shaven. Elsa was sure he looked today exactly as he had the first day she had stepped into his church. Every Sunday he got to see how much Elsa could grow in a week. She wondered if he had seen the change in her this past month.

"It belongs to the Academy, I can't tell from here if it's the one I use." Elsa answered evenly. She kept her eyes fixed on Father Iglis. She could feel a pull on her eyes, she wanted to read everyone in the room but they had all dispersed out of her line of vision.

"Answer the question," Astrid spat from her seated position to Elsa's right. Elsa tried not to flinch.

"It's likely mine."

"Show her." Astrid addressed Father Iglis. He obliged by putting a small pin on the table. It was the one Anna had given to Elsa on her first day of classes. She hadn't thought of it since, but had even ended up endearing to her sister's rebellion when she put her pride pin back on every morning.

"It's a Philadelphia Pride Pin," Elsa said with a smirk, recalling how her sister had explained it. "I can get some literature on the subject Father, if you'd like." She was relieved for a moment. Until she noticed that the people in this room were taking this as seriously as if they had discovered her drugs.

"Elsa, don't play the wiseacre. This is quite serious. Father Iglis has something to say. Cut the shit and listen." Astrid was acting completely out of character. It unnerved Elsa.

"Elsa, do you understand that you are a child of God?" The Church's Priest started. He had the pin in his hand and was rolling in between his thumb and index finger. "The Lord has guidelines in which we are to exercise our freewill. You are going to cause yourself, and your wonderfully faithful family lots of undue suffering if you act on your inclinations. Your mother has reason to believe you have." This caused Elsa to panic internally. It felt each one of her organ's start to complain. Still she kept her chin level and the cock in her stance. Elsa raked her mind for any way she could have slipped up with her sister. If Astrid or Phoebus had picked up on something, there was no merit to it, she had been so careful it had driven a wedge between the sisters.

"Christ cannot take control of our subconsciousness. Your perverse thoughts are the work of hellions trying to break your bond with our faith. Every person has compulsions that tempt them away from Christ. You will likely be plagued by these urges for a lifetime. You've been cursed but Christ's love is good. You do not have to give in Elsa. Through prayer and communion and good people of the faith, you will overcome your sin." As Father Iglis spoke, Elsa decided to keep Anna far from her thoughts, in case Father Iglis had some God given power to see within her.

"With all due respect, it's a pin." Elsa said confidently.

"That's not true Elsa." Phoebus pushed himself off the wall. They were the first words he had spoken to her since he physically removed himself from on top of her. This time Elsa couldn't check her face. She could not hold back a snarl. "When your mother contacted me with her concern, I was very honest with her about what has transpired between you and I as of late. I should have seen the red flags in your behaviour even before that. I've my own things to atone for. Astrid believes me redeemable enough to have me here. For that I am very grateful. I believe it's important that you know I'm still here for you. I'm still yours."

"So what? You're forgiven for that night and I'm the one being accosted? Did you get the full story mom?" Elsa was livid now. Her anger overcame whatever panic. Her mother was no longer tossed on the chair. She sat up straight, matching Elsa's strong stance. "How convenient Phoebs."

"Do not get defensive Elsa. Phoebus's actions are to be answered by God. I believe his role in your life aligns with that journey." There. Astrid's words were consistent to what she had always done with Elsa. She was always trying to push greatness on her, even after realizing how human Elsa was, Astrid kept trying to mend her plan.

"I'm actually really glad this happened." Elsa didn't notice Phoebus approach until he put her hand on her shoulder. She didn't spin around to meet him but she slapped his touch away. "I've been killing myself about that night of the party and I have misguidedly been angry with you. I know now that we had to go through that together to help get you on the other side of all this."

"Elsa, have you been sexually intimate with another girl?" Father Iglis interjected.

"I have not."

"Tell me then, about the redhead," Astrid asked from her seated position. Elsa's heart was pounding at every single one of her pulse points. Her mother was always direct, to avoid using the _redhead's_ name meant something.

"The lesbian girl you are tutoring several hours a day." Phoebus added suspiciously. Elsa felt something built up in her throat. For a moment she thought it was bile, when the retching didn't come she assumed it was a sob. Instead of sadness mania flew out through her teeth. It was laughter.

"Oh my god!" Elsa said as her hysteria cried. Her straight stance was lost as her vibrating ribs forced her to double over. "This is so… I don't even know. It's so trite. It's maybe even adorable." Elsa's eyes were glazed over with her own tears. She couldn't see the reaction of the men in the room. She moved herself closer to Astrid and as she neared her mother's cold overcame her delirium. The laughter stopped and left only wrath.

"Mother. Open your eyes. There are far worse things happening under your own roof than my perversions. That book bag has an entire bottle worth of Oxycontin in it and you're worried about a pride pin? Never mind that my father is off the rails, and that Margo suffers from a broken heart. You are so busy wondering how many eyes are on you to look at your own family. If you are upset that I'm a lesbian mother, well fuck. Because I am so much worse than." Astrid's own stoic demeanour faltered as Elsa spat at her.

"But no, I did not have sex with Merida. I did however have sex and then some Phoebus. And I have let other people do whatever they wanted to me because I am waiting for an epiphany to tell me what I actually feel is wrong. But this is it. Right now. I'm done trying to curve myself. I'm giving into the Hellions in my head." Anna's name was suddenly the only thing on her mind. She did not fear that any one in this office could take her sister from her anymore. Anna wanted Elsa to repair herself, even though she was tearing something apart Elsa felt like she was a step closer to deserving her sister.

"Elsa," Astrid got to her feet on her own. With her spine aligned, she could look down at her step daughter. She spoke through her tremors. "I have always loved you like you were one of my own. You walk out of that door without repenting then I'm afraid that's going to change."

"Mom, you're the one that's sick remember? You're stuck with me until you finally get over yourself and use your Goddamned cane." Elsa was aware of the physical pain her mother was in. It was enough to make any Saint irritable and pissy. Elsa felt bad as soon as she said it, but her guilt was not enough to soften her. Her rage was not letting go for anyone's excuses.

Elsa pulled at her book bag and slung it over her shoulder. She was surprised when she did not get a single objection to taking it back. She wished she could get her pin back from the old man still seated at his desk, but she would just have to ask Anna for another one. At this point she wanted more than just a pin. She wanted a tattoo and a shaved head, or whatever cliche that would let everyone concerned with the Fjelstad image that she was a raging deviant. Everyone in the room called out her name as she headed for the door.

"Next time any of you have the gall to ask me if I have slept with a woman, the answer will be _Yes_." Elsa left the office before anyone could retort. She was going to keep that promise. The blonde took out her phone and immediately started dialing her sister. The phone was ringing in her ear when Phoebus put his hand on her shoulder yet again.

"You don't have to be like this, Elsa. You're hurting right now. But I can fix it, just come home with me." It was offers like this one that Elsa was always accepting. The line was trilling in her ear, she received Anna's voice with a recorded _hello._

"No, get off me." Elsa took hold of her body as she shoved her phone back into her pocket. "Listen, if you care about me then, please help my mom home. She's not well." Elsa left Phoebus behind. As she exited into the cold, she was able to take in half a breath before seeing her father smoking next to one of the Cathedral's pillars.

"Great, you too. Is the ambush ever going to end?"

"Hi to you too." Agnarr said with a toothy grin. Elsa rolled her eyes at him and continued her path to her car. The parking lot had cleared up. The cars that were peppered in the lot all belonged to her accosters.

"Hey, I'm here to talk." Aganrr moved to catch up. He tossed his cigarette to the side as he tried to get in front of his daughter. "I'm not sure what's going on love. Your mother was going on about she found some gay paraphernalia in your bag. She wasn't exactly impressed by my reaction but she asked me to come."

"Yeah no, I just heard. You missed it by the way." Agnarr had gained on Elsa. She was forced to stop in the middle of the painted yellow lines. She was still a little high on adrenaline, the cold did not sink in even though she had abandoned her winter jacket at the coat check.

"Come on. I don't condone what your mother is up to. She's overreacting. What's a little porn?"

"Wow you two really don't communicate well, do you?" Elsa felt her eyes fall backs into her skull again. Agnarr had obviously not let Astrid get her point across. Which was fine, Elsa didn't need her father knowing what she had done with Phoebus. However, if Agnarr wasn't informed then this conversation had no worth other than to exhaust her further.

"I always thought your _thing_ was obvious. I used to tell your mom, we should prepare for this. She didn't want to hear it. If Astrid wants to make it into a big deal that's her prerogative. But it's fine by me, really." Agnarr was trying to be supportive but Elsa didn't need him anymore. She knew, that no matter what he said, she was never going to win true acceptance, not on the path she was on.

"Or you could have told her no. You could have stopped her from treating me like that. This passive parenting thing you do isn't doing any of your kids any good. That was traumatizing. I can't tell if you are too high to care or worse, you just literally don't give a shit."

"Hey! Don't you question my devotion to you kids. You don't have any idea the amount of things I have sacrificed. For you in particular." Agnarr drove his index finger under Elsa's collar bone to accentuate his point. Elsa batted it away. She recognized his growing contempt. As his daughter, she had the same switch. Knowing it was on drove her to want to make him even more angry.

"You should have just left me with Iduna if you were going to be just as big of a disappointment. It would have saved you the trouble of your so-called sacrifices." Elsa tried to push past her father. She was hoping the low blow would put an end to the conversation. But the man reached out and held her back by the shoulders. His finger's pressed into her, not enough to hurt but enough to widen her eyes for him to burrow into.

"You know, you were once a very happy little girl. I was able to watch you go from a skeletal sick kid that had never once been in a classroom to an angel on ice. I was proud of my mistakes because they made you. But you're falling from grace. Seems like my poor choices are finally catching up to me."

"I was never the girl you saw on the rink. I'm not the valedictorian. I'm a Werin. You changed my name dad. So I played the parts you gave me. I just wanted to be wanted by somebody. By you and Astrid. I've only been myself a handful of times. I'm done casting who I am aside. I'm done trying to kill it with ideal versions of myself. I don't care how you or Astrid choose to punish me." Agnarr's hold instinctively relaxed as the word _punish_ flew out of his daughter's mouth.

"I"m not going to punish you for being whatever you are. But you are part of this family. We are going through a lot. So you will continue to do your part for your siblings and the woman who raised you." With the release in pressure Elsa lifted her boots out of the snow they had sunk into. She blew out a shaky breath as she started to leave her father behind.

"I'm not coming back home after Christmas." Agnarr called out to his daughters back. He did not have to say more. Elsa knew it meant he was cleaning his plate onto hers. That Astrid had not chosen Elsa to be her carer because she thought she was better suited for the role. Her mother did not have a second option. Elsa was aware a lot of this was her fault. She started to understand why Astrid was so hellbent on keeping things running smoothly. The moment Elsa disrupted her mother's order, things started to fall apart.

Elsa had no response to her father. She continued forward towards her car, pulled her phone out again, and tried to get a hold of Anna. She turned the key in the ignition as the line rang. The blonde cursed herself for not foreseeing the chain of events. She knew her father was still watching her so she fought back the tears that threatened to reveal to Agnarr how distraught she was. Elsa was exhausted. It wasn't noon yet but she had been up for seven hours. There was only one thing she wanted more than rest. Elsa did not hear Anna's voice until her voicemail prompted her to leave a message. The blonde ended the call and immediately tried her sister again. The line rang endlessly.

Elsa gathered herself enough to put the car into reverse. As she looked over her shoulder she heard the little _knock knock_ notification. It's sole purpose was to alert Elsa to a message from her redhead. Elsa stopped everything to look at her phone.

_I need you._


	13. Potato Sack

**Anna**

Saturday. Anna had experienced a lot of firsts while living with the Fjelstads but being at school on a Saturday was likely the most bizarre out of them all. The school was a quarter way full with students, each were required to be in uniform while on campus. On a Saturday. Granted Anna got an extra hour of sleep, the Fjelstad kids all seemed to have the same disdain for the idea as they dragged their feet to get ready. Sorren had basketball practice. It was the one thing he excelled over his closest friend Hans. Merida had archery and Mulan had a full day of ECs including an hour where she was required to work as Anna's transition aid.

The redhead spent most of the day working on her own, she'd found a sort of rhythm in discovering answers for herself. Mulan instilled pride into Anna when she had pointed out that she had a natural instinct for figuring things out on her own. Her mentor then added a jab to her compliment, as she pointed out that it only applied to her academics. In real life the redhead was hopeless. Anna couldn't agree more. There was a chance that her scholarly aptitude could be attributed to her street smarts, but neither of the two translated when it came to emotions. The look Mulan was giving her made her feel that as their hour together was winding down that Mulan was readying to broach that subject.

Mulan was staring. She had given Anna a hefty list of things to do to make up for their time lost Wednesday night, as they had spent their precious study time getting into the Christmas spirit. Anna was eager to make up the work. She didn't regret a single minute of holiday decorating, but she also never wanted to disappoint Mulan. Not just because she was a little scared of the girl, but because she owed it to her friend to do her best. Still there was one thing Anna did not get to. Mulan's steady gaze meant she had predicted Anna's failure.

"What did your sister say?" She questioned casually as she broke eye contact to give Anna space to respond. It wasn't like she was asking if Elsa had agreed to drive them somewhere, or even to bootleg for them or whatever else was more of a teenage norm.

"Nothing," Anna quickly answered. "She chose not to attend school on a Saturday. Just dropped us off and zoomed away. She did the same yesterday to take Astrid somewhere. Contrary to what you may believe, we don't actually have that much time together. So I've postponed my conversation with her indefinitely."

"You were going to talk to her last night and the night before that" Anna was sure no one had ever used such a mama bear tone on her before.

"True. But I was writing my essay. You should see my bibliography. The APA Gods smiled down at me. My formatting is tiptop. I might just hand it in without you looking over it. The bibliography I mean, not the essay. Please read over my essay. Don't you want to read my essay?" Anna's ramble didn't endear Mulan to her. Saturdays were a drag. Mulan was always visibly pissed at Saturdays. They were not the teenage hallmark for a good time for her but a day that connected the endless circle of school work and all her duties at home.

The only thing Mulan had a break from on Sundays was Anna. Weekends largely belonged to Hans, and the two classes he was tutoring her in. Mulan however did not like to leave things unfinished over their singular day break. It was something Anna thought her mentor should have considered when deciding to emotionally school her new friend on top of everything she was already doing. The only thing between Mulan handing Anna off to Hans, was the hour Anna had to make up an exam she had bombed. Mulan was obviously trying to get this sorted so she could relax a little when it came to her troubled friend.

"Anna, you two need to start actually talking to one another. I thought you wanted to know what she did about your mother and her father's relationship?" Anna couldn't help but spin her neck around the room to see if anyone was within ear range of this conversation. She wasn't surprised to see that Mulan had chosen this moment as the most opportunistic to breach the subject. The area had thinned out.

"We've had talks. Serious ones too." Anna deflected.

"Oh really." An invisible string pulled at Mulan's eyebrow as her skepticism asked Anna a question. "You mean to tell me you know what Elsa needs all that money for?"

"Say what now?"

"From Merida. Mer had this grand plan of ridiculously outbidding everyone for tutoring spots with Elsa. She outbid for every single one in hopes of getting a slot and won. Your sister gave her all of them. Which shouldn't be news to you if you know why she is accepting all that money?"

"Shit." Mulan had the skill of always being right but also knowing how to best prove her point. If Anna was grading her she would have to give her a star sticker made out of real gold dust for making her point on both ends of the uncommunicative sisters.

"Our mom." Anna said. Her tone was already defeated as she started making a confession. "She was asking for money. She owed some people and they were coming around the centre asking for it. She had to break all sorts of rules to ask me for help. But she tried contacting Elsa first."

"How much did your mom need?" The information didn't shock Mulan. Whatever analysis she was doing behind her eyes did not show. Her gaze was even.

"Two grand." Anna said through a curled up lip and gritted teeth, she ducked her head a bit as if she was expecting to be physically lashed at by her friend.

"Elsa isn't getting paid by Merida until the end of the month. How would she get your mom that money beforehand." Mulan was just spewing facts, like if this was a math problem on a page and had no emotional investment in it.

"Well I sort of took care of it already." It was a farce, Mulan's straight face. Anna picked up on it as the girl's throat swallowed. It was just a ripple in the centre of her neck, no sound, not even a blink but it was a crack in her stoic demeanor. She didn't like what she was hearing.

"I'm going to put what you just said about that kind of money on pause for a second and point out the obvious first. If you gave your mom the money, and Elsa originally turned her down then, you are wrong. Elsa doesn't need the money for your mother's sake."

"Oh." Was all Anna could say. She felt like the idiot girl sitting between Mulan and Hans on the first day of class. Everything her mentor was saying was part of the same complex algebra problem Mulan was working on but Anna didn't know the equation she needed to solve for X.

"Now un-pause and where the hell did you get that kind of money?" This was another motherly tone Anna had never been on the receiving end of.

"I don't want to say. Cause you might actually hate me this time." Anna made this declaration knowing that Mulan might already care for Anna more than most people in her life ever did. The girl was already shaking her head when Anna sucked in some air. "I got it from Hans. But I can give it back to him when I'm 18. I told him I will be getting an inheritance but I'm just going to use some of my student loan money."

"I regret ever asking. " Mulan blinked a few times. She looked up at the clock, the moment she did it rounded up to a new hour. Mulan got to her feet and started putting together all her school work. Anna just watched as she heard the halls start to fill up, even without the bell the school ran in its same well-oiled manner. Once Mulan had her books clenched over her chest she addressed Anna again. "You need to talk to your sister. I've heard you say some pretty stupid things while tutoring you and it was endearing because you didn't know better. But come on Anna, you are not actually this dumb."

Mulan regretted the outburst almost instantly. A sigh gave her away. Anna went back to the first day of school again, into their first conversation, where Mulan convinced herself to help Anna against her better judgement. "Call me sometime this weekend." Her friend said softly. Thinking better of it Mulan hardened up again to add, "and please make sure your sister doesn't break my best friend's heart."

Anna wasn't well versed at being a friend. She knew that where she stood, she hadn't made too many strides to give Mulan what the girl had invested, other than making her laugh from time to time. The end of this conversation ended up feeling like the timer just got set and she was at the start of a test. Friendship was not something Anna had ever studied. But when she called Mulan later, she wanted to be able to at least address some of the mess she had made.

Mulan just had to duck into the class next to be at her last destination for the day. Anna had to run across the hallways to get to her retake exam. Mulan had expertly worked her through the subject manner over the last hour. Anna immediately felt both thankful to her friend and sorry she bemoaned the day of the week so many times during their study session. The redhead coasted through her retake.

Anna didn't have many moments like these since she started actual classes. As she had fervorously made notes of words she didn't understand in class, it was almost impossible to keep her mind stationed. Every time it wandered, she scolded herself. The new information she received in class was always such a dreadful reminder that in the race to final exams, the redhead was in the hurdles category running inside of a potato sack. She would love to tone out the flood of new information, but her marks also depended on participation. Anna spent the better part of the school days asking stupid questions. The redhead didn't get very many moments like this tiny triumph, as she walked up to her prof with time to spare. She never got to move through the hallways without hurrying to her next objective, so she confidently swaggered down the empty halls to go wait for her ride.

Elsa was leaning up against her compact car. It was black and contrasted with her over sized white knitted sweater and a light blue scarf wrapped around her face. Elsa was always under dressed in the cold. If it had been Anna waiting around she would certainly be keeping warm inside the car, but Elsa always liked to take deep inhales of the cold. She looked so different that she had the day prior. The blonde had been uniformed when she drove her siblings to school. Anna had watched her chew her lip through the rear view mirror for the entirety of the drive to the Academy. Elsa had reassured Anna that nothing was wrong when she pulled up to the front of the school instead of in her parking spot. The swell of her bottom lip told Anna differently. Seeing Elsa now, dressed casually and lifting red fingers, burnt from the cold and in greeting, caused Anna to get the familiar fluttering in her stomach. Whatever transpired since yesterday morning, that kept her out of school, had actually uplifted her sister.

Anna wished Mulan was next to her now, so she could prove her point that it was absurd to want to start up conversations that would crack the ease her sister was currently in. Things weren't simple in their shared world. But the fact that Elsa could look so normal, waiting to pick up her brother, felt impossible given their circumstances. Anna habitually pushed aside the tough things in order to let this kind of tranquility flourish.

Sorren ran past Anna to race down the stairs and meet their half sister. He got into the passenger's side without saying anything to Elsa. An arm wrapped itself over Anna's back and Elsa's wide eyes closing in on each other answered Anna's question of who was dropping their weight on her shoulder.

"You gotta see the car I'm driving us in," Hans enthused. Anna could still smell the sweat on him, as if he hadn't bothered to use the school showers after his exertion on the court.

"Cool," was the best reaction Anna had to give. Elsa's cold fingers were waving goodbye. Anna didn't know if she could ask her face to convey longing, or she was giving Elsa the right look to say, _I wish I was leaving with you_ , but she tried either way. Elsa had to push her scarf out of the way to respond by blowing a kiss.

"Bye bye bye," A voice called out to Anna. Merida was in motion, taking the icy steps with quite a lot of grace for such a high speed. Her inertia caught the kiss directed to Anna. Merida did a little spin at the bottom of the steps to show off her excitement to Anna with a fully open mouth and a thumbs up. The redhead jumped into Anna's spot in the car.

"You ready?" Hans asked. He took Anna's hand in his to aid her down the frozen steps Merida had just blown past. The car was impressive. It was the car Hans drove in more acclimate weather. His red sports car was now parked away for the season. Anna didn't see why it mattered, Hans drove just as recklessly as he did when the roads were bare.

It was strange to see his house in the daylight. It was even bigger when the dark sky wasn't veiling whole other portions of it. Hans had a million brothers, even though he was the youngest, each sibling thing had their own room. A maid greeted them, and insisted on taking Anna's jacket and outerwear.

The woman spoke kindly to Hans, and he was nice enough to her as he requested she bring them some food to fuel their studies. Anna thought that the Fjelstads was a bizarre place of grandeur but this home was beyond that. The front door opened up to a grand foyer where most of the party had happened, it was easily twice the size of any apartment Anna had lived in. To the left was the sunken living room that had been converted to a dance space. Anna spent too much time using juxtaposition to recall her body moving closely to Elsa's to get a look at the massive kitchen space and the floor to ceiling windows that overlooked the pool. Hans was calling at her from the top of the stairs. She rushed up to meet him worried she might get lost.

"I was pretty bummed you left the party before I could show you my room." Anna followed the long hallway, it opened up to a living room, and by the manly decor Anna assumed it was a shared living space between the brothers. There was movement in the rooms, some of Hans's siblings were around. He had mentioned most of them had moved into their own homes, and had gone away to school. The last remaining few were the youngest. It made Anna uneasy to think that Phoebus could be behind any one of the closed doors.

When Anna caught up to Hans, he was already sitting on his bed with his hands out flat and his legs spread. His grin was full of mirth. His room, unlike Elsa's, did have a personality. Anna just wasn't sure if it was Hans on the walls. He had a framed picture of Albert Einstein, one of him meeting the old conservative Prime Minister, and an antique looking scroll of the periodic table. The wall over his desk had shelves of medals and trophies, none of them were tinted anything other than gold.

"It's nice." Anna didn't have as much enthusiasm about the space. It was harder to fake than trying to figure interesting questions to ask about his car.

"Welcome." Hans said with a raised eyebrow. Anna tried not to take a deep breath. She bypassed Hans and went over to his desk and started pulling out her chemistry work. "Down to business already?"

"I have an exam on Monday."

"You know you don't have to have an exam." Hans approached her. He made the offer so often that Anna didn't have to respond anymore. He tossed his body into the massive gaming chair in front of this triple screen set up and pulled out a game control. Within second's the fans of the machines started whirling and the screens illuminated.

"Let's play."

"Uh, you go ahead. I'll just ask you a question if I need to." Hans just shrugged, as soon as his eyes were on the animation thoughts of Anna must have vanished. Anna knew she couldn't complain, apparently tutoring was pretty pricey. There was a small backless stool tucked under the desk, she took a seat at Hans's side and tried to make sense of the puzzles in front of her. Chemistry was her favourite subject. It felt so satisfying to put these long and intricate things together in different ways to make vastly distinctive things.

Anna liked to think that she and Elsa were both volatile elements, but they could be put together to make something stable. It wasn't lost on her that at any moment the combination could go wrong. In real life, it felt like the outside forces in their relationship were what was actually making it so hard to be together, a little dash of family drama, or a stolen touch at the wrong time and the whole thing could explode.

If the sisters could buy an island and reap their own crops, their love could be perfection. The thought of Elsa on the beach had to be related to chemistry somehow. Maybe Anna could look up the chemical composition of the sand under her sister's body, or see what she would need to turn herself into the salt in the water. Anna was pretty deep into her reverie where she was the ocean tide caressing her sister, when Han's broke through her thoughts.

"You've been stuck on the same equation longer than I've been stuck on this level." The pause screen was illuminated. Anna had heard him mutter a few swears towards the game, she'd mostly ignored them. What she was up to was so much more interesting.

"Oh yeah, I'm not computing." Anna laughed it off as she looked down at her worksheet. She had only advanced by three questions and somewhere in the last equation she had penned Elsa's name. She scratched it out as Hans got to his feet and stood behind the stool. He leaned his chest into her to get a closer look at what she was doing.

"You know this one. It shouldn't be a struggle." His hot breath was in Anna's ear. Anna could even smell it. Hans normally got pretty close to her while they were working on things. She knew it wasn't normal, it was caused by his not so subtle affections. Anna passed them off, she didn't feed the fire, but she was scared to douse it. She had tethered herself to Hans in order to help her mom out. She had two years to make good on her word and pay her tutor back. In the meantime she hoped to foster a good relationship.

"It's probably because you're so tense. Do you ever ease up a little?" Hans lifted himself up to standing again. Anna did find herself easing up now that she could breath her own air again.

"I can be easy!" she defended and then reddened. Fingers answered her on her shoulders. Hans started to knead at Anna's muscles. His thumbs found the knots below her neck and pushed into them. Anna had never been massaged before. Her muscles were thankful for the ministrations, but her neck tucked down into her shell and her shoulders met her ears. She tensed. Anna was pretty sure a massage was supposed to do the opposite. Hans didn't seem to register the adverse reaction. He leaned back in a little. With busy hands, he used his nose to point at Anna's work.

"Alright, let me see what you're doing here. Just keep going, I want to watch how you tackle it." The movements of his fingers didn't stop as Anna tried to shake her shoulders a bit. She picked her blue pen back up and tried to focus on the page. Hans was correct in saying she knew how to work this equation. She fumbled a bit, it was hard to concentrate with the displeasing pleasure of him working at her skin. She was thankful for the pads of her blazer as she tried to concentrate.

"Hmm," Hans hummed. He took a step in closer to her. The length of his body pressed up against Anna. "Try it again." Hans instructed as he noticed Anna's careless mistake. She tried to focus on the numbers rather than his closeness.

"There you go!" Hans took his hands off of Anna to give her one singular and enthusiastic clap. She felt her body sigh in relief, proud she had pushed herself past the awkwardness.

"I knew that would help," Hans thanked himself as he ran flat palms on her shoulders. They crept forward this time and his fingers hooked into the collar of her blazer. When he tugged on it, Anna moved her arms to let it slide off.

A gentle knock removed Hans's hand from her. He tossed her blazer on his bed and walked over to meet his maid. She'd put together sandwiches and cut up fruit. Hans wasn't any good at balancing the over crowded tray. He spilled some of the orange juice that had been poured up to the rim of the tall iced water glasses.

"Thank you." Anna called out as the maid wished that they would enjoy their snack.

"Do you mind if I put some of your clothes away while you two work?" Anna hadn't noticed that her heart was sort of seized up until Hans responded affirmatively. The idea of someone else being in the room relaxed her in a way Hans had wanted to. The redhead reached out for half a sandwich. She barely got her fingers on the croissant when Hans swatted at her.

"That's our reward for getting these questions done." It sounded like a joke but it came off harsh. Anna felt a bit of a sting on her skin. Still she took her hand back and moved on to the next question. She was almost done when Han's found her shoulders once again. The sensation was so much more acute with only her white button up between her skin and Hans'. He put himself as close her to as he could get.

"Now you're on a roll," he encouraged. He was swaying a little, kinda like someone does when holding a sleeping baby. Anna tried to arch her back so that less of her was in contact with him. It worked for a second of relief, but the action encouraged him. He pressed into her deeper with her fingers. The part of her spine that inadvertently dug in closer to him hit right below his waist. It only took one sway of his hips to confirm that he was aroused and also emboldened. He circled his hips, rubbing his semi on her back.

"You're so stiff," Hans noted, his voice lowered, the play on words acknowledged the escalation of their interaction. Anna felt paralyzed, the only part of her body that was working was her wrist as it kept doing the one task that felt normal.

"You're doing great." That was it, Anna summoned all her strength into her knees, she was ready to stand. Another knock on the door exalted before Anna got a chance. She sighed in relief knowing that this stranger was going to have to break this up so that Anna didn't have to.

That wasn't what happened. The maid entered the room and ducked her head as she carried her plastic basket towards the closet. She started to work with a back turned to the teenagers. Hans did not acknowledge her, his fingers didn't stop, and by the hardening against the thin fabric of Anna's shirt, it seemed to have only driven him forward. Whatever pep talk Anna had given her knees was rendered useless. Instead of telling herself to run, Anna was willing her hands not to shake, to just do the work that was set out in front of her and forget everything else.

"Just relax, relax into it." Anna wondered why the woman in the room didn't care to pick up on the heavy layer of sex Hans added to his voice. Or maybe she did, from the corner of Anna's eye she could see her start to move faster. Anna's mind was on autopilot, thoughts of the little bit of nitrogen that made up Elsa's skin were long gone as she wrote out its chemical composition. The sway of Hans's hips changed its course. He would have had to clench his ass cheeks to drive himself against Anna that way.

"All done," Hans's maid announced. Anna was writing as fast as she could, wishing she could say the same.

"Thanks," Hans said with a buck of his waist. "Can you close the door on your way out?" The master got his wish. The door clicked shut.

"I think I'm finished for the day," the way her voice came out of Anna's mouth made it seem like her statement was one long word.

"Fuck yeah, me too," Hans stopped his massage. He plucked the pen out of Anna's hand and leaned back down into her neck. His carbon dioxide was hard to inhale.

"No, I mean I should head home."Anna said as Hans's lips hovered over her ear. The redhead thanked her voice for doing what her body had rendered itself incapable of. It pushed Hans back. She was finally able to look away from her home work.

"Well I can't drive you home like this," Hans said while motioning to his excitement.

"Sorry," was all Anna could think of saying. The redhead had been in similar enough positions before in her foster homes, but she was always just a few steps away from a refuge, her own space. There was nowhere for her to retreat at the moment.

"So?" Hans questioned expectantly. He sat back down on his bed much like he had when he first invited her into the room. Anna hated her stupidity as she stared at his open legs. He quickly seemed to realize he wasn't going to get anywhere.

"I'll get my brother to drive you." He said with a roll of his eyes. "Phoebs!"

His voice called out so loudly that it likely broke through the door and into the open space at the other side. The part of Anna that had been paralyzed by fear kicked up again. The last thing she wanted was to be anywhere near Elsa's ex boyfriend, if he was even that.

"No, no, no, don't bother him." Anna's subconscious made the choice that she rather deal with what was in front of her than have breath in the same air as Phoebus. "I can't wait. Do you need a minute?' Anna asked as she used her thumbs to point to the exit.

"You don't have to go. I liked watching you work." Hans eyed up the spread of school work on his desk. "Loosen your toptie, sit down." Anna did as requested without shooting another glance towards her tutor. She took her discarded pen in her hand once again. Even though she had removed the cinch of her tie around her neck, Anna felt like she couldn't breath. She heard Hans spit, and the downward motion of a zipper. The only thing she could make out after that was the ruffling sound of fabric.

"Pack up your things," Hans said eventually. Her body moved readily as she did as demanded. She didn't take a single peek at Hans as he changed out of his school clothes and into a pair of sweatpants. He looked refreshed, like he had just taken a shower, when he opened the door and let Anna out into clean air.

He talked a little bit about the floor plan of the house as they made their way back to the foyer. Anna let the information enter one ear and be deafened by the number of insults she was calling herself in her head. She had been such an idiot. She was well aware that she had made a few big mistakes to lead Hans on, but now every single one of her actions since then felt like they had turned against her. She nodded along to everything Hans said as they made their way back to the car.

"We didn't get much done today hey?" Hans said with a laugh. His eyes were on the road ahead. His hand gripped the stick shift. The car was pretty wide. It felt better to be next to him while he was so occupied.

"Yeah." Anna nodded.

"Too many people around. I think our best study session was the first. Skipping church and going to the park. I wouldn't mind doing that again."

"Yeah that was nice," The redhead was relieved to start to recognize her neighbourhood.

"Cool."

Anna jumped out of the car before it fully stopped. She called out her thanks and she heard Hans wish her a goodnight. "See you tomorrow," he added as Anna slammed the door shut. It got dark early these days. The lights on the Fjelstad home were all on. Through the windows Anna could see different family members doing their own thing. Sorren was taking the stairs up. Margo was watching TV with her head in her father's lap. Even on the second storey, Anna could see the back of Astrid's head as she sat in a reading chair engrossed in a life that wasn't her own. What Anna didn't see was the one person that could peel back the tension she'd picked up.

Anna received warm greetings from the duo on the couch. She gave them the same fake smile she had put on her face the entire drive home. In front of them were dirty bowls with spoons sticking out of them as if they shared an ice cream dessert. The rest of the kitchen was back to pristine. Anna had missed Saturday night dinner. It was the first sense of relief she felt. The redhead didn't have an appetite anymore. Not having to linger on the main floor of the house was part of the respite she needed. Anna said her good-nights and headed up the stairs.

Her heart kicked up again as if it was eager to get into a safe place to explore what had just happened. It didn't want to sit still no matter how hard Anna pressed her fingers into her chest, it pounded roughly against the digits with each step she took upwards. At the start of the hallway, she doubled over. Anna kept pushing into herself, trying to make the space her heart had to move smaller so that it would just shut off.

"Hey you," Anna heard a call from the bottom of the steps. She immediately straightened her back, but kept her hand clutched over her chest. Elsa was looking up at her, her big eyes were squinting from how big her smile was. "I feel like I haven't seen you." Anna's sister said as she uncurled a scarf from around her neck. She retreated a bit to go put her outerwear away. Anna used the few seconds to take a few deep purposeful breaths, almost as if she at the start of a yoga session.

"Want to study in the garage together?" Elsa asked as she returned into Anna's sight line. "Or in the bunk?"

"Bunk," Anna answered, even though the last thing she wanted right now was to open a book. Or maybe that was the second last thing. The redhead felt mentally exhausted but that didn't mean that her to-do list was any smaller. Anna really didn't want to start up the conversation she'd promised Mulan she would have, and more so now that her half sister was still in that impossibly good mood Anna got a glimpse of before her day had gone to shit.

"I bought chips," Elsa winked as she lifted a plastic bag up over her head "And," the blonde stretched out the last letter of the word and started upstairs. When her blue eyes leveled into Anna's she pulled back the collar of her own sweater. Olaf was tucked into her shoulder, his head popped up from where it was resting in her clavicle. His twitched nose in greeting to his master. When Elsa let go of the grouped up fabric it bounced back into position, camouflaging the rodent again. The blonde smiled wickedly.

The pair was standing in front of Astrid's bedroom, their exchange here was daring. Suddenly Elsa fell into motion and darted past Anna as she went. She tossed a family size orange chip bag into Sorren's room while still in motion towards her bedroom. Anna's heart was as wild as it was a minute ago but it's bipolar like nature was currently manic. Anna sighed. She knew as she took slow steps to meet her sister that she was going to take all the good and leave all the bad behind in the hall. The redhead couldn't help herself. Talking about Agnarr and their mother would have to wait. Anna needed Elsa's charm right now.

"What's the grand occasion?" Anna asked as she made it into their bedroom. Elsa had tossed the continents of the plastic bag on the floor and was looking around the room.

"Nothing really." she said through furrowed brows. "Can't find my book bag," she muttered.

"Well you weren't at school all day Friday." Anna knew the comment wasn't at all helpful but she saw her window to address her sister slightly. The redhead owed it to Mulan to at least press some of the subjects that hung between the sisters. Anna didn't help the blonde look around, she was more than happy to drop her body onto the carpet. She reached over for the closest bag of chips and started tearing it open. The sound motivated Olaf to claw out of the thick fabric of Elsa's sweater.

"I had to drive my mom around. And apparently going to classes is a real time suck. I got so much done the last two days." Elsa put her hands on her hips as she made the statement, she was nodding her head. Seemingly unbothered by her missing bag, and the fact that attendance was kinda a big deal at the academy. Olaf followed the lines of Elsa's body and ran down her arm. He made a brave leap into Anna's lap.

"Still so spry," Elsa chimed as she lowered herself to the floor. She reached out for a chip and offered it to her rat. Anna's whole day melted away as did the scenery of the Fjelstad abode. She felt like she was back home in her apartment.

"Did you tutor Mer?" Anna asked casually.

"Just finished up with her." As Elsa's hand finished running the length of Olaf's white fur, it continued onto Anna's leg.

"Is that lucrative?" Anna kept pressing. She still had crushed up pieces of nacho chips in her mouth as she spoke.

"Well I am the smartest person in the Academy. How else do you think I'm buying you sodium?" Elsa's mirth was so redeemable. Anna could be told the money was to put out a hit on someone and she wouldn't care who was on the other end of the death threat, not when Elsa was so at peace.

"She likes you, you know?" Anna's words felt so conflicting. She so badly wanted to lean into Elsa, not interrogate her.

"Merida, yeah. I figured." Anna was comforted to see Elsa hesitate. Like she knew that somewhere along the lines her means to an end were wrong. But the remorse didn't last long as one corner of Elsa's lips spiked up. Her eyebrows mimicked the motion. "Why Anna, are you jealous? Is it because the only thing better than a redhead is a curly haired redhead?" The rasp of Elsa's teasing voice was like a little shock, and it was hot enough to melt Anna. Her body, which had felt filthy minutes ago, was ready to get dirty again.

"I'm serious, you know she's my friend. She's excited to be around you." Anna warned against her libido's better judgement.

"Okay, Anna. I'll be mindful."

"Good, cause that's not your forte you know."

"Ouch." Elsa said through a huff of her breath. She pulled her hand away to grab a handful of chips.

"So Astrid," Anna felt like she was on a roll, that Mulan would forgive her if she at least brushed each subject. Elsa tensed a bit and Anna immediately regretted it.

"Let's not go there." Elsa said after a pause. "It's not fair to Sorren or Margo if I tell you what's going on with my mom. She's actually asked me to help her and I think it's going to do us good."

"Oh. Good. I won't worry then, until you tell me to." Anna added a check to her list. She shrunk herself into the carpet, falling onto her side. The redhead clicked her tongue and Olaf lazily made his way over to her, he found the smallest opening to curl his body into Anna, settling in between her neck and shoulder. The skin there felt tender.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?" Anna asked as she noticed Elsa's head was cocked to the side, her smile pointed upwards.

"Nothing." She said in a mere whisper. Anna wondered if her body didn't feel so spent from being beset by Hans if it would be begging her to reach out for her older sister. Something about the way her heart had relaxed told Anna that it was too depleted to race. It was far too wasted by Hans' touch to do the dance it liked to perform when Elsa was at her sweetest.

"You got the worst kind of chips." The redhead said, the comment was enough to make her sister throw her head back. She laughed a little. The disconnect of Elsa's stare was a relief.

"I know but they are Olaf's favourite. And I'm not making that much money." That was a lie, Anna knew that. She deflected it by looking at her phone. It was earlier in the evening than she had expected. Just like the half dozen text messages from Hans, the books Anna brought into the room wouldn't be opened tonight. The name on her phone took away any of the ease Elsa had so easily cultivated. Anna rose to her feet.

"Can you put Olaf away? I'm going to get ready for bed."

"Okay," The disappointment is Elsa's voice was not lost on Anna. But the defeat was enough for one day. She found herself actually looking forward to a new morning, even when the one approaching was a Sunday. Anna didn't think she could be worse than this.


	14. All Brothers

**Anna**

Her mouth was dry but the cotton fabric pressed to Anna's skin was soaked. She made a smacking sound between her teeth. Her tongue didn't have enough spit on it to re-hydrate her lips. The light clicks were trying to send Anna a Morse code message. _Wake up._ The sound of thirst paired with a pounding at the door. Her eyes opened just to shut again. The knocking continued. Anna rolled over, as she brought her arms down from over her head, some of her lank crashed into the wall. It jarred her just a little bit, but she was getting used to taking up too much space in her twin sized bed.

The knocking was insistent. Anna was amazed she hadn't heard her sister curse yet. It was mostly Elsa who had to drop everything to answer the door. The redhead thought better of ignoring it. It must have been early in the morning, everyone else was probably avoiding it to not be caught looking less than perfect. Anna lifted her sleepy body, she couldn't care less what she looked like. It would be a favour to Elsa if she could address whatever asshole came knocking on a Sunday morning.

"I'll get it," Anna told the top bunk and started to move a little faster as the knocking resounded again. She grabbed at the first pair of pants from the dresser and tossed them on. They were Elsa's which meant Anna had to squeeze into the form fitting denim as she tried to take the stairs. The redhead was mostly dressed and rubbing her eyes as she broke the seal of the house, letting in the cold.

"I'm freezing my balls off out here." Hans didn't offer a good morning as he pushed past the sleepy faced Anna. "You ready?"

"Ready?" Anna started a yawn on the last syllable of her question.

"Yeah the car's running, I've been texting you."

"I've been sleeping."

"Well let's go, we don't have all day." Anna blinked. She looked around the house, it was far too tidy for how high the sun was up. Anna had apparently missed something. She'd slept through Sunday's commotion, and by the gleam of the house it hadn't been the usual panic. Hans was picking through the closet and pulled out Elsa's parka. He tossed it at the redhead and headed out back into the cold in which he came.

Anna was still wearing her big fuzzy pajama socks. She did the reverse of her descent as she tossed her jacket on while running up the stairs to grab her phone and book bag. When she entered the room, now wide awake, she saw the blanket of the top bunk perfectly tucked into the rungs. The house was empty and Hans was honking the horn of his car. Anna briefly considered getting changed. Elsa's jeans weren't the most comfortable. Anna still was wearing the same t-shirt, of her sister's, she'd worn every night since claiming it as her own weeks ago. But underneath the big jacket there was so reason to hear Hans's car complain to the entire neighbourhood. From what she remembered they were just going to the park.

In this town, at this hour, on a Sunday, there were barely any cars on the roads. Everyone was tucked away behind a pew, seated before the altar. The only parking lots that were full belonged to the many churches housed in the town. As they drove, Anna watched the snowy houses get bigger instead of smaller. Last time she had skipped service to go study at the park with Hans, the old park was surrounded by modest dwellings.

"What park are we going to?"

"Are you nuts? It's way too cold to be outside." It didn't take long for Anna to begin to recognize the grand houses as Hans's street.

"Should we go get some food instead?" It was a bad offer, Anna knew that. She didn't even own a wallet. The only thing she had was her old points card from the grocery down the street of her apartment and her Academy ID, which she kept in her phone case. Going to have a meal with Hans would further push her in the predicament she found herself in, being further indebted to him, while also leading him on. The redhead had only gotten in the car because she was under the impression they were recreating their first hangout. The only part of that outing that seemed to translate was the part of them being alone.

"Let's not waste time," Hans said as he pulled into the driveway of his manor. Anna followed her tutor in the house, and was surprised to not have even been greeted by staff. The house had a hollow sound to it that wasn't present the day before. It really was empty. Anna held on tightly to her book bag over her chest. The redhead was suddenly very aware that she hadn't bothered to put on a bra. The curses floating around in her head were reassured by thoughts trying to convince her that she had overreacted to Hans's touch yesterday. She had shut it down easily enough once she had made use of her voice. The redhead had the skills needed to ward off advances. She'd used them several times under the several different roofs that sheltered her. The fact that this was a mansion did not take away her right to say no. Anna led the way back up to Hans's bedroom.

Hans already had a bunch of school materials laid out on his bed. It was a reassuring sign that the study aspect of this gathering was still in play. Anna immediately started pulling out her books and adding to the spread. Hans took a seat on the opposite edge of the bed, and began looking through the documents. Anna felt herself relax as she did the same. She rolled her shoulders into herself and crossed her legs with her knees propped up. The position made her feel a little better about her state of undress.

The Tutor, tutee relationship seemed like it was in full play as Hans gave Anna tips for her upcoming chemistry exam. Anna felt the same comfort she had with the sharpest boy in school when they had just met. He smiled at the way her brow furrowed when she was confused, and she felt at ease asking him things that would normally make her feel stupid. The only reason she felt dumb as she sat on this boy's bed was that she had allowed herself to get so upset before.

Still when Hans excused himself an hour into their study session Anna felt him take the thick air with him. It felt good to let her muscles relax into a more natural sitting position. Her mind could better absorb the content in front of her without Hans's looming presence. Anna decided to start packing up her things. The redhead mouthed a few words as she tucked her textbooks away. She practiced things to say to find a way to get a break from Hans. The most honest excuse seemed like the better option but it was hard to put into words that her debt was making her feel obliged to stay.

"Good idea, I was so done with that." Hans reentered the room with two coffee cups. Anna had to put down the things she had collected to accept the hot drink. The steam was a pleasant sensation as she warmed her hands over the porcelain.

"Me too," Anna said as a wave of guilt washed over her. Hans's height always made it so he had to look down at her, and the bend of his neck was part of the warmth that drew Anna to him in the first place, like if at any moment he could protectively toss his body over hers. To have felt so threatened by what was actually just teenage affection made Anna feel like a villain. As he offered her his kind eyes, Anna swallowed the words she had practiced along with her coffee. She found herself in a position she knew too well. Anna was always lacking, with little to offer. Here she was unable to offer him anything in return for his grace. So she just flopped back down on the bed.

Hans followed her movement, stopping for a moment to put his coffee down, and then plucking hers out of her fingers as gingerly as he had deposited it there. He wasn't really smiling, still his thin lips somehow managed to convey happiness without being upturned. Anna felt her mouth twitch. She had seen the look in his eyes before, it was the same one Elsa had been shooting across the room at her for years now. The very same one that had convinced both the devil and the angel on Anna's shoulders to first kiss her sister.

Anna tensed knowing it was coming before Hans even leaned over her. She pulled away slightly, her shoulders fell back and her neck elongated as she tried to keep her lips from his. Hans's mouth found her throat instead. He ran his tongue the length of it, and curved up towards her jaw where he closed his mouth on her.

"Hans?" Anna's voice came out softly as if his lips on her throat had affected the use of her vocal chords. Since her voice failed her, she willed her hands in action. Flat palms found his shoulders and she pressed against them. Her merger attempt did nothing as Hans relaxed his weight and brought her back down over his chemistry textbook.

"Hans, please." Anna's voice tried again. This time she thanked her tone, her words weren't sharp as it was, but she felt the power of _no_ in her pleading. Instead of listening to them Hans took the next plea into his mouth. His kiss intensified her panic, the muscles in her arms tensed and she tried to push him once again. He swallowed her words with his mouth. As she tried to repeat herself, he pushed his tongue into her moving mouth. Anna pulled her face away. Their lips made a smacking sound as they parted. A snarl flashed on the face of the boy on top of her, before he brought his attention back to her once again exposed neck.

"Hans please." The bottom of Anna's feet found the edge of the bed, she bent her knees down for leverage and pushed herself upwards, causing Hans's mouth to involuntarily rake down her skin to the rim of her rounded collar. The bucking only helped encourage the body pinning her down.

"Yeah, keep begging for me Anna." He slurred into her, Anna kept still, as his fingers found different spots on her body. One set pressed into her wrist, the other pawed at the bottom of her shirt. He was moving lazily, but at areas in which they connected he applied a pressure that felt like it penetrated past just the proactive layer of her skin. Every spot in which their bodies met was like a stake piercing her down into the mattress. Her mind felt clouded. It didn't want to think of the sensations Hans was taking from her. Instead it just showed her all her mistakes, like how she had gotten in the car this morning, or how she had let him hold her for such a long time the day he'd helped her send Iduna the money she needed.

"Hans please stop." Anna said evenly, this time she wasn't trying to squirm out from under him. She let herself go lax. Hans responded, he did as she told him. He changed position completely. His breath left her collar bone, his hand left her wrist. He sat up and smiled at her. His hair fell over his face, he looked like the charming boy in the photographs she had of him.

"Finally," he said as he bucked into her. Anna felt how much he wanted what he was taking. His cock pressing down near the zipper of her sister's faded jeans felt so much harder than it did pressed against her back. Anna shut her eyes but cutting off one of her senses kicked up the others. Hans repeated the motion several times over. Anna kept count. At five he ran his hands up her sides, taking her shirt with him as he went. He snaked himself under the cotton fabric and flicked his thumbs over her nipples. Her body came to life. Suddenly hot from panic. Her eyes lids squeezed down on each other more. As the redhead let herself come up with ways to to make him move faster rather than stop, Anna's phone started vibrating.

"Someone's calling me," Anna's body was elated to be given a task. Her mind had been incapable of coming up with a commanding order other than submit. _Answer_ was all she needed as she lifted her chest upwards. Her body crashed into Hans. He smiled at the closeness. Six, as he ground into the new position. The buzzing stopped. Anna always had it set it ring as much as possible. The call had cut off from the other end.

"Relax there's nothing to worry about. I'll pull out," Hans said as he recaptured her mouth. He was growing more excited now, he was losing whatever endearment he had to taking things slow.

"Hans you need to stop." Anna spoke into his lips. He pulled back and his hungry eyes stared into hers. He didn't read her as well as she saw him.

"It's fine." He told her, before shoving her back down onto the bed. He easily unbuttoned her jeans and not having them squeezing at her hips actually made it easier for her to take a breath. Her body made a choice to relax. It wasn't responding in any way that she had read in her weeks of studying. Her heart wasn't racing, it was just at resting pace, as if it refused to acknowledge what was going on. Nowhere in her biology texts did it say that there was a third option to fight or flight. She was just flaccid.

It was just sex she told herself as Hans started pulling down at the denim. Elsa had been having sex for years, it had never affected their relationship in a big way. She'd done so in this very house not so long ago. If Anna gave in to this, there was no way it would fracture what she had with her sister. So long as there was no double standard between them. Anna had a pretty good cause to go through with this. She was keeping her mom out of prison. Elsa wasn't sympathetic to their mother, but it was the blonde's fault Anna had to resort to this. Elsa. Elsa. The name felt good in her brain. She'd shut off thoughts of Hans with this name once before.

Elsa, she thought as her jeans made it to her ankles. "Stop." Anna commanded before Hans was able to take them off fully. He chuckled a bit. "Stop," she said again.

"Stop." Elsa. Elsa was the only person Anna wanted near her. The redhead was certain that this couldn't end up a fault in their relationship but it would certainly crack Anna. She was sort of in love with the idea of never being with anyone fully other than her sister.

"Stop, stop, stop" It was as clear as she could be as her knees locked together and hands balled into fists. "Stop, stop."

"What the fuck Anna?" Hans recoiled. His teeth barred. "That's such a turn off."

"I'm sorry I don't want to do this." Anna took a deep breath. She allowed her eyes to open. "Can we just pretend this didn't happen and keep studying?"

"No." Hans actually whined. "I've waited long enough." He added, this time bringing his hand over to her and wedging it between her knees. He tried to pry them apart.

"You said it was up to me and I'm saying no." Anna said firmly as she curled her legs back into herself.

"Well I have two thousand dollars riding on you saying yes." This was the part that had rendered Anna useless since the night prior. This was what she was most scared of other than his touch.

"We have a deal. You said you didn't want the money back until after we graduated." She wasn't as commanding as she had been, her voice hitched a bit.

"I thought you and I were actually going somewhere. Look at you, you've shaking for it, your tits are bouncing in excitement. I don't want to be teased anymore, Anna. Get back here." Hans twisted his body to land on his hands and knees. His smile was back, but it wasn't as it was before. He moved like an animal as he inched towards her. He was having fun. Anna could see it in him. He was enjoying himself already.

"I'm allowed to change my mind. I never made you any promises." Anna felt like she was saying the words she had read in a pamphlet at some point at the family services office.

"You came here to fuck me," Hans declared about Anna, as he reached out and traced her jaw with his fingers. With his eyes on her, he pressed on. "Wearing those tight pants you never wear, flaunting around here without a bra on. I love a good tease, but I expect it to end when I say stop."

"Please Hans I don't want to." Anna's jaw had locked. Her entire body felt frozen. She was so afraid of his lips coming down at hers again, she did not notice his free hand hovering over her panties until he feathered his index finger over the fabric, starting where her pubic hair did and running deep past her thighs. Anna's knees pushed further into themselves, the reaction did little to aid her and only kept his hand firmly in place.

"Listen Anna, I get it. You're half a dyke and it's intimidating to want a man like me. But trust me. I can fuck you straight." Anna's least favourite word escaped his lips, _half,_ it broke her. The way he said it so casually struck her. Half was not something that could be fixed. Her tears started to flow freely, her body started to move as if it chose to feel his declaration fully.

"I don't want you Hans." She said through a sob. It didn't feel real that this seemingly kind person was unrelenting. He wasn't even overly forceful with her, as if he knew there was no reason to exert himself, she would be easy to break. "I'm really sorry I lead you on. I admit I was nervous because of the money, but there's nothing I can do about it now." Anna was still wistful that the logic behind her stupid mistakes was enough to put an end to this.

"Nothing you can do? I'm telling you right now what you are going to do. You're going to give in to me."

"No." Anna said with a shake of her head. She tried to hold back the tears, and only succeeded in making her lips shake, and her throat whine.

"Oh Anna, what makes you think you are in the position to say no to me? The money wasn't the first favour I granted you. I can get you expelled in a heartbeat. You cheated on your placements exams. And don't tell me that Sorren's mom is going to keep you in town if you aren't attending Arendelle. You owe me more than just money," Hans repeated the flick of his wrist over her core. He smiled at the shiver it caused down Anna's spine. She wasn't really crying anymore.

"Once you get a taste of me, you'll know I'm only being harsh for your own good. You are going to wonder why you were so hesitant to begin with." The defeat kept playing in Anna's head, it now laced with confusion. It didn't make sense why this was happening to her.

"Why do you even want me?" The question struck a chord. Hans suddenly stopped the roaming of his hand.

"Every single one of my brother's gets the girl best in their year." As he answered his back intersected the bed again, he aligned himself. He brought one of his fists into his palm. "I used to hate how everything came so easily for them until I realized that they actually just took whatever they wanted. Things have been so much easier for me since I tried it out. I won't be the only one without the _it_ girl."

"Hans I'm not that. I'm closer to flunking than I am passing this semester. I'm bi and my boobs aren't even that big." The animal in him shifted, like the feral cat that stopped marking its territory and noticed a human hand with the ability to pet him.

"Don't sell yourself short Anna." His voice was that of a house cat grazing the length of its body against it's master. He was tame. "Look how excited you got me. You're the new cool." Maybe he actually liked her.

"I don't think that's true Hans" Anna was free to take her body back. He was almost that boy pushing her on the swings, instead of the one pushing his arousal at her. "Isn't there something else I can do?" Anna made the wrong move by commencing to pull her jeans back on. The hair's on the back of his neck stood up. The vibrating of Anna's phone disrupted them again.

"You're not getting out of this—" Han's was saying as Anna got a look at the name appearing on the cast away phone. "Elsa." She breathed out in relief

"Wait, what about her?" Anna didn't reach out for her phone. The animal in her woke up suddenly. The street rat started rummaging through the words in her mind looking for a meal. Hans seemed to perk up at the sound of Elsa's name. Most people did, Anna realized. She suddenly felt forgotten, it was the first time that felt like a relief. The redhead finished pulling up her pants and slid her body onto the edge of the bed.

"Yeah," she said forming her thoughts. "Wouldn't you rather have the best girl in school?" Hans took his eyes off of Anna to contemplate what Anna had just said. She took her first even breath now that his attention was off of her.

"I get she was just with your brother but doesn't that just make it even more of a flex." Anna wasn't even thinking about the offer but her mind had finally decided to take back control so she allowed herself to continue.

"He could have had any University chick he wanted but he got dumped by Elsa Fjelstad instead." Hans snickered at the comment. He relished in Anna's wording.

"You can't deliver that." Hans said while rolling his eyes, he too swung his legs and sat opposite her. Anna rose to her feet. She felt the rat telling her to hug the walls and retreat, but she wasn't safe to do so yet.

"Oh I can." Anna said, she picked her phone up. The ringing of Elsa's name had just stopped. Hans was watching her as she sent her big sister a text. "But you don't have to believe me. Just let me talk to her. If I don't deliver Elsa then nothing changes. You're right, I do owe you. I'll pay you back as you see fit."

Hans lifted an eyebrow, his smile flashed again for a quick second. Anna had tapped into his fascination with cheating.

"Willingly and straight." Anna added the flourish.

"Whatever." Hans said, he was grinning but still had brand new disinterest. It was music to Anna's ears. He grabbed his phone and started loading up a porn site even though the screen was right there for Anna to see. "But you still owe me two grand." He said without looking back at her. Still Anna could tell that the languish movements he used on her would not be his form of attack if he could get any piece of her sister. He played it off but he was vibrating at the thought of it as the search results on his phone came out like your standard blonde beauty.

"I'm going to go." She mustered as she grabbed the rest of her things. Hans just grunted a goodbye. Anna wanted to scream at her body as it started to run only now, once she was in the hallway. She wrapped herself in Elsa's jacket just as her text to her sister was answered with a phone call.

"I drove into the fucking ditch," Elsa was livid on the other side of their connection, as Anna entered the cold of this Sunday morning and closed the door behind her.

"Hi," Anna choked out.

"Anna what's wrong? What do you need? I've been trying to call you," Anna was amazed at how quickly her sister turned away from her frustration. The concern flowing out of her receiver was a welcome reprieve to the sting Anna felt. "Where are you?"

"I'm at Hans's. I just left." Anna's voice cracked as she looked down the long driveway. Her knees were still wobbling and it was an odd sensation to couple that with the shake of cold. Anna felt like putting distance between her and Hans was still so impossible.

"With who? What happened?"

"Alone." Anna sucked back a sob as she considered revealing what had just transpired. "I was with Hans," She tried her words. "He tried to- He almost- We almost had sex."

"What? He tried to what? Anna!" Anna answered her sister's ire with her tears. She cried into her phone. For a while Elsa's angry breaths were the only thing on the other end.

"You left there, you said?" Elsa was surprisingly even. Anna made a sound that sort of sounded affirmative. "Okay, don't go too far, stay on the sidewalk. I'm going to hang up, but you won't be there for long, alright?"

Anna just held the phone to her ear listening to Elsa's breathing on the other end. "Say alright."

"Alright." The soothing sound of her sister was suddenly gone. The redhead moved down the concrete, following instructions as she tried to calm her eyes. The tears that fell made the cold air burn at her cheeks. Anna didn't get very far. She sat down on the snow bank built up from clearing the driveway and pulled out her chemistry text. Her yellow highlighter was always easy to reach at the front pocket of her bag, and she put it between her lips and ripped the cap off. She let the words in her book overtake the ones in her head as she waited to be taken home.

The car that rounded the corner, came into the driveway quickly. Anna was surprised to see it was Agnarr's and even more so that the unlicensed Sorren was behind the wheel. The car rolled back a bit as Sorren had barely put it into park before he jumped out.

"Where is he?" He called out to Anna as he steadily approached. He didn't stop when he reached her, he kept his strides long as he made his way to the door. He barreled his shoulder through it as he turned the knob and entered his best friends home. Anna hurried to follow him. Sorren tracked muddy snow onto the solid wood floors of the foyer as he called out for Anna's assailant.

"Hans!" He repeated and he took the steps two at a time towards where Anna had just come from.

"Sorren can we just go?" Anna called out from the bottom of the staircase.

"No," Sorren yelled back down with the same tone he was hunting his friend with.

"What's your problem?" Hans said casually. Anan could hear their voices meet at the hall.

"You think you can put your hands on my little sister?" Technically Anna was a few weeks older than Sorren but something about his words kicked up her heart. It was now suddenly worried about more things than just the fact that while Sorren was defending her honour, he was also likely undoing any bartering Anna had accomplished.

"Let it go Sorren. Can we just please leave?" Anna pleaded to the empty staircase.

"I don't know what she told you man but Anna and I are cool. Why don't you just turn around and go home. It's not that big of a deal. Everyone in this house has probably had a piece of your sisters." The end of Hans's statement was punctuated with the acid sound of bones colliding. Sorren was rounding the corner a second after, his face was hot red as he made his way back down to the foyer. Mixed in with his anger he was crying, tears were building up and only being held up by the fact he refused to blink.

"Hurry up," He whispered to the redhead as he pushed past her. Anna took a look up to the stairs before following. Sorren had run to the car just like Anna had felt the need to run out of this house before. His face was pressed against the steering wheel when Anna buckled in. The waterproof material of his winter jacket didn't absorb the tears he tried to rub off with his sleeve.

"I told you this was going to happen." Sorren said after they had driven in silence for a while. They were well past the neighbourhood and turning into a small stretch of the highway connecting them to the church. The pair was on route to pull Elsa's car out of the snowbank.

"What?" Anna wasn't sure she heard him correctly. He was still trembling from his bout of rage, the adrenaline didn't seem to want to let up. Anna didn't recall this warning, mostly just Sorren's disdain.

"I warned you to stay away from Hans." He repeated. "Now you get to walk away from this unscathed and I just lost my best friend. What is it with you Anna? Why are you always fucking up my life?" The boy's anger up kicked again, just like how he had with Hans. Anna couldn't help to think the punch to the face was meant more for her. She knew now exactly what Sorren was referring to. The picture she had found was tucked safely away in the bookbag at her feet. It's image superimposed itself over the defeated kid behind the steering wheel.

"I'm sorry. I didn't ask you to go in there." She felt for Sorren. In her past visits they had gotten along better, as kids Sorren was always there when Elsa was tied up with Agnarr. Those two could be impenetrable at times, but Sorren was always available. The only thing Anna had seen Sorren show much interest these days was his friendship with Hans.

"Thank you for coming to get me," Anna tried. She didn't have many chances to talk to Sorren, and if she had been skirting this subject with Elsa, this would be one of her only chances to delve into it with Sorren. "but I don't understand what you are trying to say."

He answered her with a scowl and a side glance. He even shook his head. He was either calling her naive or stupid with his expression alone. "Keep your eyes on the road, you're going to fall into the ditch too." The car straightened out. The nerves shooting their synapses all over Sorren was apparent, Anna let out a breath and reached over to him. She placed her hand on his shoulder and gave him a shake.

"What were you trying to say?"

"It's nothing." Anna watched Sorren try to both hang his head and watch the road.

"I'm ruining your life? That's nothing?" She questioned.

"Well I'm pretty much that to everyone so."

"Not to me." Anna reassured with a squeeze of her hand. "You called me your sister back there."

"What else am I supposed to call you?"

"It just sounded like you were sure of something."

"The only thing I'm sure of is that dad's a piece of shit." The statement meant too much to the car's occupants. They both read between the lines. It proved too much for Sorren. He shifted the focus. "Hans is no better."

"Thank you." Anna said genuinely. It was likely that Anna was the root of all Sorren's problems. There was a tension that sat thick in the Fjelstad house since they were all kids and still Sorren reacted to Anna. He took his dad's car out on a snowy day without a license and felt the rage Anna had been incapable of boiling for herself. The moments they had shared as kids, likely over-road the things adults had done without their knowledge.

"Yeah well he has all brothers and I have all sisters. So, there was no other choice." Sorren turned the wheel, the car slowed and came to a stop on the side of the road. Anna's eyes were still of the blonde kid next to her. He had freckles all on his nose. They were more fawny than her obviously ginger ones. Anna had somehow always thought them to be a way he was similar to Elsa without ever really putting it together that she always defended Elsa's blonde freckle's to be fiercely hers.

The passenger door clicked open the moment the car stopped. Freezing cold fingers were soon pulling at Anna's face, breaking her contact with Sorren and turning the redhead into face blue eyed panic.

"Are you okay?" Elsa was practically crawling into the car while pulling Anna into her. Anna would have easily fallen into the arms of her sister if she wasn't strapped into the car.

"Yeah," she answered with a hurried nod. "Are you?" Elsa answered by pressing her fingers into her hold on Anna's face. She could feel her sister's fingernails dig in. As a touch it was harsher than what Hans had done, and maybe just as scary, but it felt too good. Any onlooker might think that the way Elsa filled her lungs with the cold air, her shoulders and chest ballooning up, seemed like an exaggeration, but the blonde had been out in the winter for far too long. The breath that blew back as Anna was colder than the chill coming into the car.

"Yes." Elsa said even though there was no need to answer. She was not _okay._ But the deep breath helped her put on the show she always did, she stuffed everything she was feeling back safely concealed into her chest.

"Keep warm in the car city girl," she told Anna, and her cold fingers morphed into feathers as she pulled away and shut the car door. Sorren followed. He grabbed a snow shovel from the back of the car and Anna watched the siblings work together with the same quiet ease they did when cleaning up the kitchen. Sorren heaved snow away from the car's tires and Elsa hitched her hatchback up to the SUV. As Anna watched them work, the anxiety she had about the picture in her bag was one burden lifted off her shoulders. She wanted answers, but was content right now to know that more than one person would heed her call. Anna wasn't done needing them.


	15. Be Vindictive

  
  


**Elsa**

  
  


It was likely Elsa had dozed off a few times, but it certainly didn’t feel like it. She was sitting cross legged hunched over in the bottom bunk with Anna’s head in her lap. The redhead was deep into her rest. Her hands were over her head like it often did when she was passed out, but in this position they circled her big sister. Anna’s nerves were firing within whatever dream she was having, causing her finger tips to twitch and brush up against Elsa. Elsa was calm. She had managed that, she had kept herself that, for Anna’s sake. Even deep down inside she was calm. 

In the confines of the cold garage, her little sister had told Elsa what had happened. She had started from the end and told the story backwards. Alone, without Sorren in range, Anna had lost all composure. Her chest was heaving, it was incapable of taking a full breath. Anna kept having to suck in air between her words. She was sobbing, wet was coming out of both her eyes and nose. Elsa kept the redhead close, she pulled her in, her strong arms likely made it harder for Anna to breath, but it was the only way Elsa had kept her emotions at bay. 

Anna didn’t get through the worst part. Her tiny sister was barely capable of finding the words to what Hans had tried with her that morning, only how she had managed to get away. The older sister listened to the skewed timeline of events, the strange details Anna added in, like how the coffees Hans always brought her were impossible to drink but she finished every single one except the last, and how she had touched herself to his image but it was Elsa’s that made her almost orgasm. Anna apologized for calling the chips Elsa’s had bought gross, but what Hans had done in the room with her in it had made her mouth fill with spit, and nothing else had tasted good since. She explained she hadn’t had a full meal since lunch on Saturday and how Hans had slapped her hand. 

Crying into her sister’s lap, with fistfuls of Elsa’s sweater, Anna had admitted that talking to Hans, at the start, felt like cheating. She had enjoyed it for a while, because she was angry. Anna wanted to take out her disdain in Elsa in a way where she could feel the thrill, but that would never come back to them. That feeling of cheating on Elsa, had removed her mind from the cheating that was really weighing on her. Anna had not passed her placement exams. Still, her debts to Hans ran deeper than that. 

“I trusted him with mom more than I trusted you.” Anna had admitted, she dragged out the words. “You just hate her so much, you are okay with her failing the one time it’s not okay for her to.” 

“It’s never okay for her to fail. She’s your mother.” Elsa responded evenly. She hadn’t done much other than listening and running her fingers through Anna’s hair. She had shushed and she had cooed. But she hadn’t said much until she came to her own defense. The blonde sighed. “No, I’m sorry. It’s my mess as much as it’s hers, and yours. We can fix this.” 

“I’m scared about what I told Hans about you though. I don’t want you anywhere near him.” Anna’s breath evened to have her pleas heard. It was the only chance Elsa got to wipe her sister’s tears and not have them replaced right after. Elsa took her sister’s chin in her fingers and made sure their eyes met. 

“You said what you had to get out of there. Now that you’re out of his house, we’ll make sure you are out of his grasp too.” It was because Elsa was so focused on keeping her poise that she did not reassure her sister with a kiss. 

“You ready to put on a brave face and go inside?” Elsa was asking herself the same question. While in the garage they heard the cars slowly start to pile in, everyone was home for the night. Just sitting with her sister in her arms had felt like a whole day on it’s own, it made Elsa’s outburst in the church feel like it was part of an realistic dream instead of something that happened before lunch that same day. 

Elsa faced her parents with the same calm she had forced her body to take. She excused Anna as sick and tucked her safely into bed before making her something to eat. The redhead hadn’t taken a single bite, her bottom lip was stuck between her teeth. Elsa had forced her sister to at least take a drink of water. In between her regular errands for the day, the blonde sat with her sister. There was an etching of shame of Anna’s brow. Elsa watched it creep up, two identical wrinkles formed between her eyes. She couldn’t stand to imagine what thought had crept up in Anna’s mind that made her curl herself inward. The blonde reacted mildly, she ran her thumbs over Anna’s eyebrows letting her finger tip continue on to her temple. She repeated her action until Anna’s skin relaxed. The pressing need to continuously check on her little sister kept Elsa away from Astrid. 

_ On it.  _ The time stamp on the text message Elsa was waiting up for read _ 5:03 am _ . Elsa stared at her phone unable to blink. Closed eyes would be her enemy anyways, it wasn’t time to fall into her fatigue. She wiggled out of Anna’s hold instead and made sure her sister was still in her dream before leaving their room. She stretched out her sore muscles as she padded on the carpet runner all the way to the other side of the house. The door to the master suite was shut, and Elsa took care to limit the clicking sound that would easily disturb the peace of this early morning. 

Astrid was alone. Sleeping in the middle of her king sized bed as if there was never an adult man that frequented this space. Elsa had come in yesterday morning and moved all the furniture around so that the large space was closed in around the bed. Astrid could reach her makeup vanity without having to take a step and could follow her dresser towards the ensuite. With the furnishing surrounding her, Elsa’s step mother looked like she was shut out in some sort of tomb. 

The closet however was five steps too far and inside were four uniforms Elsa had washed and starched. She had hung them up here the previous morning and now took on Astrid’s role of pressing them. The blonde pulled down the ironing board and started with Margo’s blue set. With a bent elbow she used a tactful amount of force to smooth out fabric. The sound of steam didn’t cause Astrid to stir. Still Elsa used the water spray sparingly, not wanting to wake her mother. The delicate movements took her thoughts away as she focused on one uniform then the other. 

She hung them with care and laid out an outfit for her mother to put on, once she was able to start the day. Next to her clothing choices, Elsa set up all her Astrid’s new prescriptions. She counted them and set out the half dozen distinctly unique pills next to a tall glass of tepid water. The blonde tried not to take too many glances over at her mother. Without her makeup on she looked too degraded, on her back and in a bed, it felt like Elsa might not ever see her on her feet again. 

Elsa had expected Astid to start her morning by now. If her mother was weak today she would need Elsa’s aid in getting dressed. Not wanting to be too far from Astrid’s call for help, Elsa jumped into her parent’s shower. She turned the water on cold so she wouldn’t be tempted to linger in the refreshing feeling of warmth cascading down her showers. Still the smells of her mother in each bottle of mixed chemicals caused Elsa to idle, as she popped open each potion and took a deep breath of the woman now lying prone in the other room. 

Elsa dressed in her freshly pressed uniform and decided to move on with her day, leaving her mom to take in as much rest as needed. The blonde moved into the first open doorway. She dropped off Sorren’s uniform and moved his cellphone from the charging pad to the other side of the room. In Margo’s room Elsa put the hanger in her arms on the pull knob of the closet and sat down at her littlest sister’s desk. 

There was a stack of papers there. Margo’s homework, which she had worked on throughout the weekend. Elsa sat down reviewing all of her sister’s efforts. Leaving post-it notes that encouraged her sister to make corrections, coupled with a few that were just plain praise. The last of the worksheets were sign ups for different sporting teams. 

“Hi,” a sleepy voice called out as Elsa flipped between a figure skating form and one for the soccer team. 

“Morning Bug.” 

“How’d I do?” The child asked expectantly as she started to rub her fists into her eyes. 

“I’m pretty impressed,” Elsa said as she made the choice to discourage her sister from pursuing skating. Elsa pictured their mother sitting high in the bleachers, her honed eye on Elsa’s every movement. It was something outsiders had envied, Margo likely included in that. The eldest wondered if the feeling of sticking a landing and receiving a small approving nod from the other side of the rink was enough of a good sensation. Could it cancel out the feeling of walking on swollen ankles, all the way through the long parking lot, while Astrid listed off reasons she was wasting her time coming to watch Elsa practice? 

“Soccer versus skating hey? The big question.” 

“I think mom would like me to keep getting better at skating.” All Elsa could picture was the empty bleachers as their sick mother failed to move around the rink. Margo was up and stretching out her limbs. 

“I don’t know Margo, you got the strength and speed for skating but that also makes you the best midfielder in your school.” 

“You think?” Margo said as her elongated position shifted into a sort of eager hop. The kid really just wanted to please someone. If Astrid went to field soccer games she could easily go from the car to a chair and sit on the sidelines. 

“They’d crumble without you.” Still Elsa signed Astrid’s name on both of the forms. She shooed her sister off into shower but not before getting a good morning kiss in. Elsa had one more uniform draped over her arms as she reached the end of the hallway. She was eager to get on the other side of the door. Maybe eager was the first thing she had felt since Anna collapsed in her arms. But the front door clicked out, at the same time a curse filled the halls as Sorren started looking for his phone, and the shower turned off, Margo would be ready for help getting her hair dried soon. The blonde pushed the new emotion down as she hung the uniform on the door knob and left to go make sure her father was in a well enough state to come across all his now waking children. 

“What are you doing?” Elsa questioned as she found her father half in the refrigerator. When his head snapped to attention, Elsa cringed at the disheveled state of his bread. He normally wore a thin mustache, he took time in his mornings to put on a clean face. She didn’t feel like she was looking at her father. 

“I’m going to make you all breakfast.” He stated simply, as if he had ever put a meal of his own making on the table. 

“Where did you sleep last night?” Elsa pressed. She took a step closer to him, blocking him off from putting his ingredients on the kitchen island. 

“At the office. We are working pretty hard on end of the year stuff. No one wants to have to work over the holiday season.” 

“Are you going to be around to help mom up, or should I miss another day of classes to do things she has a husband for?” The slight upturn of Elsa’s chin was a stance she took on her birth mother many times. It was a lash she had whipped without many returns other than her own satisfaction. Still, she couldn’t help herself. 

“Elsa,” Agnarr warned. He didn’t take to her words as lowly as Iduna did. 

“Just hang around so she can sleep as late as she needs. She can’t stand being in her pajamas all day. So change her and then yeah go work or whatever.” 

“Why do you say things like that Elsa? Don’t assume things about what I’ve been doing.” 

“I rather assume that sit down and hear you talk.” Elsa couldn’t help but roll her eyes at him, she didn’t care how teenage it felt. 

“Elsa?” Anna’s soft voice was a surprise to the father and daughter. Her approach had been just as light as the pressure she applied when she wrapped her arms around Elsa’s elbow. “Are you guys alright?” 

“Yeah,” Elsa responded as Aganrr nodded affirmatively. Elsa softenned as she addressed her sister. “I was just thinking about those shitty little pastries we used to have at Iduna’s for breakfast. They came in a two pack, wrapped in foil.” 

“Pop Tarts?” Anna seemed skeptical as she eyed her sister and the man holding a carton of eggs. The redhead was fully dressed, her hair washed and dry. She had likely woken up early and gotten herself ready for the school day while Elsa was in her mother’s room. She looked fresh face but still like someone had pulled down at the skin on her face.

“Yeah, let’s pick some of those up for breakfast.” Elsa said as she slipped out of her little sister’s hold. 

“Sure okay.” Anna nodded. The redhead sounded hoarse, as if her throat had suffered some sort of injury. It didn’t have its usual pep. Elsa had looked over all the places Anna had said Han’s had touched her even with a slight amount of extra pressure. Her neck had been fine. Whatever was happening to the girl now seemed more like a loss of confidence. 

“I have heads of hair to braid,” Elsa said as she excused herself. Again she started calling on her calm as she left her sister downstairs with her father. There was a crack in Elsa’s veneer as she took the steps back towards the bedrooms. She didn’t realize she was forcing her fists shut until the joints in her fingers started cracking. Margo called out for her but she continued on to her bedroom. She closed the door behind her, happy to take on anyone that might scold her for trying to find some sort of refugee. 

She sat down at her vanity and pulled at the strands of her hair, she tried to get into the methodical motions of braiding and let the focus take away from the rolling boil that had kicked up in her stomach. It was useless, Elsa’s hands worked too quickly, she was done before she was able to take an even breath. Her bookbag was sitting on the floor propped up against the wall. Without giving it much thought Elsa reached out to it and pulled out her makeup bag. With the sudden vibration in her hands, the false bottom of her lipstick was a challenge to pop open. A few white circular pills rolled onto the vanity once she finally got the lip loose. 

There was a voice inside Elsa’s head, it wasn’t the one that called her names or was constantly nagging at her to seek out Anna. It was the one that kept things organized, that wrote essays, and came up with solutions to her problems. It was the voice that counted up all the money Elsa had earned since she started planning on getting custody of Anna, that came up with a number just over two thousand when her sister confessed that was how much she owed her abuser. The voice talking to Elsa now had been up all night making an alternative plan. It added new tasks to that plan. It was telling her to crush up a pill and ingest. It was telling her that Sorren could drive her sister’s to school, and that Elsa would never get through the day without a hit. 

_ Done.  _ A new message from Megara came in. The single word punctuated the end of a conversation they had been having since the moment Elsa’s car had been pulled out of the snow. When Elsa looked away from the message timestapped  _ 7:01am,  _ she noticed she was shaking even harder. The blonde needed to be stronger than this. She had to regain the nerve she’d found as she heard her sister reaccount her assault. If Anna could get up and choose to get ready for school, where she’d see the boy that had more than fondled her, and if Megara could pull an all nighter to do her old friend a favour, then Elsa had to be resolute enough to see this day through sober. The voice in her head, the other one, that told Elsa that Anna was the only drug she needed. It whispered to Elsa to take a deep breath, to put the pills away, and to finish what she started, to keep her calm. 

The garbage of two whole boxes of Pop Tarts were left discarded in Elsa’s car as the blonde watched Sorren and Anna enter the academy side by side for the first time in the four weeks since her little sister’s arrival. Anna turned back and looked over her shoulder. Her face was expectant as Elsa hadn’t followed them up the stone steps. Elsa flicked the back of her hand at her sister and encouraged her forward. More student’s milled up into the threshold. Elsa lost sight of Anna as the bell rang. 

“You owe me,” Megara said to Elsa’s back. The blonde didn’t look over at her old friend, she started off to the side of the school, and heard Meg’s boots disturb the snow as she followed. 

“We’ll get to that once I’m rid of that asshole.” Elsa stated as she found a spot, tucked away by ornate columns of stone, to lean up against a wall. 

“Try something better, like fuck face. Or just plain old rapist.” Meg snaired as she dropped her weight right next to Elsa. Their blazered shoulder’s rubbed together. “Did you get any sleep?” 

“Some.” Elsa responded.

“Lair.” 

“I don’t need sleep. I’ll prove that to you if you can swing me that job.” The blonde’s mind was still turning. It could never stop to just breathe in the cold. She had been foolish enough to let her guard down over the weekend. Elsa had not fared well as a result. 

“Are you sure you want to work nights at the distrib centre?” Megara hadn’t responded well to Elsa asking if she could get a job at her mother’s company. She had been more gung ho about exacting revenge on a first year student than seeing if Elsa could work at the plant in the next town over. The blonde was asking for a night shift at the fulfillment depot. All she would be doing would be putting orders into boxes for eight hours a few nights a week. Elsa had been trying to find a job that fit her student schedule. Since it had been Megara that had cut Elsa out of their more lucrative endeavor, Elsa hoped she could get a more suitable placement, one she could actually brag to family services about. 

“It’s the only way I can work,” Elsa reasoned. “Once this semester is over, I have all but six credits left to get my diploma. I can go full time after this set of finals. Even if I cut down to two classes next semester, I’ll still graduate.” 

“You won’t be valedictorian.” Meg motioned to the parking spot Elsa had been enjoying throughout the school year. 

“I just need an apartment.” 

“Yeah, hate to be a bitch but that’s kinda short sighted.” 

“It’s not. It’s the rest of my life.” Elsa defended. “A shitty apartment that I earned. That’s enough for me. I need to get away from this idea of success being the pinnacle of happiness. And I need to get over the fear that having nothing means I am nothing. I want to have myself together like my step mom does, with the simple life my birth mom. I don’t need to care what people think of me and I don’t have to feel like I’ve wasted myself either. I just want to be somewhere in between them. If you give me this job, I can do that. I can have it by the end of this semester.” 

“Yeah that’s cute and all but are you sure you aren’t just trying to be vindictive to your birth mother? Taking Anna away from her? Cause you are taking your little sister with you I assume.” 

“Honestly, a little.” Elsa was amazed she had managed to keep herself level still, as time kept moving her forward. This little exchange felt like it was helping her keep that balance. “I’ve always wanted to do better than her and have failed. Not this time.” 

“You have two other siblings, you know that right? Ones that might miss having their big sister around when their dad leaves and your mom can’t get by anymore.” Elsa almost regretted the long back and forth text conversation she had had with Megara throughout the night. She laid out just enough of her secrets to suddenly be on a softer side of her old friend. 

“I can’t win Meg. There’s always going to be someone that gets hurt.” 

“Your baby sister.” Margo. Of course. Elsa sighed at the mention. 

“I need the job. There’s lots between now and the new year. I’ll figure it out eventually.” Meg reached over and tousled Elsa’s bangs, even with a good shake she was unable to unhinge them and have them fall into the blonde’s face. 

“How hard is it to be perfect that you have to pick the worst things you can think of just to get away from it?” 

“Pretty awful if I’m standing around, out in the cold, with you.” Elsa returned Meg’s playfulness by bumping her shoulder into the girl. 

“We can hotbox in your car until third period?” Megara offered wickedly. With a roll of Elsa’s eye, Meg corrected. “How about a nap instead? So we can fuck over the rapist-in-training with fresh faces.” 

The alarm that went off didn’t wake Megara. She was on the passenger side with the seat reclined, turned towards Elsa. The blonde had to untuck her hands from under her own head to shut off the vibrations coming from her cellphone. It was half way through third period. Elsa had probably wasted a quarter tank of gas by idling her car around the corner from the school to keep the pair warm as they caught on up on some sleep. 

Elsa left Meg behind in the car. She took her keys with her to let the cold wake the girl up eventually. Megara had done more than her share in setting up the events to follow. There was no way to thank her yet. Waking Megara up would be a shame, but would also encourage her old friend to hover. The blonde had already carefully manuscripted a text message to send to Hans. She pulled out her phone and pressed send on the saved draft without rereading the words. There was officially no more second guessing. Elsa was ready to put this guy off. Elsa couldn’t pay him. Every single cent she’d raised was meant for Anna. The big sister was not going to let Hans get any sort of satisfaction from this game he was playing, not even from her. 

The  _ knock knock  _ chime played.  _ Hans just got up and left class. Are you up to something?  _

_ Want to have lunch together?  _ Elsa responded. She hoped that her skirt of the subject would reassure Anna that Elsa was going to come out on the other end of this interaction with Hans. The halls were wide, there wasn’t much noise in the school while class was in session. As Elsa walked by classrooms, the most she heard were few pieces of information being sewed into students. She headed for one of the free study spaces, the same one Anna and her trio of friends had managed to sequester as their own. If they weren’t in here it was normally vacant. 

Hans was already waiting. He was leaned up against a table, half standing and half seated. One of his hands was in his pocket and the other was scrolling through his phone. He looked obviously posed. He was wearing his bangs differently today, they fell over his face. Elsa could only assume it was to help hide the purpling of his skin from where his best friend struck him. 

“Hey,”  _ Easy _ , Elsa reminded herself as she took a confident stride towards Hans. 

“I’m surprised you texted me.” The boy said, with a half smile. He was seemingly enjoying this.

“Why is that?” 

“Seems like you Fjelstads rather send messages with fists.” 

“I’m barely a Fjelstad.” Elsa said as she reached her mark. She slowly moved upwards and ran her fingers in the tuft of hair hanging over Hans’ eye. She didn’t hold back her smile as she got a closer look at the damage. 

“What is this about?” Hans said as he snapped his head back. Elsa had expected his suspicion. 

“It’s about the two grand. And the leverage you think you have over my sister.” Elsa crossed her arms over her chest, and raised an eyebrow. 

“I should’ve known she was going to go crying to you. She’s a little liar that one.” Hans tossed his phone down, it slide quite a bit away from his reach. He was giving this conversation his full attention. “So you got cash or something?” 

“Neither. I’m not here to pay you or barter with you. I’m not here to punch you, or threaten you.” 

“So what? You’re telling me you want me to get Anna expelled?”

“No, but she told me everything.” When Hans sucked back a bit of laughter, Elsa finally felt comfortable with the plan of attack she had formulated with Megara throughout the night. There were moments where it left harsh. Some when Elsa felt bad for his mother, or that she was overreacting. Looking down at Anna, restless in her sleep, had confirmed her need to take action. Seeing Hans now added peace to that decision. 

“That’s why I’m not offering any chances here Hans. You’ve been punished already.” The first year student just scoffed. “You don’t believe me?” 

“There’s nothing you can do. Useless you pay me, I’m going to tell everyone that Anna’s a cheat.” 

“Oh Hans, it’s too late. While you were trying to fuck my sister, I fucked you over. I mean it. There’s nothing you can do to her anymore Hans.” Hans turned his head, he started to stretch out his neck. His annoyance was overtaking his faked indifference, but he was also growing a slight bit weary. 

“I don’t know what you’re on about. But the minute I tell anyone Anna cheated on placements, she’s done.” He warned. 

“It’s you that’s not putting that uniform on again.” 

“You can’t do that.” Hans rolled his eyes and shook his head disbelievingly. 

“But I can and I did.” Elsa countered casually.

“I’m going to tell!” Hans punctuated his outburst by digging his finger into Elsa’s clavicle. She shrugged the same shoulder he dug into. 

“Sure. But no one’s going to listen.” The blonde was slightly annoyed by the back and forth., still she played unphased. 

“I’m not kidding Elsa.” His teeth were bared. His shoulders were up to his neck. The tantrum did nothing for Elsa. She was prepared for it. Still she heard a gasp. The suck in of air was somehow undoubtedly Anna. She hadn’t used her voice but the small sound was as distinct as a fingerprint. 

“Neither am I, Hans. It’s already done.” Elsa looked over her shoulder. Her sister was standing at the door. She looked as shaken as she had been for hours now. Elsa was exhausted, but she assumed that being stuck in the anxiety, Anna was overwhelmed by, was far more tiresome. 

“Anna come here.” Elsa instructed. Anna came closer without ever fully lifting her feet off the ground. Elsa pulled at her little sister’s hand. She yanked, positioning Anna protectively at her back. 

“24 hours ago you crossed a fucking line and now you are paying for it. No one at this school is ever going to believe anything you say. They’ll all be busy trying to take your spot. Did you really think you could get away with putting your filthy hands on something that’s mine?” 

“I don’t believe you.” Instead of leaning into the little bit of fear Elsa could read on Hans’ brow, Hans chose to continue to think he was untouchable. Elsa wanted to laugh at his inability to consider that a girl in his school had any power over him. But a laugh, or a slap, they wouldn’t be enough. It only took Elsa a moment to wonder how she could get her point across. 

The moment the urge popped into Elsa’s head, it turned into action. She sucked in a heavy and angry breath before facing Anna. Elsa jerked her hand out of Anna’s and brought both her palms on the girl’s cheeks. She pulled at the redhead’s jaw, lifting it up to meet her as she crashed her mouth over her little sister’s. The forceful impulsive movement was jarred by the impact of their teeth. Widening her mouth was the only adjustment Elsa needed to take Anna’s lips with hers. 

Anna’s body tensed at the same time her knees gave in. Elsa had to increase the pressure over her sister’s face to help keep her up. It felt so much like their first kiss, soft and slightly responsive lips against a set that was harsh and desperate. This time it was Elsa bursting with madness, while Anna was the one that withered into the intensity. As soon as their tongues met, it almost didn’t matter what their lips did. It felt good just to be connected this way again. At the first mewl from her little sister, Elsa snapped back. 

The blonde looked towards Hans, who was still in the same guarded position. The only change was in his face. His eyes were wide, his mouth agape. She watched, she stared as the shock faded and a realization dawned on him. Elsa wasn’t fucking around. 

“Now you know how screwed you are.” Elsa took a step out of her sister’s air and moved back into Hans’ “Your status, your credibility are zero. You’re ruined. Go say anything you want about Anna and me. No one is going to listen. You aren’t coming back from this.” 

“Elsa what did you do? God, please tell me.” His palms came together at his chest almost like a prayer. He didn’t need more than a second to know Elsa wasn’t backing down. He looked over her shoulder towards a very flushed redhead. “Anna? I thought we were friends. Just forget about the money. It was a favour. Let’s just forget any of this happened.” 

“I already forgot all about it.” Elsa very passively said. She looked over her shoulder. Anna had the pads of her fingers hovering over the pink of her lips. The redhead appeared deliriously disoriented. 

“What about you love?” Elsa asked. Anna caught up to the conversation with a deep breath. She pushed her thin lips together and nodded her head. 

“Definitely forgot all about him.” She answered, her eyes locked with Elsa’s, as if Hans did not exist in the space as them. Elsa tried to keep her face level but all her emotions were back full force. The leader of the parade was her relief as she saw her sister standing with straight shoulders. 

“Lunch?” The blonde asked her sister. Anna had a brave face on masking all her questions, and whatever doubts may have had she had about the way Hans’s had been dealt with. 

“Yeah,” the redhead said as she reached her hand out for Elsa to take, five fingers added to make ten. Elsa took to the lead and pulled Anna out of the room. Neither sister looked back as the distance between them and the world grew. The older of the two was moving them quickly through the hallways. When she pushed them past the front doors of the school the reflection of the sun beaming off the white of the snow cut into their retinas. They were walking blindly, but they were hand in hand. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey All! And Ric <3 This story is now officially up to date. Moving forward it will be updating once a week, if not more depending on how my groove is going. Thanks everyone for the reading along. I love hearing from you, so hit me with a message and I will respond, sometimes with sass and always with thanks!


	16. Triple Axel

**Anna**

There was a Christmas song playing on the radio, one Anna knew all the words too but not who sang songs she had spent listening to repeat at night had not hit her ears as many times as this one Christmas song, that played from the start of November all the way through to the first of January, had. It was the first Christmas song Anna had heard this year. She'd been in her apartment, alone, turning up the knob on an old stereo, that if she had friends, would have made fun of her for owning. She was two lyrics in when there was a knock on the door. The gentle banging didn't take Anna's mind off of Elsa, who likely knew exactly who sang this song, and all the other songs the band got to make with their royalty money.

Anna was laughing at that thought when her social worker gave her a sad smile and a black trash bag. The song was just ending when Anna walked out of her apartment. She wasn't sure what happened to her stereo or the carton milk of Anna had just opened. It felt like a lifetime ago, even though this Monday marked her mother's 28th and last day of rehab. The song playing then, _Last Christmas,_ could have easily been playing a full year ago.

It was on the radio now but Elsa didn't light up when the car turned over and that very eighties sound started up. Her eyes were watering and as soon as she'd keyed the ignition, her right hand found Anna again. Anna gave her sister a squeeze but it did nothing to take the drained look from Elsa's face.

Elsa pulled out of the parking lot, and moved the car to the outskirts of town. They weren't going anywhere. Just driving on a snowy prairie road. Elsa's phone was buzzing, vibrating in a way that matched her tremble. But to reach for it would mean letting go of Anna and taking her eyes off the road. So the sisters just let it ring into the closed off space. When Anna's phone started to ring she immediately started to worry. It rang, a phone call, then of a message left, then text after text.

"Should I answer?" Anna finally asked. Today was the first day her mother would have free use of a phone. She wasn't sure if talking to Iduna right now was the best thing for her sister's state.

"It's not her, if that's what you're worried about." Elsa said finally. Maybe if Anna was just Elsa's sister she would have really hated that statement. But the pulsations she still had on her kissed lips, made Anna feel much more like a lover right now, rose tinted glasses and all. She took Elsa's comment as permission to remove herself from the tension in the car and into the open world a phone could offer.

She was shocked by what she read. "Mer says Hans just got escorted off school grounds. They are saying they found a shit load of drugs in his locker. Elsa what did you do?"

Nothing in the way Elsa had addressed Hans had led Anna to believe that Elsa was bluffing. The conversation, however, was in a language Anna did not understand. It was the language of Arendelle Academy students. Elsa had used the same tones and insinuations that Hans had used on her when he was convincing Anna that the Academy would destroy her if she let it. It was evidently true.

"I excommunicated him."

"Sounds like you got him arrested." Anna's tone came out defensive as she read through the messages Merida had rapidly fired at her. It kinda felt like cheating, to make Hans suffer a crime he did not commit. There were a million questions running through her mind. It had barely been a full day since her assault, most of which Elsa had spent by Anna's side, and her sister had already orchestrated such dire circumstances. Even done in her honour, it was sort of terrifying.

"That's campus security. They wouldn't have even called the cops if they found out what he did to you. But don't worry, once they take a close enough look into some of the things I had put into his locker, they will see all the work he's been stealing from Phoebus and the rest of his brothers. Arendellle doesn't take cheats lightly."

"I'm a cheat." Anna replied worriedly.

"Anna, enough. He had everything and he manipulated you. Think of all the punishments you've had in life and what you got out just this one fuck up alone. Don't give this guy your sympathy." Elsa's voice was tense. Her skin against Anna's was hot, where they were connected was the only spot she wasn't shaking.

"It doesn't seem fair."

"Trust me, it's not. The worst he will get is expelled but most likely he'll get transferred to the campus on the coast for the rest of his high school career." Anna had spent the day trying not to focus on the tangle in her throat, one that threatened to turn any breath she took into a sob. Anna had cried freely in Elsa's arms through the night, and now it was Elsa's hold that was keeping her from feeling Hans' touch all over again. Her big sister was her protector. Her lover was the antidote.

"You wanted him to see you kiss me." Out of the entire garbled series of events this was the hardest part to understand.

"He should have never laid a finger on you. I wanted him to know the exact reason he will never live up to even the worst of his brother's." The words spewed out of Elsa. They were toxic, angry and visceral but they were the most comforting thing Anna had ever felt. It was all Anna ever wanted. To be claimed.

"What if he tells?" Anna asked, because on the opposite end of her sad little dream coming true, there was always the looming fear of losing it.

"No one will care." Elsa sparred a quick glance at Anna before she continued. "My friend Meg. She's literally the most brilliant person I know. She's the entire deal. Intelligent, cunning, gorgeous, and ambitious. She should have all of Arendelle on their knees. But she won't ever be that. She was marked years ago and never recovered. Hans doesn't stand a chance. Anything he says now is useless."

"You aren't scared of that happening to you?"

"Less and less," Elsa answered by letting go of Anna's hand turning up the volume of the radio. The song was at the part where the chorus just started to repeat. Anna kept her eyes fixated on the movement of Elsa's lips. She wasn't making a single sound as she sang along.

"Can you pull over here?" Anna asked as a radio announcer started talking about the countdown to Christmas. Elsa pulled the steering wheel to the edge of the road. She put the car in park and put on the hazard lights.

"You okay?" she asked her little sister.

"I think I am." Elsa took in a deep breath, as if it was what she had been waiting to hear. She shut her eyes and dropped her head back into the driver's seat, a small content smile pulled at the corners of her lips. Her exhaustion was well written on her face, she looked more adult than she actually was. But the little grin on her face overpowered the look of strain. Anna unbuckled her seat belt so she could kiss it.

The heater of the car was blasting, making a fanning sound and pushing hot air at the side of their faces pointed to the windshield of the car. But it wasn't as hot as their exchange of breaths as Elsa received Anna's mouth by pulling her sister closer into her seat.

Anna had her lips over Elsa's. The angled position made it hard to kiss Elsa in a way that might be tactful or even feel good. She wasn't really kissing her sister to bring her pleasure though. She really just wanted to connect to her. The mess of mouths not aligning and tongues testing how far they could reach was likely an ugly sight. But the tugging in Anna's hair, that felt good. It made her arms, which were in charge of holding her up, unstable.

Elsa hissed. Seemingly more dissatisfied than Anna was. "Get in the back," she commanded. When she pulled back she took her hands with her so she could wipe the spit off her face. Anna did as she was told. She lacked so much grace that Elsa ended up shoving at her ass and she tried to maneuver in the compact car. The giggles that came out of Anna eased up some of the tension but it returned tenfold as Elsa was next to her in seconds.

Anna had made room for her by pressing herself against the door. With two of the three seats of space, Elsa leaned down, angled, on to her back. It was an invitation for Anna to continue her kiss. It obviously satisfied Elsa more, as she fed a moan into Anna's mouth.

The redhead let her weight fall onto her sister as she chose a better use of her hands, getting at the buttons of Elsa's blouse. Her desire was making it hard to concentrate on either of her two tasks. She added a third as she started to rock against her sister. She felt Elsa's face fall into a grimace at the same time she groaned at the sensation of Anna's knee cap grinding into her.

"You're crushing me," the way Elsa said that came off as a sister trying to tell on her sibling within ear range of a parent. Elsa's tone wasn't laced with any arousal like Anna's half veiled eyes were. Anna shot up far too quickly and bashed her head on the top of the car.

She sat her entire weight on Elsa's hips as she rubbed the top of her injured head. Unpinned Elsa immediately started working on her own buttons. Anna eagerly watched, as she continued making friction between the sisters.

Elsa threw the edges of her shirt away from her body exposing her tight stomach and bra-clad chest. Anna had seen this sight practically every morning for a month. Before the _incident_ , Anna had worked her way up to a place where she had the same permission Elsa was giving her now, to look, to touch and to explore. Anna had never taken Elsa with hesitancy. She had always allowed herself to follow through on her impulses. Currently, Anna was stalled.

Elsa thrust her chest forward and arched her back. It wasn't meant to be sexy, her face was skewed. "The seat belt thingies are digging into my back," she complained as she pulled herself up and closer into Anna.

"Here let's switch," Anna offered as she pressed her back to the seats. A little shrug from Elsa said okay, as she tried to lift herself from under her kid sister. They both shoved at the connector ends of the seat belts, tucking them out of the way. The redhead could see her sister was still shaking. Anna could reach her shoulder so she gave it a small reassuring peck before lowering herself slowly. and got stuck with her neck bent at a ninety degree angle.

Elsa laughed at her a bit, the sound easing her the muscles on her shoulders. She leaned in and tried to align her mouth on Anna's. The redhead enjoyed Elsa's weight on her, but was prone. Her neck couldn't fall back to better reach Elsa. She was stuck with her chin pointed into her chest.

"This isn't working," There's mouths name a clicking sound as the contact was torn. The blonde sat back up and looked down at her sister with a furrowed brow.

"Aren't your parents rich? Why did they buy you such a small car?" Anna thrashed as she spoke, trying to convey how uncomfortable she was. She flailed her arms a bit but finally settled on over her head and the other on Elsa's knee. Elsa blew a puff of hair up towards her bangs. Anna's stomach grumbled. The redhead didn't want to give up the touch though. She took a chance and slid her hand up the skin of Elsa's leg, letting her fingers travel under her plaid skirt.

Elsa's eyes fell shut. Her chest flared out as she took a deep inhale. Anna's name almost left her lips when a knocking at the driver's side window caused the girls to jump.

"Holy shit!" Anna cried out. She was pretty sure Elsa bit her tongue as she too knocked her head on the roof of her car. "What do we do?"

Anna wasn't sure why she asked because Elsa was already climbing over into her seat. The windows were significantly fogged up. Instead of sitting up, Anna sunk further down into the seat, wishing she was invisible. She heard the power window go down, but didn't look over to see who was there.

"Can I help you?"

"You girls in any trouble?" A male voice said. Anna tried to fix the expression on her face since evidently she had been seen.

"Not at all. Just getting into our uniforms before getting to class." Anna felt herself flush as she remembered Elsa's breasts were hanging out. The redhead was somewhat relieved that there had been a knot in her stomach holding her back from ripping Elsa's bra off earlier. Anna could only hope that the fact that they had fumbled over each other might have saved them.

"It's not safe to be stopped on the side of the road like this."

"I understand, officer." It couldn't get any worse Anna thought to herself.

"Who's that back there with you?" The steam was making this look rather suspect. Anna felt herself start to panic. If this law man wanted to push this, they'd quickly get into a trouble Anna did not want to imagine.

"My kid sister," Elsa said, she added a thick layer of disgust in her tone. As if whatever insinuation the officer had made was extremely lewd. Anna knew why she did it, but it made her recoil nonetheless.

"We need to get to class." Anna chimed in from the back seat. She was sort of proud of herself as she heard the snow crunch under the officer's boot. He was taking a step back.

"Alright, go on then." He spoke hesitantly but was still retreating. Thinking better of it, he leaned back down to the driver's window. "Are you a Fjelstad? Astrid's girl?"

"No. My last name is Werrin. Are you needing to see my drivers?"

"Hm," the small sound seemed unconvinced, but the man didn't call Elsa's bluff. He backed off, offering Elsa one more complaint about where she had stopped and left the sisters alone.

"Elsa, I'm so sorry." Anna braced herself for some sort of explosion, or maybe an implosion was more Elsa's speed. But instead they watched the police cruiser drive off, and once it was on the road, the blonde flicked her chair back. It reclined almost in Anna's lap. The blonde was smiling out a silent laugh. It was infectious. Anna was so relieved to see her sister, happy?

"Oh god, you're tits were practically falling out," Anna gasped as her own mirth caught up to them. She mockingly pulled on the fatty skin at her sister's chest, tugging the bra upwards. She could feel the rolling laughter vibrate the skin under her palms. It was such a sweet sound, Anna almost felt bad for stopping it with a kiss. But Elsa smiled into her lips. Their position wasn't crawling on each other, there was no way to turn this into sex unless Anna wanted to reach under Elsa's skirt and take her with a limited amount of actual touching.

Anna let her hand roam Elsa's stomach instead. It was the first time since before the incident that Anna felt the normalcy the sister's had developed when taking part in their, far from that, embraces. Back then they didn't really have any pressure to their touch, there was never any assumption that it might escalate past more than just connecting with one another. Introducing sex was what had pushed the enveloped when it came to give and take relationship they once had. Elsa's body used to feel like such a sweet hiding place.

"Christ, I missed this," Elsa slurred as if she was reading her sister's mind. Anna pulled at her edges of her sister's shirt, this time causing the material to overlap one another. Elsa released a bit of a whine, and protested the coverage with a deepened kiss. But it was easier for Anna to focus on the calm that washed over her when kissing Elsa, if her hands were on either side of her sister's face, holding their bond over exploiting it.

They were still in a strange position. No matter how Anna turned her neck she didn't click in with Elsa. But it mattered little to each of them now. The radio announced the time. Elsa groaned as she locked her elbows behind Anna's head. "Let's just skip the rest of the day," She barely halted her kiss to make her suggestion.

"I can't, I have lab." Anna was the one that had to pull away.

"Fine," Elsa said through a pout. She added a bit of flair to her drama by clicking her seat and propelling herself forward back into an upright position. Anna struggled to get her graceless arms and legs back over to the front of the car. Elsa made sure to complicate it for her by adding a smack on the ass.

"You're in a sassy mood today. Do power plays turn you on?" Anna threw her sister a raised eyebrow as she buckled into her seat. Elsa rolled her eyes, but she took a moment to answer a question Anna did not even mean to ask.

"I'm over keeping it to myself." Anna was hopeful that Elsa meant her smile.

They were well prepared this time. Elsa had put herself in charge of it all. Anna's role had been to try not to annoy Sorren too much, so that he didn't change his mind about joining them. He was still sort of pissed at her, so they didn't talk much as they both leaned on opposite ends of the front door watching Margo wrap a scarf around her neck. Elsa managed to run across the house three times all in the time it took the youngest to bundle herself up.

Elsa had borrowed Anna her parka again. On top of that she had a wool blanket and an old comforter draped over her shoulders. She was leaned up against the same fallen tree she had held onto for dear life the first time Elsa had taken her to the secret skating rink. The three siblings had raced to lace themselves up into their skates, the first one to centre ice was meant to be the winner. Elsa was there last because she stopped to run the back of her palm along Anna's cheek.

"You're going to get cold quick if you aren't moving," Elsa warned but Anna just burrowed deeper into her blankets. She had a thermos in her hands and could feel the heat coming off the steel even with a set of gloves on. Elsa didn't linger, her siblings were egging her on. The moment she hit the ice she started to show off. There was no music but Anna could hear Christmas songs in her head as she watched the trio play together.

Sorren was the first to claim he was too cold to continue. He was of course the most under-dressed. He barely slowed to stop where the ice thinned out too much and hobbled to a halt next to the redhead. Anna got a bit of a smile from him when she handed him the hot chocolate.

"So you think I can still be part of the clan without knowing how to triple axel?"

"That's not really a thing people can do. So good luck." Anna had mostly just spilled jargon on him, his retort didn't mean anything to her. His smile though was slightly nostalgic. Sorren used to beg Anna to make up jokes with him. They had once stapled a bunch of loose sheets of paper together and pretended to have published their own joke book. Sorren had worked on the cover art when Anna was away and when it came time for her to visit again he was thrilled to show it off to her. They took turns reciting lines from it to one another. Countless times it was just the two of them, they became each other's audience.

"Listen. About what I said yesterday. It was gibberish. Just forget it." Anna was a little surprised by the change in subject, or maybe it wasn't, since it was about whether or not she belonged in this family. Sorren hadn't taken his eyes off his confirmed sisters as they glided along the ice hand in hand.

"Gibberish? What like you don't have any proof?" Even with everything that had happened in the last day, her conversation with Sorren was likely the most impact of all of them. Anna had let it get drowned out by the noise in her head about Hans.

"No. Like I shouldn't have said it." Sorren sparred Anna a quick apologetic glance before aiming his eyes back at the ice. Anna had always assumed it was puberty that diminished the relationship between her and Sorren but the way he was talking now felt like it had his discovery.

"It wasn't news to me." Anna confessed. "It was a week ago but I haven't known what to do with this new information."

"What makes you think it's true?" Anna could tell Sorren was trying to act casual. But he was starting the fidget, Anna always fidgetted when she was trying to ward off emotion.

"A picture," Anna kept her eyes on Elsa as she leaned over to grab her bag. She had to assume that skating backwards required one's full attention. So she confidently pulled out the old photograph and handed it over to Sorren. It was pretty self explanatory but Anna still pointed out the obvious. "That's Elsa and our mom. I'm in there."

"Wow, your mom being a drunk is an understatement." Sorren shoved it back at Anna. She tried not to grit her teeth at his deflection.

"There's no proof that she's actually drinking any of those." The redhead delicately placed the photo back to it's safe place. Elsa was still on the ice, her hands clapping as Margo came out of a spin. Both siblings on the side lines joined in on the applause.

"I'm pretty sure I'm sitting next to proof." Sorren jabbed. His clapping mitts barely made any noise. Anna, who was wearing gloves, flipped him off. Silence fell over them as Anna fixed her eyes on the playful way Elsa's hips swayed. She didn't have to move any other part of her body to move herself along the frozen ground water. Anna let herself gawk. If she wasn't going to engage in any more conversation, the only other thing there was to do was stare. There was no way Sorren could read what Anna was thinking as she watched her older sister move.

"Okay I showed you mine, now you show me yours." Anna said finally. She could tell that Sorren wasn't done with the subject but the way he sat so restlessly. He inhaled.

"It's mostly a hunch but not a huge stretch in imagination. Everyone seems to forget that I had a life before Elsa showed up. Five years that went to shit. I didn't matter so much anymore. Everything changed. We even moved. I would get excited when you were coming to visit cause it was nice to watch my mom shit on someone else for a change." Sorren had picked up a stick half the length of his body and was using it to make a hole in the snow. Anna wasn't thinking about the libidinous way Elsa was steering herself around the ice anymore.

"Then I would feel bad cause we used to have so much fun together. You were pretty cool. There was only one reason I could think that she could hate you." Anna didn't have to search her memory to find some sort of evidence to contradict what Sorren was saying. She had never shared anything positive with Astrid. Anna had practically grown up with a rule that stated she stayed five feet apart from her.

"Plus my dad. He's shit. Like he has two phones, and goes to narcotics anonymous. I can't count the amount of times I've gone looking for him and he isn't where he should be. I dunno. It's the only reason I can think of as to why things can't be the way they were when I was little." Anna wanted to apologize to Sorren. She had assumed that anyone that got a piece of Elsa was lucky. She had never really stopped to consider what it would have been like to be on the other end of the worst day of Anna's life. Maybe it was the worst of Sorren's too.

"So what do we do, with what we think we know? I want to be part of this part of the family but I don't think I want to be a Fjelstad."

"If only we all had the luxury of that choice." Sorren decided to toss this stick across the way to accentuate the unfairness of it all. "You want to keep it between us?" He was asking but he was also offering Anna up that control.

"What good would knowing and sharing the truth do? I mean I love Margo already. And you and me we're forcibly in this together. But Elsa. I don't know if we should put this on her."

"Yeah cause everyone puts Elsa above all else."

"I get where you are coming from, but Sorren, he picked you. He picked Elsa over me. I was there when he took her. He barely even looked at me. He left me behind. I'm the one that didn't go to cathedrals, or academies, that didn't get steak dinners. You got to have two parents and two sisters. You can have moments like these whenever you want. All you have to do is boil some water, and pack the car."

"Okay you're right." Sorren admitted. He finally looked over at his, would be, sister. "It's up to you. But don't you want to know why? A secret is never going to answer that. There's literally a moment when he decided to fuck each one of us over. He owes you an answer if you want it."

"Yeah, unfortunately there's not enough retrospect in the world for us to know the truth without him." The duo nodded their heads in tune with one another. Anna sighed through her nose. Sorren sighed during his exhale.

"You do need to learn to skate though. We gotta make you part of the siblings in at least some sort of official capacity." Sorren started to push himself off the tree, he tugged at the blanket barely keeping Anna warm now.

"No no no. Trust. I am a spectator." Anna grabbed at the fabric on her shoulders as tightly as she could. Still the ice beneath her gave Sorren the advantage. "I'll get a foam finger instead. I need padded stuff like that if I'm even going to get near the ice."

"Like if you aren't dying to have Elsa pull you along." Sorren said with a smirk and another jerk. Anna let out a yelp, as her feet started coming out from under her. Sorren mocked her but also relented.

"Well I'm going to get Margo to come ask you. Good luck saying no to her." He said before taking a bound onto the makeshift rink. Luck was Anna's side. The moment a slashing sound of Sorren's skate pushing into the ice announced him, his sisters took off full speed trying to get away. Maybe he wasn't fully committed to the chase, or Elsa's skill far surpassed his, but even distracted by long glances at Anna's direction, she managed to evade him. Margo found refuge by lunging herself into Anna's arms. She was warmly covered by both laughter and a blanket.

With the younger girl tucked under Anna's chin, the redhead contemplated the benefits of detonating Agnarr's secret. Anna was already considering living a lifetime with a secret. Mulan had said to survive it she would need people she could trust on her side, people she could be honest with. It was hard to imagine that family might not be the safest place for her secret with Elsa to live. The way Margo was cuddled close to Anna now, would that end if she knew? Being her big sister somehow felt like such a smaller secret than that, even though it was in itself a huge development.

Margo would like to know, Anna agreed with herself. But Elsa was hard to read. What if it repulsed her to know they were more intrinsically mixed? What if being raised separately and having that one extra degree of separation was what made Elsa okay with her feelings towards Anna? The blonde had to have had some sort of deciding factors that tipped the scales in Anna's favour.

On top of that fear, was that Elsa and she would have to dissect what it meant. What had their parents done back then, why did they separate the sisters? Just the thought of it sent a shiver down Anna's spine. It prompted Margo to start running her hands over the length of Anna's arms.

The redhead felt content in this moment, watching Elsa show up her kid brother. Sitting in the cold felt worth the way her siblings were all taking turns laughing. But underneath the layers of warmth, and even further down then the chill settling under her skin, Anna was hurting. She had spent 28 days worrying about her mother, now she had a father to fret for. With or without the truth, there was a fracture here. It was up to Anna when the fault line shifted into a quake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got an in depth review of this story that dated back over to Chapter 10- Let Him. Which is the chapter in the Garage when Elsa admits to Anna that she's slept with Phoebus. The chapter starts off with Anna remembering Elsa having "sex" with a boy that lives in their building. I just wanted to stop and state that since it is told through Anna's point of view, the translation of what happened is therefore not entirely accurate. She never states that what occurred was rape, because she was a kid when it occurred and even now understands it hurt her sister without fully realizing why. I tried to write it so that us as readers knew it was wrong, and Anna is still making sense of it.
> 
> I want to apologize for not properly adding a trigger warning. I will be going back and adding one in and clearly state that sex between an 18 year old and a 13 year old is rape.
> 
> I want to talk a little about what this story means to me. It's my first modern story, I don't normally write them. I enjoy the disconnect of a different world. This story was meant to be much lighter than it is, but as I went on I couldn't help but want to analyze the kinds of traumas these two characters would have that would make them want to have this sort of relationship together.
> 
> I know it can get pretty heavy, I write it with my own ebbs and flows because a lot of it comes from a place I am familiar with. I know that in the world we live in, things like this resonate with plenty of people. I am very sorry for stirring any negativity within any of you.
> 
> Now I am going to end this off with saying, any and all feedback here is welcome. The discussion I had with this reviewer, who I do consider a friend, was really interesting and engaging. Which is to say, that there is no need to hold anything back if you do have something you want to say. I'm a pretty chill and open person. Your reactions and feelings are your own, and therefore I cannot take any offence to them. I care about anyone who is part of this story with me, and anyone that has had to bow out reading it too.
> 
> Thank you very much for waiting two weeks for an update! Take care guys !


	17. The Rat

**Anna**

Anna hadn't known she was crying, not until the bed shifted and the sound of shushing coupled with a warm hand dragging itself along her cheek. She wasn't fully awake, her subconscious was the one that had to tell her to make room for her sister's body on the small bed. It did so lazily, as Anna lifted so that Elsa might tuck herself under her. Anna rubbed the corner of her eye into the blonde's shoulder, smearing the wet she hadn't expected to have had built up.

She had been whimpering in her sleep but Elsa's steady presence made the cries escalate. She gripped at Elsa's shirt, hoping that if she pulled hard enough there was a way to get her sister even closer to her. Elsa translated her need correctly, and tensed her muscles so that her hold on Anna would be impenetrable.

Anna wasn't sure why she was crying, all she knew was that even with how good it felt to have Elsa comforting her, it wasn't enough. Something inside her did not want to stop. She tried to be quiet, she did not want to attract anyone's attention. The redhead couldn't imagine how much worse she would feel if Elsa had to let go. When Elsa attempted to get a hand free to stroke the redhead, Anna tensed. She whined, and Elsa had no choice but to keep her hold steady, and use her cheek to caress Anna instead.

The last time Anna remembered crying like this, with someone other than her big sister, was moments after her mother caught her half naked pinned down by the same person holding her now. Elsa had left, and Iduna had paced the small living room screaming slurs about her eldest daughter. Anna had cried so hard she couldn't even make out the words her mother was saying. She was left to assume it was all the worst things the sisters had called themselves. Eventually her mother lost steam. She made herself another drink and settled on the couch with Anna and let her daughter sob freely, promising that there was nowhere to go from this situation but up.

Lying here, months later, Anna wasn't so sure. She had believed her mother then. The _incident_ had been bad enough. It would likely break the bond the sister's shared forever. Anna was so relieved that it hadn't been the case. The fracture here was amendable. They could come out stronger if they let it. It was everything else that had crumbled.

Elsa's words of reassurance sounded so much like her mother's. In the dark, it was even difficult to decipher the slight difference between her older sister's voice and her mom's. Anna kept her eyes squeezed tight. Her mother had managed to calm Anna down that night. Even when she admitted how deeply into her relationship with Elsa, Anna had allowed the two sisters to go, their mother had listened. The anger she had tossed out in Elsa's direction was nowhere to be found. The only thing between the two was comfort.

Maybe it was because she wasted, that she had been able to put aside the truth, she had been able to listen to Anna's heartbreak. As if Anna was crying over a scorned lover and not her older and more responsible sister. Iduna never cast a dirty glare at Anna. It had given Anna hope that one day the sister's might survive their love.

Currently Anna was trying to muffle her cries into her sister's chest. Her fear of someone coming in and seeing the truth even in this innocent state made it even harder to try to calm herself. Was that why she was upset? Because Elsa was freely calling her _my love_ as she tried to soothe her? Was it because she had expected her mother to be here to guide Anna, like she had promised as her daughter as she cried into her arms? Was she crying because while her sister poured herself into her, Anna was still incapable of giving Elsa what she wanted? It was three words. _I pick you._ But she didn't, not yet.

Maybe at one point Anna had been ready, but it was hard to imagine that the arms around her were real. It almost didn't matter what Elsa did now. Anna was used to living a very temporary life, she was used to getting comfortable, of getting glimpses of hope and having it all torn away. Nothing that Anna wanted to keep fit in her trash bag. Maybe it was Agnarr she was upset about now. While she never felt accepted by the Fjelstads, feeling abandoned by one was worse. Was Anna anything? If she could be left behind by her mother, and by her father, how could she be so sure that Elsa wasn't capable of doing the same. They were family after all.

Her sister shushed her more aggressively. It was a warning now more than a comfort. The tense muscles around her were more than a hold and toughened due to anxiety. Was there a point where Elsa's words would not translate into action? Elsa was convinced that their relationship would be the hardest path to choose. She'd been clear that it was heartbreak waiting to happen. Did it matter that Elsa chose that pain, if it would end eventually anyways? Should Anna be the one to leave someone for once?

Her sister laid lips on the top of her head. She moved her entire body against Anna, building up friction in place of salve. Her entire body became abatement. The rancor that had built up in Anna's sleep was disheartened with each brush. Anna's bottom lip was shaking, her shoulders rumbled, the stitching in her stomach folded the redhead into herself with each sob. Her crying body was returning her sister's strokes. It encouraged Elsa to push in deeper.

She did so with her entire body, any inch of her that wasn't in charge of holding on. Her mouth became the boldest, leading the charge in a desperate need to silence and heal. Anna was already taking laboured breaths, she felt no calm, just a rising of something that wasn't grief. She clutched unto it desperately, even pushing herself off of her sister so that Elsa may get more momentum to her movements.

The first mewl to disrupt the sobs came when Elsa found Anna's ear with her mouth. Whispered words of encouragement traveled the length of Anna's entire body, reading in her mind and taking the comfort further with a rush of blood. The blonde's lapping tongue pushed it faster.

Anna kept extremely still, as if she was waiting for Elsa's traveling lips to say enough, to kiss enough, to inhale enough of the tension Anna so desperately wanted to rid herself off. She wanted Elsa's touch to be enough, for her words to be more than a promise. As her sister used both her body and voice to say "I got you," Anna made her own wishes that it actually be the truth.

The crying stopped to make room for moans. Elsa forgot all about shushing. There wasn't a single piece of her that wasn't preoccupied. Even her fingernails dug into the skin on her sister's back, spelling out reassurances with the red streaks of sting they left behind. It felt good to Anna to feel a lick of pain when Elsa decided to accentuate her words with a bite. It felt so much better than the torment that was ailing her. The pain started to cancel out the hurt. As the two extinguished all that was left was heat, that built within Anna in very different central locations.

The strongest was in her stomach, where she had been holding up the malice she consumed at all fronts in her life. The weakest, between her legs, she was used to that burn being there when in contact with Elsa. She was barely paying it any mind. There was an energy that her rapid heart was creating. It bolstered Anna's limbs to come alive. She hadn't imagined that her heart was readying her for the explosion of all three embers. It started as a shake, then evolved to a rattling, and suddenly she was thrashing against the sensation.

Her sister's name left her lips.

Anna was overcome with a sense of confusion as she found that Elsa had coaxed pleasure out of her misery. She rode it with a deep inhale and an arch of her back. Elsa, just as surprised, coiled a firm grip around Anna and dug her forehead into the redhead's chest.

"I've got you," Elsa hushed. It meant something completely different than when she had said it to quell the tears. Anna fell flat, trapping Elsa's arm under the small of her back. Neither seemed to care about the discomforts. Anna was still feeling pulsations of pleasure, playing in sync with each distinct spot where her orgasm had originated. Elsa was holding her lips against Anna's temple, round in a kiss, as if to mark the end of their touch like at the period at the end of a sentence.

"Are you okay?" Elsa's low voice was almost drowned out by Anna's panting. Anna still held her eyes tight. She didn't know the answer to her sister's question. She had awoken plagued by everything that was wrong with her yet not a single thing came to mind other than the way her fully clothed body felt. All Anna could do was shake her head, she wasn't sure if the action came out affirmative, or if she'd answered no.

"You might be smiling," Elsa noted. Her voice was still ever so ginger but her own smile was evident, hiding behind her words. Anna groaned as her body started relaxing, taking all the vigor out her reaction to Elsa's touch and leaving just a simmering sensation.

The first thing she felt after her physical release were the strings of embarrassment tugging at her. Her eyes were begging to get a look at Elsa's face, but Anna burrowed deep into her sister's chest instead.

"I think I just-" Anna was mumbling. Her voice was muffled by the linen pajama top Elsa had on, but she still couldn't bring herself to say it. "You weren't touching me there, like directly."

The rumble of a chuckle started right where Anna was pressed against Elsa and built up traveling the blonde's body. It was a sweet sound, Anna might have enjoyed it if it wasn't directed at her. A happy sigh followed.

"Seems like it."

"Oh god."

"Hey, don't be shy. I thought I was losing you there for a minute, and then you, lit up." Elsa used her free arm to find her sister's chin, between her fingers she pulled up at it trying to search out her kid sister. Anna relented. This was a good problem to have, her embarrassment was likely her anxiety not completely over wanting to consume the little good Anna had. Or at least that's what she told herself as she let her eyes open.

It was barely morning. If Elsa's skin wasn't so fair, Anna wouldn't be able to make out the edges of the darkness.

"Are you feeling okay?" The concern in Elsa's voice ate up most of her amusement.

"That's…" Anna took note of the hum in her body, she focused on it instead of the what she had woken up to. "An understatement."

"So you really-"

"Yeah." Anna agreed before she let her sister say the word. She didn't feel like falling back into the slight tinge of shame. The blonde seemed to enjoy her sister's sheepishness. Her back was pulled straight and her hips bucked inward again.

"I have no idea how that happened." Anna said. She was trying to deflect her sister's seemingly revitalized body by revealing how awkward she felt. "We did or didn't we, just have sex?"

"Hm," To Anna's advantage Elsa did stop. "Did? Didn't."

"We weren't even kissing," Anna whined. "I mean I wasn't. You were... I dunno, a witch or something and I was just-"

"Upset," Elsa had a pretty goofy smile on her face, the kind their mom might call shit-eating. She was obviously trying to be respectful but was failing. Anna could do nothing but hope her sister could see her glare. "And you aren't upset any more right?"

"No! I'm in a fucking after glow. Thank you very much. A virginal after glow." Anna might have tried to push herself away from Elsa's burst of laughter, but there was nowhere for her to go. She could barely cross her arms around her chest. Elsa pulled the redhead in closer. Tucking her back in under her chin.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she gleefully begged. Anna could hear her voice right where it started in her throat. "I've been really nervous about touching you, and it's just leaving me now. Cause you obviously like it, and I've been wasting energy thinking you wouldn't."

The confession softenned Anna. "I did like it." she herself professed. "I don't know why you'd be nervous. You're the one with all the experience and tact."

"I dunno about that. You might be the only virgin here, but you're also the only one that's ever had an orgasm." Anna's head shot up at that.

"Really," Anna skepticism faded slightly as her eyes were getting used to the dark. She could see the faintest bit of the blue in her sister's. The mirth had shifted to nerves. "You've at least had one by yourself?"

"Do sister's talk about this?" Anna couldn't see the blush on Elsa's cheeks but she was likely flushed. "Do lovers?" she added.

"Friends do," Anna brought up a closed fist and applied a bit of pressure to her sister's shoulder. She was willing to talk about anything other than the fact that she could still feel her insides tightened every so often. "And we're all three."

"Okay," Elsa sighed. "I've never touched myself for my own amusement. I've put myself into enough shitty situations, I am pretty sure I fucked up my entire sexuality." Elsa had spoken slowly. She didn't stumble, as if her words were already chosen but saying them was difficult.

Elsa's statement hung off the slates of the bunk above them, closing the sisters in on each other even more. Anna let the silence tell Elsa she wanted the blonde to elaborate.

"I'm not saying that being with you like this or that night after the party doesn't feel good. The garage is the best I've ever felt sexually. I'm just normally bothered, or numbed, by touch." Anna automatically recoiled. Like a cat being spooked, she practically tried to climb the wall to disconnect the dozens of pressure points in which they were interlaced. But Elsa reigned her back in.

"No, no, no. I don't mean you. I am crazy about being in your arms and being kissed by you, and that you always try different ways to run her hands on me. I love all that. What I'm getting at is that I don't feel like I have experience, when everything I've done is so empty. I'm not even enough to turn myself on. I've been terrified of how everything is zero and then there's you. It's been like that for me since we were kids. In a much less erotic but still far from innocent sense. I've done and let things happen that sometimes make me feel worse than wanting you does, just to drown it out."

"This is more convoluted than the _did you just take my virginity_ thing we just circled." Even though she felt the gravity of her sister's words, Anna let her voice be light to contrast the way Elsa had let herself get dark.

"What does make sense with us?" Her sister picked up on Anna's attempt to steer them out away from the topic. She relaxed herself, as if she was allowing her admission to be a good thing.

"I know that it doesn't make sense that we want each other. I mean, if you actually do want me." Anna was back in her sister's arms but she was still lying stiff. She tried not to distort what her sister was saying into rejection. Elsa tried to massage that same idea out of her by running her hands down her back as she spoke.

"I know that finding the good in things can't be all that bad, even if us wanting each other doesn't make any sense. I mean, if you do want me." Anna was back in her sister's arms but she was still lying stiff. She tried not to distort what her sister was saying into rejection. Elsa tried to massage that same idea out of her by running her hands down her back as she spoke.

"I want you. I promise that I want you. Anna, I'm telling you this because of how much I want you, and only you. I know I have a lousy track record. But I'm not leaving you. There's only one thing that will ever separate us. That's your _No_. Your _No_ is my gospel. I'm going to keep coming at you until you don't want me anymore. I'm so happy that I'm your sister, your friend, and that I might be your girlfriend." Anna relaxed into Elsa's wording. She'd never once thought to use the word girlfriend. It sounded so easy and simple, even if it was an illusion, Anna warmed to it.

"I will be all these things, in any and all possible combinations, under whatever whim you want, for as long as you'll have me. When you say _No_ , you can decide where that leaves us. I will be whatever you want me to be. You're in control. I won't let whatever heartbreak I feel override what you say you need from me."

The way Elsa had so easily brought forth pleasure and hit pause on her pain, made it undeniably true to Anna that her body was loyal to the blonde. Elsa was putting a tremendous amount of faith in Anna to give her control. She wasn't even looking at her with any expectations. Elsa just seemed to be content that the crying had stopped for now.

If Anna's body trusted Elsa, why couldn't she?

Her body had, however, settled. If it wasn't for the stickiness between her legs, she could chalk up her lethargy to how early it was in the morning. The ecstasy had dwindled, the light of the afterglow losing it's glare as the sun started creeping in through the sheer curtains. The reasons that Elsa was in Anna's bed to begin with started creeping back into Anna's mind. When it came to trust, the characters of her mother and Elsa's father were not the best ones to be tormenting her, while trying to tell Elsa what she wanted to hear.

Anna chose to let the words stay unanswered. She responded with the only part of her that did confide in her older sister. Anna kissed Elsa. And then asked for a few more minutes of sleep. With shut eyes again, Anna listened to her mind make a case against everyone currently in her life. When Elsa came back to the forefront of the debate, Anna focused on the awake fingers that ran through her hair. She let that feeling fight her doubts.

Agnarr was singing along to a country song, or more accurately he was breathlessly mumbling along. The volume was well turned up, so Anna could barely make out his voice between the strum of acoustic guitars. Anna did not know anything about the song but it was one that had spent decades being played on the radio. She recognized it enough to not be surprised by the heartfelt upbeat in the chorus. Agnarr had to fight not to close his eyes as he fell into the lyrics. The navigation system abruptly cut off the melody to announce a turn, when it did Agnarr unsuspectingly got caught singing without the support of the music. He was so comfortable he didn't care that Anna heard his lousy pitch.

Anna was bothered that he was so calm, so easy. He had no idea that anything had changed but Anna had not felt the same since discovering that photograph. Anna never saw Agnarr as family. She was sure her old dairies had several entries dedicated to how bitter she was towards him. Over the decade it was likely she had described him with a range of insults starting with doo doo head to eventually, and in retrospect quite ironically, a motherfucker.

Agnarr was the one thing Anna was always armed to talk to her counselors about. It was easy to dissect her animosity towards him. The charge in which she spoke about this stranger taking her sister away always took the heat off of the subjects Anna rather skirt around. Everyone with a psychology major she was mandated to speak to loved to indulge her tirades. It of course meant talking about how Elsa hadn't batted an eye when Agnarr helped her put on her shoes. She had refused to take her stuffie with her, her clothes, her books. She left without a fight, and that was not Elsa.

Elsa was once very different. She was a pistol, or at least that was what the case worker used to call her on her unscheduled visits. She used to sneak through the library offices to avoid having the security systems buzz when stealing story books. She used to convince the convenience store clerks to sell her cigarettes for their mother, and never let any of the people Iduna had over poke fun at Anna. She was industrious, and unbreakable even when hungry. Elsa, as a child, was a diamond, the strongest material known to man, and Agnarr coming to take her away had been like the invention of lasers.

Anna didn't know what that made her. As if she wasn't as brilliant as Elsa was a kid. She remembered Agnarr not looking at her twice as he knelt in front of Elsa working at the laces of her shoes. Her sister was something to want, something to fight to take. She could give Agnarr that. Even in these ten years Anna had seen these amazing glimpses of the girl Elsa used to be, like just this morning in the honest fight behind her words, and in the way she'd passionately kissed Anna in front of Hans. Even with what Astrid and Agnarr had made out of her, Elsa had beauties hidden beneath the faults. The series of events that shaped Elsa, shaped the woman Anna was in love with. But who did it make Anna? The redhead had never been more torn up about that in her entire life.

Anna had made the arrangement to go to the department of social services with Agnarr during her Tuesday lunch hour, prior to looking through his mementos of her mother. Anna was going to cancel. She was ready to message Agnarr that morning, and spent the entire drive to school with her finger hovering above _send_. Then Elsa hadn't pulled into her normal parking spot. She drove her siblings to the front door and booted them out. Anna had been afraid that Elsa might catch her going to make arrangements to meet with their mother. It was one of the two things convincing Anna to cancel her appointment with her case worker. As her sister drove away, Anna deleted the message and started her countdown to seeing Agnarr.

Anna wrote a very important exam dreading this car ride. It wasn't going anything like she expected it to. One, because Agnarr was having fun making the odd wrong turn, and two because Anna was actually considering starting a conversation about her mother. It was as if her mind wanted to imbue itself with the same stress she had this morning. Something about her couldn't resist. She reached over and lowered the volume on the stereo system.

"When was the last time you saw my mom?"

"Iduna? Gee. The time Elsa couldn't get on the bus because of that rat. I had to come pick her up." Agnarr laughed to himself a bit as he recollected the story. "Could have saved myself the trip since there was no way it was coming home with us."

Three years. Anna didn't know why Agnarr was pleased to be remembering this. He'd arrived red faced when he drove up to the apartment building. He didn't raise his voice but one sentence from him was finite. He did not soften as Elsa cried. He did not even step out of the car. As Anna remembered it, her mother had not been present at the time.

"So you saw her before you came to pick up Elsa?" Anna mused out loud.

"Yeah, I stopped off where she was working then. That diner with the chocolate cream pie. She begged me to take that rat. Never thought I'd be stuck with it in the end."

"The rat?" Anna asked but she turned the music back up before Agnarr agreed. She couldn't help but think that at one point there had been a conversation like the one in that diner, but instead of it being about Olaf, Anna was the rat. Agnarr kept singing until they arrived at their destination. It didn't take long before Anna and her current foster parent sat at the opposite end of a cubicle with the social worker Anna had been working with for the past month.

29 days to be exact. Anna knew the count. Her mother's four week program ended the day prior. Anna was on her way to learn what to expect with her mother's release. She had been warned that Iduna would have lots to prove before Anna could be housed with her again. Which Anna was used to and had expected.

Agnarr busied himself with the formalities of "Nice to see you again," and "We've been well." Anna was glad he had cleaned himself up for this meeting. As of late he was donning light coloured jeans and plain t-shirts that likely came out of a multi-pack. He had grown out his mustache and rarely addressed the stumble on his cheeks. Today he smelled of after shave and had thinned out and styled the hair over his lip. He didn't look like the business man Anna had come to know, but he didn't look like a sleaze ball. Anna might even call him an aging hipster today.

"I have nice things to share with you Anna. This meeting will be the highlight of my day," Anna wasn't familiar with this caseworker but she knew the tone she had on well. It was positive but it was also a bit fake. News wouldn't be all good.

"You mother's counselors and lawyer are all reporting success when it comes to your mother's rehabilitation. They are very content with the work she has put into the program. You mom has chosen to keep working it with the people at the facility, which is an amazing choice. The intercity offered a very promising placement."

"The intercity," Anna picked up on what this woman was saying. Agnarr was nodding along eagerly.

"Like I said Anna, it's very promising and will have a profound effect on your mother. It will require that she stay in a halfway house." There, there it was.

"I can't stay there right?"

"Anna this is a very difficult program to get approved for." The woman clicked her tongue and crossed her fingers into one another. "Your mother had to perform very well to get her funding. Spots are tight. There are no spaces for family."

"Wait are you telling me Iduna isn't getting an apartment?" Agnarr shifted in his chair, leaning in further.

"It's a second month-long program. During that time she will be working on her resume and in finding housing. It's common for the women to find places with others in their unit before finding space to home their teenage children."

"How much longer are you pushing this kid on me here?" Agnarr's inflection was meant to be comical but Anna could feel herself shrink in the rubbery leatherish chair she was sitting in.

 _She's okay._ Anna repeated in her head over and over, trying to focus on the positive this case worker was selling. She missed what the adults were saying until a name she was not expecting started to get exchanged between their lips.

"Wait Elsa?" Anna interjected.

"She and I have been corresponding over the last few weeks. She seems like a very brilliant and motivated girl."

"I would appreciate that you not speak with my daughter without my knowledge." Agnarr went from anxious to indignant quickly.

"Wait," Anna tried to insert herself back into the conversation.

"With all due respect sir. Your daughter is a blood relation to Anna here. It makes her a priority candidate for custody." The woman's own friendly demeanor dwindled. Anna was starting to blank out again. Elsa, be her foster family? Elsa instead of Iduna take her in? The word blood started to come into Anna's focus. Without knowing the details Anna's mind started working on the problem. If Elsa was pushing to take Anna on, it was imperative that Anna rid the photograph that called blood relations into question. Especially as Anna took note of Agnarr's sudden shift.

"She's just a child, living under my roof I might add." Agnarr was trying to reign himself in, but just once glance at him and Anna could see the muscles in his arms and neck had tensed.

"I've given a list of requirements for her to fulfill to be granted custody. She seemed very confident that she would meet them." This case worker was taking Agnarr on. She was championing her sister. It was something Anna had never once stopped to consider. Her heart was beating in excitement as her stomach twisted up into itself. Without needing to confront her sister, Anna had found out what Elsa needed the money for.

"What are the requirements?" Anna's question was ignored.

"She's a highschooler." The conversation between adults started to fade again. There were a million things to consider when picturing Elsa pulling this off. Money of course, but the future too. She was just in school, she was living under the same roof as Anna already. Was Elsa planning on giving all that up?

"She's above the age of majority." The social worker spared back.

"Elsa is going to law school come fall, she is not taking over custody of Anna. Anna will live with her mother when she gets her act together. You are wasting your valuable time dealing with my daughter and now we are wasting yours. Come on Anna." Agnarr rose to his feet and made eye contact with Anna for the first time throughout the conversation. He dared her not to listen.

"One of the points of this meeting was to discuss Anna visiting her mother over the holiday." With an outstretched arm Agnarr was invited to sit down again.

"Then email me. Anna get your coat."

As soon as Agnarr turned the ignition on in his SUV the music blared out of the speakers. The sound hit Anna's eardrums, they already felt raw from taking in Agnarr's harsh tone. He used a close fist to hit the stereo button to off. He was muttering under his breath as he put the car in reverse. The further away from the family social service building they got, the redder his face grew.

Anna felt the spit in her mouth start to fill her jaw. The air in the car was too thick for her to swallow. Even though she was just buckled in the passenger seat, she didn't know how to move her body to look casual and unaffected. First she crossed them, but that made her look, well cross. Then she put them at her side, but the lack of bend made her feel like she came off awkward. In the end she bawled her fists over her knees and focused on the white lines on the side of the road.

The redhead wasn't so good at directions, but she did know that they did not drive through residential areas on their way to the office. Agnarr wasn't taking Anna back to school. She was unsure what this detour was, and even more unsure about vocalizing concerns about the second exam she had to write in class today. Maybe Anna wasn't giving herself enough credit because she did start to pick out landmarks she recognized as they drove deeper into the houses. Soon she saw the wrecked old park Hans had taken her to. Agnarr parked the car a few blocks away from the play structure.

"Wait here," Agnarr said as he let his seat belt whip back into retracted and climbed out of the car. The house he was headed to was small, and the paint of the wooden siding was peeling off. There was a towel being used as a curtain, and a sign on the front door that redirected visitors to the side gate. Agnarr didn't even have to glance up at it to follow the unshoveled pathway to the other side of the fence.

Her heart was on alert, suck on expand waiting to pound down at the first signs of trouble. She tried to calm herself by looking at the random Halloween decorations that were still up. It was one o'clock meant Anna only had twenty minutes until she had to be testing her chemistry knowledge yet again. Agnarr certainly did not feel Anna's urgency or unease when he finally emerged from the house. He had a cigarette in his lips and he smoked it casually while still in conversation with a woman on the other side of the gate.

"I'm sorry about messing up your lunch hour sweetheart. Want to skip your next period? We can go grab a bite to eat." Agnarr returned a different person than the one that stormed out of the car only minutes ago. His body was speaking a completely different language.

"No, sorry. I have an exam right away." Anna was short in her answer. She averted her eyes afraid of what she would see in his. Anna was late for her exam. There wasn't a student that did not glare up at her as she made her way to her seat. Merida grimaced at her walking by as Anna sat directly behind Mulan.

"Meet me, with Mer, at my place after school. We have to make that box in the garage disappear." Mulan didn't take her eyes off her exam as she nodded. Anna felt much more focused now.

"Wait, I still don't understand why we are going to burn this stuff without lookin' at it?" _I don't understand,_ had become Merida's catch phrase as she struggled to make sense of what her friends were talking about. She was the one holding the box. Anna refused to get too close to it, and Mulan was the best candidate to try to start a fire on a windy winter's day.

"Elsa's been your half sister this whole time but she's actually your sister sister? Shouldn't at least someone know for sure?" Merida's head was bobbing wildly as she tried to make some sort of point. She was used to accentuating herself with her hands, her bouncing hair was making up for it.

"It's likely there's nothing in there that will confirm or deny the photograph." Mulan stated matter-of-factually as she balanced a few pieces of wood with one another. She'd dug a hole in the snow, packing up tight walls of the substance to hold off the wind.

"Then I don't understand why we are burning it."

"Cause it's easier to keep a secret if you don't know what it is." Anna finally broke her silence. Mulan had done all the talking to convince Merida to drive them out to a farmer's field. Mer was wearing Iduna's leather jacket as coerced payment.

"Okay, but hear me out. If this guy is really your da' don't you want to have a chance at a real relationship with him? Maybe this stuff could help you with that."

"If he's my father, then he's some sort of beast that can choose one child over the other."

"I'm not saying he's not a beast. Humans are animals. We suck. But parents are the most human of all people. Can you imagine how big this lie is? What if he just needs it to come out?" Merida was almost too passionate and was losing her grip on the box as a result. She had to sort of toss it in the air a bit to get her fingers in a better position.

"I won't lose Elsa over it."

"Well you haven't even talked to her. Mrs. Fjelstad called my exchange mum yesterday and said we weren't allowed tutoring sessions anymore. On account of Elsa and mine's questionable morals. Maybe there's a chance Elsa just needs to get out of that house, and she feels like you are her responsibility. Maybe, she wouldn't take you along if she knew you have family to be with and get to know."

"It's up to Anna." Mulan chimed in as she lit a match. Her back was to them, her concentration was successfully on starting the flames and the heat of her friends' discussion.

"See Mulan agrees."

"That's not what I said." Mulan remained neutral.

"And I'm not saying you shouldn't go off and live with Elsa. I'm saying that this feels wholly unhealthy. As your future sister-in-law, I feel like it's my duty to point that out. We should be sleuthing out the truth and dealing with it, like a set of spy sisters, instead of lighting up our only lead." Merida struggled with the tattered cardboard box as she ranted. She readjusted its weight in her arms.

"I don't want him to be my father."

"You don't get a say in that." Merida finally spoke in full seriousness. Mulan rose to her feet. She stepped between the redheads as she put her mittens back on.

"The fire's started. It's not going last unless we fed it something. Anna?"

Anna reached over and grabbed the motorcycle helmet from inside the box. She turned it over once and dropped it at her friend's feet. It sunk into the snow.

"Toss it in Merida." She pushed past her concerned friend and trudged through layers of December back towards the car without looking back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Glad this post came out within the week. I have been happily working away at it. My last update was late because I stopped to work on a submission for an ELSANNA fanfiction contest on Tumblr. If anyone is interested in reading a bunch of EA one-shots about Discovery, search for ElsAnna-Shenanigans on tumblr. All the stories have been posted and anyone can join in on the vote. 
> 
> I will be publishing my entry once the contest is over, on my FF.net and AO3. Subscribe if you want to see that in the next little bit. End of the month I believe. 
> 
> You can also follow me on Tumblr. My handle is the same SheAlwaysDies. I’m trying out putting up little previews of chapters before they come out. If that interests you, find me! 
> 
> Thanks everyone for following along, reading, commenting, and all. It means the world to me. I will get back to you all. Hope to see you guys on some new channels. 
> 
> See you next time, Elsa chapter coming up!


	18. Frozen Fingers

**Elsa**

The break room table had enough chairs around it to seat six. It was still barely enough room for the things Elsa had spread out over it. Granted her physics text books were pretty big, and just the three of them, opened to different laws and theories, ate up half the space. The blonde wasn't even paying them any mind. She had got as far as highlighting a few key things and then realized she wasn't really reading anything before she passed the neon yellow over the words. She dropped the marker and turned her attention to the pile of mail she had brought to open away from possible prying eyes at home.

As Elsa flipped through them, she got news that her second credit card had been approved, and the first had arrived and just needed to be activated. She doubted she could call the offices to check that off her to-do list while she was on her lunch break. It was two in the morning after all. Luckily she didn't have an appetite at this hour. Elsa was not really having a break from her new job. She was stealing whatever moment alone she had to continue to put things together. Her "lunch" hour had been her most efficient in the last week. She was on her fifth shift.

Thinking of that, she opened her note book and calculated how much money she would make after taxes with this shift alone. She wanted to have a solid idea of what her first paycheck would be so she could forward that information to Anna's social worker come Monday morning. It was almost a laughable amount. It maybe could take care of a quarter of a grocery bill. It wouldn't get her anywhere close to buying a mattress.

Elsa didn't let it deject her. The first thing she had done when sitting down, after taking a few gulps of her coffee, was look up already furnished apartments. She got a pretty solid lead. The lease was short. Anna's case worker wouldn't like that. But maybe by the time the six months elapsed Elsa could either convince the landlords to keep them on for longer, or she could have saved up enough to furnish a space the sisters could share long term.

The rent was cheap. It was located in the same industrial town Elsa had landed this job. It was a forty five minute bus ride away from Arendelle Academy and an hour away from the city Anna hailed from. If Anna won a scholarship she could continue attending the Academy, instead of having to go to a public highschool in whichever of the neighbouring places. Elsa needed to take a minimum of one class next semester in order to graduate. If she wasn't planning on going to University anymore, she might as well get her the last credits online. If she could negotiate a good deal on wifi.

This town wasn't very nice. It did not have it's own public library. It was old houses sandwiched between a few different factories. One of them made ready to bake french fries, so the air in town always smelled starchy and rotten, like the last bit of vodka in the bottle left out in the sun. The warehouse Elsa was working was a distribution centre for an online furniture store. It was the only place she'd been in town that didn't have that smell. Instead it reeked of fresh plastic or maybe new car. The blonde wasn't used to it yet. It gave her a dull headache. Next week Elsa was going to learn how to drive a forklift, maybe being in motion would help.

Elsa shut her laptop, trying not to get too excited about the basement suite two blocks down and picked up her pencil instead. She wasn't super artistic, or at least she had never had the time in her school schedule to pursue drawing, but she was trying her hand at handmade gifts for Christmas this year. One calculated move in the school's art room and Elsa had a nice pencil and some thick canvas paper to draw free presents on for her family. She was currently working on a picture of Olaf and adding some details to a Christmas sweater she'd had him don. In her finest lettering she wrote out _I like warm hugs,_ across his chest _._ The blonde had pulled up a few photographs of Olaf on her phone but hadn't needed to toggle between them to get his details right. She knew the little rodent's face well, and had managed to make Margo a cute enough picture. She stopped herself from adding a Santa hat, on account of her not really having the time to be doing anything other than planning.

The minute she signed her name however, her productivity stopped. When Elsa had spread out everything she was meant to be working on, she took out her makeup bag too. She had done so during every single one of her breaks. At some point throughout each one she had reached into it and pulled out her lipstick. She would rattle it a bit as she toyed with it in her fingers. The feeling of anticipation was invigorating. It made her heart pound, and her mind start to react as if she had already taken a hit of the pills clashing against each other inside. The jolt of it alone was enough to wake her up as it got closer to being three am.

When Elsa would put it down her mind would start congratulating itself, as if she wasn't both the snake and Eve, and refusing the apple was an actual feat. It had been weeks since Elsa let herself fall for the siren sound of the little white pills. She had been keeping herself pretty busy, and that helped. If she took a pill now there was no way she could function for the rest of her shift, let alone get herself home. That's why she let herself toy with the idea. It woke her up, it tempted her, but she was never going to let it happen. The thrill of seeing the pills seemed to be enough to hold her off.

Elsa didn't need the pills to feel good she told herself as she packed them away again. She had Anna and in the last week she had sort of won her sister back. The morning they had shared in the dark was over a week ago. By the end of it Elsa had forgotten that the interaction had started off rough. She'd spent the subsequent days bathed in her own afterglow. Until it waned and Elsa noticed that her honesty that morning might have somehow put her sister off, or at least caused her to take a cautious step backward. Elsa tried not to chastise herself, this was a good lesson in forming herself to Anna's needs. The blonde told her sister two of her biggest truths. The most important one being how desperate she was to be exactly what Anna required of her. The blonde maintained the distance Anna put between them.

So the sisters weren't kissing so hotly now and Elsa was giving Anna space, while dissecting everything she had said. It was stupid to have called herself broken when it came to her desire for Anna, when it was her little sister's touch that felt like it was healing. It must have felt like a slap in the face for Anna. Mostly Elsa blamed her honesty, likely because she had to open up more than half way. Elsa had implied that she had been in lots of sexual situations. It wasn't far from the truth. Maybe Anna was raking her mind about these different scenarios, and if Elsa didn't explain them, her sister's colourful imagination was going to keep putting a wedge between them.

The blonde hated how everything was so closely tied. If she was going to tell Anna the specifics of her sexual experiences she would have to mention her drug use. Elsa wouldn't be playing mind games with those stupid pills right now if she would just feel normal when it came to sex. It was through a series of events closely related to that that she had started using. It, like most everything, stemmed from the _incident_. Anna's kiss left such a sweet aftertaste in Elsa's mouth that she could feel it even after her mother had spat bile at Elsa's direction. If that didn't leave an awful taste in her mouth, Elsa had to go find something that might.

That's how she finally caved to Astrid's coaxing and accepted a date with Phoebus. His sloppy kiss didn't do anything to replace the taste of her sister. She had spent months ingraining Anna into all of her senses after all. Phoebus was bland in comparison. There wasn't a single physical or emotional thing about him that stirred even an inkling of lust within Elsa.

The blonde had a fall back though. Megara was always a phone call away. And just days after the _incident,_ Elsa had found herself on her old friend's bed. Elsa had hesitated for too long on a Saturday night before picking up the phone and reaching out. Meg was already pretty wasted when she let Elsa in. There was nothing sexy about her drunken movements even though Elsa had on occasions admired the way she swayed her hips so freely down the halls of the Academy.

The alcohol however did insure that Meg kissed Elsa back. It added a taste to her lips that the blonde actually liked. Her stomach flipped over like a wet pancake. It was a reaction and that was all Elsa was looking for. She wanted her body to wake up for something other than Anna. Meg was laughing, almost cackling into Elsa's mouth. She was excited and bold but each movement dispelled the little that Elsa had managed to build inside of her.

"You aren't being very fun," Megara had pointed out. It was as if the heat wasn't turned on under her skillet. The pilot light was off, it didn't matter how many sparks Elsa made, she was still a pile of raw dough. The blonde had felt passion before and no amount of attraction to Megara seemed to be igniting that flame. Meg grew frustrated quickly when even the most aggressive and intimate of touch failed to rouse Elsa.

"You're too stuck up, that's your problem. Elsa you came her to fucking let loose so let's let loose." Meg's deep voice was singing as she offered her up a tab of oxy. It was small, and looked so harmless nestled between the life and heart lines running along her old friend's palm. Elsa had watched Meg take one right when Elsa walked through the door. She didn't look any worse off than the drunken slur she was already touting when saying _Hello_.

The blonde wanted to feel something, anything, other than the shame she liked to indulge in when fantasizing about her sister. She took the tab orally. Meg was laughing again this time on her back. Whatever sexual charge she had was gone and the only thing that existed for her was the ceiling. Elsa sank down next to Megara. Their sides were in contact, starting at their ankles and all the way up to their shoulders. For what felt like a long time Elsa searched for a change in her but none seemed to be coming. She was still twisted up in the ugliest way possible. But eventually, and almost as if she was counting down, Megara asked, "Isn't it nice?"

"Yeah," Elsa responded as she learned the definition of relaxation. An inhale had never felt so good before. She turned her head and Meg's mouth was there again, for the taking.

"Would it be weird if I asked you to keep touching me?"

"Yes, but okay." In a state where Elsa thought she was actually capable of feeling something good, she still felt nothing in reaction to Meg. She'd decided that nothing was better than whatever she was capable of feeling for Anna. Whatever attraction she had for the female form was therefore futile, so she dedicated herself to her relationship with a golden boy instead. It was meant to be easier.

She still got high with Megara every once in a while. They reached an unspoken agreement that they were both better off on their own sides of the bed. Megara liked the sound of her own voice when it was laced with oxycodone. Elsa liked hearing her musings too.

"You must be so fucking traumatized," she would say in defense of her skills, as she liked to call it, _in the sack._ When she was high, Elsa could take that statement, search herself, and feel like there was absolutely no truth to it. Everything she touched felt so smooth, that it made no sense that she herself might be cracked. She would stare up at the popcorn ceiling in Meg's bedroom, and if she connected the dots she could find her sister's face and her exposed body outlined. It was the only time she could think of Anna without any of the hurt. She didn't feel damaged, like Meg said she was. She just felt like she was in love. Only high could she take and feel all the good. The worst was silenced by inhaling a tab.

Elsa didn't know how to tell Anna any of that without all the details. But it was time now. The more dedicated she was to her sister, the less she felt like she was in the wrong. She was holding onto Anna's words. Elsa was going to lather herself in the good. If she was going to give Anna a chance to take her on, then it had to be with all of Elsa's faults and truths. Best case scenario Elsa could afford some bedsheets, and they could pick them out together. Elsa had to convince herself that the worst case was that she was demoted to sister, only. She needed to believe that no worse could come of it. Anna had asked her to forgive herself for all her past transgressions, but the only way Elsa could live with any of them was if she could hold on to Anna, even a little bit, once they all came to light.

Elsa wasn't a huge fan of herself these days. She hoped that dedicating herself to taking Anna on, and giving her the home she always deserved, was enough to make up for that. There wasn't a single thing she wouldn't do to fight for her best case scenario, where she got to make love to her sister each night, under a roof that not only sheltered their secret but their dreams too.

The last of Elsa's shift dragged on even though it was only three hours out of eight. A few of her coworkers finished at the same time as her. Her first two shifts she refused the energy drinks they freely drank for the last while before clocking out. However, by now she was tipping one in their direction as she signed out the computer, already feeling the buzz of alertness that would take her home.

It was still night when she broke through the heavy double doors. There was enough white powder on the ground to reflect the light of the moon. It made it feel like it wasn't too dark out. Elsa easily navigated along the side of the building towards the side parking lot. The coworkers Elsa was trailing behind, were the first to notice someone sitting on the wooden bench. They commented to themselves about who this figure, with clouds of cold coming out of their breath, could be.

The bench was there for the smokers to have a place to sit during their breaks. This late into December though, it was piled up high with snow. No one braved the cold for long enough to sit down and preferred just sticking their necks out the side door, or quickly taking a few drags while still in motion. Someone sitting in that snow had everyone on alert.

"You gonna be alright Elsa?" One of the men Elsa had been shadowing asked the blonde as the woman on the bench's attention latched onto the newest employee. Elsa nodded her head affirmatively as she slowly veered away from the group.

"Goodnight," she dismissed them. They all went their own way, leaving Elsa to face this alone.

"What are you doing here?" Elsa asked her mother. The woman, who had been starting to sit up to greet her, sat back down on the snowy bench. She sucked in a breath of winter air through her teeth. She wasn't dressed well enough to be camping out where Elsa worked.

"Oh come on Elsie. You don't talk to me for months and then suddenly give me all this information about yourself. You obviously wanted me to come find you." Iduna laughed to herself. Sometimes laughter was the best way to fight the cold. She used her bare hand to brush some more of the snow on the bench in front of her. She patted the newly revealed spot. "So here I am."

Elsa took a few steps forward. As she approached, Iduna kicked a leg over the bench so that it sat between both her legs. Her hands were red but she didn't seem to care about the cold. The wiggle she gave each finger was an invitation Elsa knew well enough. She heaved her bookbag onto the tabletop and the space Iduna had made was replaced by the shifted snow falling. Still Elsa lowered herself. When she sat down, she did so in the same position as her mother, but with her back facing the woman.

"You're wearing this braid too tight." Iduna mentioned as she dug her frozen fingers in Elsa's platinum blonde locks. She started pulling at the braided crown until it fell on her daughter's shoulder. From there she started to undo the weaving.

"You'll give yourself headaches." Elsa ignored the mothering.

"I told you where I was working because I don't want you to waste your time trying to make space for Anna in your next apartment. She isn't going back to the city with you." Elsa had sent her mother one message since her release the week prior. It was to stake a claim over Anna.

"You know why I can't let that happen Elsa." Iduna's voice was not accusatory. It was ginger as the digits running through her child's hair. She had quickly undone the braid and now was using her fingers to comb out the tangles. It had been a long time since someone had done Elsa's hair. Most of her memories of getting her braid redone was kneeling in front of Astrid and having each individual hair tugged on until there wasn't a single one out of place. If Elsa blocked out the cold, and the pounding of her heart, her mother's hands transported the blonde inside earliest memories.

"What power do you have over that?" Elsa tried to match her mother's calm, but failed. "We've already been together over a month and you're already sneaking out of your program in the middle of the night."

Iduna had started separating Elsa's hair, the feeling was less like a massage now. The blonde was starting to feel the snow under her seep into her jeans.

"Exactly!" Iduna's voice matched her first pull. It wasn't the yank Astrid consistently started off with, but Elsa could feel her mother be tested. "I finally find something that I can dedicate myself to and I have to jeopardize that to make sure you don't get your hands on your own sister."

"So what, you drove all the way down here to tell me, no? You haven't had any authority over me for ten years now." Iduna used her hold on Elsa to pull herself into her daughter more. She leaned into her, her front pressing into Elsa's jacket.

"Oh no Elsa I'm here to warn you." She still hadn't lost her temper. Although, Elsa wasn't sure why she was suspecting her to. Maybe she was confusing her with Astrid. When her birth mother was sober, she had a patience the girls would miss when she was not. "You become Anna's legal guardian, and the whole game changes, baby. You get caught touching her like you do and you aren't going to get a dirty look. As her sister you're just a pervert, but when she's under your care that makes you a predator. She'll get taken from you, and the system will press charges."

"Is that a threat?" Elsa's patience was like the woman who had a greater hand at raising her. "Because I don't see anyone believing a drunkard over the daughter trying to pick up the pieces."

"No, I doubt anyone would believe me." Iduna seemed resigned to that fact. She had a few pony tails collected around her wrist and used them to tie up the first braid she'd made. It wasn't lost to Elsa, that her mother was styling her hair the way Anna preferred to wear hers. Elsa hadn't worn pig tails since the last time Iduna sat behind her like this.

"But let's say someone with status in the community, with a vested interest in both of you, and a moral compass with zero tolerance, got wind of this. Who would win? You or Astrid?" A chill ran up Elsa's spine.

"That would destroy Anna." Elsa tensed, she cursed herself for coming off intimidated. Her voice shook when her sister's name left her. Her mother's hands jumped to start working the other side of her hair.

"You are destroying her." Iduna finally accentuated her point with a lace of contempt and a yank.

"I don't think I am. You have no idea what Anna went through to get you that money you asked for. I had to fix that. She spent the day waiting for your call when you were released. I was the one there for her then. I was the one that took her ice skating to take her mind off of it. When you couldn't be bothered to pick up the phone, she cried through the night. I was the one there for her then. I'm the one out here working nights, doing whatever it takes to be with her."

"You say that as if I haven't done all those things a million times over." Iduna won back her calm demeanour, though Elsa was sure her braids were not going to come out even. The one being done up now was surely tighter.

"All you ever did was make things temporary. I'm trying to make her a real home, and you would take that away. Again?" Elsa believed what she was saying. She knew she was, for once, on the right path, for the sole reason that she had made this choice knowing and willing to accept all the consequences.

"I would commend you Elsa. If there wasn't something so wrong with you."

"Mom please."

"She's a child Elsa." Iduna wrapped up the last braid and took her hands back. Even though they were so close to one another, there wasn't a single spot where they were coming into contact anymore. Elsa kept her eyes forward. Past a field of undisturbed snow, was a tall security fence that wrapped around the warehouse, further than that, a long and endless row of orange coloured street laps that marked Elsa's way back to her bedroom. Anna had been leaving the twinkle lights on for Elsa to be able to see her way into bed. With that picture in her mind the blonde doubled down.

"No, I've been careful. I've been clear. I am what she needs me to be. I am what she wants me to be. I am nothing unless she says otherwise." Elsa knew she was doing the right thing. There was no being there for Anna halfway anymore. She could either fall prey to Anna's control, or drive her car down that road but never make the necessary turns to get closer to home. There was no in between for Else any more. She was either Anna or nothing, no one.

"Baby? Why don't you use all this energy into being a real family again. We can all get a place together. You can do University in the city. It can be the three of us, like it was back when you were little." Elsa's head snapped back over her shoulder. She looked her mother square in the eye. It had been months. The last time they'd spoken Elsa had not been able to look at her mother. She was scared of what she would see. The way Iduna was looking at her now was everything she had feared it to be. But she didn't care anymore.

"Oh there it is. You're asking me for money. You're asking me to put you up, to front your entire life so that you don't have to have any responsibility." Elsa swung her leg back over the bench and rose to her feet. The small disconnect was the relief she needed to puff out her chest. She pulled at her bag and hooked it back on to her side.

"I'm asking you to give Anna a real chance at her adolescence." Iduna suddenly pleaded. Her iced up fingers met their opposites as she looked up at her first born child. "Elsa, let her find love. If you really want to be what she needs, let's do this together. Let's give her a family. She's 15. If she thinks she needs anything other than that, then she's wrong. Don't take her word for it."

Elsa just shook her head no.

"I don't deny that she needs you. That's why even after what you've done, I still think we need to be together." Iduna was shaking, maybe from the cold, or maybe because she could sense how much bigger Elsa felt right now.

"Because I have a paycheck?" Elsa asked with a raised eyebrow and a cocked head.

"Because we're family" The blonde wanted to laugh. She had made a choice. Blood meant nothing to her. It couldn't mean anything, not if she wanted to make a life around her love for her sister. If blood wasn't linking her and Iduna together, then only their history was.

"Not you and I. No."

"I thought you'd make this easier." Elsa felt the hit of that threat again. She knew she had to kill it before it ever had a chance of coming into fruition.

"Hell no! I'm fighting this." Elsa let there be no fear in her voice. She knew how to incapacitate Iduna. She didn't give it any thought as she started rooting through her bag. Her own frozen fingers pushed aside the million things she had been working on earlier during her lunch break, the things that were bringing her closer to living her dream, and found her make up bag.

"Then I'm so sorry." Her birth mother said. She didn't pay Elsa much mind as she pulled out the three containers with false bottoms she owned. The blonde shoved them into Iduna's chest. It sounded like she had pressed a baby rattle in her mother's hands. Elsa didn't hesitate to let them go.

"Merry Christmas Iduna."

Elsa had to pull over to throw up once, and to heave another. The sour thick taste of her energy drink was coating her mouth. It tasted like she had just taken a fresh gulp of a liquid she only tolerated out of need. She was wide awake as she pulled up to her house. Her entire body was shaking. The deep breaths, she took with her hands still gripping the steering wheel, did little to calm her.

 _Please throw those away._ Elsa's trembling hand was quick to press send on her phone. She sat back hoping for a response. Iduna was never on the other end when someone wanted her to be. Elsa hadn't even bothered to look around the parking lot to see if there was a car there for her mother to make it back to the city with. There was a chance she'd left her mother out in the cold. No matter how much Elsa raked her mind, she couldn't confirm if her mom had a safe way home. If Elsa put herself in that position, she would have likely taken a tab just to stay warm.

Elsa felt her empty stomach arch up again. There was acid in her throat.

 _Did you have a ride? I can come back._ The messages were read.

 _Merry Christmas._ Iduna answered. She attached a pin that had her location. She was almost back in the city. Elsa shut the ignition of the car off. She tried to collect herself as she made her way into the dark house, kicking the snow off of her boots as she entered. She didn't make a single detour as she quietly rushed into her room. The first thing she did was fall on her knees in front of the bunk bed and reach out for Anna. The mattress was cold but when she recoiled she saw the outline of her sister's sleeping face. The twinkle lights barely illuminated Anna behind the wooden railing of the top bunk. Elsa's insides finally settled at the sight of her.

Elsa kicked off the clothes that had somehow absorbed the smell of the warehouse, and left only her bra and underwear on. She was too eager to get to the refuge her sister had to offer. She climbed the rungs up towards her and the rattling of the bed caused the youngest to stir.

"My alarm rang a while ago. Are you late coming home?" The only reason it made sense for any of Elsa's movements to have awoken her sister was if, as she just admitted, waiting up for her. The redhead rubbed at her eyes. She started a yawn that ate up the smile she had as she made space for Elsa to come in.

"Mhm." Elsa dropped herself to her side. Anna's eyes were barely open. They seemed to be telling her to fall back to sleep. The redhead blinked slowly.

"I was worried." She said as she brought her hands to cup Elsa's face.

"You were sleeping."

"I was both," Anna said laughing a tiny laugh. Elsa relaxed into the touch, leaning into the hand closest to the bed and rubbing her face into it. This, this was what she was fighting for. Consequences be damned, she reminded herself.

"Get under the covers." Anna's light tone took a bit of a shift, it left Elsa no option but to oblige. She was quick to begin pulling Elsa close.

"Are you awake, awake? I have something I have to tell you." Elsa shifted her body into Anna's hold. She pressed into the middle of the twin sized bed, when she finally fell into place, her bare skin came into contact with Anna's.

"Very," Anna said with a hum, the contact drawing a long mewl out of her. Elsa's mind could barely register what the tiny buck of Anna's hips meant. She let her hands roam her sister's back, one moved up and was not obstructed by a bra strap as it followed Anna's spine and landed at the base of her neck. The further the other traveled down, the more Elsa's thoughts came together. On the fat of Anna's ass, Elsa realized that Anna was more than just trying to wait up for her.

"You can talk," Anna said as she pushed herself forward, just to sway away and back again. "But I'm busy."

"Ah, Anna. It's kinda serious." As much as Elsa wanted to get lost in what her little sister was offering, she'd made the redhead a promise even without having ever said it to her. During her shift Elsa told herself she was going to start to be honest. After what happened with their mother, it meant more now. She wasn't ready to even think twice about that exchange. If she didn't come clean now about somethings, it was all going to get to be too much.

"I am too." Anna was clearly not phased. The way she continued to rub herself against Elsa made it clear that she had zero intention of letting up. Elsa had no idea where this shift came from. The slight bit of hesitation she had since their last intimate embrace was a battle she'd clearly slain without Elsa's help.

"Look at you, I haven't seen you in double braids like this in years. The Werrin in you is showing. If I wasn't already turned on at the thought of you coming home, well, this is really doing it for me." Elsa raised an eyebrow at this. She was losing at tipping Anna towards the serious. The redhead definitely had the advantage. Sex spilled through her teeth. It was almost impossible to resist. It was more than words as her mouth found Elsa's shoulder.

"Our family resemblance?" Elsa was failing as she indulged her sister's quip.

"Exactly," Anna's hands had started circular motions on Elsa's back. They kept running into the blonde's bra. Finally Elsa's younger sister decided to start working on the clasp. "We're weird, I can admit that. I can lean into it. The dark is making you look like me, Elsa. I might be fucked up but it makes me feel like you are more mine now that you've ever been."

"That I am." Elsa felt it, the _1, 2, 3,_ of her clips being undone. Anna reached out for Elsa's shoulder straps and yanked, all without disturbing the roaming of her lips.

"Go head, tell me what you have to say. But whatever it is, I don't care." The only other sound in the house apart from Anna's growl was Elsa's bra meeting the floor far below them. Elsa's eyes were asking to shut into the sensation of Anna's bold movements. As her sister moved further down her collar bone, Elsa knew it was now or never.

"I've been using." Elsa admitted right as Anna closed her mouth on her nipple. The redhead sucked back hard. She pulled at the flesh as she retracted. Pain followed the pleasure.

"So?" Anna asked nonchalantly. She didn't rise to level with Elsa. At her spot between her sister's breasts, she rolled her eyes up to stare expectantly.

"So, I was taking oxy. I'm not anymore but I was. I actually thought it was a safer way to feel good than this is. I was wrong. I'm sorry." The redhead shrugged in response. Her tongue danced out of her, it lapped over the skin she'd made tender just a moment prior as if she was the one apologizing.

"When was the last time you got high?" Anna asked with her attention still on the pleasure she brought to the mound of nerve endings. Elsa had spent so much of her work night thinking about the different ways she had been touched, and how useless most all caresses she'd ever received were. Yet here she was, with her fear pounding within her heart, the tar in her stomach still churning from seeing and manipulating her mother, and still somehow horny, turned on. She was exposing herself, and her body was only reacting to the way she did so physically.

"Weeks ago." Elsa said somewhat proudly. Her sister seemed to like that answer, because a hand joined her mouth at the other breast.

"Okay." Anna said through her exploration of tactics.

"That's it?"

"I'm choosing to take what you said to heart Elsa. I assume you don't need me to tell you I don't want you fooling around with that shit if we are going to be together. Since we are together again, I want to pick up where we left off." Anna's words were forgiveness, even if they weren't said overly kindly. But she climbed up Elsa's body and met her eyes. Elsa felt like she could read the redhead's mind, _not everything has to be messy,_ it was maybe saying. So Elsa rid herself of her first layer of guilt.

"In the garage, or before?"

"Before." Anna answered quickly. She didn't need Elsa to elaborate. They both knew she meant that night, pinned down on the couch. _Before,_ was before their mother found out, _before_ things got complicated. "What was it that I said to you?"

"You told me to fuck you." Elsa said with a gulp. This is a very new side of her little sister. Elsa hadn't known weakness quite like this before. Her shiver was in anticipation.

"I believe it was, fuck me…" Anna reached out for her sister's hand. She pulled at the fingers and brought them up to her neck. "And make me yours."

Anna's hand left Elsa's. She brought both her arms over her head. When Elsa tested the pressure of her fingers, the redhead lifted her chin and arched her back. She set herself up in the last position she was in _before_ the _incident._ Elsa pushed herself on top of Anna. She knew exactly where every inch of her was at that point in time. The limited space of the bunk, made it all feel so familiar. Elsa had been on that couch almost as if it was an out of body experience. The many times she played it over in her head she was out of her skin looking at the lust between the sister's that got too close to turning into making love _before_ being torn apart.

"You cheated. There was way more clothes involved before." Elsa teased as her lips hovered Anna's breast.

"Well in retrospect, I would have gotten what I wanted if we hadn't been slowed down by pants." Elsa replaced Anna's levity by dropping her tongue on the erect bud. In truth it was the amount she had enjoyed lapping at this pimpled flesh that had kept her distracted from her sister's request back then. But since this was a recreation Elsa indulged herself.

Her sister started to moan, but Elsa locked her knuckles around her throat, successfully shutting her up. She felt Anna swallow every time Elsa sucked back. The redhead was struggling to keep quiet, but they both knew the consequences of being discovered first hand. Still Anna's labouring breaths were loud. It fed Elsa urgency. It did more than that as she felt her own arousal build between her legs. The blonde suddenly felt an insistence telling her to compare herself with her sister.

They successfully reached _after,_ as Elsa ran her middle finger passed Anna's pubic hair, and along her wasn't where they left off anymore. They were going beyond. Elsa knew it was a feat to have gained access to her little sister this way. She was trusted and therefore bold. Anna's clit was deep between the warmth, but it waited for her drenched and erect. Anna whimpered. Her body twitched. She inhaled Elsa's name.

The bed was pretty solid, it didn't make any sounds as Anna's body started to jerk against the three main points of contact between the sisters. She was losing control. Elsa couldn't help but smile into her breast. She didn't want to hold Anna down but she did need to silence the tiny grunts, that could easily be screams if the youngest let them.

Elsa's fingers crawled up Anna's chin, she dipped them into Anna's open and panting mouth and hooked them on her jaw. Anna barred down on them, her teeth closed around the bone. It quieted the breaths. They were still jagged, but the improvement allowed Elsa to intensify her touch. The truth was, only through orgasm was Elsa going to be able to settle her kid sister.

During any and all of Elsa's sexual encounters she had never been in charge of the sensations. This was her first time fucking any body. But her muscles seemed to respond to Anna on instinct. She replaced her finger on her sister's clit with a thumb so that she could reach down the slick path and rim the opening there. It caused Anna to apply a stab of pain with her teeth. The bite replaced a moan. Elsa took it as permission to enter the redhead.

The blonde rubbed the pads of her fingers against Anna, pushing them into each other from the opposite ends of the girl. Wet and smooth flesh kept Elsa's digits apart. Elsa felt a bit ruthless, as Anna bucked uncontrollably. But her sister hadn't asked to be made love to, she had asked to be fucked. So Elsa fed her rough. She'd show her love when she licked the wet off her fingers, when she reached back up to kiss the girl, and when she wiped the sweat off her brow. Yes, Elsa would get to the love part when she held her sister throughout the early hours of Saturday morning. Right now, she only wanted there to be no mistake that Anna was hers. The withering of her little sister said just that, as her body shuddered like a robot learning how to use it's joints, or maybe as if someone was plucking at her cartilage behind her joints like they were strings of a harp.

Elsa held her grip on Anna, as the redhead sunk her teeth further into her skin. She retracted her fingers to coil her arm around Anna's middle and dug her cheek into her chest. The blonde pressed herself against her sister's rumbling body, feeling it convulse as if the sensation was her own. The blonde knew it was over the moment the pain in her fingers felt a bit of relief. Anna's teeth rattled for a moment longer before she was able to uncurl her lip away from her nose and place a kiss on the dents she'd made.

Neither sister dared to speak as their breaths started to level out. Real silence was sort of a shock. The mix of rasps and hums that had been impossible to suppress still rang in Elsa's ears. Anna seemed to have chosen stillness as she tried not to break into the night again. Elsa's palm found the redhead's throat once more but cupped it lightly. She was still able to feel Anna's throbbing pulse point.

The blonde pulled herself up and found a pleasantly shocked face waiting for her. The sweat was there just as Elsa pictured it. She started what she hoped would become her routine, as she looked down at her sister lovingly and brought her wet fingers to her own lips. Anna's eyelids pushed down at each other, a sassy glare shot at Elsa. The blonde didn't have to say _I love you_ , she already knew how she was going to prove it.

Elsa felt powerful. She felt unstoppable. Her fatigue and her shame were nonexistent. She suddenly regretted muffling Anna as she came. At this point the eldest was sure there was not a single thing that could stop her from taking her little sister, from making Anna hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say this time! Just the usual thanks to all of you following the ups and downs that is EPOAW. I appreciate it very much and am always very excited to hear your thoughts.
> 
> Next update won't be as soon. If anyone here is also reading Tiny Elephants, I am going to stop ignoring you and give you the chapter you deserve! If you aren't reading TE, check it out guys, it's getting intense.
> 
> Keep taking care. See you next time! xx


	19. Rare Thing

**Anna**

It was twenty dollars. Anna wasn't thinking of buying anything. She didn't even have a dime, let alone the 200 she would need to buy this present. But it had called her peripheral vision as if hooking onto her eye socket and pulling. The glimpse of gold had stopped her sentence as she gave Merida a second opinion on an ugly Christmas sweater. Her voice trailed off, which was fine, Mer didn't need convincing. Her feet drove her to the display case. It lay alone and on its side, on the top shelf with a tag tied to the handle. The price of $175 was slashed several times until the two zero was stamped over it with a bright red sticker.

It was a cane. The shaft of it was wooden, stained rich walnut. The handle and heel were metal, but gold. It was simple, but still elegant. A tiny amount of scroll work elevated it from plain to fine. The trio of friends were at the thrift shop celebrating a twelve days off of school, and well, Christmas, with one another before they had to go off and observe the holiday apart. It meant this cane once belonged to someone else. Anna imagined they would have had a dignity to them. The most dignified person Anna knew was Elsa's step mother.

It was likely a mistake but Anna turned to her friends, asking them to spot her a purple bill each. Merida thought it silly, she agreed of course, but had far too much to say and ask about the gift. Mulan, ever the expert, nodded at Anna approvingly before pointing their foreign friend's attention elsewhere. Anna tucked the cane under her arm while they continued to flip through the second hand treasures. She was less present the remainder of the time they browsed, as she thought about Astrid. They'd spoken that morning.

Anna had been surprised to see her on the main level of the house alone. Elsa was still naked in her bed, sleeping off a long shift at the warehouse. Anna was taking over the breakfast duties since she was guilty of keeping her sister up longer than necessary.

"Morning," Astrid was the first to speak. She was at the kitchen table with a variant of art supplies spread out over the large oak top. She was decorating stockings. The first thing Anna noticed was the shake in the woman's hand as she ran a glue gun over the bright red material. Anna tensed, but kept her smiling, as she watched the woman struggle to lift her fingers straight up. She was too close to skidding them on the scaling glue she'd left behind.

"Oh wow! These look beautiful," Anna exclaimed as she got closer.

"There were three new babies this year. They all need a stocking." Astrid was almost smiling as she looked down at her task. Anna counted four red socks but the woman was clearly a bit out of it. Whatever her ailment could be messing with her demeanour and maybe her cognizance too.

"Did you sew them?" Anna asked, she was still so on edge as Astrid kept working. The woman wasn't showing any signs of struggle in her face but Anna felt like it was the mason jars waiting to happen.

"I've made everyone's. In total 52. My side of the family is quite large." The redhead was well aware that Astrid and her two children were off to the cabins today. She'd read all about it on the calendar. _Depart 2 pm_ was written in red capitals and underlined three separate times.

"Have you made them all alone? Cause I love a good craft," Anna was nervous to offer. Her mind responded to her in Astrid's tone, _They need to be perfect,_ she'd likely say, implying that Anna was far from and never would be. But instead Astrid kicked at the chair closest to her. The scraping sound it made against the floor was jarring, but the fact that Anna got an invitation was too.

Astrid immediately handed Anna the hot glue gun. She gave the girl an explanation that was meant for a toddler, but the redhead appreciated it. The pressure was on to make perfection, even without Astrid having used that word.

"God damn it," Anna cursed as she pulled the gun back. She'd done exactly what Astrid told her not too and pressed for more glue at the end of a line. When she'd finished a fine string of glue had crossed the entire length of the stocking. Anna grimaced, tucking her head into her shoulder, she waited for the wrath she was likely to receive. Astrid just looked over and curled her lips down. Anna had ever before seen the woman shrug something off.

"That one's yours anyway."

Anna's work got substantially harder as she had to look through a layer of tears, which she refused to let drop or to wipe away in fear that Astrid might notice. Together they had finished before anyone else woke up. The table was wiped down and even the glitter made completely scarce before Elsa came down for coffee. The exchange, Astrid accepting help, now a secret between the two.

"The canes for a kink ain't it?" Anna scowled in response as Merida stabbed at another guess. Mer's present to the two friends was lunch. They got to order whatever they wanted and Anna was finally trying a latte. Mulan had encouraged her to sweeten it with some vanilla. Without the hint of sweetness, the redhead would have never known what the fuss was all about.

"Did you end up making up your mind yesterday?" Mulan asked her. Anna was taking a sip of her coffee. The mug was wide mouthed, the redhead hid behind it as she flushed.

"I did." It suddenly felt like her coffee wasn't really concealing anything. Her ears felt hot as the one questioned sent Anna reeling. It was almost noon, their food was being placed in front of them. Anna had gone almost two hours without focusing on her thoughts about Elsa. While sharing quiet with Astrid, it had been near impossible. Anna's concentration was tested as she tried to dedicate herself to her task and not on the fact that she was actually sore, like in between her legs, from how freely rough Elsa had been.

After their first tryst, the redhead had not been able to fall back asleep. Anna was turned on, not like horny really, but awoken. Now that she'd been touched by Elsa there was no way she wanted anything else. This included food and water, it included sleep and music, sunsets on her old fire escape and drives out on prairie roads. She'd throw her latte over her shoulder if her big sister walked in. All Anna wanted was to have Elsa fill her again. The topic flushing out all others in her head was all Elsa. It was tempting whispers telling Anna she should have woken her sister back up, or maybe just ground up against her until she built up again. She had even thought about touching herself next to the half naked beauty to at least regain a tiny bit of that pleasure.

The only way to shut up the new trait she'd picked up, insatiable, was to think about reciprocating. That was a truly terrified thought, Anna assumed that going too far down that rabbit hole might invert her nipples, which much to her embarrassment had yet to simmer down. Any time she shifted and rubbed against her shirt, the redhead was set back. Her nipples were frozen into place, waiting for all of Anna's dirty thoughts turn back into sex. She had of course expected to feel good, she just hadn't expected to be changed in this way. And really, in the grand scheme of things it had only been a handful of hours. Maybe in a few more she'd settle. They'd be in the car on their way to spend Christmas with Agnarr's parents and something else would actually be able to overtake her mind, and it could tell her body to shut up.

"All good, I see," Mulan, who may or not knowingly convinced Anna to pursue this new avenue with her sister, was definitely reading all of Anna's vividly descriptive and lewd thoughts. There was a chance Anna was red enough to fade into her own hair and the cheery Christmas decorations on the tree behind her.

All good? Anna wasn't sure about that. It was an understatement, but also much too simple of a way to describe the sort of messed up feeling she had in her stomach. Trepidation was it? It had raged the other night, when Elsa had brought Anna to orgasm without ever making any sort of deep physical connection. Those two sexual encounters were very different sensations, but the fear at the end of each one was the same. Earlier that week Anna was overcome with the anxiety of it. Mulan had picked up on it, but it hadn't taken more than one desperate look at the start of study period to get Mulan to offer her assistance.

For some reason Anna had thought she had her whole life to decide where she wanted her relationship with Elsa to stand. But suddenly the pressure was on. Her sister had spoken to her with only affection when she offered herself to Anna with not a single string attached. However, having it dangle loosely in front of her was looming. The words hung in the air waiting to be answered. The way Elsa had looked at Anna after was different. Her eyes had started to sort of arch, like they were pleading. Anna had felt that she couldn't continue getting so close to intimacy without confirming her desires for their relationship. Elsa had set that boundary for them days into Anna coming to live with her, and Anna knew she had to begrudgingly uphold it.

There seemed to always be new factors to consider. Anna had found out of Elsa's intention to home Anna. When confronted, Elsa told her about the job she was starting and the money she'd been squirreling away. The entire time Elsa spoke she didn't say their mother's name once. Iduna, who was out there, was also fighting to earn Anna back. There was not a single mention of what it would mean when Iduna and Elsa went head to head for custody. There would be a moment in the near future where the courts, but likely Anna, would have to decide between family. In all the time Anna had been taking to mull over her feelings for Elsa, this had yet to be factored in.

Anna would have to choose between her mother and her sister. She didn't suppose she could go to Elsa for advice over it, even though she was the expert in casting one part of her family aside for another. As the scaled tipped now, Elsa was some sort of fucking hero. There was a moment, right after Hans, that something in Elsa seemed to come undone, where she stopped feeling like Anna's half sister, and reclaimed her rightful spot as big sister. Telling Elsa, after all she'd done, that they had to consider their mother, felt like such an ungrateful thing to do. So Anna had gone to Mulan instead.

"Why don't you decide one thing, and then another, until you get to where you feel most comfortable? If you put each move off, you will of course feel like you are making one be all or end all decision. But one step at a time, you'll learn more about what you really need." It was sound advice. Especially since the first thing that popped into Anna's mind was how it was such torture to keep her hands off of Elsa, not wanting to lead her on. The blonde was far too true to her word, if Anna pulled away, Elsa was suddenly on the other side of the room, distant but still pinning. It went against all of Anna's urges. Anna did decide one thing. She was going to follow her impulses.

It actually made more sense to happen before Elsa went to work. Anna's made up mind didn't mean Elsa could read it. Her few attempts to rouse the older girl had fallen quite flat. Elsa was too damn chivalrous. She was far too committed to giving Anna the amount of space her sister needed, without realizing that Anna was now calling for less space.

Just because classes were over didn't mean that finals weren't right after the New Year, but Anna couldn't concentrate. Once she got the idea to make her intentions infallible, there were no words that made sense to her. She was, however, able to convince herself to get some sleep, since she was pretty awful at waking up for any reason.

Something about what Mulan had said, had convinced Anna there was no turning back. Choosing to be intimate with Elsa was far more than sexual. It was an acceptance of their deviations, of their faults, and even vices. Elsa had chosen the most opportune moment to confess to Anna. If the blonde's behaviour in the last week meant anything, it meant that Anna was choosing more than just finally having sex with her big sister. She was choosing to trust her too. So maybe it was all good, and this trepidation she felt was actually a good thing, more than it ever was before. Having made the decision was like stepping into the unknown willingly. If there were dire consequences to follow, the pleasure alone would have been worth it.

"All good," Anna mumbled back, hoping that Merida's attention on the spread of food in front of her was enough to ignore Anna's giddy hot face. There were three meals in front of them, all different, so that Merida could get a taste of each one. It was her present to Mulan and Anna, but it didn't mean she wasn't going to enjoy it too. But she hadn't pounced the food yet, she didn't have her cutlery in her hands.

"Aye, before we eat. I have two more presents. And sorry bae, they are both for 'Na." Merida interlocked her fingers right in front of her face and sucked in some air, before reaching into her satchel. She had two white envelopes, each doodled on with tiny drawings of arrows with mistletoe as the fletchings. She held them out to her little redhead, but when Anna took the other side of them, she strengthened her grip.

"I'm giving you these before our food cause it will force you to have to stay, sit here and eat, 'stead of runnin' off. Please don't hate me and open the top one first." After the warning Merida let go, bringing her hands back in front of her face. Anna spared a glance over to Mulan. She was sitting calmly. That was enough to make Anna shake off Mer's nervous energy.

She opened the seal flap. It was a stack of photographs. The triangular dip at the seams gave it away that they were old pictures. The colouring on them was off, faded from being printed years ago but also from being a decade behind in quality.

"I just had to keep something out of that fire." Came a shaky explanation. Anna hesitated. But she could sort of see the photograph, there was a small blonde head there, platinum. Anna couldn't deny herself a glimpse of Elsa. She pulled out Merida's offering.

The first picture in the stack was indeed her big sister. She was in the centre, a full body shot of her in a Sunday dress. There was no denying it was a church day by the way her hair was tied up, and the black leather flats she was strapped in. The picture was sort of blurry around her, she was in motion running forward. Her face however was in focus, her neck was craned all the way around so she could look behind her. Cut off by the lense, Anna was chasing her. The seven year old's face was in the shot, she looked devilishly determined to catch up. Elsa, she looked like she was about to give up, not dejected, her eyes read that she wanted to be caught.

The next was a picture of three kids. It was a shot of their backs, as if taken in secret at a slight distance, while they were sitting on the floor of the living room, side by side, so close that their crossed legs were overlapping. Preteen Sorren and Elsa with Anna in the middle. The next was one of the only times Anna held Margo when she was a baby. The redhead was almost nine, and even though the newest sibling was only a few months old, she was fat and therefore looked pretty large in Anna's arms. Elsa, probably having gone through a growth spurt was wrapped around her two sisters using her own arms to secure them both.

There were a dozen of so photographs, following no order of chronology, all of the four somewhat siblings. They all had two things in common, the girl's with Werin blood were in them all, and Elsa had her eyes trained on Anna in every single one. Anna was in the company of her friends; she let her heart pound without feeling that she should suck back the emotion in her face.

"Out of context, it just looks like a dad, taking pictures of all his kids. There's no fighting or lies. Just kids." Merida spoke only after Anna was back in the first photograph. Anna hugged them close to her chest for a moment. She didn't have many pictures of herself growing up. It wasn't until Elsa got a phone a few years ago that Anna got a physical image of them together. Anna wanted to say thank you, but she was sure her coffee might have gone solid in her mouth or dehydrated her or something.

"But that's not all." Merida cut in before Anna could even attempt to tell the girl she wasn't mad. She was reminded of the second envelope and flipped it to the top of her pile, suddenly afraid that if she was moved by another emotion she might break down over her plate of pasta.

"I didn't tell my parents I had to switch to a much more affordable tutor. I got all the money. This is the difference. I was thinking of buying Elsa some fancy bracelet or something, maybe telling her how I feel. But I saw these photos." Merida was looking down at her lap as she spoke, the softness there a rare occurrence.

"I'm really sorry I told you she might be looking for a way out, and just dragging you along. I was just having a hard time accepting that Elsa's not at a place in her life where she can make room for anyone but you. I now admit the only times I could get her to stop talking about school was if I mentioned your name." Mulan had told Anna not to let their friend's heart get broken. Seeing the girl sigh then meet Anna in the eye, felt like a failure.

"How she's looking at you in every single one of those pictures. Anyone in the whole academy would fall over themselves to get Elsa Fjelstad to look at them like that. She loves you so much. It's true. I don't think there's anything better that I can do for each of you but help you be together." Merida reached over to her new friend and wrapped her once tense fingers around Anna's hands and over the gifts she had just presented.

"Good tidings for the New Year Anna."

That was about as tender as Merida got. Outside of the Fjelstad residence she had her elbows locked around Anna's head. She was squeezing the other redhead so tight, Anna was pretty sure her biceps were just as strong as her riding thighs. When Mulan approached, Anna expected her to start prying them apart. Instead of assistance she added herself into the melee.

It didn't matter that it was cold, Anna's friends held her for what felt like a long while. When they pulled back it didn't feel like enough. Of course Anna was crying. She'd just handed off Olaf for the first time in their shared lifetime. She was in a strange state of elation pairing with longing and grief. A very Christmas way to feel. The embrace had kinda paused the bad.

Elsa was a few steps away and replaced Anna's friends by wrapping her arm around her sister's waist as they watched Merida and Mulan get into the car. They called out "Merry Christmas," in sync but Elsa added, "take care of our baby!" as the last car door shut. The bittersweet feeling heightened as Elsa let go to continue loading up Agnarr's car.

Anna had been late coming down to give Margo a thirty third farewell hug on the driveway, having to pack her own things for their departure on top of an already _busy_ morning. As she trudged through the snow towards the car she noticed a weird tracking in the light layer of snow. Small circular punch marks. She hadn't given Astrid the cane directly. Her strategy had been a drop at the foot of her door and run. She'd marked the offering with a tag made from a bit of the materials they'd been using that morning while crafting. Anna sighed in relief as she rounded the car.

"It's not too late for you to drive up to the cabin and be with mom. I counted out all her pills but she's fucking stubborn. How are we supposed to know she's taking care? Or if Sorren hasn't driven them into a ditch already?" Elsa's serious tone always hit Anna like a punch to the stomach even though if she put any thought into it, Elsa had never used it on her.

"She's been having better days on the new dose. I don't think Christmas with your grandmother is a day she wants to start showing symptoms. She's going to take care of herself." Agnarr defended.

"Anna and I will be perfectly fine on our own." Anna didn't have to read between the lines to know this was an attempt on Elsa's part for her parents to get together during the holiday. She'd told Anna about the impending separation. She hadn't wanted to talk too much about it, but the redhead assumed her sister was just like any other kid. Kids always want their parents to stay together.

"Drop it Elsa." Anna stiffened as she hugged the car and tried to get in without disturbing the argument. Agnarr was holding out an expectant hand asking Elsa for the keys.

"How am I supposed to trust that you aren't high," Elsa looked down from her own high horse, but she'd shoved the keys into his chest anyways.

"You don't have enough sleep in you to take the wheel." Agnarr countered. Anna watched Elsa take a good look at him. She was searching for any cracks. Instead of getting into the car, Anna reached out and encircled her sister's wrist. It was her silent way of telling Elsa her opinion. Agnarr was well to drive.

"It's only two hours to the city." Elsa continued, but she allowed Anna to pull her away from the front of the car.

"Yeah, use them to sleep."

Anna gulped. She had never dreaded anything about Christmas. None of hers to date were anything extraordinary. If she did nothing else for the holiday than share a meal with her best friends, Anna would already have had a great celebration this year. Whatever was to come would be surplus. From the tension in the car, more didn't mean better. Anna sat in the third row of seats, Elsa followed buckling herself directly next to her little sister in the middle seat. It made it feel like Agnarr was pretty far away. The sound of the car on the highway and Agnarr's country music blocked him off from the girls.

It didn't take long for them to get on the highway. Elsa leaned her head on Anna's shoulder, her arm hooked around Anna's and the other draped on her little sister's lap. Her fingers ran circles there. Anna let herself hum about the idea of spending a couple hours cuddled up next to her sister. She dropped her own cheek on top of Elsa's head, freely giving her a sisterly kiss on the head.

"I'm so comfy," Elsa replied to the affection. Anna shifted a bit. Her butt already numbing. She hadn't meant for it to come off as if she wasn't in complete joy about the position she found herself in, but Elsa was quick to worry.

"Here," she supplied as she reached over to Anna's middle and dug her thumb between her skin and the button of her jeans. Before Anna could suck in a breath, Elsa had snapped it open and pulled the zipper down.

"City girl's not used to road trips," she mocked. Elsa grew up on the country roads. Even when Anna went to visit her sister, she rode a rather empty bus and always had an entire row of seats to spread out her limbs.

"Now I can breathe," Anna spoke too soon. Her big sister had lingered at the zipper and took that moment to decide she was going to roam under Anna's panties. She grazed the redhead's pubic hair and smiled wickedly as Anna started to choke on the air in her lungs.

"I have no idea how you managed to get out of bed without me this morning." Elsa's normally coarser voice deepened ever lower at the slight insinuation of their shared morning. It was a sexy tone, as Anna thought so, Elsa plunged her fingers deeper. That one line and one smile seemed like the only foreplay the blonde had the energy for as she took a long stroke.

Anna locked her jaw shut. Her other joints followed the same command. The only part of her that was open were her wide eyes and the space between her thighs as she adjusted to grant Elsa a little more space. Her sister's cheek was pressed right into the angle of Anna's shoulder. She felt Elsa's face change as she smiled at the tiny act of encouragement.

The redhead had been fantasizing about this touch all morning. Any of her recreations in thought feel short to what the real thing felt like. Elsa wasn't really touching Anna with any incentive. She was just lazily passing her index down the length of her sister and back up. She didn't give Anna's clit any extra attention nor did she tease her at the opening. After the initial shock Anna's heart fell into sync with the languish touch, pumping harder instead of faster.

On the outside Anna portrayed stoic stone. She looked out at the endless fields of snow, and the white of the December sky. Internally was a different story. The slow touch was gentle. It, itself was not building up to more, but not being able to moan, or gasp or even squeak was like locking in all the fine pleasure, adding heavy thick layers each time a stroke reset. With nowhere to be released, Anna was set at a rolling boil.

Anna did not dare spare a glance to the driver's seat directly in front of her. She didn't want to know if her squared shoulders and stiff neck were giving her away. Elsa was staring forward. She was the one leading this charge. Anna relaxed in to trust, knowing that the blonde wasn't going to put them into a position where they might get discovered. Without the worry, a bit of her tension relaxed. Elsa surely noticed. Her opposite hand had been sitting in a more sisterly hold around the bend of Anna's elbow. She kicked it back a bit. The blonde's fingers easily found Anna's nipple. Her knuckles rippled against the youngest.

Her eyes fluttered shut at the minute sensation. If she focused just on that, she realized it wasn't that new of a touch. She was transported to her old apartment while she made conversation partially to herself about where they left off on the show they'd been watching during a previous visit. Elsa wouldn't even attempt an answer. She used to take the tips of her pointer and middle finger and dragged them over Anna's skin, pushing aside clothes if the show wasn't something she was particularly into. Sometimes she'd walk her fingers along Anna's clavicle and sometimes she'd pinch at the most sensitive part of her breast. The wet that would build up between Anna's legs was something she would play with later, while Elsa was busy making dinner or showering.

Right now it was Elsa pushing around Anna's arousal. It made a slick sound, one Anna had to convince herself was impossible to hear all the way up at the front seat with the heater on as well as all the other layers of sound. But the tiny hint of danger hitched in Anna's stomach. It might have been the final weight needed to tip the scale. Anna pressed her eyes shut so much she could feel a pull on the skin of her forehead and cheeks. Her insides all clenched, seizing at the absence of Elsa's fingers inside her, pulling up like a call for Elsa to ride the sensation with her. Instead she used the meaty part of her thumb to push down on Anna and hold her in place as her hips begged to buck.

"I hate you," came a contented contemptful whisper. "Elsa, I hate you so much."

A low chuckle growled out at the blonde as she relaxed her hold. Anna felt her sister's weight fall deeper into her side. She reached out and cupped Elsa's face. She pulled down at her bottom lip with her thumb as another little shock hit her.

"There's my warehouse," Elsa pointed out suddenly excitedly. They weren't even halfway to the city. Anna watched it with half lidded eyes as they drove by. The rest of the drive was in a still embrace. Neither needing to adjust for comfort. This wasn't the same type of hold than it was before Elsa touched her. It opened a connection that made it feel like there wasn't even a barrier of clothing separating them.

Anna forgot to get nervous about meeting new people, about following household rules she wasn't privy to or about having absolutely nothing to give the people hosting her and being back in her city. Even when the car pulled up to the house, Anna didn't dread a single thing. Elsa didn't let go of Anna's hand as they crawled out of the back seat of the car. Standing at the doorstep, Elsa stood protectively in front of Anna. The squeeze she received was all the encouragement needed.

Coming from the porcelain quiet that was the Fjelstad's, Anna was not expecting the wreath on the door to be pulled in and for screeching to follow. It started with an audible gasp and then the peddling of feet on the hardwood on the other side of the door. Then a shrill excitement mixed in the words, "Oh my goodness!"

Anna couldn't quite get a look at the woman behind the Christmas cheer. She was slightly behind Agnarr's broad back and Elsa's tall shoulders. Two hands cut through that barrier pushing aside the stoic Fjelstad's, immediately pouncing on the smaller Werin girl. Anna was squeezed into an unexpected embrace. It was soft and warm but also quite the constriction. Anna's arms were squeezed into her sides, her spine might have even popped and cracked into a perfect alignment. Her face was being pressed directly into this woman's heavy set chest, the detailing of her necklace digging into Anna's cheek.

"My baby girl, as I live and breathe, there is no greater gift than to get to see you again. Oh I just have to get a look at you." The woman pulled back, but kept her hands on the redhead's shoulders, still pressing them into each other as if her torso didn't exist. Her dark eyes focused on Anna, even though they were almost black, there was nothing but kindness behind them.

"I thought you couldn't get more precious when you were just a little girl, but I couldn't have been more wrong." This was when normally, Anna would expect someone to complete their rounds of greetings but the woman bore down. Her eyes pressed in deeper, they scanned the hairs of Anna's head, they sped read the amount of freckles on her face, measured the height of her pointy nose and the length of her lips. They looked her up and down and once memorized the woman pulled Anna into her arms once more.

"The Fjelstads aren't big on hugs, but you, I can tell you are a hugger. You can have all theirs." Anna's head tucked under this woman's chin. She was swaying as she gripped the girl and rocked her. Her words were peculiar to Anna. She surely never had a hug like this one. She thought back on the strong hold Merida had on her earlier and how she was pleasantly surprised when Mulan had added herself into the embrace. She thought of the way Sorren draped his stature over her for a second longer than she expected him to, and how Margo had pulled her in and out of an embrace over and over again until they finally had to part ways.

Those were all today. Looking further, Anna couldn't remember the last time she received a hug from anyone. This woman, who Anna was sort of sure was named Bulda, was on the mark when she implied that her family wasn't very physical. Even though Elsa was always up for a cuddle, Anna couldn't remember them hugging growing up. Hugging, Anna realized, was a rare thing for her and Bulda was also correct in saying it was right up the redhead's alley. She had to struggle but she got her arms loose and returned the sentiment.

Bulda was wrapped around Anna's shoulder as she ushered everyone in. Her voice filled the living room as she called out to her husband, " Pabbie, they're here!" and turned to the group to add, "he's in his recliner, it'll take him a while to come up."

"Mind the mess, we are in full Christmas mode here," she excused herself, over her shoulder, as if only Elsa would be bothered about the state of the home. Anna surely wasn't. Walking up to the sizable house, Anna could tell it was older than Astrid's but it was maybe larger. She had expected the same grandeur to it, but upon entering it smelt like pie in the oven and looked like a movie set for a 70's. The walls were an inviting cream colour, the floors mostly carpeted a mossy brown colour. Anna felt like if she collapsed on the tall pilling she'd be able to smell everyone who has ever lay on their belly with their hands tucked under their chin staring up at the TV, which was still the kind that hot.

Anna got the feeling there were a lot of people who'd done just that, as her eyes scanned the walls. They were covered in framed photographs. Not a single frame that matched any other. Even the faces that scattered the photos all seemed to be very different. There was a familiarity in the essence of this house. Something about it's warmth, so opposing to the stale white light of the Fjelstad house, made this a home, a foster home. The kind Anna would always feel comfortable to drop her bag in, and always bittersweet to leave. This was the home Anna used to cross her fingers to cross into each time she stayed at a new place, but rarely did.

"Those are all my babies," Bulda explained as she caught Anna's eyes scanning the pictures. She'd found young Agnarr almost immediately. He looked too much like Elsa with a bowl cut for it not to have caught her eye. "I have 36 children, am many times over grandma and starting to get up there with great grands. My baby 21 is right there."

Bulda didn't have to scan the pictures to find the face she was looking for. Her index finger pressed onto young Anna's face and caressed it as if trying to send a bit of love to the past. "Those were a very happy two weeks. Having you and my 18 back." Eighteen meant Elsa, as Bulda moved her finger over slightly and pressed it into a kid that looked exactly like Anna, only a few years older, and with lighter hair. Mention of Elsa took the foster mother's attention away from Anna, her arms uncoiled around the redhead and went over to offer Elsa some affection.

"You're very adult now." Anna watched Elsa except the compliment with a shy smile. "I don't need to take a second look to know you are your own woman now. You have no idea how the great pleasure I take in seeing that. It's always the firm kids I worry about, but your edges are blurring. What I mean to say is, you look radiant my dear."

The necklace around Bulda's neck was a string of tiny red Christmas bulbs. They lit up, meant to be festive and silly but Anna couldn't help but think that as they flickered, they looked like the vibrant beating of a big heart. She'd never felt instantly drawn to a stranger before. Looking back at her photo on the wall she realized she was far from that. The welcome she received was as if she was part of this very large and complex family.

Bulda was explaining to Agnarr how many of his thirty odd siblings she had seen through the holiday season as she led the tour of the house. The walls all had dents and scratches on them, the odd half peeled sticker peppered the place. It didn't really have any decorations save for a steady row of pictures down the hall and the odd wooden decal that read _family_ or _love._ A thick black sharpie line followed them to the bedrooms.

"Elsa, you're in the girls dorm. The guest of honour is getting the big kid room. Little sister's deserve to be the Queen sometimes." Elsa ducked into a room as soon as Bulda gave the instruction. Sharing a wall, Bulda pointed to where Anna could drop her bag.

"This was Agnarr's room. He lends it out from time to time. He was our first foster child. While he wasn't always the oldest, he got to take dibs in the spot in my heart and choose one of the deepest parts. I've always left his room untouched, so what you see here, however questionable, is all him." What Anna saw was exactly like the glimpse she had of that old box in the garage. A lot of motorcycle paraphernalia mixed in with hockey awards and team posters. It was clear that Bulda had not only made a time capsule of her first son but left it as an homage to him too. Although Anna didn't see any pictures of the Fjelstads hanging in their home, it seemed that Agnarr had his mother's affinity to photos. Snapshots of his youth were thumb tacked to the walls. The photos were mostly faded but likely not as much as the actual memories were.

"It's nice, thank you." It felt like such a lame thing to say to follow such warmth. Anna deflected by giving an old taped up hockey stick her attention and passing it from one hand to another.

"Anna, sweetheart. I know I'm probably a big old scary woman to you, lord knows the neighbourhood kids would agree with you, but I want you to know that you are in your home right now. A safe place, where you are loved, that will always be open to you or any one you love."

Anna kept focus on the hockey stick, picking at some red paint that had started to come loose off. But she heard every single word. Though she knew the definition of each one, she had never heard them be put together in such a way. Maybe something about Bulda's very round and robust voice made it seem like it was an endless truth.

"I know that look," Bulda stepped closer into the room. She took a deep breath of it as if she was inhaling Agnarr's essence. "It's not easy to hear good things. So let me try it this way, with the bad,"

The woman put her hands back on Anna's shoulders. The hockey stick was between them, but the hold was enough to get Anna's eyes to meet hers.

"Your mother and I didn't get along. I have always been a big softie for Agnarr and well it's my life work to be a mama bear. But I am known to turn into a bit of a troll from time to time. One of my biggest regrets is clashing with your mom. If I had understood her better she might have given me the trust I am asking you to have in me now. And if I had trusted her that way, I might have been able to do more for you girls, but especially you. What good is an open door if you don't know where to find it right?"

"But you know now." Anna nodded as if it was a question she was meant to answer. "I am very happy to see you finding your spot with your family. They say blood is thicker than water. Fortifying your bonds with Elsa made an immediately noticeable difference in that girl. But there's something else left out about that old adage. People need water as much as they need blood to survive." It was clear Bulda knew her way around a heart to heart as she started running her hands up and down Anna's arms. Anna, who had no idea how to handle a chat like this one, just dropped her head forward. Her forehead falling into the woman's chest. Bulda brought her in closer.

"So, welcome home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew… Made it to post on the one week mark (: I hope you guys enjoy it, especially since now that I’ve let the monster go, the smut seems to want to keep sneaking in there. 
> 
> Please enjoy! Looking forward to hearing from you guys and as always I send my love to each and everyone of you reading along, especially this deep into the story. 
> 
> Take care


	20. Reindeer Antlers

**Anna**

If the idea was to master the quickie Anna would have to let Elsa know that the added intensity of having her sister inside her was a deterrent to her climax. It was a new source she had to build up from. Her body greedily paused the rest of her sensations to focus on Elsa's circling finger. The rest of her body rocked at the edge while Elsa pushed her wrist forward, snickering into Anna's neck, the only other spot where their skin was actually coming into contact.

The shelving unit Anna was pressed against rattled, a few glass jars clinking together, as her hips got too excited. Elsa paused, her eyes shot up into Anna's. The glare the redhead received was wicked as it paired with a gritted grin. This was madness. Anna had no idea how Elsa had expected her to keep her composure. She had been minding her own business, doing Bulda a favour and collecting something from the down stairs storage room, when the door had suddenly slammed shut.

Elsa was on the inside of it, her chest already heaving as if she'd just been given a shot of adrenaline in the thigh. Her eyebrows didn't have to bounce to let Anna know her intention, it was radiating out of her. If she was cartoon there would be vicious red waved lines floating all around her body and Anna would have the classic bead of sweat hovering right off the corner of her forehead. Maybe it was a cartoon because Elsa's mouth found hers before Anna could ready herself. Her hands were occupied holding sweetened condensed milk, one can in the right hand and two in her less dominant one. As Elsa ears cleared the coast, she went back at it, this time diving in deeper, pulling out faster, and plunging back into her kid sister with a fervour that begged the cans to fall to the ground.

"Jesus, Elsa." Anna gasped through wired shut teeth. Her head fell back. Her neck leaning into a shelf. It was a relief to how light headed she felt. Elsa took the extra space to suck.

"You're getting better at holding off." It was a compliment, considering their first night of having a bigger bed to share they hadn't used a single inch of the extra space. Elsa sneaked out after a good cuddle,leaving Anna limp with lips raw from being kissed so hard and the taste of herself in her own mouth. As she came, for the third time under her grandparent's welcoming roof, by her own sister's hand, Anna realized she had created a monster. A gorgeous crazed beast that certainly liked leaving a mark. While Anna had a mind that was insatiable, it seemed Elsa's drive was too. She laughed into the glorious sensation as the blonde pulled back. Elsa sneered as she pressed a finger into Anna's instantly bruised skin.

"Is there such things as an indoor scarf?" Anna's breath was restless as she spoke. Her smile was so big it was hard not to mumble her words.

"Evaporated milk."

"What?" Anna furrowed at the husk I've her sister's voice. The blonde was adjusting her clothes as if they were anywhere close to being as disheveled as Anna's were.

"You're making pumpkin pies. You need evaporated milk." Anna's eyes pinched together at the smug look on Elsa's face. The eldest turned her body away but her graze remained on the girl who had just been accosted in a pantry, and had been touched without being to relax the bend in her elbows in fear of making a ruckus, of getting caught. Elsa's hips swayed as she exited.

It was fucking Christmas Eve.

Anna stared at the shelving, unblinking for a quite a while trying to find what she actually came in here for. Her muscles were all soft. She felt like crawling back into bed, but she was having a good time being Bulda's cooking assistant. She was pretty oblivious in the kitchen. Bulda had spent every hour of this day already behind the kitchen counter. Anna could at least grab all the heavy stuff and do all the running around. That was enough, just to be part of the preparations.

Leaving the secondary pantry Anna rounded the corner to cross the family room and make her way back up to the kitchen. She heard Elsa's low voice immediately and slowed.

"Good, yes. I have that." Anna expected a response to come but silence fell. Elsa was on the phone.

"Yes... In cash- the full amount." A pause. "Today. Seriously?"

Anna didn't mean to be soundless. The carpet was just too plush under her bare feet. She put herself and her three cans, of hopefully the right kind of milk, in the middle of the room to announce her presence to her sister. Elsa was hunched over her phone, her back facing the room as she shifted her weight from one foot to another.

"An hour is fine." A huff of air exited her mouth as she put the phone back into her back pocket.

"What was that?" Elsa flinched and then turned on her heel.

"I just got called into work. Guess I'm working a double now."

"That was work?" Anna didn't even have to maul over her skepticism. Nothing in cash was ever a good thing. She had Elsa's clear eyes locked to hers as she challenged her big sister for the truth.

"Mhm. Warehouse is closed tomorrow. All hands on deck to get a final shipment out." Whatever sweet feeling Anna had fluttering in her stomach was replaced. If Bulda hadn't been feeding her so much bread, there'd be enough acid in there to start up a torment in her stomach, the feeling she normally got when her mother was bull shitting her. Now her stomach just felt heavy.

"You're such an ass," Anna stormed off knowing Elsa was not a fan of making a scene.

"Got lost Hun?" Bulda asked when she heard the cans being sent down onto the laminate countertop. She didn't look up to see Anna's scowl. Builds was focused on stirring the cranberry sauce, a job previously allotted to Anna.

"Nan, I gotta go to work. I'll be back after Santa cases the joint." Elsa was already tossing her jacket on.

"So soon, so long?" The woman took her attention away from the burner, arms still stirring but lips puckered. Elsa pressed her cheek into the lips not letting the connection last even a quarter of a second before reaching out for Anna. The redhead leaned against the refrigerator, shifting the many magnets holding memos, notes and pictures with her back as she settled.

"Yeah, but I'll be good. It's just important that I go." Anna rolled her eyes at Elsa's weak attempt to quell her little sister. Her hands landed on either side of Anna's neck as she watched Anna's contempt fall into the back of her head.

"Anna? Can you make sure the coffee's strong for Christmas morning?" The blonde's raspy voice silked out. Elsa gave the hug thing a try. Since Anna was stanced angrily, her crossed arms left some distance between them.

"I love you the most," came a soft whisper. Anna knew the wording was choice. It wasn't a commonly used phrase between the two. It commanded trust. It was meant to bring to peace.

"I have to run or you would know everything by now. Don't burn the pie or I'll kill you."

"There's never going to be a pie with this sloth in my kitchen." Bulda pulled the girl's apart by waving a jammy wooden spoon at Anna. She accepted her task back and focused on the low boil in front of her instead of watching Elsa root for and leave with Agnarr's car keys.

"Are you two alright?" Bulda prodded as her wrist spun the can opener.

"She said to trust her."

"She gave me a call this past week. Sounds like she's taking a lot on."

"Do you think too much?" Anna asked, the great debate between her mother and Elsa suddenly back with its pro and con list. Her imaginary pen was waiting to know if it had to write,  _ I'm too much of a burden,  _ on Elsa's con side.

"I don't think her goals are too much, but what she decides to put herself through to achieve them is a different story." With an answer like that, Anna's list just turned into a huge question mark. If Elsa was off lying about her working a double, and going to sling some cash at a known rendezvous, Anna had a sneaking feeling she knew who to ask about it.

She excused herself to call her mother. Bulda, unphased, asked her for more paper towels when Anna came back up. The redhead found herself back in the same living room Elsa had taken her call in. Stopping to find a seat she noticed that the couch on the long wall was familiar. It was the green suede couch. The photograph she'd had burned a week ago was taken here. The art deco side table that was full of beer cans had a stack of old magazines on it instead. As Anna heard the endless ringing in her ear, she scanned the photos above the couch. Each person present the picture Anna had gotten rid of was accounted for in the frames.

Anna was looking at an old image of her mother, sitting on Agnarr's lap at the dining room table that was probably right above Anna on the main floor. The redhead was rehearsing the message she'd leave when the line clicked.

"Merry Christmas, my little sunflower." It almost sounded like she had called Elsa. The nickname was the only difference she heard on the other line.

"Mom?"

"Yeah, baby it's me. Did you mean to call?"

"No yeah, it's just weird I'm looking at a photo of you from when you're like Elsa's age." It was kinda nice to look into her mother's eyes as they started a conversation.

"I heard you'd be at Agnarr's folk's. Is the smell of dust giving you a headache yet?" Anna felt a bit of malice in her remark. She was reminded of Bulda's words surrounding their relationship. Anna had a second to wonder what had occurred between them. How could it have gone so wrong that anytime Anna had to be re-homed she missed out on being sent to this safe haven?

"It actually smells like a bakery." Anna defended.

"Is your sister there?" The change of topic was crucial and Anna welcomed it. She was calling about Elsa after all.

"No, why? Do you know where she is?" Anna knew she wasn't going to get a straight answer. She wasn't expecting the truth. She held her breath so that it wouldn't obstruct her mother's tone as she examined it for lies.

"Oh, no. I just haven't heard your voices together in a while." There was nothing there. Iduna was a sly liar. Something with an extra detail would have set off Anna's alarm. She relaxed a little. Her dismissed concern gave way to a bitterness she had forgotten was there.

"I've heard yours on your answering machine."

"I'm sorry I couldn't call you from rehab, Anna you know that." Anna suddenly didn't want to look at the photograph anymore as she realized that on the theme of liars, the two biggest ones in her life were pictured, sharing a moment before they ever thought they might have children to hurt. She flopped down on the suede couch.

"And things have been crazy since I left. With Christmas and all. I'm actually doing another move right now. Things got complicated, my new room mate OD'd. The pills were mine. I got kicked out of my program." Anna's slouched position shot up. Casual statements were the way her mother told truths.

"Anna, I wasn't using, I swear." Her daughter's silence seemed to mean Iduna had to better her defense. "I barely meant to be holding them."

Anna audibly scoffed.

"But it's been a blessing in disguise. The girl is fine, thank God really. Her mom is actually by her side, which is a big deal. And I'm okay with doing the rest of my recovery without my group. It means I can get a place come the New Year. I'm already lining up a job." There was more to the hurried account of events than Iduna cared to say as she rambled them off. Normally Anna had about a million pointed questions and would be halfway through them by now, but that list was on her mind again. The scale she'd assumed Elsa always had raised in favour of the Fjelstads over her little sister, was now Anna's. Her mother was digging a hole for hers to lower even deeper.

"You know I was going to tell you on the 26th when we got to see each other. But it's good. It's all good news. Merry Christmas, we are going to be together sooner." The inflection on her voice ended with some cheer. Anna didn't bite. She wasn't a child anymore, bought by some optimism and a song.

"That's interesting mom, too bad about your placement though. My case worker really believed it was for the best for you." Deadpanned.

"Fate has other plans. For us to be together. I can't complain about that."

"What about your sobriety?" Keeping her dramatics inaudible, Anna tossed her back against the armrest of the couch. She was now, accidentally, in the same position her mom was in the photograph that had started Anna's first real disconnect from her mother. The bread in her stomach was bothering her again. It was the food baby in the photo recreation.

"I'm all in Anna. I promise when you see me, you're going to be proud. I've been hustling like I do. I'm going to break my record getting you back." Anna could make a necklace with this string of words. It could be the log line of her life.

"Well it's Christmas. Why don't you relax a bit and head to a meeting? And I'll see you real soon to celebrate." Anna curled herself around her phone, sliding into the fetal position on the smooth material of the old couch.

"We have lots to celebrate." Iduna's optimism didn't waiver, even with her youngest daughter's uncharacteristic response.

"I love you." Was all Anna could think of to say. All the other words forming in the back of her mind sounded like things Elsa would arm herself with. Now was not the time to do her mother any harm.

"Me too, I miss you baby." That was enough of a farewell. Anna hung up. She found comfort in her own limbs for a moment. She focused on choice parts of herself, feeling the lingering rough touch her sister left behind. She pushed down on the bruise in her neck, trying to remind herself that Elsa had proven again and again that she was on Anna's side.

She heard a slow approach. Heavy footsteps that landed far apart from one another as a bow legged stance moved forward. It belonged to Pabbie, whose sluggish old movements were easy to learn and match to him. Anna was surprised by how much older he was from his wife. When reintroduced to him, his sharp mind remembered Anna enough to recall that she used to have blonde and redhead princess dollies. Anna had lost them in transit. But Pabbie reminding her of them confirmed the genuine smile on his face when he waited for a hug she gave freely.

Anna bolted up right before he could see her sulking. His body wasn't in nearly as good of a state as his mind. He waddled over to his recliner, remembering to scoop up the remote control for the television before he sat down. He winced in pain as he found a comfortable position.

"HIghlights. Agnarr always wants to watch highlights together." Pabbie announced as he finally settled in the dent of his old chair. Anna rolled back down into a more comfortable position. She felt at ease amongst Pabbie, like she didn't have to hide her body language, maybe she didn't even have to conceal anything, well apart from the obvious.

"I can't help but wonder what it would be like if I had been able to stay with you guys." She said as the sports channel illuminated. Pabbie immediately pulled the remote back into his hand muting the television.

"Impossible. Iduna holds top rank over all the insistent mothers we've had to deal with throughout the years. She had a very tight hold on you. Rightfully so, after all, we were once hours away from having adopted Elsa. Your mother swooped in and won her back." Anna sunk back deeper into the couch as she gave Pabbie all her attention. It was as if he was the pages of a journal, opened to a random spot and hiding little details that would have been forgotten if not stored somewhere safe.

"Getting a baby taken away is hard on a mother but it was difficult on Bulda too. We didn't get many babies. Her 18 was her miracle. It felt like a reward from God to get what she had always wanted from the first child we ever took in." Bulda had mentioned Agnarr was their first foster child. Anna had always heard about Elsa's evil grandparents, who took her mother's new born child away from her. Anna had spent her life in the system and still had such little understanding of how it worked. Both sides of the story just made it harder to decide which choice would have been best.

"We thought not being able to have babies was a real heartbreak. Having them taken. Well that's worse. All we ever did was take care of taken kids, only to have them taken. It's a mutually destructive system on all sides." Anna understood why Pabbie had used the word impossible. The stories in this journal would always be too complicated for there to have ever been a right decision. Anna's pro and con list suddenly felt so futile.

"But Bulda heart's always been in it. The revolving door is how she survives. She's very passionate about you for lots of reasons. But not being able to be the one you could fall back on might be the strongest."

"Honestly, I don't remember being here. I would have never known to hold it against you." Anna still didn't know what words other than thank you to share with this couple. The redhead never thought she was ever longed for, quite the opposite in fact. She was a nuisance to the Fjelstads and in the way of her mother's plans and parties. The strangers with nothing but kindness behind their eyes had Anna in a dizzy state rethinking so many different phases of her life.

"We haven't been hosting new kids on account of our limited mobility these days. But we still renew our foster care license so we can be ready for anything. It's been quiet but as soon as a few start trickling back in, this home comes alive again." Pabbie was smiling now. His eyes were not tested by the hockey action on the television. He seemed to be both reminiscing and looking forward. Anna returned his smile, she was doing the same.

"I would love to be back more. I could help you guys out around the house. It's so big for two people." It was more than thank you. Anna meant each word like a promise.

"That's an official offer no?" Anna eagerly bounced her head affirmatively. "Then we expect to see you around, shoveling some snow."

"Hey, turn it up!" Agnarr's sudden voice made Anna jump and curse this 70's style plush carpet. It seemed to be able to muffle any advance except maybe Pabbie's. Even a big guy like her sister's father, with arms full of three bowls of chips, each heaping filled with different flavours, and a beer tucked under his armpit and one under his chin, had been able to startle her. His raised eyebrows asked Anna to come to his aide. He dropped the first bowl before she was really ready to catch it, a few fell on to the beige flooring.

"You like ketchup chips?" He asked her as he waddled over to Pabbie and let the can of Lucky's slip down his chest for his father to catch. The old man tapped at the top of the can a few times before clicking it open. The foam came right up to the opening before settling and then getting tipped down his throat.

Agnarr dropped a bowl on Pabbie’s lap before taking a seat on the opposite end of the couch, one cushion between him and Anna. His movements, while opening the beer can, reflected Pabbie to perfection. Watching him kinda felt like deja-vu. It was a strong reminder that blood wasn't the only thing that made a family.

Anna looked down at the glass bowl in her hands, it was big enough to serve punch in, and had likely been filled with an entire bag of what really was her favourite type of chip. It had another offering sitting on top of it, her own can of Lucky's. If this had been a few weeks ago she would have been ecstatic by the gesture, as if thinning out the blood in her veins was Agnarr's way of bringing her into his family.

Aganrr was looking at the TV. Anna watched him freely. He wasn't blinking, as if he was forcing himself to focus on whatever hockey game being recapped. She opened the can of beer just to see if he'd react to the sound of it cracking. He did flinch. Shoulders Anna hadn't even noticed were being held high, dropped down, changing the practiced posture he usually wore around his wife and children, slouching.

Of course, Anna forgot to tap on the rim of it before opening, even though she had no intention of drinking her Lucky she had to put her mouth around the opening and try to control the rising foam by taking big gulps.

The men in the room laughed at her, forgetting about the scoreboard to exchange snide jabs about the kid joining them at the adult table. Anna held in a bitter burp as she regained her composure. Agnarr was suddenly relaxed, holding a closed first over his mouth as his boisterous laughter subsided. His eyes were on the redhead now, the way they could soften was so very Elsa. Anna was overcome with the urge to drop her body onto the couch and let her head fall in his lap. The need was so sudden, so desperate to know what it was like to be held by him. Anna was sure, she would just fit there, draped over his legs.

It would confirm what she was already sure was true. Why else would Pabbie and Bulda be so kind to her? Maybe if Anna were ever to be in his embrace she could decide what to feel about him. If she was going to hate him she would want to start right then and there, be close enough to press all the bony parts of her into him, the only way she could think of causing him some sort of pain while in his grasp. If she was going to forgive him, it might as well be sooner. So that she could feel good in arms that weren't just Elsa's but other parts of her too.

But Anna wasn't going to hit him, she wasn't going to forgive him. All she was going to do was pick up a ketchup chip and not noticed that half of it had turned soggy from a bit of split beer until after it was in her mouth. The redhead stared eyes forward at the television, cheering at the screen with the same delay she had at church service during the calls to respond. A commercial for some paper towels reminded her Bulda was still busy upstairs. She excused herself, leaving a half full beer on the stack of magazines where her mother once did the same.

Anna struggled to relax as she attempted to concentrate on Bulda's demands. Her busy mind was not pierced by instructions or Christmas carols. Any thoughts of her mother throwing her belongings into a black trash bag and leaving her program, or Agnarr's throat bouncing as he polished off another beer, of Astrid reaching her mother's house supported by a second hand cane, and Olaf skirting the carpet in Mulan's room could be drowned out by asking a stupid question. However, the idea of Elsa out in the height of prairie winter made Anna long for Christmas morning, not for any reason other than to confirm her sister hadn't done anything stupid.

For this version of the Fjelstads, Christmas Eve tradition was a meat and cheese plate put together by the women of the house. Anna took extra care to lay it all out delicately, as if it was made by Elsa's hand. She cut up all the vegetables ensuring they were even, and fanned out the crackers so that they looked somewhat fancy. All the preparations for the next day were put on hold to take the platter down and sit around the television. Anna made several trips back upstairs to grab more and more beer.

Half of the experience was nice, like Bulda sitting on the side of the couch Anna was at earlier and her patting the floor in front of her for Anna to sit between her legs. The mock commentary the older woman made of sports she didn't understand, and Pabbie visibly miffed by each new jab, allowed Anna to fall into enough comfort to try out her own jokes. Even Agnarr's laughter ringing out at her quips brought the redhead an odd sense of normalcy.

The other half wasn't fairing so well, even Bulda leaned down eventually and whispered, "maybe it's time for you to get some sleep." It was still early for a night of celebration but with a big hug from Bulda, Anna was on her way to bed.

On her back, the bed sheets between her and the mattress were paper thin from a thousand washes. Anna could see the outlines of the things that made up who her alleged father once was. Even squeezing her eyes tight didn't wipe away the feeling of being so fully emerged into a stranger's territory. Anna found solace by pulling out her phone and looking at the texts she received from Elsa while brushing her teeth. Mostly the selfie Elsa had sent to her from the staff room at the warehouse, wearing a felt reindeer head band and the casual innuendos about Elsa wearing them when she crept into Anna's bed for the night. The redhead reread the messages, letting herself smile at her big sister's use of  _ bucking. _ It was silly but it made her stomach flip just the same. Knowing Elsa survived her outing and was indeed now where she said she'd be, gave Anna permission to fall asleep.

She was restless even with the small assurances Elsa sent from her side of the winter. Anna had just fallen back to sleep when she finally felt what she was waiting for. It surprised her a bit when the bed shifted, an ass sitting on the edge. The shift of weight made the mattress bunch up where Anna was laying on her side facing away from the door. She could barely manage a smile in greeting. Anna’s voice came out weakly as she turned, calling out her name.

"Els,"

"No," Anna felt all her muscles contract as a male voice hit the room. She shot up, her heart beating in alarm more than fear. She knew who the voice belonged to. In the darkness the most Anna could make out was the bright gold of his hair.

"Mr. Fjelstad?"

"Hey, Merry Christmas." Agnarr responded softly, the greeting was laced with an apology.

"I thought you were Elsa. Um, Merry Christmas." Anna pulled herself up to seated, resting her back on the headboard. Her bare skin met chilled metal. She involuntarily flinched. The redhead suddenly remembered she purposely skipped her pajamas. She scrambled to grab handfuls of Agnarr's old quilt, and pulled it up to her neck, effectively covering up her bra.

"I didn't mean to startle you," the man at the edge of her bed put his hand down on Anna's leg, hoping to calm her. Anna sucked in a breath, glad that there was a layer between Agnarr's fingers and her bare leg.

"I wanted to get a minute with you alone. I was just sitting in my bed realizing that if I didn't come now, I wasn't going to get a second chance at it." Anna nodded, her head bounced a few times as she waited for Agnarr to continue whatever was so pressing.

"What I mean to say is, is it alright that I'm here?" Anna let out a heavy puff of hair. It wasn't discrete. She wanted to let him know she was not exactly comfortable, but her words said something different.

"Yeah. okay."

"I already said Merry Christmas didn't I?" Agnarr pointed his index fingers at the empty half of the head board. Anna could sort of make out his facial expression. His eyebrows were slightly raised, asking for permission to take the spot next to the redhead. In response Anna shifted even closer to the edge of the bed, making more room than needed for him to join.

Anna was suddenly very aware that the pillow Agnarr grabbed to prop his back up was under her ass the night prior as his eldest daughter played her tongue between her sister's legs. She'd been using it as she struggled to fall asleep to replace her sister, letting the smell of it soother her with thoughts that no matter how bad she'd felt, Elsa would soon be caressing that feeling away.

The redhead shrunk down into the mattress a little more, hoping that Agnarr was drunk enough to have less use of his senses. He certainly smelt like cheap beer. With Elsa in between her legs somehow all of Agnarr's things had faded away. It hadn't occurred to her once that she came on his pillow, or even in his daughter's mouth.

"I have so much to say," There was no slur in Agnarr's words and Anna didn't really want to hear him. Still him talking was better than him honing in on a detail that could derail Anna more than what she suspected he had come to say ever could. That was the thing about having the bigger secret.

"But I keep coming up with this one thing. I don't know if I can get much further without just saying it." Agnarr's words came out without any space between them. He wasn't asking for permission so Anna just remained silent, waiting.

"You look so much like your mom used to. Her hair used to be redder. Not like yours, but it would catch the light. The sun on her face, that's you, Iduna illuminated." Those words were spoken slowly, they came out like a poet writing on the spot in exchange for a loonie at the subway station.

"I saw some of her photos," Anna attempted to make this exchange an actual conversation.

"Ah, they are one of the weirdest things about being home. It's strange that you can live so many lifetimes in one, like a cat. There's so much you want to bury but then it's all over the walls." Anna braced herself. She wondered if the photo in the box was once on hanging in this house, a proud display of family that was taken down when secrets needed to be snuffed out. Anna tried to remember if the photo she'd found had tack marks on it, or if Agnarr took it out a frame in the living room and Anna had been replaced with something else.

"It's been-- being home." Agnarr was outwardly struggling, while the same turmoil sloshed in Anna's stomach."There's something I have been waiting to be ready to talk about and suddenly you're in my childhood bedroom over Christmas holiday and I realized, there's never going to be a good time. I'm never going to be ready. It's never going to be easy."

"Is this about you and my mom being an item when she was pregnant with me?" Anna said it for him. Agnarr's head snapped back in surprise. She let her words come out angry. She was not sure if she held it against him, being his kid, or if she was pissed that he was saying so now, in a house where he would likely get caught, and a week before Elsa won custody of her little sister, something Agnarr had shown disdain over.

"Your mother told you about that?"

"No. She's lied to me as much as you have." Anna started to lean further away from Agnarr. She was starting to see more in the dark. Details of his face were becoming more clear. His cheeks were drooping, he looked a lot more than just drunk.

"I really don't know how to explain Anna." The redhead thought that supplying the words might get him out of the room faster, but instead he broke up his sentence with a drawn out groan.

"We shared a child then," he finally made out. "We shared a history. We were a bunch healthier than we had ever been. We were clean. Our relationship was actually working like a family should."  _ Bullshit,  _ Anna thought, but she stopped herself and reordered her words.

"What about Astrid? I barely had a family so I might not be the best judge, but is that how they’re supposed to work?"

"Exactly, Astrid. I got her pregnant. From there, every choice was impossible. Her family was on us to do the right thing and get married immediately, before Sorren was born. I already knew you were on the way, and Iduna, she refused to be clear with me." Anna had been too busy, already struggling with her mother, who had always been her only ally, to put any real onus on her in the last few weeks.

"She wouldn't tell me if you were mine or not. It got to be a big enough fight that she kicked me out."

"So it's her fault you walked away from Elsa, from me?" There was strange heat coming from Agnarr, he was sweating. He started fidgeting, looking forward at the plaid curtains that strained out the moonlight.

"No," he said after giving it some thought. "It just forced me into a direction when I was stuck in the middle."

"Okay." Anna felt the question, the one that was really on her mind start to crawl up the ridges of her esophagus. It was sure to make itself heard even though she did not want to be having this conversation at all.

"That explains that but fast forward. You left me behind."

"I had no way of knowing if you were mine." Agnarr was quick to answer.

"Is that why you wouldn't even look at me?!" Anna did not know she was holding anything back, let alone her voice, or tears. Still it all came out freely along with the image of Elsa getting frustrated over her shoe laces, her hands shaking too much. She gave up trying, which Elsa never used to do. Agnarr knelt down, his hands were so big. Anna intently watched his fingers swiftly loop the bunny ears and make the knot. He never lost focus even as Anna called out for her sister. He'd put the same palm between Elsa's shoulder blades and guided her through the door, neither Fjelstad looked back. The last thing Anna saw of him were his fingers on the door knob, shutting the door behind him.

"Yes." Those hands came up to run through Agnarr's light hair now. His knuckles stiffened to pull at the locks.

"Astrid gave me a chance. She wanted a daughter. We thought she wouldn't be able to have another child. That was it, I had one opportunity to get my baby back." Agnarr stopped trying to see through the curtains and did what he had not been able to over a decade prior. He turned to look at Anna. His stare was heavy, Anna could feel it asking her to look back. She refused.

"I swear, Anna, it was never them over you. It was them or nothing."  _ Them,  _ the Fjelstads, who grew up a family, sitting around the dinner table.  _ Them,  _ the strangers, who made Anna always feel so alone, unwanted, who won everything, even Anna's father.  _ Them,  _ including the most important half of Anna, while never wanting the only half Anna had to offer. Then Anna, who was always so hurt by  _ them. _

"You weren't an option for me ever. Not ever, Anna." Agnarr reached out to her, grabbing at the shoulder furthest from him to turn her. He wanted her to face him as if he had any say over her. But Anna was too hurt to care. She gave him what he wanted and let her eyes land on his.

"If I didn't take Elsa then I would have never seen you. I could have won visitation, or partial custody of Elsa but without fraternal rights over you, you wouldn't have been included. I thought if I had your sister a hundred percent of the time, the courts would mandate that you visit her. It was my desperate attempt to get at least a piece of you." The two looked into one another, each saying the same thing in their heads. That decision ruined them both.

"It was a shit plan. There was never enough time. Elsa missed you so much. I had to watch you from afar even then." Anna thought back to more of the photographs. This time to the ones that Merida had saved from the fire. They were tucked away, proof that Agnarr had a secret and dreamed things were different. It was proof he was watching. He was watching Anna as she grew, maybe even with the exact same expression he was using to look at her now.

"In the end, it didn't matter what you looked like or who you belonged to. The truth, it didn't matter. If I fought for you, I was up against Iduna, the courts, and Astrid. If I tried to win you, I would have lost every, other, single thing. I hate to admit this but, I was used to missing you Anna. I didn't think I would survive missing my wife and my son, my baby daughter and my first child." Anna could feel the tears that'd streamed down her face push down further. They were pooling down by her chest where the bedspread was bunched up covering her.

"They were all better than me." Anna lamented.

"Not better. Just tangible."

"Everyone always fought for Elsa. No one ever wanted me." The redhead's bottom lip was trembling, like a dam buckling, cracking, ready to burst out into a sob.

"I did Anna. I've always wanted you baby. I'm so sorry." Agnarr used his hold on Anna's shoulder to force her body forward, he tried to meet her in the centre of the double bed. Anna felt weak but she stiffened at his attempt to bring her in.

'I'm so sorry, Anna, please. Please let me try again." As he pleaded he kept trying to force Anna forward. She wanted to give in but she had too many things, too many people to be pissed at. Anna always put her anger aside for affection. Her desperation always overrode her temper but not this time.

"No, don't." Anna spat unforgivingly. She didn't need Agnarr. She was making her own family. She'd already staked a claim to Sorren and Margo without need of him. Mulan and Merida were the water Bulda had told Anna she needed to survive. And on top of all that she had Elsa. Elsa who had this incredible power to be more than just a sister to Anna.

Agnarr tried again, to bring Anna in closer. He repeated his words as did Anna as she struggled against his hands.

"Stop, it's not okay. Agnarr please, stop." This time he heard words. His fingers lifted off her skin. Free, Anna reached back for more of the blanket that had slipped down a bit. Agnarr was one small twitch into a sad smile when piercing thwack interrupted his surrender. He buckled, his weight falling forward into Anna.

"You sick, junkie, son of a bitch!" A second hit resounded in the room within the middle of Elsa's sudden war cry. The darkness had faded throughout Anna's conversation, she could now easily make out the details of the room. Elsa was now an occupant. She stood over the bed with a hockey stick held over her head. She went for a third swing before Anna could put together that the sound was thick wood lashing at Agnarr's skull, a sudden assault from a girl with festive reindeer antlers still sitting in her hair.

"Elsa!" Anna managed to call out as her big sister yanked at Agnarr's collar, and pulled him off Anna, onto the ground. "Elsa, stop! It's okay, it's not what you think!"

"You're fucking dead, thinking you could lay a hand on her!" It was obvious Elsa did not process a single thing her kid sister said, as she wound up the hockey stick again and continued her attack on the man on the ground. A scream hit the air and Anna had no idea who of the three it belonged to, if not each one of them, a distorted garbled howl.

"Elsa stop!" Anna tried to reach out, but the only thing her body wanted to do was curl deeper into the quilt. The fifth hit was the loudest but it didn't elicit any sound from Agnarr.

"He wasn't," Anna had to stretch out her voice to make her words form something, anything useful. "He's- He's my father!"

The hockey stick was being held up high again, another blow ready to collide but Elsa stopped at that. Her breasts were heaving as she took shallow erratic breaths. Her top lip was curled up touching her nose, her teeth barred producing a hiss like sound as she tried to take a breath.

"He was telling me he's my father." Anna added into the silence. Elsa lowered the hockey stick. Her eyes left her father to land on Anna's bare shoulders. She didn't blink as she processed her sister's claim. Anna could see it as if there was a word cloud above Elsa's head, putting together what exactly it meant for them to share a father. Anna knew it was coming before Elsa did it again. She brought her makeshift weapon up high and splintered the wood as she crashed it over the man on the ground. She tossed the piece left in her hands down at Agnarr.

"Get up. Put some clothes on. We're leaving." Elsa demanded of Anna without looking at her again. As she left her feet didn't make a single sound on the carpet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Celebration dance for chapter 20! Feeling good to be hitting the height of this story (: especially with all the love from the last chapter, you guys know how to get a writer high heh! Please keep reviewing as I hope to be on the right path as this beast starts to conclude.


	21. Hot Water

**Elsa**

There were only five keys on her father's key chain. The mailbox key, the key to the garage, the front door, the car and now a simple silver one Elsa temporarily added only half a day ago. It had no shine to it, and even had a few dents. The teeth were worn, running her index finger over it proved that they had dulled. Elsa tried it again, the key entered smoothly, it turned slightly but reached a point where it didn't budge.

She wanted to curse. Her fingers were frozen, and there was a painful splinter, if not a few, embedded under the surface of her skin. The more she struggled the further down they crept. A scream was setting at the back end of her throat, she could feel it there like a ball of rolling energy, growing bigger the more she tried to suppress it.

Anna was on a call pacing the sidewalk. She was far enough away from the steps where Elsa stood that Elsa couldn't fill enough of the blanks to make out what her sister was learning.

"I don't know where we are." Anna was saying. "We're fine. We're together."

Elsa gritted her teeth. She swallowed the scream knowing that Anna's reassurances to Bulda would mean nothing if she did not keep her composure. She let it all out through her foot instead and kicked the side of the house. Sparks of loosened stucco spat back at her. It didn't make much of a sound but a look over the shoulder confirmed Anna had heard.

She started to make her way down the path closer to her big sister.

"You'll call me if anything changes. When you know more?" Anna climbed up the few stairs, running her hand along the guardrail, brushing off the powdery snow as she came to Elsa's side.

"I promise." Anna said, her head bouncing with a definite nod. With that she hung up. Elsa had overheard enough while they were still in the car together. Her father, no, their father, was at the hospital. He'd been conscious when Bulda ran into the room, at least for a while. Waiting for Anna to come to the car, Elsa had watched the lights in the hall illuminate and finally reach her father's old bedroom. All she had seen were shadows but she guessed the expression on Bulda's face when seeing her son, bloodied on the ground. When Anna came through the front door she let out the call of their names. They both ignored it. Elsa drove off before her kid sister had her buckle done.

There had been blood. Not at first, not until he was already down. The same thought that kept playing as Elsa drove out of the city resurfaced as Anna placed a cupped hand on her shoulder. Why didn't she stop?

 _He's bigger than you,_ Elsa reasoned, _he's bigger than her._ He had looked big, his board back covered Elsa's view of her kid sister. She didn't really see what was going on. She'd smelled the booze and heard her sister's pleas. When she'd pulled her father down, skin that belonged to Elsa and Elsa alone added light to the room. Was that why she hadn't stopped?

Even with her sister's corrections, she couldn't see her father, only her own monsters with faces which never faded in her memory and touches that made good things turn dark. Elsa had already let someone be that monster to Anna. She saw Hans' face amongst the others and took a swing as she reminded herself how deeply she'd failed Anna then. With only a few words, _He's my father_ , she went from being a failure to just plain ignorant.

He was both their father? How had Elsa not seen that?

Anna's face was Agnarr's when she looked back at her clutching an old bedspread to her chest. Maybe not the details but the expression. Maybe everyone made a face like that when witnessing an attack. But she could not discount the similarities, not when in an instant so many things began to make sense. That's when she noticed the blood. Both faces were contorted in the exact same way, except one was bleeding.

It clicked then. There was someone to blame for all this. If her sister had been by her side then maybe loving her would be easy. Elsa would care for Anna in the same way she tended over Margo. When she ran her fingers through Anna's hair, it would be to style simple braids, and not to elicit a moan. Their father had set Elsa up. He made it feel logical to be so twisted. She was so curled up into herself, it was no wonder that she couldn't see any other way forward but deeper into her delusions.

Her father was the culprit. He had made missing Anna turn into something perverse. It had been weeks since that word made its way into Elsa's thoughts. She'd reached acceptance, she'd stood a fricken church and decided her love was better. By chance Elsa was still, and would likely always be, so knotted. This didn't change that. She wouldn't know a step back from Anna even if her sister was running away. The person that would judge Elsa the hardest had set her up to fall into Anna.

Depraved. She would show her father depraved. It was his dumb luck that the hockey stick cracked or the news Anna shared would be far more dire. Stitches, probable concussion, severe at that, MRI results pending but as Bulda put it _maybe promising_. Apparently Agnarr was looked after quickly at the emergency room, but wasn't all there, he hadn't yet been able to speak to the police. Pabbie was wise enough to not relay any of his assumptions to the uniformed officers. Other than assuring that the girls were physically well, Bulda refused an account of events from Anna.

"She says she won't call my social worker until after I've slept." Anna finished. She was holding herself now. Her hands ran the length of her arms a few times. Even with Elsa's parka on it was still deep into Canadian winter. The layers mattered little when they were outside for so long. Elsa took a deep breath and tried the door again with no luck. She did so a little more delicately, trying her patience now that Anna was watching.

Elsa looked over at her apologetically but Anna's eyes weren't on her. They traveled along the eaves of the house, and circled the ground and back up the steps, her curiosity absorbing details.

"You want me to try?" She asked once her gaze settled on her big sister.

"I got it," Elsa gritted her teeth. She had struggled earlier, but her giddiness ate up her annoyance. When she reached back at the now frosted metal of the key it burnt her bare hand a bit. With a hiss, she pulled it back into her chest.

Anna instinctively reached out to her. Bringing her own cold hands over Elsa's. She took in a deep inhale not to allay herself but to urge Elsa to do the same. The blonde just glared and pulled her hands away.

"Ouch," she exclaimed involuntarily. She wanted to laugh that a splinter was causing her pain, the irony not lost on her, considering her father was in a hospital bed.

"Let me see," Anna cooed. There hadn't been a single thing that came out of her mouth in the last while that wasn't controlled or calm, not since the bedroom, when she was anything but.

Elsa gave up the flesh wound. Anna accepted the open palm in one hand and waved her other up in the air to trigger the motion sensored light again. The string of red and green Christmas lights was apparently insufficient.

"You have a huge splinter." _Yeah, I know._ Elsa's mind spat but she folded it back inside her. She had a neat pile of emotion tucked away, maybe if she was strong enough she could keep it there building, waiting for the right time to lash out. As it stood Elsa would do it all again, protect Anna. She'd been mistaken but she would never take it back. No, not when things could have been so much worse. Elsa needed to order all her darkness, let it rebuild in case there was another moment she would have to call on it.

She tried not to squirm as Anna took it upon herself to deal with this minor problem, outside, before the sun was even out, on a cold Christmas morning.

"It's really in there… if I could just—" Anna ran the nail of her thumb along the length of the wood, squeezing upwards on Elsa's middle finger. "Almost."

Elsa watched the tip of Anna's tongue skirt out of her mouth only to be stopped by a bit of pressure from her teeth. There was something soothing about the concentration wrinkling her kid sister's brow. It sort of felt like a promise, that everything would be fine. If things could feel normal for a moment, while they stood in the cold, Elsa with dots of blood on her work clothes, then the sisters would be alright.

Anna's eyes flicked up and met Elsa's. The reflection the blonde saw of herself there was not of a monster. She watched her own face soften. It would all come down on them, of that Elsa was sure, but Anna's eyes seemed to be offering a delay to what was to come.

They might have reached an agreement. With that, Anna yanked her sister's finger again holding it up as if trying to find the light. She pressed back down and scowled. Seemingly undeterred, she applied pressure with both hands. The pain was local and sharp but it stopped mattering to Elsa as Anna brought the digit down and into her mouth. Elsa felt Anna suck back. Her sister's tongue joined the efforts.

"Anna?"

"Hm?" Elsa felt the redhead's voice from inside her.

"Can we forget what happened, for just a little while?" Anna shifted the finger so that only the front of it settled between her lips. It was the sole warmth Elsa felt on her body.

"I have something for you, and it wasn't supposed to be like this. It was supposed to be good and I just want it to be good, like you deserve." Anna nodded as her mouth slacked. Her lips rounded into a kiss, her eyes shut as she held the small part of Elsa close for a while.

"We can try," she agreed as she loosened her hold. It was Elsa's cue to take her hand back. Anna showed Elsa her teeth. The blonde couldn't really make anything out but judging by the slight smirk on her sister's face, the largest of the splinters was in between them. "My phone is still going to be on sound though."

Elsa accepted Anna's answer with a shake of her head and held up the keys. Anna took them and tried the door. The knob rattled for a bit until a satisfying pop gave them entrance.

"Watch your step, there's stairs almost right away." Elsa cautioned as Anna pushed through. There wasn't enough space on the landing for both of them to remove their boots. Elsa waited in the cold a little longer. She directed Anna down and locked the door behind her once inside.

Anna took to exploring. The staircase went straight down and met with a wall. Anna looked back at Elsa for a moment as she chose which way to go.

"Is there anyone here?" she called back as she chose the right.

"Nope."

Elsa waited at the bottom of the stairs watching Anna peak into the bedroom without turning on the lights. She opened a door to a linen closet and stared at its emptiness more than she did the bed. The third door was the bathroom. She actually went in. Elsa lost sight of her as the light switch flicked on. The redhead spent a max of five seconds inside before pushing passed Elsa to check out the other side of the hall.

"You know what this reminds me of?" She called out from the living space. Elsa imagined her in the middle of it. Instead of trailing her, she went into the washroom and turned on the hot water in the sink. It burned her cold fingers as she let it steam. She cupped her hands and let the water build before splashing it onto her face. Bent over the sink, she took in handful after handful of the heat, willing herself to create the moment she had worked so hard for.

"That apartment mom and I had near the bus depot, you know the one?" Anna was saying. Elsa could hear her pacing the space.

"Yep, where each unit took turns hosting parties and I met my first boyfriend, if you could call him that." Elsa straightened up as she responded. Her eyes caught the mirror. She was still wearing the headband that was forced onto her by the more festive of her coworkers. It somehow still sat neatly in her hair, while the rest of her looked like it had been run over. She yanked it off and tossed it onto the counter. Anna joined her again, locking her eyes with Elsa's reflection.

"Oh, yeah. Him. Sorry." Elsa turned around and gave her sister a forgiving smile. Anna wasn't wrong. This place was just as much of a shit hole as anything Iduna had been able to supply. Yet it wasn't the house that Elsa was trying to surmount. She wanted to make Anna a better home. Here, she would keep Anna safer than their mother ever could.

"What do you think?"

"I love it." The response was slightly forced. Elsa shrunk into herself a little. Especially since it looked better in the dark than it had a few hours ago when she put down the damage deposit and first month's rent. Anna read Elsa's dejection and pounced into the room. She grabbed Elsa's hands and tried to correct course.

"I've never been to an airbnb. Here I thought with how raunchy you can get, you'd be more of a motel type." She was trying to bounce her eyebrows but failing to capture any allure with the expression. Elsa replayed the words. Anna hadn't understood.

"No, this isn't an airbnb. It's a rental."

"I don't know the names of any of those sites." Anna brushed off the miscommunication, still feeling like she needed to do damage control. It was working but not in the way she thought. Her voice was cheaply thick with innuendo. "How many nights did you get us?"

"I signed a lease today, Anna. Six months." Anna's head bounced back like a startled turkey's might.

"What? No, it's furnished." The disbelief showed in her face as she stepped away from Elsa. She pulled her hands into herself.

"There's a bunch of foreign workers that come to work the factories and warehouses here. Most rentals come furnished. The landlord lady lives upstairs. It's been vacant for a while. I talked to her two days ago and she returned my call saying she'd give me the keys if I paid immediately. We sorta saved each other's Christmases." Anna listened intently, she seemed to want the explanation to last longer as she let silence build up between them.

"We live here?" She asked eventually, dumbfounded.

"Yes."

"Like, we live here?" Anna looked over her shoulder, there wasn't anything other than a long wall to see from the threshold of the bathroom.

"If the social worker approves it. Then yes." Anna stepped back into the hall and moved through it again this time slower. The bedroom was her first stop. The lights turned on. Elsa followed.

"This is your room. You're supposed to have your own space. I'm hoping it counts, cause the other bed is a Murphy bed in the living room. It's the only grey area I can think of. When the office opens again, I will have my record of employment and a pay stub and a lease and I will win custody of you." Anna wasn't looking at Elsa as she explained, so the blonde made sure each one of her last words hit.

"We live here?" Elsa nodded when Anna spun around. For the second time Anna pushed past her big sister to explore. She was moving quickly, eyes bouncing from detail to detail. Not that there was much.

The walls were bare, and either painted off white or in need of a wipe down with a bleached cloth. The windows were up high in classic basement style, but Elsa had been assured they were egress and therefore a safe size. The living space was all open. Basically just one decent sized rectangle with the outdated kitchen cabinets shoved up against the furthest wall and a small island facing out to the round oak dining table in the center. The tan refrigerator and electric stove sat side by side, placed behind the table instead of closer to the counter tops. They were in the centre of the space, a strange focal point.

The other side was crammed with one old chesterfield, sporting an intense enough floral pattern to hide three or four decades worth of stains. Opposite that was a large hutch, and at first glance looked like a large entertainment unit but was really just hiding a bed, where Elsa would tell the social worker she'd be sleeping. The fake tile vinyl flooring ran the entire expanse of the place. It was faded in colour yet still in good shape everywhere but where the legs of the Murphy bed would open up. It made obvious markings, the room would be eaten up once it was opened.

Anna was staring down at the marks, taking those in too. Once she was satisfied she honed in on a floor lamp. She pulled the beaded string and added to the growing number of illuminated lights, and, Elsa's utility bill. The redhead abruptly turned around and went on into the kitchen giving it the same attention. She was quiet. The only sound she made was from the uneven breaths that escaped through her nose. Eventually Anna was looking up at the popcorn ceiling.

"We live here." It wasn't a question, so Elsa didn't answer. Looking up made it easier for the beads of tears to follow gravity down her temples. She brushed them away quickly. Elsa took a step closer to her, she could tell that Anna was absorbed. Seeing her sister get upset kicked in the need to soothe. But Anna put out a flat hand.

"I think I need to put _this_ on hold for a sec." Anna's voice shook. Instead of dropping her hand she brought it to her face. She held herself with her palms digging, from what Elsa could tell, a pained expression into herself. She held that position for a bit. All Elsa could do was stand and stare. Anna's fingers were locked tightly into each other, there wasn't a gap between her two pinkies. Anna was well hidden even though her entire body showed off its exhaustion, the distress.

Her little sister pressed her fingers slightly under her brow, pulling the skin on her eyelids as she started to rub down the sides on her face. She left streaks of wet on herself as she changed the orientation of her hands. She settled with her fingers over her mouth as if baring herself from speaking. Elsa tried not to look at her so expectantly. In another parallel life when Elsa took longer coming home this Christmas, Anna would be bouncing on her toes at the unveil, her hands would be on Elsa's chin pulling her into a kiss. At least that's what Elsa had pictured every step of the way that led her here.

"Okay." Anna said through her fingers. "We like, really live here."

The _sec_ Anna needed was over. It might have been just a show but Anna had seemingly decided to put her whole heart into the performance. She gave her hands a shake, maybe to rid herself of some of the lingering effects of cold, or maybe it was part of forgetting for a little while longer. But she clicked back to being the calm sister that had made sure Agnarr was taken care of before she left him behind, squeezed Elsa's knee every once in a while as they drove in the start of a snowfall, and hadn't raised any questions when brought to a strange sort of run down house in a old neighbourhood.

She walked the circuit around the kitchen island. Her eyes jumping to a loose sheet of paper she had eyed up without processing before. She picked it up, reading the first line aloud with a smirk.

"Plates, times two." She looked up at Elsa. "Well that's crossed off." Taking the few steps into what was the kitchen area, she opened one of the top cupboards. It was empty. Her fingers walked over to the next, best two out of three, Anna was greeted by the two plates and them some. She shot mock surprise at Elsa and then looked back down at the list.

"Bowls times two. Yep, got those. Coffee mugs, two as well. Yep. Water glasses times four?" Anna's sing-song way of reading halted to look at Elsa questionably. She'd started a sort of game, akin to the swishing sounds cat owners make to lure their kits out from under the bed.

"You'll always leave one on the bedside table." Elsa supplied her reasoning. Practically all of Anna's body moved in affirmation of that astute observation. Something about Anna holding the list of things Elsa had wanted to buy and have ready for a big reveal, that was never going to happen any more, made a pressure lift from Elsa's shoulders. As if the hardest part was over, and it happened without having everything in place, without having dusted the blinds or having a soap dispenser in the bathroom.

"Pots and pans. Crossed off?" Anna opened a few more cabinets, including under the sink but didn't find the items in question.

"Pabbie says that's what they got me for Christmas, so that I can cook at the dorms come fall. I think they'll be better used here." This time Anna's head nodded two long and slow bobs as she processed what that meant. Elsa wasn't planning on going to University. Anna faltered a bit and looked down at the list picking on the pen still on the counter.

"Well we don't need a microwave, looks like ones included. And a toaster, Elsa, what are you an amateur? You can do that in the oven. Just set a timer. Cutlery isn't crossed off. Do we still need forks?" She was brushing off the small declaration Elsa had just made, and Elsa was just fine with that. They were meant to be prolonging the crash after all.

"Anna needs bras and panties. Wow, that gets a full sentence. Are you buying me lingerie?" Anna pointed the list at her sister and waved it around. Her lips pursed as she playfully scolded Elsa. The language in her body, that had been somewhat forced, started to ease into the jest.

"Well have you seen your underclothes?" Elsa crossed her arms defensively.

"You certainly have been looking. You do know that you put your kinks on this list before, let's say, food?" Anna walked over to the refrigerator and popped it open. There was nothing inside save for a freshly opened box of baking soda. Out of the few things Elsa had managed to do between getting the keys, going to the store and heading out for her night shift was clean the refrigerator. "Such a horn dog Elsa."

The seeping cold of the fridge was cut off by Anna slamming it shut. They were on opposite ends of the round table. Anna side stepped closer to Elsa. Her eyes locked on her big sister. Anna had done a pretty decent job at brushing her tears away. The blush that heated her cheeks now took away from the red in her eyes. She didn't look at all unhinged, or broken, as if she'd choked out all thoughts other than ones of a table between them.

"I only went to the dollar store." Elsa supplied as she took a step of her own, closer to the kitchen, furthering the distance.

"So no bed sheets?" Anna said with a devious smile, they were next on the list.

"It was the fancy dollar, with the stuff that costs four, but no, the beds are Queen sized. I didn't get us any bed sheets." Each sister continued their waltz around the table.

"Well that could get messy, but with two beds, there's always another to escape to when we're through." Elsa's breath hitched. This was new. The tension she was familiar with. It had one day appeared between them and made the air thick when they were close to another, as if their breath couldn't mix. It pointed out a divide between them and begged it to be snuffed out. There wasn't a touch or kiss they'd shared that wasn't in that air. But to turn that tension into words was hard to swallow. It pressed down at Elsa, making her knees feel weak.

She suddenly felt sheepish. She was making jokes about the dollarama and Anna was making them about sex. Elsa knew what she wanted to say but wondered if her voice could cut through the weight in the air for it to have the desired effect. The cocky look on the redhead's pleased face was a little too encouraging. Elsa wanted to knock her kid sister down a peg.

"Not in that raggedy underwear, I don't think so." They both took another equal side step. Elsa was closest to the bed in question. Anna's back was to the kitchen island.

"Naked then?" Anna trumped. She stepped clockwise, but Elsa countered her. Anna's wide eyes and wicked grin noticed right away, she'd been outsmarted. She tried to turn and run the other direction but one sharp pounce had Elsa's arms locked around her middle. The redhead's back was folded over and pressed into Elsa. She was squealing, her graceless limbs flailed, and her chest vibrated with laughter.

"Undressing you is too much work," Elsa's teeth spoke into Anna's shoulder. With a squeeze the bigger of the sisters lifted the other, swinging her body over and half on the kitchen island. Anna caught herself with flat palms, her face a few centimetres of the pseudo butcher block counter.

"Elsa," Anna husked. "What are you doing?"

Elsa answered her sister with a hand snaking under her t-shirt, finding the underwire of the redhead's bra and flicking it over. She twisted the already stretched out material and gained access to Anna's breast. It effectively silenced her sister's mirth and replaced it with a mewl.

"Christening the place," Elsa's voice deepened as she pinched the nipple in her hand. She took a strong stance behind her sister, wasting no time by running the waist of Anna's jeans.

This was more of what Elsa had originally pictured for this interaction. She felt a bit detached from the motions. Any thought of excitement was immediately coupled with the sound of the hockey stick breaking wind. Anna's body was squirming under Elsa's grasp. The curved of her back pressed her ass into Elsa's pelvis. The movements were calling Elsa to feel her desire more than her guilt.

Yes, when Elsa did the walk through of the suite she'd been full of fantasies. This was certainly not something she let herself think when she was meeting her landlord. However, when she returned from the store there wasn't a wall that didn't seem like a good place to press Anna against. Elsa focused on that anticipation. She used that fantasy to forget.

"Oh," came a fully surrendered sigh as Anna had a hand meet Elsa at the rim to her jeans. Elsa dove down behind the cotton underwear as her kid sister flicked the button of her jeans open so that hers could follow. The pads of her fingers ran the length of Elsa's roaming. While the blonde dove into the closest warmth, Anna kept going. She entered herself.

Anna was leaning into it, she was letting Elsa know it was okay to leave their monsters at the door. Maybe she didn't want this space to be tainted, Elsa hoped. Maybe she saw the same vision Elsa had, a safe haven for the sisters, a place they could just be.

"Fuck," the eldest sister's voice called out a moan she had to suppress every time they shared touches. Elsa almost lost her footings as Anna's heavy panting rang out at the same rhythm of their rocking hips.

"Oh God, Elsa," Anna gasped as she dropped her forehead onto the counter. The arm holding her up was shaking. It wobbled like a tree in heavy winds. "I'm not going to last very long like this."

"We don't have to stop when you cum anymore," Elsa reasoned. It was Elsa that had to pick up the pace to match the way Anna fucked herself. Passing Anna's wetness between each other from under the redhead's pants was driving Elsa mad. The fat of Anna's ass kept ramming up against Elsa's crotch, the impacts had her faltering. This is not a huge deviation from the more standard touches they had exchanged, but it was swelling Elsa up with ideas, desires to explore any and all possible ways to make Anna scream.

Because there was a scream building within Anna. Looking down at her, Elsa could see her sister's body ready itself much like a dragon would when swelling up to blow fire. The surprise came when the scream was Elsa's name. Anna pulled fingers out of herself needing her hands to catch her convulsing body.

Elsa still had to make her point. They weren't done. She didn't let go of her sister's breast as she pushed into her chest, urging her upward. Anna was still moaning, feeling her circuits relaying pleasure down to her toes. Standing, Anna was unable to manage her own weight. She arched her back dropping her neck on Elsa's shoulder. The blonde was still in Anna's pants, while she'd slowed her touch, she hadn't stopped.

Her little sister stretched out, her arms came over her head like she often did in the middle of the night when she fell into deep sleep. They dropped down, draped back, elbows up, her hands finding Elsa's hair. She was purring with eyes shut, rocking into her sister. She seemed completely satisfied. Her satiation lasted only a moment. As Elsa brought her lips down near her collar bone.

Anna was far too soft. Her heels weren't doing much work to keep her up. She wasn't worried about standing, only feeling but readily accepted the renewal. Elsa wasn't done. She shuffled back a bit. She grazed one of the chairs and it rang out as it scraped the lino floors. Anna yelped, jumping back a bit and laughing. She caught Elsa off guard, causing them both to stumble further.

Elsa's back crashed into the wall. The extra support was all she needed to take back control of her movements. She picked up her own pace here. She was amazed at how wet Anna was after having cum. She replaced Anna inside of her, pushing in deep. Anna's spine thrashed. She slammed backwards. Elsa bounced off the wall and back at her sister. She held her down with the fat of her thumb and used the strong hold to massage Anna's clit.

The redhead's moans came out erratically, sighing louder when she grew fond of a particular touch. She whined sweetly at the speed in which Elsa's pulsed her finger inside her. Her breath hitched with a rolling pull on her breast. Anna's fingers were still in Elsa's hair, nails scratching and pulling at her big sister.

"Ah, God. Elsa this is- Oh. God." Elsa chuckled. Her sister's reactions had her own nipples hard and built up wetness comparable to Anna's. She'd never felt so good. It was freeing to have something that slayed whatever demon. It might have made her one to fuck her sister but there was so much worse waiting for her on the other side of this orgasm. She held onto all the good with her rough fingers.

"Elsa, stop." The command jarred Elsa. She took her hands back as if the heat coming from her little sister was suddenly fire. Anna spun around. Her eyes were veiled by her eyelashes. She was smiling sweetly as she pressed herself into Elsa's front, liking the feeling she changed it to a shove.

"I want to try you Elsa." Anna slurred having no idea the fear she struck in Elsa with the use of the word stop.

The pull on Elsa's stomach was not desire. She tried not to let her hesitation show. She didn't quite falter but it didn't matter. Anna knew then. She bite her bottom lip, a slight flash of her own disappointment rearing, only to be snuffed out by her lips dropping over Elsa's. Elsa poured herself into the connection. She wanted to convey her want of Anna.

The fear she had of being touched was likely unfounded; Anna only had good to offer. Elsa hadn't given Anna many chances to make an advance. Certainly that was why she had asked so abruptly. Her tongue was telling Elsa that it was okay. The blonde tried to believe her.

Anna's kiss was as hungry as her swaying body. She'd been tethering the edge before her sudden turn. At this point all Elsa would have to do was blow and Anna would cum. Elsa knew the redhead would be spent. Even if she did still want to touch Elsa, she would be too far gone in the weakness she'd seen overtake her sister after their trysts.

Elsa pulled back. Anna's brow furrowed for half a second. Her worry quelled as she read Elsa's mind. She nodded affirmatively, letting go of her denied request. Elsa let her back fall flat on to the wall and slid down it. She shifted onto her knees and hooked her thumbs on the front loops of her sister's jeans. Anna's panties came down with the denim. Elsa could see her excitement drenching her. The blonde was aware she had one touch left before her sister folded. Anna dropped her hands on her sister's shoulders knowing exactly that. Elsa helped brace Anna by gripping a hand on her ass, the other traveled up the skin of her thighs and stopped where her curls did. In one hit, she plunged inside of her kid sister and pushed her tongue deep into the wet. One lap, one squeeze, one thrust, and Anna was undone.

"Argh!" The disdain came from not knowing what to do with her weak body. Anna let go of Elsa's shoulders and tried her balance with the walls.

"I was wrong about the bed thing, we can just take the floor right?" The redhead panted.

Elsa had to crawl out from under Anna. Her muscles felt sore. She wasn't used to this sensation. She knew she'd surmounted 24 hours awake after not getting as much sleep as she needed, mostly due to a lot of what the sister's had just done now. Even the good things that had happened in between weighed on her.

She stood up. Instead of pulling her sister into an embrace she left her with her face pressed into the wall, to open up the bed. Elsa had gotten the tutorial from the landlord, after the latches were open she braced herself to catch the heavy piece of furniture. Once it was down, Elsa heard Anna take three steps forward then lurch on the bare mattress.

She belly-flopped and then curled into herself, it felt like an invitation to spoon. Elsa crawled onto the bed, consciously averting her eyes as to not pick out any of the stains. The mattress was yellow. It was covered with stitched diamonds and flowers with brown pedals. It was scratchy anywhere her skin came in contact with it. But it hardly mattered, not when her hands found spots under Anna's shirt and felt the softness there. Elsa, did however, pull up Anna's pants for her to save her butt from the hoarse material.

"We never have to call Bulda back if you never fall asleep." Elsa had noticed her sister's breath become shallow.

"Having more and more sex with me is just gonna get me more sleepy." She countered but her voice confirmed that she was slipping away.

"We'll play a game." Elsa suggested. She shook her sister with her entire body. Anna hummed and then drew out a long sigh.

"Truth or Dare?" Anna was famous for giving the worst dares. Elsa knew now why she'd sighed before she supplied the game. It was time. With their legs hanging off of an old mattress, feeling as content as they were likely capable of, Anna chose now to stop forgetting.

Elsa felt safe so she picked, "truth."

"Where'd you get all the money for this?" Elsa inhaled. There were worse truths, Anna at least knew most of her methods.

"A bit of cash I'd gotten from Pabbie ages ago. Tutoring, or I guess exploiting Mer. Buying booze for underage parties. My new job. Stealing prescription pills from people's parents and having Megara sell them, including my own father's drugs too." Silence fell. Anna controlled it. She let Elsa sit in it for a long while.

"Truth or dare?" Elsa knew Anna was in control of this game. She wouldn't be getting a turn to make the same offer.

"Truth." Elsa answered quickly.

"Does it change anything?" It sounded vague, but Elsa was pretty sure what her sister meant to say.

"That we're full sisters?"

"Yeah." Anna answered softly.

"Everything. Everything between mom and me. And with my father. But nothing between you and me." Anna shifted her back closer into Elsa. Elsa knew the answer didn't sit well with her. It was surely true for both of them in regards to their already fragile relationships with their parents but it also always bothered Anna how unforgiving Elsa was.

It wasn't lost on Elsa that the reason Anna was snuggling in closer was because she was relieved that it wouldn't change things for her big sister. Maybe Elsa should have been offended that Anna might think of her love to be more fragile than it actually was, but she'd only just started trying to prove herself to Anna. Elsa wasn't lying. Incest, she barely let herself use that word, was incest. Blood was blood. But that was also true for love. Love was love.

"Truth or Dare." Elsa felt it slipping away. Anna started to itch her face as if the little piling threads were pissing her off. The crafted bliss was wearing off.

"Dare."

"Elsa, we should keep this up. It's not that bad. It's not going to be that bad." Anna stopped trying to settle her discomfort and reached an arm down, grabbing Elsa's outer thigh and giving it a squeeze.

"I said dare." Elsa doubled down.

"Elsa, please." The pleading was real. Anna wasn't whining. Forgetting was certainly over.

"Dare."

"Fine." Anna growled. She lifted her head looking at the barren basement. Her gaze stopped at the far window and lingered. She turned in Elsa's arms and caught her eyes. "One last chance."

"Try me."

"Go jump into the snowbank in the yard." A pause. "Naked."

Anna was far too confident in her reply. Her smile was smug. She thought she'd won. Elsa shot up straight. Her body groaned but she didn't listen to it.

"Hey," Anna called out to her as her own sluggish body reacted. "Elsa, you aren't actually supposed to get out of the bed."

It didn't take long for Elsa to get to the stairs. Her shirt was tossed off and down the hallway. She unclasped her bra as she took the stairs. It made no sound when she threw it over her shoulder. Anna had caught it.

"Elsa don't be ridiculous. Come back to bed." Anna's tone was unamused but it wasn't strict either. At the top of the stairs Elsa turned and looked at her little sister. She bowed down to pull off her jeans and snapped back up. Elsa stepped out of them and kicked them towards the redhead. Anna growled, suddenly taking Elsa's actions a little more seriously.

"You're not being funny. Please come back down, we need to talk." Elsa snapped at the elastic of her panties and then rolled them down her legs. She balled them up in her fist and whipped them down to the floor next to her feet. She turned on her heel ignoring Anna's pleas.

The wind bit when she opened the side door. The sun was coming in orange and purple. There were no clouds to muddy its rays. Soon it would shine into bedrooms and kick start Merry Christmases. Elsa took a step into the cold. It didn't immediately feel so bad on the concrete of the steps. She walked on her toes, and each time they hit the ground the chill grew exponentially. Her body twitched and tried to convulse. Her muscles wanted to curl up into themselves, like spiders did after being stepped on, but she forced confidence and she started to climb the black iron guardrail.

"Elsa, don't!" Anna was right behind her now, still inside the suite. "That's enough."

The old railing wobbled under her weight. She either jumped up and over or she went back into the basement but she didn't have time to rethink. Elsa would readily accept any pain over the looming fear she'd carried with her for weeks. This sense that Anna might not pick her. It had only intensified after what Elsa had just done to _their_ father. Even if Anna did, would it even matter? She'd assaulted a man. At any moment charges could be pressed against her. She'd lose all hope of having Anna and the little dream they just pretended to share would be futile. To make matters worse, a tox-screen on her dad would have him lose custody too. Anna could be in the system by the end of Christmas Day.

Elsa leapt, she let her body twist as she fell into the piled up powder. It was deeper than she thought it would be, still her back did impact the ground. Her head knocked onto the dried up dead grass. The disturbed snow fell over her. She was completely coated.

It felt good. Elsa knew it wasn't supposed to feel good. She was supposed to be screaming and wildly trying to get her footing and run back inside. But Elsa was fond of liking things she shouldn't. She had accepted that. She had fought for it. She didn't want to play truth or dare with Anna because if she had her way, she would dare Anna to stay or to admit that even with everything Elsa had done wrong, she was still the better choice. Anna had been let down so badly in life, that her broken and disturbed sister was her best bet. It hardly seemed fair.

It was oddly comforting to be surrounded by so much cold. It muffled the screaming of her name. Anna's angry panic was approaching. Elsa stayed still and let the snow numb her. Before Anna could fall in trying to pull Elsa up, the blonde gave up and pushed herself out of the cold.

"Jesus Christ!" Anna was sobbing. She reached out for Elsa, draped her parka over her shoulders and started rubbing her down as she pulled her sister back into their suite. Elsa followed lamely, her head hung, her teeth clattering. Anna rushed Elsa into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

"What is wrong with you?" She was repeating. Elsa didn't say anything, they both knew the answer to that question. Elsa obediently stepped up into the water. Anna hadn't made it too warm. There was no burn as the cool water fell down Elsa's face. Anna stood there with a hand on the hot knob and another testing the water. She very very slowly added more warmth.

She'd stopped talking and was just looking past Elsa, shaking her head. Elsa curled into herself, rubbing water into her goosebumps. When Anna pressed her palm on Elsa's shoulder, she listened and sat down into the tub. She rested her cheek on her knees and locked her fingers with her feet, which still had her grey wool socks on them.

"You're scaring me." Anna lamented. She dropped herself onto the toilet lid and caught her heavy head with a closed fist, her elbow resting on her thigh. She shut her eyes.

"I'm sorry."

"Just tell me when you're out of hot water."

The warm water didn't last long. But Elsa stayed in the downpour. Anna was breathing lightly. It was impossible to tell if she was awake or not without asking her. Elsa watched her for a while. She had this gift of looking so calm and put together. But Elsa knew better. She'd chosen to ignore it coming into this home, but Anna was not well. The brightness people saw in her was just a glare from her coat of armour. On the other side of it was pain.

Elsa was sitting in all that she had to offer, in everything she'd worked for, cheated for and it fell so short. Anna deserved better. There was only one thing left to give. Elsa looked down at her body. Her skin was still flushed from the extremes in temperatures. She was so insanely white all her veins were mapped out on her legs. She had always hated that. They webbed like cracks in the ice and were proof that she was fractured on the inside.

It felt like such a last ditch effort to offer Anna something as vile as her body but Anna wanted it. Maybe she would feel as powerful as Elsa did when taking Anna with her own hands. Maybe it would carry her forward for what was to come.

Elsa turned off the water. She reached out for her jacket and tried to use the inside fleece to dry herself off. It was mostly futile. Even after wringing out her hair as much as possible, each bead she brushed off was replaced. It was still better than nothing. The furnace was on, blowing hot air. It would do the job eventually.

Elsa put her hand on Anna's and rubbed her knuckles. The redhead lifted her head, her sleepy eyes drooped down. It was hard to remember she was only fifteen with a dreary face like that.

"Let's get to bed." Anna nodded her head as she stood up. Elsa's hand wrapped itself around her little sister's. She turned off all the lights as they made it to the bed in the living room.

Elsa passed Anna her t-shirt and she balled it up and shoved it under her head. Elsa did the same with her jeans after she lowered herself parallel to the redhead. She'd grabbed the only dry jacket and covered her bare body with it.

Anna's eyes were shut. Her hands were tucked in prayer position under her cheek. Her eyes, brows, and mouth were linear. She didn't really have a readable expression on.

"Are you warm enough?" She asked her big sister.

"No," Elsa answered, the chill she did have wasn't really bothering her. With a whisper she added, "please touch me."

Anna's lids opened to reveal searching eyes. They crawled all of Elsa's features looking for something, whatever had changed. "I thought you didn't-"

"I dare you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to let you know that there will be two more chapters left in this fic (for any of you paying extra close attention, yes that's one more that I had originally said) but it can't go on past two, this baby ends on an Anna Chapter. It just must. This is the last Elsa one D: and that's why it's so big. It might have been HUGE if I didn't decide to move things around. WAIT. you guys don't care about that. what you really want to hear is EPOAW coming to a close. I'm really excited and sad and nervous about it. I hope you guys like it. Please let me know what you think in a comment! 
> 
> PHEW! It's been a long journey. Thanks all who have been here! EEeee. I'm going to keep working hard on it. Off we go!


	22. Incest Girl

**Anna**

This was an image of Elsa she'd carry with her, behind her eyes, to summon any time she shut them. With her hair spread out, mated and half dry, getting lost in the yellow of the old mattress, and her eyes shut, fluttering but pointed upwards, she was serene. Her mouth was slightly open, Anna could see a thin line of her front teeth. She was breathing through her mouth, audibly, not snoring but also not very graceful.

The waves of her breath were soothing, like a sound machine meant to keep babies asleep, white noise that was so much stronger in the empty basement than it would be anywhere else. She was on her back and long ago kicked off the jacket that was covering her. Her breasts fell, heavy, to the side and rose in tempo with the only sound in the suite. Her long torso twisted at the hips, her knees were stacked on top of each other, and her ankles were crossed. She had one arm bent up and under her head and the other stretched away from her, in the same position it was a few hours ago functioning as Anna's pillow.

From where Anna stood, coming in from the hall, she had the view of her sister's backside and three little round birthmarks that peppered her bum. Anna closed her eyes and she could still see them. She could see Elsa lying in rest and for the first time with all her walls lowered. Her defenses were gone, Elsa was gone. She was somewhere else entirely, maybe dreaming behind the twitch of her eyes. She'd be back though, with or without her inhibitions and the peace they had reached together in this small home would be over.

Anna had just gotten off the phone. Her eyes were red, she was sure she didn't want to handle this with a puffy face. No, she wanted to be brave. Anna wanted to be the strength that Elsa had given her as they dropped her last wall and let Anna see and feel her.

The youngest of the two had taken her time with such a gift. At Elsa's command she kissed her sister. Elsa's lips fell on Anna's desperate and sad. The rough pull Anna had received each time her sister initiated sex was present, sucking at her lip. It was like lighter fluid poured over a small flame. For a long while Anna got lost in her sister's passion, just to check herself and pull away.

Elsa looked at Anna with such fear in her eyes and while she was trusting her sister with something precious, it did not take away from her anxieties or the looming end. Anna could see it in her sister's eyes. Elsa had accepted that there was nowhere to go from here, at any moment they would get the phone call that would end a future Elsa had poured everything too. Anna almost felt like a fraud to have ever even debated another option other than this life with her sister.

Maybe if Elsa had told her more of what she was doing, Anna would have been less torn about the idea of leaving her mother. But it was clear Elsa had made a choice, one that both protected her heart and allowed her free range to take whatever steps necessary to procure this home. Anna wouldn't have allowed most of it if she had known. She would have encouraged Elsa to pace herself. Anna would have probably let their mother win.

Elsa knew that about her and still went on with her plan. It was strange to be lying in a space that was the product of hope in the arms of someone who'd lost it all. Anna still had hers. Even if this haven was never meant to be their home, the connection of their bodies was. The blonde's eyes showed her trepidation. Anna pulling away was killing her. Anna didn't know if she had any words to breathe her hope back into her sister, but Elsa hadn't asked her to talk.

Maybe Elsa was looking for a goodbye kiss and she had let go of the dream she'd fought for, but Anna wanted to promise they still had each other no matter what. It was always more comfortable being at home without a bra on. Anna pulled away, Elsa tensed but relaxed as soon as Anna crossed her arms, pulled the hem of her shift and removed it over her head.

"You want me?" she asked, needing reassurance. Anna answered by removing her bra. She sat up to work on her jeans, they were still damp from having half hung in the shower. Elsa seemed too shocked to move, or offer any help. It wasn't a sexy striptease, but as Elsa looked on her demeanor started to change. Anna was so fond of that hungry look. She'd always thought of herself as the off brand version of her sister, but not when she looked at her that way.

They hadn't seen each other in the light before, the sun was bleeding into the basement. The amount of details Anna could see in her sister's creamy skin was likely as much as Elsa was taking in now. The redhead knew that if she fell back into Elsa's arms now they'd be fucking each other within the minute and as tempting as that was, Anna wanted to take Elsa slowly, to prolong their touches.

So instead she scooted to the middle of the bed. Elsa watched her with a cocked head. Anna settled there, sitting up with her legs crossed, her skin exposed for Elsa to take in.

"This is your home, Elsa." Anna watched her sister suck in a breath, her hand clutched as her chest as she curled up her body and brought herself in the same seated position opposite her sister. She was trembling, but Anna knew she'd gotten rid of her chill. The youngest moved slowly, supporting her weight with her hands as she pushed herself forward to close the distance.

She let her legs fall on either side of her sister and lowered herself on her lap. The corner of Elsa's lip twitched upwards when she caught Anna's eye.

"Hi," Anna said softly as her weight settled between her sister's legs. Their skin met at their thighs. Elsa leaned into it, wrapping her arms around Anna's middle and pulling her in close. With each exhale their chests met.

"Hey." Anna's hands came down to the sides of her sister's face, pushed wet hair aside and tipped Elsa's chin back. She leaned in. Elsa's mouth opened in anticipation but Anna kissed her cheek. She ran lips along her big sister's jaw line, pinching her lips into small kisses every so often. She reached Elsa's ear and gave it a gentle nip.

"I want you," Anna whispered, "every bit of you."

Elsa dipped her head to the side to give her sister better access to her neck, sighing as she took Anna's words to heart. Anna trailed the skin offered to her, pausing when Elsa's breath hitched to give that spot extra attention. There was a part of her that told Anna to leave a mark, to press in deep, but Anna paced herself. She wanted to not only savour the moment but to slow down to make love to Elsa.

Her sister was still shaking, but she was calming herself by running her fingers up and down Anna's spine. It was the softest touch Anna had received from the blonde since they started having sex. It was a nostalgic feeling, reminding Anna of the uncertainty Elsa had back before they had ever even kissed, and started to exchange caresses as a way to tell each other they missed each other. Maybe Elsa was telling Anna now how she would miss her.

Elsa was fearful enough to be patient, as Anna's mouth grazed her skin. A small noise escaped her shut lips as Anna worked down her chest and fanned her tongue over her sister's nipple. Anna felt it react much faster than she lapped. Elsa sucked in the same breath Anna did, as the redhead pulled the nerve endings deeper into her mouth. Once the nipple was stretched taut, Anna's lips jumped over to the other side and repeated her delicate attention.

"That feels so good," Elsa whispered, as if any volume might break the peace between them.

Anna's hands had been given free range of Elsa's skin. They were doing so laps of her softness, aimless but exploring. When Anna's touch reached Elsa's navel the vibration of Elsa's body intensified. The blonde's body was out of breath just from the attention to her breasts, anticipating Anna's finger at her core had her withering.

Anna followed the trail deeper. She found Elsa ready, wet, the nub between her lips hard. Anna brushes it lightly. The slight slight touch won her a hitch pitched whine. The redhead kept her stroke soft, matching it with her gentle suckling. Elsa's gasps and rocking body proved the intensity was still there and building. She needed more, so she asked for it, "I want you inside me."

The request made Anna feel powerful. She had never really known control over anything. She'd loved life reacting to time's that happened to her. She had total ownership of Elsa as she plunged a finger inside her.

The moan she received was a surrender. "Anna," the blonde was calling out. Anna replaced her mouth with her hand. Finding Elsa's precious flushed face in response to her name. Elsa's breath hitched as if Anna's eyes on her was a touch on it's own.

It was almost over. Anna would see it in the way Elsa struggled to keep her eyes open and her head from rolling back. At any moment it would hit.

"Look at me, keep looking." Anna demanded, so that Elsa could focus on something instead of getting lost in herself.

The blonde's eyes were locked on her. Anna could see her sister struggle not to roll back in her mounting pleasure. Her gasps were quiet. Her hips swayed gently against Anna's touch.

"I just want to be together," Elsa confessed. Her voice was weak. Her hand left the fat of Anna's ass, and reached in between the sisters. Her knuckles grazed against Anna's. Her eyes looked for permission, with Anna's sudden smile, she pressed her fingers between Anna's wet lips, brushing the length of her without much pressure. When Elsa pushed two fingers inside of Anna, Anna felt the muscles around her own finger tense and pull up, as if even the insides of Elsa were reacting to the connection Elsa had just closed. Even with gentle hands Elsa already knew where Anna liked to be touched. To feel her reach deep inside with languish movements build Anna up faster than she was already used to.

She dropped her forehead onto Elsa's, still looking into her icy blues. She was flattering her own strokes as she felt Elsa's thumb flick her clit.

"God, Elsa this is perfect." Elsa nodded. She was looking at Anna but also slipping away as she was starting to succumb to the intensity of her pleasure. Working each other took Elsa to a new level. She rolled Anna's clit to drive her closer to the same impending release Elsa was bracing herself for.

"Anna, I, I, lov-" Anna watched the words get cut off as her sister sucked some air. Elsa came with a whispered breath. Her head falling forward and onto Anna's shoulders. Her back was curled as she tried to dig herself into the redhead's neck. Her entire body was shaking as it was washed with this sensation, including her fingers, inside of Anna. The youngest felt Elsa's orgasm rattle inside of her, and her sister's efforts to bring Anna with her. But it was a kiss right over her ear that pushed her forward.

There was no space between the sister's as they held on tight to one another, even after their pulses had gone back to rest. Elsa's legs were crossed behind Anna's back. Her arms were curled up from under Anna's armpits, pinning her little sister against her. Her hands bent over Anna's shoulder blades and her cheek rested on her own fingers in the crook of Anna's neck.

"I don't want to let go," she finally spoke. Anna's knees were up by Elsa's side, she squished them together at the end of Elsa's statement. "I just want to stay like this forever."

Anna hummed in response. She wasn't used to being the realist. Elsa was never usually the fantastical one. Their levels of hope were well placed though. Anna held onto hers as closely as she did Elsa. The wetness of her hair was cold on Anna's bare skin. Still she rested her cheek on it.

"Good night," she told Elsa's relaxing body. Soon Elsa's limbs slacked. Her arms fell to the side, her mouth opened and cast a warm breath on Anna's neck. Anna combed through her hair with her fingers. When she grew weary she let go.

Anna guided Elsa down to her back and found a spot pressed tightly against her big sister. She curled Elsa's own arms around herself. She'd almost fallen into rest. Her body was eager to find sleep and use the shutting down of her mind to shut off any and all thoughts that had enjoyed the interlude, but were ready to come back and plague her.

The youngest almost snuffed them all out when her phone rang. She shut her eyes anyways. She grabbed Elsa's hand, the one connected to the arm under her neck. The ringing stopped. She placed a kiss each one of those fingers. When the vibrations of her phone started up again, Anna's eyes snapped open angrily. She was almost ready to ignore it once more. Her attention went back to the hand in hers. Focusing on Elsa could drown out the revival of her fears.

But Anna saw the splinters. Half a dozen more. This was the same hand that was inside of Anna. It smelled of their sex. But there, right in front of her, was why the phone was ringing. The grit in Elsa's teeth was suddenly on Anna's mind. The snarl, the anger, even the grief that twisted up a graceful face was a hard image to erase. The phone started going off for a third time. It was urgent. Of course it was urgent, Anna knew that from the first time it rang.

Anna dropped the hand. She broke the contact that ran the entire length of Anna's legs, back and shoulders, and reached out for her jeans. She pulled out the phone. Three missed calls from Astrid. Anna dialed Bulda and took off the bed and towards the hall, collecting her clothes as the phone rang on the other side. She couldn't look back at Elsa.

She regretted ever getting out of the bed as she reentered the living room easily three hours later. She should have looked at Elsa one more time before she learned what had happened. Elsa was so peaceful, still in a world that was nearly impossible to reach. Anna wondered how she could get back there again after all that had to happen for them to reach each other.

Anna knew she had felt so much hurt. For her part, getting to that place was a lot of forgiveness and a lot of cold. It took a lot of introspection but she had done it. She had done what her big sister had asked and picked Elsa.

On Elsa's part the road to this bed was much more external. Early on she'd told Anna she'd made up her mind, she wanted a life with her sister as her lover. The rest of the steps here were calculated and cruel. She chose not to let anything get in her way. But Anna knew now, taking in the image of her sister before she too came to the realization that a return to the bliss she slept in would be the same arduous road.

The redhead sat on the edge of the bed. She put her hand on Elsa's back. It was enough sleep she told herself. There was no time to prolong what was to come. Anna wouldn't waste another of her limited moments left with her sister on the opposite sides of consciousness.

Anna shook her sister slightly.

Groaning Elsa spoke through closed eyes, "Where did you go for so long?" Her body shifted, breaking the image Anna wanted so much to hold onto and making it better. Her arms opened up, offering her little sister a spot between them. There was a hitch of anger inside of Anna again. It had been soothed by Elsa's peaceful state, but it reared. Elsa had such capable hands, they made Anna feel whole, as if she wasn't missing any part of her, but Anna had just learned how dangerous they would be.

Still she fell into them.

"Mm, I was missing you." Elsa spoke into Anna's hair as the redhead burrowed her front into her sister's chest. Anna tucked her hands in between them, her shoulders were curled into herself. She felt so small in these arms. Not belittled but protected. The danger wasn't for Anna to fear, it was for anyone else who dared try to pry them apart. It was hard to realize that her mother was such a foe, their father too. Each of them could have lost their lives to the Knight who held her.

Elsa hands ran down Anna's back and found their way to skin. They pushed the cotton up allowing the cold of being in bed with no covers to seep in but defeating even that with her own friction.

"You're dressed." She said less sleepily now. "Is it over?"

"It's time yeah. I just got off the phone." Anna was surprised by Elsa's calm. Had their exchange completed her? Was she done with Anna now? Anna barely knew why she was asking herself that, when her anger was making it hard to feel fully comforted by their embrace.

"How's my dad?"

"Fine I guess. Apparently saying he was relieved he wasn't a baseball player." Elsa let go of a long breath. Anna couldn't see her face, but she felt her hair dampen by the tears of relief.

"So he's not mad, he's not going to come after me?" It wasn't his well-being she was content with. It wasn't even the alleviation of guilt. It was the worry that he might use the attack against the sisters.

"It's not that simple." Anna said sternly. Finally giving Elsa some indication that things were not the same as they were a few hours ago. "I had to make deals with them. Turns out everyone is really worried about you."

Anna tried to sit back up but Elsa locked her joints around her.

"Let them. I'm fine here." She said.

"I don't get to stay here." Anna tried pulling again, but Elsa didn't relent.

"You don't have to go. We can wait it out here together. If my dad isn't going to press charges then we can work with the social worker. We can be here." She sounded too optimistic, she wasn't ignorant to Anna's tension, she was just trying to stay delirious. But Anna pushed passed her. She sat up and kicked her legs over the bed.

"Here?" She questioned as she looked back at Elsa. "Don't you remember what you said to me after my first day of school? You said our love belonged in a basement we'd fill with concrete."

'But we didn't do that Anna. We just made love." Elsa shuffled over to little sister and while still laying down curled herself around the redhead hips.

"I know but I think I should go with mom." Anna stood up and again out of Elsa's grasp as she admitted it.

"Anna! What are you saying?" Elsa was up on all fours now, seemingly ready to pounce on her sister if she took another step away from her.

"I talked to her the other day, and just now. Finally. She's been kicked out of her program. Her roommate OD'd on some pills. She's fine but apparently when questioned she said she found them in mom's things. The program is zero tolerance." Anna made sure to get a good look at her sister as she fed her this information. The day prior when Iduna had mentioned it, Anna had no idea how deeply troubling it was. She was so numb to the things her mother did, the story about a girl in the hospital bed meant nothing to her. Now it made her sick with worry.

"That was a couple days ago." Anna tried to keep her cool as all she saw in her sister's expression was heartbreak. All Elsa saw was Anna. "She's already got us looking at places tomorrow. She's starting a job soon too."

"No. Anna. I've been working with family services. As soon as the office opens after the holidays I'm getting custody of you. You'll be under my watch. I say you can't go." The heartbreak turned into anger. It looked just as boiled over as Anna's was.

"You might've been able to get custody over Agnarr, but mom trumps you." Anna regretted saying so immediately as she watched Elsa come to her feet and stalk over to Anna. She expected more fire, but Elsa's voice cracked as her mouth opened.

"Like hell she does." There was no anger. Just desperation. "You don't have to give up on us being together like this just because she says. I'm sure getting kicked out of that place is all we need to fight her." Anna sighed as she let Elsa grab at her wrists.

"I'm not giving up. I want to go with her."

"Anna, don't be a fool. Aren't you concerned about where she's getting all this money?" Elsa escalated a bit but Anna knew it couldn't last long as she answered the question.

"From Astrid."

"No."

Elsa stumbled back. Her hands let Anna go and caught her jaw as it dropped.

"Yes. Elsa. I spoke to her too. Our mother's want to fix things for us. They don't hate us. They are both really worried about you. I'm worried about you." More than angry, Anna was scared for her big sister. After what she had done to get their mother off their backs, to be Anna's only option, Anna was terrified.

"No, there's no reason to worry. Anna, we got this. We can do it without them." Elsa's hands gestured to the room around them, motioning to this basement they both knew was condemned the moment they stepped foot in it together.

"Elsa," Anna shook her head no as she spoke her sister's name. "I was scared over what happened with Agnarr. But, you should have never given mom those pills."

Elsa's fist balled up. She brought them down swiftly against her naked thighs. "I did all those things to protect you. To prove to you I'm here for you."

"Someone almost died. It could have mom. You understand that right? In the last few days you could have killed both your parents. Elsa. That's what junkies do." Elsa recoiled but she took another step closer to Anna, this time her hands reached out asking for permission to land on her.

"Please Anna."

"You went too far, Elsa. You did it in my name. But want to know the scariest part of it? You didn't flinch, just now, when I told you someone was hurt because of you." Anna turned away and headed up the stairs. She shoved her feet into her boots. She couldn't get her heels in right without wasting time unlacing them but co it yes anyways.

"Mom will be here any second." She called down. As she pushed through the door Elsa was rounding the stairs, pulling her shirt over her head.

"No, no. No. Please Anna. Please come back inside." She called out as Anna walked past the Elsa sized hole in the snowbank. It was reassuring to see it, it reminded Anna of the list she'd made of the glaring signs that her sister was not well, and that Anna had only made it worse. It hurt to think that her love darkened Elsa Fjelstad. But it had. If Anna was her sister's problem, then she couldn't fix it alone.

Elsa grabbed hold of Anna by the waist.

"Please don't leave me," she pleaded at Anna's back.

"I'm not. I swear I'm not. But something has to change. You need help. They said I couldn't stay." Anna caught Elsa's hands. She tried to pull the fingers apart. Her big sister didn't relent. She dug her chin into Anna's shoulder and begged.

"Fuck them, we don't need them." Anna heard a car pull up to the side of the street. It was time. It was over. Elsa had to let go before someone saw something damning.

"Don't make me say it, Elsa. I don't want to have to say it. I don't think this has to be all or nothing." Anna's voice wasn't as strong as she needed it to be. There was no heart behind it.

"But we've had each other now. Stay with me. This is what's right for you Anna. I am what's right for you." Elsa tried to place a kiss on her sister's face. Her lips grazed Anna gently. It wasn't the same, not anymore.

"You are. I swear to God, Elsa you are." Anna tried to reassure her. She didn't want to lose Elsa. She just wanted her to own her mistake. She wanted her to get help realizing nothing was worth more than a life. Anna just wanted Elsa to be well.

"But No. It has to be right for both of us. I don't think this is right for you."

"No?" Elsa said, as she stepped back. Anna turned to face her. The house Elsa had brought her to was at her sister's back. The finicky door left open. Anna never once imagined herself having to use that word on her sister. Elsa had given Anna that power and she knew Anna was using it now.

"No." Anna said. It was suddenly finite. Elsa's body just stopped. If she was inside it, Anna assumed she would feel each one of her systems shut down. Anna heard the car again. It was behind her. A door opened and shut.

Anna watched Elsa's brows twist as she looked past Anna and towards the slow steps approaching. Her bottom lip quaked. The pain etched on her vanished for a moment to explode in relief.

"Mom?" Her cry was hopeful and hurt. She was a child again, just for a flash. Elsa's shoulder pushed past Anna, forgetting that it was desperate for Anna, so that it could be held by its mother.

Anna's eyes followed her sister. Elsa folded herself over the blonde woman behind them. She clung onto Astrid. Her sister's knees buckled as she took fistfuls of her mother's felt jacket, seeking solace there. Astrid could only get one arm around Elsa. It grabbed a fistful of her blonde hair. Even with her grown child hanging off of her, sobbing with heaving breaths, Astrid didn't falter as she used her cane to bear both their weights.

"You are doing the right thing." Astrid's voice carried past Elsa's cries. A snap of her head motioned towards the car behind them. In the driver's side sat the woman Anna knew as mother.

This wasn't happening the way Anna pictured it. Or maybe Anna hadn't had enough time to look forward enough. She had been overcome with dread. The only way to sooth that was to think exactly what Astrid had just said. But it didn't feel right as she walked away from the love of her life.

Anna got into the passenger seat of the car. It had been almost six weeks since Anna saw her mom last. She didn't get the same feeling of relief Elsa had as she fell into the arms of hers. Anna noted that other than the look of concern, her mother was radiating wellness.

Anna said nothing to her. They had exchanged their concerns over the phone already. Anna dared to look over at her sister as she grabbed at the seat belt. She heard her mother put the car into drive.

"Don't," she said as she watched Astrid hold her daughter close. Anna was waiting to feel like she had made the right choice. She'd never really seen the two exchange much affection. The lingering of their embrace lasted. Anna watched Astrid's lips move next to Elsa's ear. Elsa nodded along to what her mother was saying. Her sister was the first to pull away and take a step back. Astrid lifted her cane from the ground and pressed the handle under her daughter's chin. She used it to level Elsa. Anna's big sister squared her shoulders. Her body was back to life, confident again. As Anna was driven away, she hoped what she had seen was a good thing.

If that wasn't the case Anna would never be able to live with herself. She'd hate that in order to keep Elsa out of trouble about Agnarr and to get her help, she hadn't stood next to Elsa and fought. Maybe instead of filling up the basement with concrete they would have boarded up all the windows, thrown away the keys and lived off of plates with no food. That was a life Anna was used to living. One she romanticized every time she was apart from her mother too long. If Elsa wasn't going to come stronger at the end of this, she would rather take the bare mattress than leaving her behind.

Only time would tell if what Anna had chosen well.

She and Iduna drove in silence for a long while. It wasn't until the smell of the potato factory was finally out of the car, and the buildings of the city came into view that one of them dared speak.

"You just left her." Anna's mother had seen the same thing Anna did. The broken girl was Iduna's child. Yet she drove away. Anna had little say in how all of this was handled, only whether or not Elsa punished or helped.

"In good hands." Iduna defended.

"You brought Astrid into this. We could have done it without her. Mom you didn't tell her about Elsa and I did you?"

"Anna this isn't about yours and your sister's relationship. This is about you both needing help. And Astrid and me wanting our daughters back."

"Was that the deal? Did you just exchange Elsa for money mom?"

"Of course not! I told Astrid Elsa was hurting. She agreed Elsa was killing herself trying to take you on. With Astrid's help, we could unburden her."

"Oh God, maybe I shouldn't have agreed to this."

"You won't always see it like that. I promise you that this is the best for you both." Anna wanted to believe her mother. She wanted to believe her so badly. But when she closed her eyes all she saw was Elsa at peace by Anna's hands.

"If either you or Astrid are doing this to keep us apart then know now that I am not going to let that happen. All I want is for her to be okay."

Silence washed over the car again. The sound of icy wind slapping the speeding car along the highway was the only thing that could be heard. Anna was trying not to cry. She didn't want her mom to see her weak, like she could be pushed into letting go. If only she hadn't used that same tactic on Elsa just now.

Once in the city, Anna finally gave in. She pulled out her phone and sent Elsa a few messages. They seemed so inadequate, maybe even cold. Anna found herself forcing herself to think about the bottle of pills Elsa had given to her mother, just to try to fix the feeling in her chest, to reassure herself. It, of course, didn't work.

"I need to go to a meeting. After that we can get some food in that belly and go from there." Anna's mother said as she slowed down the car next to a curb. "You don't have a jacket so you'll have to come into the building."

"Mom, I have to go to Bulda's and talk with my social worker. They need to know Agnarr's in the hospital."

"He's got one or two nights of observation. We don't need family services involved. The adults have this all sorted."

"That's not what Bulda said." Anna countered, she still felt like she had some control over what was happening.

"Bulda has nothing to do with you."

"She's my grandmother." The redhead quickly countered. She'd expected her mother to react with shock. Instead she turned in her seat and faced Anna.

"Listen to me Anna, and listen to me good." Iduna waited until her eyes were locked with Anna before continuing. "That is not your family. No Fjelstad is ever going to have a claim on you, you hear me. They can tell you whatever they want but you do not, and will never belong to any of them. That includes Elsa." Her mother had a finger shoved at Anna as she drove her point.

"You're saying, without a doubt, he's not my father?" Anna said, knowing there was only one person who could do more than speculate.

"I'm telling you that I'm your family. Me and only me." Anna's face fell, her mother softened. "And I love you more than anything and anyone."

Anna unbuckled her seat belt. The words were ringing in her ears. She tried not to allow her mother's version of family wash over the one she'd spent the last few weeks cultivating, the one Elsa and she were the matriarch of. Anna got out of the car. Her mother followed, her steps quick like Elsa had been when Anna thought walking away had been for the best. Her head was spinning. She wanted to stop in the middle of the road and curse at the skies.

Her mother put her hand on the small of Anna's back and kept her moving forward and into the community hall. Anna stopped in the boot room and leaned up against the wall. Her mother took off her slip-ons and put them down next to all the other wet shoes that had traversed snow. Anna pulled out her phone, it was a touchstone to ground herself. Checking for Elsa was something to do other than breakdown.

Anna was at two percent battery. She knew she should not be flicking on her phone but she was still waiting for a reply. All Anna could think to send was are you okay? And I miss you. Anna knew Elsa hadn't sent anything back but she had to know if they were at least read. They were still only delivered.

"I'll be about an hour, are you okay to hang out here?" Anna nodded while clicking her phone screen off. The boot room was pretty chilly. There were no heat vents into it but it was still better than waiting in the cold of the car while her mother was at her meeting.

Anna received a peck on the head. She watched her mother go through steel metals doors and into the hall. Anna had a pretty good view of several people getting on their feet to greet her mom. She read their lips as they all wished each other Merry Christmases, but in a sympathetic way, instead of the usual enthusiasm that followed the phrase.

Iduna was smiling. She was nervous, but even not sitting in the circle she was already telling a story. It almost, almost, just seemed like a group of friends getting together at a coffee shop. Anna averted her eyes, thinking her name might be on her mother's lips. She instinctively illuminated her phone. The first thing she'd noticed was her sister had read her messages, then the one percent battery.

In her rush to leave Bulda's, Anna hadn't taken anything with her. The clothes on her back and the phone in her hand were currently the only things she owned. She looked back up at the group and kicked off her boots. Anna wasn't going to let Elsa think she was ignoring her when the messages did come in. She crossed the doors.

"Anyone have a charger?" Anna interrupted. She had her phone up as if she was a criminal held at gunpoint by the police. All eyes fell on Anna, she felt much worse than a criminal. Each face on had a different expression scrawled on it, but it was clear to Anna they were all thinking one unified thing, this was the incest girl. It wasn't Anna paranoia, because the one face in the crowd she knew well was mortified to see her.

"Anna, I thought I told you to wait outside." Her mother was trying to collect herself. She took a few steps forward and threw a wince over her shoulder. Anna felt ill, in a way that even her worst thoughts about Elsa's love could never make her feel. All the slurs she came up with about herself at first came alive on these faces.

Her mom was shoving Anna along by wrapping her arm around her daughter's shoulder. "Come on, you'll survive without your phone for an hour." She said, trying to make it seem like a regular exchange between a mother and their teenager.

"I need to hear from Elsa," Anna countered, deciding not to care whether or not she just admitted she was waiting for a text from her girlfriend.

"Anna, please." her mother stressed as she pushed the doors open. It felt more cold in the boot room than it did when she left it.

"Anna is it?" A woman called from behind. "Why don't you come with me, we'll get you juiced up."

Anna watched her mom's head hang, displeased as she let go of her daughter. Anna rejoined the room. The person offering her a charger had not been in the original group. The redhead had seen her setting up chairs, when she was first peeking into the hall.

With a bounce of her head, she gestured for Anna to follow her. Together they traveled through a small hall, past the bathroom, and a few offices before they were at the end of the line. She opened a door labeled Emma Swan, Program Coordinator. Again, wordlessly, the woman offered Anna a seat. Once down she pulled out a cord. It barely reached Anna where she was, she had to set her phone down without checking if the charge had started.

"We can hang out here until you have enough to hold you over." The woman offered, she sat down on the opposite end of the desk and offered Anna a well practiced smile. Anna knew it well and was likely taught in empathy class when studying to become a social worker.

"Thank you."

"Of course, anything for one of Iduna's girls." Anna curled up into herself. She had never thought of her secret as anything a stranger could know. Anna could count on one hand the keepers of that secret. While it made sense why Iduna would share it with this group, their eyes on her felt like a violation. Anna was filling in the blanks to the look behind that smile. The redhead felt vulnerable, cornered, and the sudden need to defend herself and her sister. But she just stared at her phone.

"Your mom's been doing some amazing work. For years we've crossed paths here and there, this is for the first time really connecting. But even so I can tell she is committed in a way she hasn't been capable of in the past."

"So I've heard." Anna hadn't meant to sound so heavy. She was proud of her mom, but her defenses were up.

"The last few days have been a really big setback. I'm her sponsor. We've been having an interesting Christmas. But she's pulling through. She's committing to her sobriety."

"So you know my story?" Anna questioned.

"I know your mother's. I wouldn't pretend to know what your side of it is like. We have a really good bunch of kids in our Al-Anon program. You should consider coming to a meeting."

"After this episode, I'm sure family services will make me start going again." Anna had years of experience with those meetings. She'd never dare talk about her feelings for Elsa. She barely was able to bash her mother, even as she heard others tell stories of neglect that matched hers. Anna always swept those things under the rug.

"Hey, no one is trying to punish you. These meetings exist to help everyone affected by addiction."

"I'm not going to sit in a circle and apologize for the way I feel. Or blame my mother's addiction for the fact that I'm in love with my sister." As soon as it came out her lips it was out there, between these two strangers. The woman wasn't shocked, her face didn't contort like the people in the hall had. Anna's heart was pumping triumphantly, even though it felt a bit like a lie to dig a flag into the ground, claiming her love, when she had just walked away from her big sister.

"Have you ever said that out loud?" Anna started to shake her head but stopped herself.

"I didn't come for a therapy session. I just want to charge my phone."

"I'm sorry. Things tend to get serious here quickly," the woman said with a bit of a smirk.

"I have said it once, to someone who cares about me. She doesn't think it's the worst thing ever. I haven't told my sister though, not with words anyways." Anna felt the realization weigh on her. She was in love with her sister, she'd always been but she'd never declared it. Elsa had, in her actions, maybe Anna had gone that far with hers too. She'd been too scared to say it but right now she felt like going into the hall and announcing it to the group as if she was admitting to an addiction.

Hi, my name is Anna Werin and I am madly in love with my older sister.

"I'm sure she knows. It was clear the moment you stepped into my hall and looked at your mother's friends head on. You're as strong as she says you are. I'm sure having a friend that stands by you helps. There are more people like that in Al-Anon."

"You don't need to sell it to me. I'll defend how I feel to anybody. Not that anyone would understand" Anna said, suddenly feeling more powerful than she had ever before. She didn't like a rat, alone in the world, shivering in a hamster cage waiting for someone like Elsa to save her. She just felt hopelessly in love.

"Try me," Anna was sort of excited to get to put that into words.

"I guess when you grow up alone there's not a lot of places you feel safe. But I feel like that with Elsa now. Even though the world will crumble around us, because we have each other so we're safe. We're home. I'm stronger. I have arms I can trust. I don't think that's so wrong. It's worth all the bad feelings and the dark thoughts and it was even worth the looks I just got" Anna looked over her shoulder, as if gesturing to the people in her mother's group.

"I know that Elsa feels the same way. To her it's worth all the shitty things she had to do to make us a home." Anna barely knew if this Emma person had enough information to understand that remark, but she said it anyways.

"But you didn't stay there."

"No."

"Because she's hurting others now. Is it worth that? Is your sister getting the same things you are? Is she safe? Is she stronger?" There was a girl in a hospital bed, one that likely belonged to this group, because of what Elsa had done. Anna didn't condone it. She felt sick thinking that Elsa's intentions were that their mother be hurt. There was a line that had to be drawn. No matter where it landed, that action would always be too far. It was hard to imagine it being forgivable.

"No." Anna answered again.

"See you already know that. I'm not asking you these things under a guise to get you to put a stop to this relationship. I just know you being here means you chose to find your sister some help. Keep in mind that you both need to find ways to heal." Anna didn't notice she was nodding in agreement.

"You're an addict?" Anna asked the woman.

"Yes."

"Have you been forgiven for the worst thing you've done?"

"Yes." Anna was suddenly trying to look through her memories to find the worst things her family had committed, wondering if any of those things could afford penance.

"Did you deserve it?"

"Not at the time, but I worked up to it, and everyday I still fight to be worthy." Anna felt the truth behind those words. She didn't need to know the details. Someone this Emma Swan lady loved very much gave her forgiveness.

"For your mistakes to have been worth it?" Anna clarified. She already knew she'd talked herself into giving Elsa the same gift this woman had received before her sister could earn it. Maybe it was part of helping Elsa.

"You got me there. Yes." She said with a soft smile. Anna reached over the desk and unplugged her phone.

"I'll probably see you around." The redhead was able to smile and that was a good sign.

"I hope so." Emma responded.

Anna didn't have any messages from Elsa. She typed and re-typed texts to send her. But couldn't find the words.

I'm sorry. Was the best she could do with the sixty minutes she had in the boot room to herself.

Iduna was the first back into the space. It seemed that her group was doing her the favour of hanging back until they got out the door. The mother and daughter moved wordlessly as they left the building and crossed the street.

"I'm not getting in the car with you mom." Anna announced when her mother went for the door handle.

"Excuse me? Anna, it's freezing out. I'm sorry about what happened back there. It just caught everyone off guard." Iduna rounded the car and over to the passenger side. She put her hands on Anna's shoulders, and dropped her head to the side. The bore into Anna with a smile as she rubbed the length of her exposed arms.

"Let's get home and order some Chinese."

Home was the motel Iduna was staying in. Normally that would feel right, to call wherever Iduna opened the door home. But Anna had outgrown that now. She suddenly knew what her mother's worst action was. It was forgivable. Anna knew how to forgive her mom. She'd spent her life with blinders on, ignoring you herself in order to ignore her mother's wrongs.

Hunger didn't bother Anna. Nights alone, or using winter boots well into the summertime. Those things were normal to her. Having embarrassing under clothes meant little to her. It was just a part of life. She knew people had better, but they still didn't have a better mom than Anna did.

Falling asleep in her mom's bed and waking up in the middle of the night to wash the sheets because they were covered in sick was a price to pay to be held. Puke didn't gross her out. Everyone else was just exaggerated. Anna would eventually clean up after her mother's parties, especially if Elsa was coming for visit, but mostly she didn't feel the need to reset when it would all just start again. The people crowding her apartment, laughing the smell of rum into her face, pulling her down to sit next to them, ignoring her completely,or putting heavy hands on her, were all friends because they made Anna's mother glow.

Anna explained it all away. Those little things added up to the neglect that eventually and repeatedly got Anna taken away. They meant nothing to Anna. Even the bigger things, like getting lost trying to make her own way home after classes, or her grade school teacher finding Anna drunk in the washroom, and spending ten days alone before the police came to get her, they weren't the worst thing her mother did.

She let go of Elsa, not lost her, but let go. Both Anna and Elsa would have to find a way to forgive that. Anna knew she'd get there because her mistake brought her to Elsa in a new way. Elsa, who fought with Iduna for hours every time she came to visit about the state of the house, Anna's own hygiene and isolation, and Iduna's addiction, would have her own path to forge.

But for Anna the forgiveness started right now as she realized Elsa was not something she would ever let go of.

"I know the bus route. I'm going to Bulda's." Anna stated evenly.

"Anna. That's not funny. Get in the car." Iduna was looking around to see if her group was watching.

"I get it now mom. I understand why you weren't supposed to call me during rehab and I get why you didn't get in contact with me once you were out."

"Why don't we talk about this at the motel? We have a lot to talk about." Her mother pleaded.

"And we will." Anna said with a smile. "Just not now. You're clean and I'm really proud of that. We both know it's the first real time you haven't even had a beer. I think it's because you weren't thinking about me. The program had us completely separated so you could work on yourself as a person and not a mother. You lost your placement, but I don't think you should lose that." Her mother sighed, tightened her hold on Anna.

"Anna, I am both. I can't stop being a mom." Iduna released a hand to run it down Anna's face. Anna accepted the caress. Doing this felt right, in a way that separating from Elsa hadn't.

"You can. I'm letting you." Her mother seemed torn but Anna still saw easement, a bit of relief in her mother's eyes.

"I missed you Mom, still we've been apart lots, so I guess I'm used to it. But Elsa, I have never ever gotten used to that. I miss her right now sitting in front of you like if I have a hole and I won't be whole until we're together." Anna's mother let her speak. The redhead was a bit surprised considering what it meant. Anna was talking about her love for her sister.

"She didn't choose to be apart from me. She didn't pick the Fjelstads. She picked me. I feel like I'm desperate for her. I'm done having her half way." Anna was crying but her tears were rolling into her smile. Saying the words made it feel so real. Her secret was more powerful when embraced. Her mother was also tearing up. Maybe not because her daughter was embracing her own deviance, but perhaps because she was declaring herself grown.

"She's everything to me Mom. She's as much an equal part of me as I am." Iduna shut her eyes and took Anna's words in with a big breath. Anna knew it was the closest she'd get to approval for now.

"I can't stay with you. I do want us to be a family. But I don't want it in anyway that isn't our version of family. Mine and Elsa's." Her mother shook her head rapidly saying yes to her new reality.

"We're still set to meet tomorrow for Christmas and Chinese food." Her mother pulled her child in close, sealing her lips with the creases of Anna's worried forehead. She held the position for a long while. She seemed at a loss for words but let her body. Apart they held each other's eyes for even longer. Until Anna turned away and started walking down the sidewalk, looking for a bus stop to orientate herself with. Once she figured out where she was, she'd know where she was going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, first, sorry for making you sit through 9 thousand words. I love you guys. It just grew and this late in the game stuff had to happen heh. This is the second last chapter. I want to make sure the next one is right, so my apologies if it takes a bit longer than normal.
> 
> Further apologies to readers of Tiny Elephants. If you are one or know of one, spread the message around, I'm sorry and it's coming. I somehow managed to have two fics ending at the same time. Silly me (is actually flailing) but I want to put in the time and effort in giving you all the endings you deserve for coming along on this ride with me.
> 
> Please feed my muse in these last days with your reviews and support! Biotch is gluttonous and can't get enough love.


	23. The End: A Thud

**The Final Chapter - A Thud**

**Anna**

Elsa wouldn't look at her. It seemed impossible to get her big sister to tear away from the book in her hand, not even purposely dropping the metal saucepan lid on the floor caused her to flinch. Yet Anna hadn't seen her flip a single page. She was running her thumb along her bottom lip and her brows were pushed together. Her eyes bounced from margin to margin, still, she never moved forward in whatever her story was about as if she was stuck rereading a sentence.

Anna could tell her older sister was focused, just not on the novel. Elsa was trying to ignore Anna and putting all her energy into that. The words on the page didn't exist, just the blonde's need to advert her eyes. Anna cleared her throat. She'd just finished cleaning the kitchen. It was shining in a way that Iduna Werin's home never did. Anna had done it all with heavy sighs and clanking dishes in the hopes that Elsa would fail, that she would look at her sister and maybe, just maybe see Anna.

She was tired of being invisible. Iduna and Elsa had just blown up at each other. Before their mother stormed off, claiming a need to have a cigarette meaning a four-hour break from her eldest, Anna had been standing in the crossfire as if she was just a thin piece of ice easily looked through. Not a single word from Anna's mouth broke through the argument. Nothing she had to say mattered.

The redhead was not surprised but this had gone on long enough, the cold shoulder was killing her. It was Elsa's specialty. Anna wasn't at fault. She felt very strongly about that. She was just stuck between an impossible choice, there was nowhere to step. It didn't matter what she did or said, it always resulted in Elsa forcing herself away. How Anna wished she was the book in Elsa's hands. Even if she received the same slight scowl Elsa was sitting with, Anna would feel content just to have her attention.

Viciously scrubbing at the countertops that would never revert their original colour wasn't working. Maybe if Anna's time with Elsa wasn't so limited she'd pull out the vacuum and start sucking up around the sofa where Elsa was reclined, bumping into the blonde until she had no choice but to just give Anna the gift of her glance. But Elsa was leaving come morning. Anna didn't want it to be like this for much longer. It wasn't her fight to fix, but at the moment Anna wanted to smooth it over for herself and herself only. She was tired of feeling divided.

So she moved across the room of the apartment, over to the couch. Elsa's back was pressed against the armrest. Her knees were bent up and supporting her wrist that held a hardcover book with the sleeve removed so Anna had no easy way of knowing what Elsa was reading. The youngest sister sat on Elsa's toes and propped her elbow on the blonde's kneecap.

Anna couldn't tell if Elsa reacted. The solid coloured greyish blue book sat in between their faces. Elsa couldn't see the corner of Anna's top lip curl up as the redhead cursed the fact that her sister hadn't stirred. Anna reached over pinching the book's spine with her hand and slamming it shut. She pressed her chest into Elsa's legs and she reached over, pushing the novel in Elsa's hand to the side. Her sister was still wearing her scowl when Anna finally took what she wanted, Elsa's eyes on her.

They were practically grey in the dimly lit apartment, moist as if each eye was holding off a teardrop or two. The exchange between Elsa and their mother had been hot, topics Anna had heard all about but spat in inventive and more hurtful ways. Anna thought Elsa was ignoring her, not wanting to hear her sister's side or even the odd comfort she had to offer but without her book, she was left exposed. Just how much of a toll a row with Iduna could take on her big sister was evident.

Anna's glare morphed into a soft apologetic smile. She leaned further into her sister, she intended to wipe at the bottom of her lash, but the blonde's lips parted and sucked in a small breath. Anna seized as she took in the shift in her sister. Was it anticipation? Was Elsa expecting a kiss? Her sister's slight reaction and the question popping into Anna's mind all happened at the same moment Anna corrected course. If all the youngest wanted was her sister's eyes on her, then having her lips on Elsa was more than she could ever imagine. It only took a second of skin to skin to feed the need to kiss her angry sister.

Anna's lips fell wide over Elsa's unsuspecting mouth. She didn't know how to kiss. It barely felt like that was what she was accomplishing as her sudden hunger made her messy. Her mouth covered all of Elsa's. While it felt undeniably good there was nothing right about it. It didn't even pop into Anna's mind that she might be better off letting go. Instead, she intensified bringing her hands to her big sister's face and pulling her in closer as she pressed her tongue against the barrier of teeth.

Anna had no idea Elsa hadn't reacted until she did. It was the drop of her jaw that finally clicked them in place. Elsa's response was soft, slow, gentle. Anna only cared that it was permission to continue. She did so hotly, caring for contact more than finesse. She was sure she was an ugly sight, reaching over Elsa with a sloppy desperate touch, sisters no less, falling into their first kiss.

Even the sound Anna made was sort of disgruntled as Elsa unlocked her knees and Anna fell deeper into her. She lost contact for a moment but came back harder. A rumble escaped Elsa's throat. Anna was barely able to bask in the noise when a thud sounded throughout the small apartment. It rang in Anna's ears like a shockwave pushing her back. She sprung to the other side of the couch. Her heart that was beating in elation was suddenly in her mouth.

Anna's eyes were looking frantically around the apartment, dispelling the fear that someone had interrupted the sisters. They found Elsa after a thorough search. The blonde was reaching down to pick her book off the ground. Anna's chest was heaving, her breaths short.

"Sorry," the eldest said as she waved the book in the air, her demeanour nothing like Anna's.

"Oh God, that was so terrifying." Anna levelled her breath only to see that her words didn't hit Elsa right. "The book dropping!" She quickly corrected. "The book falling was scary, the kiss, the kiss thing was not. That was- it was nothing to freak out about."

Anna noticed right then that she was starting to panic. Her words did not sound honest at all either. She was certainly ready to freak out. She had just leaned in and kissed her sister, something she'd been fighting herself over the entire summer. Anna had allowed herself to do a lot of things, to touch Elsa in ways that were bad enough that she only dared do when they were alone. But to kiss, that was the line, it went past sisters missing each other and into, well, into incest.

"Okay, it's sort of terrifying. Elsa, I'm so sorry. I shouldn’t of—"

"Stop." Anna's hands obeyed and cupped themselves over her mouth. Her older sister did something unexpected then. She chuckled and pushed herself off the couch, climbed over the middle cushion, and with soft eyes commanded the rest of Anna's limbs to move away so she could lay in her kid sister's arms. She nestled her back against Anna, resting her head on her shoulder and once settled she opened her book.

"It's not," she told Anna as she licked her finger to turn a page, looking for where she left off. "It doesn't have to be. It's home."

That was one of Anna's triumphs, to have pushed aside the downward spiral of thought and been able to hold her sister then, not with just arms but as if she was brick and mortar, the foundation of their love. It was just a kiss, not a very good one, but it was their first. Mostly when Anna thought back at that moment, she thought about the actual act itself and less about Elsa's calm confidence or how when they both opened up they always fell into place.

But the days since Christmas had been long. Even though they'd been heavy, hard and at times lonely, Anna spent most of her time recalling little details within moments shared with her sister, morsels of proof they could still be good for one another. She was studying for her finals but she was also writing an essay in her mind, one she would try to present to Elsa whenever she got a chance to see her. Her thoughts were a garbled mess, resembling more of a tug-of-war. Had she been on the debate team, she'd have a pretty good argument for both sides.

Anna had expected to see Elsa on a few occasions already, but the first day of classes was undeniably Anna's chance to speak with her older sister. The bus trip was long now that she was officially living in the city. Elsa hadn't been present at court to throw her hat in the ring. Agnarr didn't show but did do all the needed paperwork to relinquish his custody of her. Anna's mother arrived with her sponsor to assure she got proper visitation. Anna changed hands rather smoothly, officially becoming a ward of Bulda and Pabbie Fjelstad.

It felt just as bitter as it did sweet. Anna didn't need Bulda to remind her that she had made this choice. Still, the woman's comforts eased her. Anna had spoken on her behalf, saying it in front of her own mother, she believed both Iduna and herself better off apart. Even though Elsa wasn't there, she felt like she was inadvertently making the same case for her sister.

Made at home at her grandparent's house, Anna felt comfortable. She had been greeted by a new photograph on the wall of Bulda and her making pastry together. A meal was made in her honour, her two best friends invited. Mulan came with Olaf in tow, who was allowed to stray out of his cage so long as he was in someone's arms, something the rodent would never complain about, and Merida brought a pile of textbooks and a trash bag of clothes straight from the Fjelstad home. Anna was thankful but also upset she'd lost her only excuse to see Elsa before school started up again.

The people Anna had made into family were telling her she was going to be okay. The redhead knew to believe Mualn's well-chosen words and Bulda tight squeezes. Anna couldn't help but hope someone was telling Elsa the same thing, and that her sister believed them. That was the point of this separation was it not, for Elsa to find level ground? It was hard to believe that was the case. Anna had received two text messages back the several dozen she'd sent her big sister.

The first being, _stop,_ and only a moment later, _you're hurting me._

Anna backed off. She focused on getting ready for her finals and rewarded herself for hours studying by lying in bed thinking of Elsa. In the dark, with the soft sounds of Olaf rummaging around reminding her she wasn't alone, Anna easily felt like she was back to just a few months ago when the sisters were divided by the _incident_ and Anna would fall asleep hoping to dream about a moment when the sisters were better off.

The first Monday back from Christmas break, Mulan and Merida were waiting at Anna's bus stop, their knee-high socks doing nothing for them in the cold. Merida pulled Anna into a hug and held on for her own need of heat as well as in greeting.

"Are you going to survive that ride every morning?" Mulan questioned as three sets of legs fell into a rhythm towards the entrance of Arendelle Academy.

"It gives me a lot of alone time to study. I spend at least four hours at my desk on a school day anyways." Anna reasoned. She had looked over her notes for her first final on the near two hour trip in. Keeping the scholarship Astrid had won her when she first arrived was imperative to not only seeing her best friends more often but to see Elsa at least in passing.

Anna was on alert as they walked the two blocks from the public bus stop to the academy. If Elsa was around she was always easy to spot. Mulan seemed to be on the same mission and jabbed her elbow on Anna's side when she saw Megara, the only student walking campus without a bookbag or single text in hand, walking by.

"Hey!" Anna's leather flats slipped on the fresh powder on the sidewalk as she tried to catch up to her sister's friend.

"Meg, Hello!" Anna had to step in front of the senior classman to get her to stop. "Hi, sorry. But have you seen Elsa?"

The bother was evident. Anna felt it dig into her even though there was several feet between the two. Meg scoffed. Her look picked Anna apart, the stare running from her feet up to meet her square in her eyes.

"Yeah. I have." Megara spat through barred teeth before she kept walking her straight line, bumping into and pushing past the redhead.

"Okay, I know that was super cold but how come I never realized how hard that lass sways her hips?" Merida jested as she came up and wrapped her arm around Anna's neck. "I might be in love."

The redheads watched Megara walk into the school. Mer adjusted and pulled Anna into another embrace. Her best friend didn't let go as she and Mulan ushered Anna to the gymnasium where they would sit for their first final.

Mulan had explained how it worked, but seeing the large gym filled with desks was more intimidating than Anna had imagined. The week was scheduled for each student to take an exam a day. They all took them at the same time. The desks were all neatly lined up, each with a sealed manilla folder sitting on it, a student's name written in sharpie and arranged alphabetically.

Merida sat down first near where the Fjelstad siblings would end up. Anna sort of lingered around there knowing full well her folder, containing her Chemistry 20 final exam, was in the far end of the room. The gym was starting to fill up. Soon Anna would see the platinum blonde walking through the door. Mulan, however, was eager to sit. Anna would have loitered there indefinitely but she was shoved towards her seat as if Mulan was still her assigned student guide.

"Focus," Mulan advised sternly as she slapped her hand over the manila folder. It was needed advice. Her friend handed her a sharpened pencil before going off to her desk. Anna found herself wishing she was a Fjelstad as she stole another look towards the desks that would likely be filled by Sorren and Elsa.

The siblings entered together, they found their seats without having to scan names, so well-rehearsed that exam day looked like a ritual. Elsa's eyes weren't making the same desperate call Anna's were. If the redhead's body could speak it would be getting up, standing on top of her desk and begging for forgiveness. Anna's voice squeaked. She was too weak to even call her sister's attention.

She never really stood a chance, soon an instructor was going through the ins and outs of the procedures to follow and the time allowances. Anna wasn't hearing them. She was staring at the back of Elsa's head.

"You may open your folders now." The students all moved in one fluid motion. Anna lagged but eventually pushed her longing aside, knowing that doing well here meant more than just a grade.

The time limit was three hours. Students had to sit for a minimum of ninety minutes. The bell went off and the only person to pack up and stand was Elsa Fjelstad. Anna wasn't looking at her at the time, but the sounds of her movements alerted Anna that her sister was leaving the room. They hadn't shared the same air in days, even in this giant room being closer to Elsa was exactly what Anna needed. Yet the blonde was leaving. Anna watched her head to the front of the gym and hand in her folder.

Everyone else's heads were down. Only Anna and Elsa had eyes off of the page. Anna kept tracking her sister as her school-issued shoes dropped footsteps that to Anna was distinctively hers. The redhead sucked in a breath when her sister looked over at her. Their eyes met. Anna tried to smile but she could feel her face malfunction, giving Elsa a look that said more things than a smile ever could, and probably nothing good. Elsa's face was stone cold.

"Eyes down," Anna was reprimanded. She obeyed.

Anna was one of the last to finish her exam, with only two minutes to spare. She was lucky she did not crumble when Elsa left or she would have never been able to finish. She had noticed when Sorren handed in his final. It was easily twenty minutes before Anna was done. So as soon as she was out of the gym she rushed through the full halls looking for the blonds. Outside there was no car in the valedictorian spot, which for now still belonged to Elsa. She was gone.

It was almost comically identical the second day. On the third day, right off the bus, Anna rushed through the halls trying to figure out where Elsa and Sorren were right before coming into the gym. She ran out of time and took her seat after the siblings. She made a point of taking the long way and walking beside Elsa. She cleared her throat and Sorren waved. Elsa, however, did not.

It was Thursday when Anna camped outside of the gym door. Elsa was coming way down the hall next to her kid brother. Sorren was talking to her, she was looking down at her phone. Anna knew she'd have to choose her words wisely. She'd practiced them on the last leg of her bus trip.

 _Wait for me,_ she'd say. She even whispered it to herself as students made their way into their second last exam for the semester. Anna stumbled into the gymnasium as two forceful hands suddenly hit her shoulders. She fell clumsily more because of the surprise over the force. Megara had her head thrown back in laughter as Anna put together what had just happened.

"Stop blocking the door and go sit down Werin," Megara directed. She intentionally spoke loudly. Her voice carried and bounced off the walls.

"Find your seats," an instructor interjected. Anna collected herself and did as she was told. She was seated and chewing on her pencil when Elsa entered. Anna focused as hard as she could to get through her history final as quickly as possible but Elsa was the first done again and Sorren not too far after. As soon as he was out the door Anna knew she had no reason to push herself harder. She'd only have one more chance.

"I tried to stall them," Mulan said when Anna made it through the steel doors. Her two friends had waited for her throughout the week and went as far as to keep her company, killing time together until Anna's bus back to the city arrived. It had served as quite the pick me up as the girls speculated how well they had done on their exams. Anna had that going for her, a bit of confidence in herself academically since her only distraction from heartbreak had been to study.

They would wait inside the school until Anna had five more minutes before the bus arrived. She'd say goodbye to her friends at the front steps. They would head towards the parking lot and Anna would run to keep warm as she made her way to her stop. Mulan held on a little tighter when saying goodbye this last week as if she'd sensed her friend's dejection.

"Hey, isn't that Elsa's mom in that car?" Merida interrupted. Pulled up in the fire lane, Astrlds' car was there, running exhaust. The woman was sitting inside. She didn't have to wave Anna over, their eye contact told Anna she was being beckoned.

"Want us to wait?" Mulan asked as Anna tried to wave her friends off.

"I think it'll be fine. I can catch the next bus," Anna didn't mean to walk off, leaving her friends at the top of the stairs worrying. But she knew she needed to get into this car. She had to hear what Astrid had to say, her entire future with Elsa was likely to be revealed to her there.

Anna let herself into the passenger side. She tossed her heavy bag into the back seat and forced a smile hello.

"I'm going to drive you Bulda's," Astrid said in greeting.

"Thank you."

Astrid put the car in drive. Anna watched Merida wave her goodbye and Mulan's face go pale. Anna raised a hand at them as she was pulled away.

"Happy New Year," Anna eventually said lamely. She was looking over at her sister's stepmother. The redhead didn't see the shake in her hands that had been prevalent in the last few weeks but a few jolts twitched here and there. "Thanks for the ride."

"You are aware we need to talk," Astrid said curtly. She was fixed on the road. Her fingers were well gripped on the steering wheel. Anna hadn't spoken to Astrid since Christmas morning, even then their conversation was short, she and Iduna had already made their own plans behind their daughters' backs. The only thing Astrid had needed from Anna then was the location the sisters were hiding out in.

"Okay," Anna stretched out the last syllable of the word.

"Feel free to interrupt me," Astrid offered. She seemed very much like herself. For an average Thursday afternoon, she was, as always, looking her best, wearing the perfect amount of makeup and a blue felt jacket that made her look both sophisticated and casual. Her posture was impeccable, her spine straight as if it was drawn by a ruler. Anna always thought it would be uncomfortable but she certainly didn't look it. She looked like she held power. Importance radiated off of her. Maybe a bystander would have to guess why she looked like she held up the balance of all things around her effortlessly, but Anna knew better. It was all for show, but one thing was not, she did have power, it was over Anna. She always had the final say about what her experience in this town was and currently, she was driving Anna out of it.

The woman sucked in a breath. Anna was shocked to see the tiny act of her collecting herself.

"I never let myself get a good look at you," she started. Anna already wanted to interject, the sentence was nothing like what she was expecting. But she kept quiet and allowed Astrid to lead. "Until that morning you came to live with us. There was something in the way you looked holding my daughter that reminded me how much she wasn't mine."

Astrid paused to shake her head. She spared Anna a glance. "I've never let myself look at you Anna but I've watched you. You'd come to visit, dirty and hungry and to see you side by side with Elsa was just too sad. It'd make you get really good and clean, and make Saturday night suppers bigger than any to fill your belly. On Sunday mornings while the house was in its usual chaos you would awake bright-eyed and eager. I'd take pictures of you with your sisters and brother. I would hide them away and wish I could love without conditions like I saw you do."

Anna was suddenly very unsure of what this conversation was supposed to be about. She was half expecting to get driven halfway to the city and then left in a ditch to freeze. She was certainly expecting rules in moving forward with her interactions with Elsa but not whatever this was.

The pictures. Bulda had bought a few frames and Anna put them all up in her new bedroom. Were they Astrid's photos? Was that box she'd found in the garage hers? Things she'd kept hidden away because, really, they were very much her secrets too.

A long silence fell between them. Astrid focused on getting them out of town, and Anna thought about the few things she had turned over in that box. Her mother's leather jacket was suddenly less a love token stowed away for safekeeping and more proof of an affair that had lasted years. The admission chipped away at Astrid, she lost that stoic posture, her shake even intensified.

"You know, I've been sick for a long time. I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis a few months before Elsa came to live with us. At the time, I had an adulterous addict husband and was busy dealing with my physical pain. I had no idea how to cope with the rest of the hurt." Anna had known there was something going on with Astrid, but she hadn't been capable of taking guesses. Her knowledge of MS was limited, even hearing that it had been plaguing Astrid for years was surprising. She felt sad for Astrid, which was a new emotion.

"The pain, it's not constant and it varies in intensity. Sometimes I don't fight being sick because being sick is the only excuse I have to pull the wool over my eyes. It was never hard to focus on it over everything else."

Anna was a big part of that everything else. She knew that. She was nodding along as Astrid spoke.

"You understand then, why I pushed you out?" Before she found the picture in the garage, Anna was sure Astrid hated her because with Anna at her side Astrid couldn't keep up with appearances. Anna wasn't a fool, it was still part of it. But with everything Anna had learned, like how Sorren confessed they moved to make it seem like Elsa was always part of the family, Astrid hiding her illness, and Agnarr's for that matter, keeping up with appearances was more than trying to shove Anna aside.

"I was more pain."

"Yes," Astrid confirmed. Anna couldn't look at her anymore. On prairie roads, it was sometimes easy to feel like the car wasn't moving forward. The grey asphalt, the dotted yellow line, the snow, and the vast white sky just stayed solid as they moved down the highway. Only a random road sign or tree broke the view and snapped Anna out of the trance it put her in.

She wasn't thinking much.

"I made a deal with your mom. I'm going to help her back on her feet under one very strict condition." Anna braced herself for Astrid to get to the point where she told her she couldn't see Elsa anymore, that she was plaguing Elsa, and it was her fault Elsa was so unhinged. Iduna had not been clear about what she had shared with Astrid, Anna was prepared to hear the condemnation.

"That you continue to attend Saturday night dinners and mass the following morning." Anna flinched as the words hit her ears.

"My kids have always deserved their sister." Astrid's posture returned as if she was done. She'd said everything she needed to say. Anna hadn't asked her anything in fear that it would all come back to her relationship with Elsa. She hadn't stopped to think that it had nothing to do with her but Anna's other siblings. It wasn't an apology but Anna understood the invitation was a step forward.

Saturday night dinner, Anna arrived in time to set the table. Sorren and Margo were manning the kitchen. It made for a few laughs and quite the mess. Anna tried to clean up after them, waiting for a chance to ask after the eldest Fjelstad child.

"Where's Elsa?" She prodded as she handed Sorren a wad of paper towel.

"Upstairs with her new girlfriend." He answered casually as his eyes tried to seek out any more tiny red splatters from the tomato sauce Margo had made. Anna went pale at the words. She had failed her last attempt to speak to Elsa during exam week. She'd spared her sister far fewer glances, needing to concrete on that final more than any other. Her future at the Academy sort of hinged on it.

"She's not Elsa's girlfriend. Anna's Elsa's girlfriend." Margo chimed in defensively. Anna wasn't sure if she wanted to cheer or just excuse herself and go have a panic attack in the pantry. Really, she hated both her siblings' sentences. Who was Elsa even with?

Sorren was laughing. "Yeah okay, keep dreaming," he said to the baby of the family as he pretended to wipe her off.

Anna hadn't been dreading seeing Elsa until just now. Of course, that meant her sister was now coming down for supper. Anna saw Elsa's first smile since laying next to her sister on the bare mattress of the basement, except it wasn't Anna that brought it out in her.

Megara had her fingers encircling Elsa's bicep. Anna caught her giving the blonde a reassuring squeeze before her arm and Elsa's smile both dropped. Elsa joined the siblings in the kitchen. _Meg's hips did fucking sway,_ something green inside Anna said.

Elsa offered no greeting. She just grabbed the dish of spaghetti and meatballs and brought it to the dinner table. Everyone followed in tow setting the rest of the meal down in the centre of the table. Anna took her regular assigned seat first, and then noticed a change in spots. The head of the table was left empty and Sorren sat down opposite that, in what was normally Astrid's chair. Elsa took her seat next to Anna, which had always been Margo's chair and made it easy for Margo and Anna to pinch and poke at each other from under the table. Anna's regular seatmate took the spot to the left of the only empty chair, leaving Meg sitting straight across from Anna, shooting out an obvious glare.

The hierarchy was reestablished in the seating arrangement. Saturday night did feel strange now. The more casual meal, made by the youngest in the family, or the fact that there were guests allowed around the table, was something Anna had never experienced. But the heaviness was still thick as everyone sat quietly waiting for the head of the table.

Astrid could be heard descending the stairs. Her movements were slow as she used her cane to get down to the main level. No one made a move to aid her, so Anna started to get up. Elsa put a hand up.

"Let her," she spoke in a tone that made her sound very much like her stepmother.

Astrid took Agnarr's seat. As soon as she was seated everyone instinctively took each other's hands. Anna reached out for Elsa's. They normally wouldn't be beside each other. The connection flowed through Anna like a current. The redhead realized she was shaking, it was more intense coming from where her fingers cupped her sister's palm. Perhaps Elsa was trembling too. Everyone's eyes were down as the family bowed their heads. Anna couldn't tell if either Elsa or Sorren registered her distress as they together recited Grace.

"Bless us, O Lord, and these, Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy bounty. Through Christ, our Lord. Amen."

The prayer ended. Sorren took back his hand, made the sign of the cross over his face and reached for his cloth napkin. Elsa, however, did not. She brought them both under the table and without sparing Anna a glance squeezed her sister before pulling away.

The quiet of Saturday night supper settled in. Anna's heart was pounding. She thought it might be heard by everyone around the table. Margo chirped. She was usually the only one to break the silence. "How's Olaf? Did he give Grandma a scare when you brought him over?" She asked Anna.

"After she got over wanting to cook him, yes. He's good. Old!" Anna tried to sound casual. She hadn't prepared herself to be so close to Elsa publicly. She certainly had not expected to be so thrown by it either.

"Like Pabbie!" Margo said, not noticing any strain in Anna.

"Pabbie's good too." Anna tried. She'd expected that to be a lull in conversation but Astrid cut in.

"Perhaps they'll join us for one of our family dinners?" Anna choked on a noodle she didn't manage to chew well enough before swallowing. Astrid was talking and to Anna no less.

"I'm sure Bulda would love that. I have my learner's license so I can drive them in the dark now." Astrid's eyes were on Anna. Anna had been averting her eyes from everyone on the table but when she met Astrid she noticed the woman wasn't as done up as normal. She looked softer.

"God, I trust old Pab driving over you." Sorren's remark disrupted Astrid's inspection of Anna.

"Sorren. Language!"

"Well, I know how to get a car out of the ditch now." Anna deflected as she attempted to make herself more comfortable in the conversation. Sorren laughed and from the corner of her eye, Anna saw Elsa's demeanour crack too.

"We had so many teaching moments that day." Sorren mocked.

"Yeah, like, make better friends." Anna countered. She saw Megara roll her eyes, bothered by Anna's existence. The rest of the table seemed to be enjoying her. Sorren mostly.

"I found my calling listening to Mulan and Mer bicker. I hope you pass your finals so you can help me deal with those two."

"I think I passed. I'm just not sure if I kept my scholarship." Anna was afraid to be too confident. The idea of hanging out with Sorren at school made Anna want to succeed even more so.

"There are plenty of ways to keep you at Arendelle Anna. If the commute isn't too hard on you." Astrid added. It was Astrid pulling a favour that got Anna into the Academy to start with. Her words made it seem even if Anna's efforts in class weren't enough she might get that wish. Anna smiled thankfully at the new head of the household.

"You could stay more nights here. Or at Elsa's new place!" Margo's enthusiastic mention of Anna staying in the basement suite killed the conversation. The rest of the meal was more like any ordinary Saturday, Megara and Margo being the only ones adding any more disruptions.

Dinner ended and the rehearsed movements of clean up began. Margo pulled Anna to wash the dishes, as Elsa excused herself to drive Megara home. Elsa leaned into her stepmother, kissing her on the head before heading out. Anna received no farewell as she took on Elsa's role in the kitchen.

"I'm telling you, my dad leaving is like the best thing that ever happened to her," Sorren said once Astrid retired upstairs with her youngest daughter in tow. They were doing the last of the cleanup.

"How are you guys holding up?"

"Margo's sad but Margo's always sad," Sorren accessed rather lightly. It was pretty clear that he was more than happy to have his father out of the house. Anna had heard Agnarr was well enough from Pabbie. They were sort of estranged when Bulda refused their son to come to live with them, having chosen to have Anna there instead.

"She's not!" Anna defended, but it needed little thought. "Okay, she is a bit."

"It can only get better right?" Anna's brother seemed well. Anna couldn't help but feel thankful that she had a chance to be here with him. "I mean once you sort your shit out with Elsa."

"How's she?" Anna asked, trying not to sound too eager about the shift in subject.

"Elsa is Elsa. The same ice queen she always is when you're not around."

"I'm here," Anna said positively.

"So tell Els that. Put the rest of us out of our misery will yah little sis?" Anna glared at him as he shoved the cleaning spray into her hands and brushed his off.

"I'm your big sister!" Anna called out as Sorren walked away, wishing Anna a goodnight. The kitchen was clean but still not up to Fjelstad standards so Anna worked on it a while longer, enjoying the fact that her belly was warm and full and she felt comfortable in this space for once.

Anna was staying the night so that she could go to service the next morning. She had no idea if Elsa would be back. From what Margo said, she was still using the basement suite. There were a few packed up boxes inside Elsa's room. The twinkle lights aren't on the walls anymore, the closet was mostly empty. It seemed that Elsa's bookcase was the only thing that was left to box up. If Anna wasn't going to see Elsa again tonight, she would surely see her at church.

She didn't pace the room for very long. She jumped into her pyjamas. This was the first night since she started at the Academy that she didn't have any studying to do. The redhead decided to sleep in the top bunk. She laid there for a while, trying to get a smell of Elsa but Astrid cleaned the sheets too regularly. It just smelled like this home and childhood memories that didn't feel as bad as they used to anymore.

She was restless and didn't last long laying down. Without an open textbook, Elsa was all Anna could think about. There was nothing to do in the room but look through Elsa's books. She plucked out a few, reading their names and noticing a common theme.

She eventually thumbed through _Alice in Wonderland_ again. The hardcover book was blue and Anna suddenly wondered if this was the book Elsa read in Anna's arms shortly after their first kiss. She remembered Elsa laughing to herself as she read. Anna hadn't even tried to read over Elsa's shoulder. She just ran her fingers along Elsa's bare arms and took in the feeling that somehow they had managed to push a boundary and nothing had blown up. She had felt very much like Elsa had said, at home. It was a refreshing thought, so much nicer than the ones that had been rearing her fear of losing Elsa. So Anna dove further into it, taking the book in her hands and dropping it from just above knee height, or approximately the height of her mother's old couch and dropping it into an empty box waiting to be packed up.

The thud was all wrong. There was no way it was the story Elsa had been both crying at and laughing with that day. Anna pulled another at random. It was the wrong colour but she still tested the sound. She repeated the action several times over with no luck.

"Could you be nicer to my things?" Elsa was suddenly in her ear. Her hand reached out to cover Anna's and pushed the next book back into place. Anna was amazed by how good it felt to be so close to Elsa again and how terrified she was too.

"Elsa? You're back. I was just-"

"Throwing my books on the ground?" Elsa questioned with a raised eyebrow. Her breath was falling on the nape of Anna's neck.

"Helping you pack. You really are staying in the basement suite from now on, eh?" Anna was using the practice she'd had around the dinner table to sound aloof. Her insides were not succeeding as her body realized that what Anna was waiting for had finally started up. Instead of being ready and well prepared, her body felt weak.

"Well, I did sign a lease." Noticing the coldness in her tone, Elsa corrected herself. But she took a small step back. "It's easier for me with work not to be driving on the roads at night."

Anna's mind was blank. Elsa was still touching her. During their few interactions, even those at a distance, Elsa had refused to give Anna any attention. The redhead understood immediately that her sister had only done so because there were eyes on them everywhere. Now that they were alone, it was clear that Elsa's squeeze from under the table was telling Anna that the blonde didn't want to be so cold.

"Do you put these away like this so no one knows they are all fairy tales?" Anna asked, treading lightly.

"They are fantasy novels," Elsa inserted. "I like to be the one to choose what people know about me."

"I don't think we have that much control over that," Anna sighed as she recalled the people at her mother's AA meetings that knew more about the sister's than people Anna wished she could tell.

The redhead looked over her shoulder. Elsa was right there, her eyes trained on the spot of contact between the sisters, allowing for Anna to take her in. This late into winter Elsa was at her whitest having not seen the strength of the sun in months. She almost looked fake sometimes, like a picture waiting to be coloured in. Anna had done her fair share of colouring, she'd seen the different shades of red Elsa Fjelstad could turn. From her most volatile and angry down to the sweetest hue. That's why her eyes were so gorgeous. They stood out, a radiant contrast, without Elsa's blush they were the best way to read her.

Anna was afraid to have them on her now. So she used her other hand to grab another book. Elsa's attention stayed there. Anna was still unsure of who knew about their relationship, which included Astrid. So when the silence stretched out longer, Anna let the book in her hands drop into the box. That one was far too thin to be the one. Elsa pressed her eyes together glaring at Anna's fingers.

"Astrid seems like she's doing well? I don't know if that's the right word. She seems different." Anna was fishing for any information Elsa might have. A little smile crept on her sister's lip instead.

"Yeah well, I guess while you and I were busy trying to figure ourselves out she went through a lot. Margo knows she's sick now. She's been using that cute face of hers to get mom taking better care." Elsa looked down at the box of poorly packed books.

Anna sighed, feeling a bit safer in the space now. Even after her talk with Astrid earlier that week she couldn't help but feel like at any moment any mistake could take away this chance she had been given to keep the bonds of her family. Anna didn't want to outwardly ask what Elsa's stepmother knew, especially when currently there was nothing between them.

Elsa grabbed an armload of books in one swoop, deciding to make better use of her body. Instead of being pressed against Anna, she started to pile the books into the box Anna had been tossing them into. She knelt by Anna's feet, making order within the cardboard.

"I miss you." The words feel out of Anna's mouth without permission. Elsa's curled back went taut. Anna watched her react stiffly.

"We're still seeing each other way more than we used to." The blonde said as she reached for another load of books. _But you aren't looking at me,_ Anna wanted to say but stopped as her fear started to better control what she had to say. And she did have something to say. She'd tried all week to put the right words together, but nothing ever made enough sense, nothing was kind enough or stern enough. It felt like there were no words to start rebuilding their future.

"What book were you reading that day?" Elsa didn't answer as she aligned her books, she was waiting for Anna to elaborate. "The one that fell?"

"Oh." Elsa inhaled and looked up at the bookcase. Anna saw where her eyes went but still, her sister brushed it off, "I don't remember."

 _Lair,_ Anna thought as she reached for the pages Elsa had shot a glance at. There were a few it could be, the first one Anna picked made such a weak sound there was no way it was the one. It landed by Elsa's foot and caused her to jump a bit.

"I'm not sure about that," Anna said teasingly. She got a cut of cold blue eyes as Elsa shot a glare over her shoulder.

"Anna." It was meant to silence. Anna couldn't blame her sister for avoiding her, for being angry or hurt. Anna was all those things about herself. She couldn't regret having to leave Elsa out in the snow as much as she did not regret doing the same with their mother. In the end, Anna had little choice. She needed Elsa to know that, if pissing her off would get her attention then she was willing to be glared at, it wasn't like she was throwing Teflon skillets around this time.

"Elsa," Anna said back with a new book in her hand, without its sleeve it was burgundy. Anna didn't even bother to get it down at couch height before dropping it. "Are you done ignoring me?"

"I'm not." She responded weakly as she looked back down at the box. Anna would talk to her back if needed.

"It's okay. I mean it's not, but I know it could be worse after what happened."

"I don't know how you can look at me." The venom in Elsa's tone was inward.

"It's because I'm not angry at you. I never was. I just hated how when mom told me you gave her those pills, I knew she wasn't lying. Suddenly, I felt the weight everything I was justifying come down. I never thought that us being together was wrong but a lot of wrongs were done." It was easier to put words together when talking to Elsa's back. But seeing Elsa's body quiver made Anna have to fight not to close her eyes and shut it all out.

"I know." Elsa dropped her head into the palms of her hands. She propped herself up with her elbows resting on the edges of the box. The curl in her back was always a shock to see, Elsa weak.

"I'm not holding it against you Elsa," Anna reassured. She dropped herself down behind the blonde. She knew not to touch her just yet but she got close to her big sister.

"The more I've learned about the different situations the people around us have been in, I've noticed we all reach these lows where there are no more right answers and there's no more way up. I believe it's possible to mess up so badly that no matter what you do moving forward it all comes out wrong."

Elsa huffed at this. She was in agreement.

"I was there, in that basement. I could have stayed and it would have been wrong. I left you and that was wrong. I know your mistakes were coming from the same place." Anna watched the muscles in Elsa's shoulders relax. The release followed down her body.

"I just wanted you." She admitted. Anna didn't need to be told.

"Me too Elsa." Anna braced herself. It was time to say what she'd felt was necessary. "You know you did something for me that I want to give back."

Anna let herself put a hand on her sister's shoulder. Elsa looked over at the point of contact.

"You asked me to examine things closely and choose the kind of life I wanted to have with or without you. I know you wanted me to pick you, in the end, and I thought I did, but I actually picked myself. The weeks we were living together I thought I was giving us all this thought but I looked at everything wondering how it was going to affect me. I did it with us and used it to see where I belonged in this family. It was all about me."

The youngest was very afraid of how her sister might react but Elsa remained stiff and unmoving.

"You get that Elsa? I picked me."

Elsa turned her body, she was nodding affirmatively but her brows were wrinkled. She took a glance at Anna but immediately snapped away. Her eyes landed back on the bookcase unable to look at Anna. The redhead wasn't given the chance to read her sister, so she kept on.

"I need you to do that. I need you to pick yourself. I need you to pick yourself up. To look at what _you_ need. We're so screwed that there are no more rights or wrongs. There's just you. I want you to do that knowing that by picking myself I still choose you." Anna found her mind reciting a prayer, asking all Gods to give Elsa this chance. Her sister stood up abruptly. She started to pace only to turn right around and go for the bookcase again. She grabbed at a novel in her previous sightline and clutched it to her chest.

"Elsa?" The blonde was standing still. Anna looked up at her. She had her eyes pushed together wrinkling the skin around them.

"The thing is, you called me a junkie. Addicts either get all or nothing." The only part of Elsa that moved was her lips. Anna tried not to get upset at the comment. She knew it was the harshest thing she had said to try to get away from Elsa but her sister was currently twisting her words.

"I'm not a drug. I'm not a thing. You don't get to call me an object." Anna hadn't expected any spite to rear but it struck a nerve to be compared to something that could be tossed around. It was far too common of an occurrence in her lifetime. However, she was not looking to fight, so she tried to dispel Elsa's interpretation.

"I can be good for you. I can balance you, challenge you and check you. The only all or nothing here is putting an end to me having all this power over you. That's what makes it seem like a drug. Kissing me never made you an addict. This hyper fixation you have of making everything fall into place, to take the blame off yourself or to find some sort of redemption. That's what needs to stop." She was still sitting on her feet looking up at her older sister. She sort of wished she could climb up Elsa's long legs and meet her up there.

Elsa dropped her head, the shame was still so prevalent.

"You aren't a monster. You didn't do this to us." Anna said as she got off her knees and stood to meet her big sister. She hooked her fingers in between Elsa's arms and the hardcover book she held there.

"We need to be sisters in this, together. Elsa, you fought the battle alone. I did the same thing. But we aren't alone. I'm here. You're here right?" The question opened Elsa's eyes. They were very confident as she answered.

"Yes. Always." Anna hadn't expected a different answer. The intensity was soothing but there was more to it, the side Elsa failed to see.

"Because you love me or because you feel like you have to protect me?"

"Both," came another steadfast response.

"I don't need your protection. I need you strong and healthy." Elsa's eyes dropped down to the book in her arms and Anna's touch. Anna didn't know what it would look like if Elsa accepted the challenge. The blonde had a lot to rebuild within herself, let alone her relationships. It was hard work that could either leave space for Anna or need to snuff out the more unconventional aspects of their relationship indefinitely.

Anna's own inward look at herself had involved falling into bed with Elsa. She'd worked on herself at her own pace and having Elsa willing to give Anna the lead had given her a lot of clarity. Anna wanted so badly to be that for Elsa now. She felt stable enough now to do so without hurting herself. Although she braced herself for pain either way.

"Elsa?" Anna interrupted her sister's thoughts after some time but only letting go of her hold of Elsa roused her.

"It's the Princess Bride," Elsa said as she began to caress the cover. "It ends and there's all sort of pain looming. The author didn't have to write the last paragraph, anyone paying any attention would know there was still so much that could go wrong. Still, they were all together." A hint of a smile crept on Elsa's lips. She was staring at the book as if she could see the words through its cover.

"I don't remember that part of the movie." Anna chimed. Elsa seemed lost in the binding of the book. She was focused, and Anna realized it had nothing to do with the story. She was off thinking about something else. Anna wanted to hope it was about their first kiss, when they got past a brutal summer with their mother so unwell by coming together, or maybe back too a few weeks ago when they fell into bed in this very room, wordlessly promising to put the pain of the _incident_ behind them. They'd been here before and each time they came back together they did so with new pain but also closer.

"I think I'm already doing that a bit," Elsa finally started. "My mother had these crazy ideas of how I was supposed to fall in line after everything that happened Christmas morning. But I couldn't go back to that, not after one morning of even just pretending to feel what it was like to be free." Elsa's description of their time in the basement was honest. Anna, who had crumbled any time she allowed herself to reflect on those moments, was relieved to hear of it in almost a positive light.

"It's only been a few days and I might be working on the easiest stuff to fix, but things here feel like they might be getting better."

"I might still be in shock about tonight," Anna said encouragingly. Of course, she told herself, the shift at the Fjelstad household had a lot to do with Elsa. Anna's next comment was a lame understatement. "I'm really glad."

Elsa smiled, taking it as the hopeful compliment Anna had tried to convey.

"I mean to say that I want to try. I want to feel better. I want to try to pick me."

There was a slight bit of hesitation in her sister's voice but shy confidence too. Elsa was looking at Anna straight on. Anna was very aware that at this moment there wasn't anything she could do that was right, but the blues in Elsa's eyes were offering support. Anna hoped that her sister knew there was nothing they could do wrong either, not when they were each acting as their own protectors.

Elsa let go of the book in her hand then, it dropping between them was exactly the sound Anna remembered. The terrified excitement that bubbled inside of her matched that of that summer day too. Anna's big sister was really looking at her. Elsa's lips parted and sucked in a small breath.

**-The End-**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to say how much I appreciate everyone for being a part of this story. Your encouragement and comments have made this labour of love worthwhile. Please subscribe to the story and to me, I can't say if I'm done with these girls in this universe and I know I have a lot of different worlds in my mind to build up for them as well. I love you all to be a part of that too. I would really welcome any feedback on the story and ending, I haven't written THE END on many stories before so any commentary will be well received.
> 
> I hope you all well.
> 
> This has been SheAlwaysDies saying thank you once more.


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